Tall Glass of Shame: Don’t Give Up On Christmas! Dec09

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Tall Glass of Shame: Don’t Give Up On Christmas!

Under the twinkling glow of the tree, he sits weeping after being so horribly violated. I promised it wouldn’t be like last year, but unfortunately these things are unpredictable. All I can do now is hope that time heals all wounds. I’m talking of course about my wallet that has been raped by the holidays.

I’m sure all of you are caressing your poor wallets that have been run through the mill as well. The holidays are not just filled with money spent on gifts, but there are all the other incidentals that add up. Decorations, food, parties and travel can overwhelm even the strictest of budgets and prices of goods and travel is never predictable year to year.

By now your credit cards are probably smoking with how quickly they have been swiped through machine after machine. Sometimes all the fuss and runaround can take the fun out of finding the perfect something for the ones you love. This year everyone is tightening the purse strings and stress levels are rising at the mere thought of having to make one more trip to the store. I think Christmas has officially become a four-letter word.

Shopping has always been fun for me. Even the years that I didn’t have much money I was still excited about finding or making a great gift for everybody. I understand the bleak outlook this year after such a rough turn in the economy and knowing so many people that have become unemployed within the last year. The more people I talk to, I seem to be finding a trend… People are either making gifts, or just saying “F*ck it!” and canceling Christmas altogether this year. Now I am a realist but not a Scrooge. Christmas holds too many amazing memories for me to just up and cancel.

I know what you’re saying, “Zack I hate shopping… I just can’t bring myself to get it done this year.” I understand dear readers and that is why I am here. Well, me and the gift card kiosk at the grocery store … we’re both here for you. Let me walk you through the process of shopping for this year’s gifts. I have found some fun and funky things for your perusal and I even put in some official breaks for when you get tired.

Ok readers, go throw on your floral jumpers and let’s hit the stores. Are you stressed about going to that dreaded mall? You should be, there are people getting trampled out there and they aren’t going to slow down for you indecisive procrastinators. Take for instance the Christmas shoppers trampled at 4am in a North Buffalo Target on Black Friday:

Now I don’t mean to alarm you, but you! You in the back, yeah you… You can’t give your wife a blender for Christmas two years in a row. (Well, you can but I don’t think you like sleeping in the garage for the holidays!) So, here is a suggestion: Go for a big statement! If you have a trendy spouse that is into modern design and furniture with a twist, you might consider getting this amazing magic “carp-pet” rug and table design that works as an animation of fish swimming when you look at it while moving around the room. Check it out:

Ok, now that we have broken the ice and started our shopping, we can relax and reward ourselves with a giggle… Here is a Gay “Bear” Band named Bearforce1, performing “Christmas Is Here.” (For those not up on gay lingo a bear is “A term used by gay men to describe a husky, large man with a lot of body hair.”) This video speaks for itself…

Now I know that after Thanksgiving rolled around, you have been dreading heading back to see your family. Let’s put it into perspective: things could always be worse, you could have Divine as your daughter! Check out one of the best Christmas film clips ever from the movie Female Trouble:

If you’re like me I’m sure you are looking for new ways to save some cash this Christmas, especially when it comes to utilities. Go REALLY green and give this Electric Eel Powered Christmas Tree a try…

Now that you have run out of money buying rugs, cha-cha heels, tables and eels, it appears that you may have to suck it up and make something for the rest of the people on your list. For the geekier fanboys in your set of friends, why not surprise them with your craft skills and make them a few of these Star Wars themed paper snowflakes!

Ok, shopping done, eels are fed, snowflakes made… let’s be a little selfish. The presents are wrapped, the kids are duct taped in their beds, and it is ME time. Here is a little gift for all of you from us here at Tall Glass of Shame… Con-drag-ulations! The new season of Rupaul’s Drag Race starts up in January and here is a sneak peak! A source from within the show’s crew says that this season is not to be missed…I know I can’t wait to open this present!


Happy Holidays everyone!