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29 Has Become the New 70 [Newly Nested]

I’m have eight weeks until my due date and one new thing that my pregnancy has taught me is what I’m going to be like when I’m an old lady.  Around 29 weeks I just woke up one day and turned into a crotchety version of myself.

Here are the things that show me what I am going to be like when I’m in my retirement years:

  • By 4pm everyday I’m ready to lie in bed and I don’t just want to get in bed, I want to get in bed and eat cookies all night long (I usually resist this urge, but I think I’ll give into this one day soon).
  • I have zero tolerance for strangers and anything that comes out of their mouths, unless they are super nice or super cute, and then I’ll smile back.
  • I have hot flashes.
  • Getting up out of a seat is now a form of exercise.
  • When anyone asks how I’m doing I stopped saying the standard and polite fine, instead I say “I’m not going to lie to you, I’m uncomfortable.”
  • I get outraged by other’s actions even when it has nothing to do with me.
  • I’ve become an emotional driver—sometimes I get angry and sometimes I cry.
  • I drive slower now.
  • I am constantly worried that someone is out to hurt me (but not in a crazy I won’t get out of the house way, in an automatically block my stomach when walking around strangers way).  In fairness to me some ass elbowed me in the stomach during my trip to Vegas.
  • I forget what I’m saying mid-sentence.
  • Even if what I was going to say was important, I still never remember what it was.  Drives me nuts!
  • If I have a dream I don’t like I get angry about it in real life.
  • My poor husband is dodging bullets every morning lately.
  • Being in my home is my new favorite place.
  • I really don’t care what anyone thinks anymore in a big way.  I just need to make it through.

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featured image credit: Kees & Sarah