A Tall Glass of Shame: We Are (Hysterical) Pork Products
filed in Zack Bunker on Apr.30, 2009
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a blogumn by Zack Bunker
Birth Notice
Los Angeles, CA – April 24th 2009. Mass Hysteria American
Today a baby boy by the name of Mass Hysteria was brought into the world by Dr. Media and passed into the loving arms of parents Jane and Joe American. He weighed 8.6 million metric tons and is believed to be a growing healthy beast of a boy. The proud father was overheard saying: “We haven’t been this blessed since our daughters “Bird Flu” and “E Coli” were born. We are so proud and happy of our new little bugger!” The parents have already passed him around the country to all their relatives via Twitter/ Facebook/ Major Media Outlets and confused word of mouth. He is expected to grow immensely in the coming weeks with no stop in sight. Congrats go out to the happy parents and all kind words, donations or gifts can be sent right back to your own home as you’ll be babysitting this kid for the next few months.
Aaaaaaaand Swine Flu! Did I scare you? Did I lose you? What if I called it Piggy Flu, would that be less scary? Every time we have some sort of strange outbreak or even a small contained contamination of anything in this overly sanitized country it seems MASS HYSTERIA breaks out within an hour. Joe from “joemygod” fame blogged about overhearing a woman looking for Tamiflu in her local pharmacy… and I quote:
“Woman: Hey, where is the Tamiflu?
Clerk: Do you have a prescription?
Woman: What?? You need a prescription?
Clerk: Yes, but your doctor can just call it in.
Woman: That’s CRAZY! You people should be giving it out for FREE. People are DYING!
She storms out……”
Comic by George Ford, courtesy of Bearmancartoons.wordpress.com
How is it within a few days we can get to this kind of crazy ignorant response? This is not to say that people aren’t dying, I understand the severity of any kind of outbreak, but do we really need to overreact like this?
It’s like watching the movie Outbreak in the theater and somebody coughs in the middle of it. We all know he doesn’t have this horrible disease we see on screen, but do we hold our breath just in case and maybe shift away from him? Should I have worn a mask to see this movie? Oh my god what am I even doing outside right now, where’s my duct tape to seal us all in the house for god’s sake?!
I love a good over reaction, and I also love the idea of something normally considered cute and funny turning into something to fear! This week I am bringing you my own “slice of bacon” for you to peruse and laugh at…
We Are Pork Products….
Here’s to hoping all of the tasty goodness that is Pork won’t get recalled and that someday shut in women everywhere can start collecting miniature pigs again without the fear of catching The Pig Plague! More fun videos after the jump…
Damion the Evil Pig – One kid’s take on our current situation…
I’ve never been so afraid of my breakfast before, or turned on… not sure..
Morbid Anal Fog: Nokturnal Bacon Throne. Um the title says it all… Amazing!
The Spongmonkies for Hover Bacon. Another scary entry from Rathergood:
Karma Chameleon Telephone. I threw this in cause it creates some mass hysteria in me!
The Homecoming Queen’s got a gun! – My Fave from way back when with Miss Julie Brown throwing us into a frenzy!
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April 30th, 2009 on 8:39 pm
I'm going on a all pork diet as a protest against the media hysteria.
April 30th, 2009 on 9:32 pm
I seriously laugh when people proclaim they are foregoing eating pig, as it's scientifically impossible for someone to catch a virus from a piece of cooked pork – just as it's scientifically impossible to catch avian flu from cooked chicken.
May 1st, 2009 on 12:31 am
I think we humans just love to scare ourselves to death. That's why horror movies thrive. However, I've never been a real fan of horror movies, so "Enchilada Carnitas por favor" the never next time I'm at a Mexican restaurant.
May 1st, 2009 on 3:29 am
1. your first paragraph is amazing. good work.
2. i love the pharmacy woman. god bless her.
3. i love the rathergood vid, but it was the Karma Chameleon Telephone that won my heart. i'm not sure which line in my favorite:
"All while the ladybug plays the harmonica!"
or
"It comes with a certificate of authenticity signed by Boy George."
May 1st, 2009 on 3:29 am
yes, totally. we love fear.
May 1st, 2009 on 3:54 pm
don't forget the green cord! that's the big sell! hehehe
May 2nd, 2009 on 12:26 am
in all seriousness, my mother is highly upset I am getting on a plane to LA without face masks for me, my son and my husband!