And Now It’s Time For A Breakdown! Project Runway Season 10: Episodes 7 and 8 [Runway Rundown]

Ok kids, I leave for one week and all hell breaks loose! Ok all hell didn’t break loose but I like to believe I am important so I say these things aloud often and with gusto. We have a lot of ground to cover since I have been away at Burning Man sporting and seeing many questionable fashions, so sit down, stop bickering over who gets to use the last of the stretch sequins, and listen up!

As always, a warning…. Go watch the damn episodes before reading this, otherwise I am going to spoil it faster than Courtney Love’s panties on any given day!

Last week’s episode [Episode 7] was a new challenge for the designers of Project Runway: The Lord and Taylor Challenge. The designers were shown a collection of nine looks, each created by a designer from the previous 9 seasons. Our designers needed to take into mind the other looks from the collection and create a sophisticated and stylish look to complete it and be put into production by Lord and Taylor. The winning look will be sold online and in their flagship store in NYC, as well as be featured in the window of the store. The price point of sale they were to aim for was between 200 and 300 dollars. Basically, saying this was a big frickin’ deal would have been an understatement. Every designer dreams of having their looks sold in such a big name store, thank God they had all the time in the world and unlimited funds right?! Oh wait… no… Tim dropped the bomb that this was a one day challenge and all the fabrics would be provided by the same company as the looks that were already in the Project Runway Collection, so no trip to MOOD for them. Limited time, and limited fabric choices, what’s a girl to do?

Here are some highlights that are from this episode but could be from any episode really just to save time:

1. Elena feels uncomfortable with this challenge as it doesn’t involve the need for making large color blocked and overly structured coats.

2. Dmitry hates Elena.

3. Everyone hates Elena. (except for the people of America apparently as she is leading in the fan favorite category this week. *gag*)

4. Ven designs some overwrought fabric flower mass across the chest of his dress.

5. Christopher is overly confident in his design and thinks it will be the best ever. He tells us he is really pushing this design forward when in reality he is just doing the same damn shredded fabric crap he pulls out every time. He acts like he is the first person to ever conceive of designing a ________. (fill in the blank)

6. Gremlin, I mean Gunnar is over in his corner cackling about how brilliant his stuff is and bitching about, well, everything else.

There I just saved you about an hour of your time, and possibly an hour of your time each week till this show is done. Just insert this grouping of info into each of my future columns if those people are still in the mix and you might just have extra time for a bathroom break or two.

I loved Elena’s breakdown this week when she said she designs upscale garments that are not for a mass market when ultimately all she talks about is wanting to start her business. What do you think a fashion business is girl? Can we just douse her in gasoline and be done with it? It is so frustrating to watch her frantic anger on the TV every week. I just keep praying for a team elimination challenge with her and Ven on the same team.

The girls had a rough week this week with multiple breakdowns and second guesses. Sonjia lost it right before the runway only to be told by Tim Gunn to “channel your inner winner.” Melissa almost didn’t finish when she made the mistake of trying to recut her dress with waaaaaay not enough time to spare. All in all the guys got pretty cocky, assuming that they had it all laid out for a win and the women would all end up in the bottom. Ven even pointed out how he thinks men are stronger designers while women are more practical. Sonjia makes an interesting statement claiming that women make better designers for women’s wear as they create things women would ACTUALLY wear. This sounds like an interesting debate, any thoughts people? I’m inclined to side with Sonjia on this one cause God knows I wouldn’t want some hideous flower across my tits if I were a woman, i’d be too busy stuffing myself into one of Sonjia’s awesome skirts!

In the end, they all finish their shit and send it down the runway with seconds to spare. On top this week we have Fabio, Melissa, Elena and Christopher. Fabio showed a great look with a surprisingly cute black asymmetric dress, with a sheer overlay. I usually hate asymmetric hems, but this one looked expensive and appropriate with how well tailored it was. An inch longer and it would have been ghastly. Elena threw together a nice armor-like harnessed baby doll dress in a silvery grey that was fun and sophisticated but not as rigid as she normally does. I was surprised, but it was certainly not a winner the minute you saw the tailoring up close. Melissa may have almost had a meltdown, but her outfit was a fascinating angular structured cocktail dress in a shiny bronze tone that I really enjoyed. Sadly this dress is not commercial enough for Lord and Taylor, and it kind of missed the mark for the type of woman that shops there but she certainly stepped it up this week.

Our winner this week was Christopher with a kind of boring, but very pretty, soft pink shredded fabric bodice with a simple black skirt gown. It looked a little too plain for my taste and it felt like they were rewarding the one thing they cautioned him against (repeating yourself too much stylistically) but in the end he did deserve the win here. It was a week of fairly strong looks across the board so it was tough for them to pick the winner, but his was the most perfect fit for the collection as a whole.

Our bottom 2 this week were Alicia and Gunnar. Alicia showed a frumpy, grey and black dropped waist number with a big fugly collar. This was bad sewing and bad design all over the place and honestly she should have been sent packing immediately when that mess rounded the corner. I don’t know what gender she is designing for here but this looked like a dress that stuck to an ugly blouse in the dryer, after mating with (as Michael Kors so eloquently put it) A Field Hockey Uniform. Sadly, Alicia is still with us this week narrowly escaping the Auf. The target is on your back sweetie, better chiffon it up in the next round or take us to manville cause this in-between land is a scary mess in your hands.

Our other bottom contestant, Gremlin, thought he was doing swimmingly and you could see the shock and horror on his face when they told him his lacy sequined number was boring and done to death. Sorry Gunnar, even Liza Minnelli could cough up a sequined hairball that is more intriguing than that thing you sent down the runway. After faking us out that Gremlin would finally hit the blender and we could say goodbye, it was one of those weeks that everyone stays and nobody gets Auf’d. Oh yay… (*kicks the dog) There I’m better now.

After such an emotional wreck of a week for so many contestants next week is at least a calm and easy challenge right? NO! It is a Team Challenge Week!

Now, in this week’s episode [Episode 8] we got to see the fun of watching 3 teams of 3 contestants each, make a bunch of crafty crap to sell on the street, all so they could buy fabric at MOOD to make a 2 look collection for Fall, one of which must show outerwear. That would be fun enough, but when the magic button bag goes to work it gets sooooo much better when you see who the teams consist of.

Team 1: Chris, Sonjia and Gremlin

Team 2: Dmitry, Alicia and Elena

and Team 3: Ven, Melissa and Fabio

I couldn’t have planned it better myself magic button bag, thank you.

Sidenote: I love how the episode started out with Christopher all pissed his boyfriend the Gremlin stayed and didn’t get kicked out last week. He likes playing hard to get I guess.

Back to the episode: After attempting to sell crummy t-shirts with ugly crap spray painted on them and glitter strewn about, the designers somehow managed in 2 hours to make over 500 bucks per team to spend at MOOD. This seemed awfully fishy to me that any self respecting New Yorker would be willing to give these crazy bitches a dollar let alone 20 when told to buy some crappy ripped t-shirt with glitter on the back, but then I remembered the tourist factor. You put a camera in front of tourist and they are on it faster than Whitney on a bubble bath. (Too soon?)

From the get go, the team with Dmitry and Elena started to bicker and implode. Poor little Alicia just tried to keep her head down and make her pants while whispering “Mom and Dad don’t fight… Mom and Dad don’t fight…” Elena loves to take over a project and order people around but she always shies away from actually leading anything. She is a bitch and a smart one at that; she always makes sure she has somebody to throw under the bus. Dmitry just chugs forward and dismisses her crazy witch cackling while making another damn jersey dress and praying for the day to be over. Alicia: still whispering “Mom and Dad don’t fight…”

Gremlin and Christopher had a strong chance to go head to head on this one, but with the even-keeled Sonjia in the mix, I think she made the perfect buffer as they both respect and like her. I seriously expected a few make-out sessions a few times over the fabric table you guys. Gremlin and Christopher were hate f*cking each other with their eyes all episode long. “Should I put leather on the sleeves?” I think his answer is yes, Gremlin, I think his answer is yes…

With the rest of the episode consisting of Elena bitching and everyone getting annoyed let’s just skip to the nitty gritty. Our winning team this week was Chris, Sonjia and Gremlin! They showed a beautifully tailored collection with 2 dresses made by Gunnar incorporating the camels and brown tones of their collection in jersey, wools and leather. Christopher made a really lovely camel trench coat and rounding out their looks was a gorgeous green jacket made by Sonjia. Our obvious winner this week was Sonjia and I must say if that jacket came in a big girl’s size medium I’d order one for myself If I were a lady. When she finished the damn thing there were no Legend of Zelda jokes to be made Gremlin so take that and stuff it in your spam purse.

Everyone else was potentially on the chopping block. The team of Dmitry, Elena and Alica had severe working relationship issues, but from Elena’s oversized and badly tailored coat, to the pathetic attempt at design that Alicia did with the top and one pair of pants, all the way to the hideous scarf Dmitry made, their team was in trouble from the word go. Our other team of Ven, Melissa and Fabio may have made the most money to put toward fabric, but their collection did not look like they spent the over 800 dollars they used. The words Droopy and sloppy were thrown around in their critique and to me it all just looked like a bad set of options for boarding school outfits.

When the dust settled and the blood finally coagulated on the fresh wounds of our designers, it was Alicia who got Auf’d this week. You know when they use the word “boring” in your critique you are going home. (They said the same thing last week, and it would have meant Gremlin would have been sent packing.) Sorry girl, next time show a little more diversity in your style and if you come to a competition built around finding the next big designer for the fashion world (primarily a female business) don’t say you can’t design feminine clothes. Truthfully, I wish it had been Elena’s head on that chopping block, but you frankly wouldn’t have survived another week anyhow.

Tune in next week for what looks like a fun filled show! We get Mondo, the Create Your Own Textile Challenge, and Tim utters the sentence “It looks like an homage to the menstrual cycle.” I’ll bring the popcorn and sanitary napkins!

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