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Ask Dr. Miro: The Sex Numbers Game [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

My boyfriend has been hinting about wanting to know how many people I’ve slept with. Should I share my special number? I’ve had my share of sex partners and I’m worried that he may think I’m slutty. In fact, I don’t really even know how many folks I’ve had. Then, I wonder if I should ask him about his past but I don’t really know what to do with what he might tell me. I think I’m more experienced than him but I’m just really confused about this.

Lotta Notches

Dear LN,

I never understand why people want to give the negative spirals in their head more rope in which to get tangled. Sharing your “special number” is NOT a good idea, or even necessary, for a successful relationship. It can only cause problems. As far as what a person’s sex count may mean to your relationship is truly what you do with that number. Hopefully, with each new encounter, a person learns a little more about her or himself: what he or she likes and dislikes as well as how to better please a lover. However, some use this number as mere notches on a belt to make them feel better about other things that may be lacking in their life. There are times when quantity makes up for quality but not that often.

You should find out why your beau is so concerned about how many partners you’ve had. Why does it matter? What in the world does he want to do with your specific sex number? You can tell him to rest assured that whatever the exact numeral may be, it has made you the sexual creature that he is so into. Perhaps he needs reassurance that you are committed to being in a satisfying relationship with him and that he is not merely a number. Hopefully you can leave it at that. Maybe, this can assist you two in opening up some honest dialogue.

If you do find yourself in a situation in which these numbers are exchanged, please keep in mind that you are still the same people as right before the numerical information was shared. Knowing this data is not going to change either of your pasts. Do NOT let this intimidate or allow you to feel like any less or more of a person. You mention fearing he may find you slutty. What’s wrong with that? I’m going to have to be blunter than usual here and say: if he can’t handle this, he shouldn’t have asked, and you two may not be suited for each other.

Honestly, this numbers game is nothing but trouble.

Lust and Happiness,
Dr. Miro

featured image credit: Kaptain Kobold