F&N Podcast Episode 10 – The Finale Jul29

F&N Podcast Episode 10 – The Finale

On the last episode of the Fierce & Nerdy Podcast, Dana & Tom interview Josh. We cover such timely topics as plot holes in Million Dollar Baby, Les Miserables & Citizen Kane, Lysistrata & Greek Tragedy, Guys and Dolls’ song lyrics, Pete Best, the comparative value of smores, Starlight Express, The Lone Ranger and Tom reads a Fiona Apple article backwards! Josh’s 5 Favorite Movies – Modern Times, Duck Soup, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Groundhog Day and Annie Hall. Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Download Here Big thanks to Ernessa Carter and everyone...

Once You Get The Stink On You…["The Hunt" Review]

Those old enough to remember the McMartin trial, the most expensive criminal prosecution in Los Angeles history (at the time), will understand the reality of Thomas Vinterberg’s The Hunt. Members of the McMartin family, falsely accused of sexually abusing students in their daycare, spent years in prison until finally exonerated. The Hunt transplants the American moral panic to a small Danish town, exploring in maddening detail how a few mistaken words from a child can turn a community upside down. Mads Mikkelsen plays Lucas, a soft spoken kindergarten teacher in his early 40′s, still recovering from a traumatic divorce. Students...

Good Luck Going To Sea World Ever Again [Blackfish Review]

The documentary Blackfish, which takes its title from the Canadian Aboriginal term for orcas, chronicles the 2010 tragic death of Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau by the troubled killer whale Tilikum. I remember the official story being that Tilikum, distracted by Dawn’s ponytail, pulled her underwater until she drawned but I didn’t follow the situation through to the end. It turns out that Sea World’s official account of the tragedy may not exactly be true. In fact, it’s a complete spin job blaming “trainer error” to make sure water park customers still see the orcas as safe, cuddly creatures worth...

F&N Podcast Episode 009 – Lee Jessup Jul22

F&N Podcast Episode 009 – Lee Jessup

Former studio executive, head of Script Shark and current Screenwriting Career Coach Lee Jessup breaks down the current state of the film industry, what it takes to effectively brand yourself as a serious screenwriter and how she bridges the gap between the “how to” industry and the real industry. Anyone interested in pursuing a career in screenwriting should do themselves a huge favor and listen. Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Download here or here. Pub Trivia 10 Score: 4/10 For more information on what she does and what she can do for you, please visit her website at Career Coaching...

Video Review – The Conjuring

Based on the true story of a movie studio trying to make a buck, The Conjuring is one of the best made stupid movies I’ve ever seen.     BATMAN SCALE OF FILM...

‘House of Cards’ Lets ‘Boardwalk Empire’ Sleep In Its Car  – 65th Emmy Award Nominations Announced Jul18

‘House of Cards’ Lets ‘Boardwalk Empire’ Sleep In Its Car – 65th Emmy ...

I don’t watch a lot of television because it’s a worm hole of lost time when I should be writing or sleeping or working out or replacing the low battery in my fire alarm (sorry baby, I promise I’ll get to it this weekend). However, I did manage to watch House of Cards when Netflix released it earlier this year – lost a whole weekend – and that’s why I’m pleasantly surprised to see it recognized for the badass political drama it is. From Variety: “House of Cards” had nine nominations overall. Lead acting nominations for the series went to Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright, and David Fincher was nominated...

Whatever Happened To Predictability? Jesse and the Rippers Are Back! Jul17

Whatever Happened To Predictability? Jesse and the Rippers Are Back!

Furthering his agenda of resurrecting everything he loved growing up, Jimmy Fallon will flick your 90s’ bean this Friday night by featuring a performance by John Stamos’ awesomely terrible television band Jesse and the Rippers. Will Danny play rhythm guitar even though he’s totally not cool enough? Will they change the band name to The Vulture at the last minute to capitalize on a more robust heavy metal market? Will Jesse miss the gig by driving his motorcycle over a building ledge to prove to his old gang he’s still hard? Will Dave Coulier implore Jimmy to cut-it-out with the 90s reunions? Nah, but we might get a...

Florida: Black Men Ditching Hoodies; Embracing Lynyrd Skynyrd and Ronald Reagan T-Shirts

Jacksonville, FL – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin Following the acquittal of George Zimmerman for the shooting of unarmed minor Trayvon Martin, the sale of hooded sweatshirts known as “hoodies” has hit an all time low thanks to the work of controversial African American leader, Davis Stone. “With the ‘Stand Your Ground’ law in full effect, we need to take practical measures to avoid wearing or acting in ways that threaten or otherwise make white people uncomfortable,” says Stone, head of the Black Capitulation Project. “Hoodies make caucasians nervous, they associate them with gangs and rap...

Movie Trailer Tuesday [FaN Extra] Jul16

Movie Trailer Tuesday [FaN Extra]

Hey guys, it’s Tuesday and you know what that means! No, not $5 margaritas and $1 tacos (I’m so sorry) – it’s time to take a look at four new films to keep on your radar. SALINGER During summer vacation, my father forced me to spend at least an hour reading every day. As if reruns of Diff’rent Stokes were going to watch themselves. Gah dad, I hate you! Since I was subject to whatever we had in the house, I read a lot of dense material I couldn’t yet process. Novels like Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury went right over my sixth grade head but I remember being rather taken by J.D. Salinger’s...

Fruitvale Station: A Profile Of Human Tragedy

I tossed and turned in bed all Saturday night wrestling with Ryan Coogler’s Fruitvale Station in my head. Perhaps I should recommend it for that alone. Isn’t that what art is supposed to do? I don’t remember losing any sleep over Pain & Gain. This is a very difficult movie to review because it’s impossible to seperate it from the real life incident it fictionalizes. That seems to be the intention of the filmmakers as Fruitvale Station opens with actual cell phone video footage of the event and closes with Oscar Grant III’s daughter Tatiana at a rally for her father in 2013. For those unaware, in the early...

F&N Podcast Episode 008 – Phil Gates Jul15

F&N Podcast Episode 008 – Phil Gates

Blues musician Phil Gates kicked it with us in the North Hollywood studio to promote his new album “Live at the Hermosa Saloon.” We get into the state of blues in the US, the best guitar players of all time, Phil’s time as an engineer/producer and Josh manages to complain about his Hawaiian vacation. Listen Here: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or download here. Pub Trivia 10: 6/10 Hermosa...

North Carolina Votes To Ban British Monarchy Rule; Reinstates Prima Nocta

Raleigh, NC – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Less than a week after outlawing Sharia Law – a set of so-called divinely inspired moral directives practiced by certain fundamentalist muslims – North Carolina passed House Bill 696, a measure reaffirming the non-recognition of British monarch authority in the their state. Though the royal crown is largely a symbolic institution with no official legislative power, North Carolina Republicans felt the gesture was still necessary. “We’re Americans,” said Representative Harold Kent, “we don’t want Mohammed Mo-Whatever or the King of England coming into our...

Way, Way Back To The 80s

Everything about Nat Faxon and Jim Rash’s The Way, Way Back wants to be set in the 80s. From the “vintage” cars, to the clothing, to the location, to Sam Rockwell’s exceptional mining of Bill Murray’s wise man-child mystique, we’re half expecting a boat race to solve the plot complication. That’s fine with me because I happen to have a warm feeling for coming-of-age summer flicks from the Reagan Administration and The Way, Way Back doesn’t require a nostalgic whimsy to be enjoyed. 14-year-old Duncan, played with the right amount of pathetic by Liam James, is stuck in hell – a family...

F&N Podcast Episode 007 – Blayne Alexander Jul08

F&N Podcast Episode 007 – Blayne Alexander

Sir Thomas of Stillwagon and I switched vacation weeks so this episode is regretfully Tom-less. Please send hate mail c/o The US Postal Service. Fellow cinephile and lead singer of the industrial rock band Idiot Stare Blayne Alexander was gracious enough to sit down and go through our “Best Of” and “Worst Of” the year so far. Neither he nor I could muster enough self-loathing to sit through The Lone Ranger but feel free to assume its place on one of our lists – your call which. Along with dissecting 2013′s film offerings, I grill him on his time in the music business, what’s different since he...

Despicable Me 2 *Cheesy Puns The Lone Ranger To #1 [Weekend Box Office]

Hey guys, I’m back from vacation and a serious writing deadline. Please, please hold your applause until the end. Despicable Me 2 *outgunned The Lone Ranger at the domestic box office over the 4th of July weekend with an impressive total of $142M. Not only did it nearly triple Ranger’s $48M opening, but it did it with a third of the production budget ($76M versus $215M). I guess America just isn’t ready to accept a chiseled caucasian lead and a racial caricature as his sidekick yet. For shame America. For shame. I didn’t see, nor care about either because I don’t have children and my functioning cerebral cortex...

Cheese Ink – Episode 1 Jul01

Cheese Ink – Episode 1

Friend of the blog Marc Hampson debuts the first episode of his new animated web series Cheese Ink. If you’ve ever stayed up all night wrestling with the question of what a tattoo parlor run by mice would be like, relax, you can finally get some sleep.

F&N Podcast 006 – Ask A Twenty-Something Jul01

F&N Podcast 006 – Ask A Twenty-Something

In an effort to solidify our impending irrelevance, we sat down with twenty-something whippersnappers Sara, Nick and Paul to find out what these crazy kids are into. Have they heard of Nirvana? Pearl Jam? Creed? Has Hootie & the Blowfish completely disappeared from the collective conscious? Has Radiohead been reduced to quick mentions by Katie Perry and Avril Lavigne? Does Beyonce have a fat ass? Does Snoop Lion have a fat ass? Why is Ryan Gosling so damn dreamy? What the hell is a Milli Vanilli? Sit back, relax and find out why what you loved growing up in the 80s and 90s means nothing to anyone but you. Listen Here: Your browser does...

World War Z: A Strong Reminder Of How Great 28 Days Later Is [Movie Review]

I haven’t read Max Brooks’ novel but I assume it had something the cinematic version doesn’t; an ending. Oh and a story. It probably has one of those too. The film adaptation, starring Brad Pitt and directed by Marc Forster has neither. What it does have is a few well constructed sequences of a mayhem, one or two nifty effects shots and a whole lot of unfocused meandering. If that’s enough to satiate your entertainment appetite then World War Z could be your movie. If you’re interested in character depth or competent plotting then I suggest you watch 28 Days Later again and save the price of admission. The...

Kanye West – The D.W. Griffith Of Misogyny? [FaN Extra] Jun20

Kanye West – The D.W. Griffith Of Misogyny? [FaN Extra]

First off, I want to recognize two things: 1. Pointing out the rampant devaluing of women in popular music (and rap specifically) borders on Lloyd Christmas’ moon landing announcement; and 2. Comparing Kanye West to D.W. Griffith is somewhat outlandish but if he gets to declare himself a “new slave” I get to engage in a little hyperbole too. Mr. West’s new record Yeezus is daring in both genre and convention, a technical marvel of studio prowess and song construction. It’s also such an unintentional masterpiece of egotism and cartoonish arrogance that it’s damn near impossible to take seriously. From...

Five Remaining Summer Movies To Look Forward To [FaN Extra] Jun19

Five Remaining Summer Movies To Look Forward To [FaN Extra]

We’re a third of the way through Hollywood’s summer movie slate. So far, there are clear winners like Iron Man 3, retched garbage like The Hangover 3 and some middling-to-decent efforts worthy of a watch like Star Trek Into Darkness and Man of Steel. Given that it’s still only June, I thought it pertinent enough to preview five upcoming offerings that twinge my cinematic prostate to the point of excitement:   1. Elysium Neill Blomkamp’s long awaited follow up to 2009′s District 9, Elysium has the makings of a science fiction classic. Though I enjoyed the first half of District 9, I ended up shrugging...

What Hell Hath Paris Wrought? “The Bling Ring” Review

Years ago, I was privy to a certain network screening of a new “reality” show that thankfully never made it to air. The production only reached the pilot stage on the promise that Paris Hilton would occasionally guest star as an auxiliary personality, showing up just enough to warrant her presence in the marketing campaign. While the rest of the cast struggled to find even a vague semblance of believability, Hilton was a composed veteran. The caricature she’d created was so polished that everyone around her seemed laughable by comparison. In their defense, the premise, situations and relationships were absurd to begin...

F&N Podcast Episode 004 – Bathrobe Steve Jun17

F&N Podcast Episode 004 – Bathrobe Steve

Due to scheduling conflicts and other boring reasons, the wonderful and talented Dana Martin fills in for Joshua Mauldin this week. You’re welcome. Todays guest is none other than comedian/activist Steven Marcus Releford, a/k/a Bathrobe Steve. Among other things, Steve recounts what it was like being on the front lines of the west coast Occupy movement, as well as the motivation and intention behind climbing the KTLA tower in Los Angeles. Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or download here.       Pub Trivia 10 Score: 7/10 Related Links: Man of Steel Video Review This Is The End...

Man of Steel Sets June Record By *Cheesy Punning To First Place [Weekend Box Office]

From Box Office Mojo Thanks, in part, to the most embarrassing promotional tie-in campaign of all time, Man of Steel *soared to a new June record by opening with an impressive $125M at the domestic box office. Seriously, can you remember a film that shilled for more brand products than this flick? “When Superman has a Superflow, he uses Tampax!” Since monetary inflation is entirely ignored to inflate (irony!) the importance of current box office receipts, records are basically superfluous, but it’s still a heck of a total. Warner Bros desperately needed a new signature franchise before the inevitable reboot of Batman and...

Video Review – Man Of Steel

Underwhelmed by Man of Steel like I was? Go to IHOP, Carl’s Jr or KFC instead. Buy a Gillette razor. Join the National Guard. Eat some Twizzlers. Do some laundry with Tide. The possibilities are endless!

A Stoner Comedy As Envisioned By The Book Of Revelation

What is there to say about a movie that features both a coked-up Michael Sera and a thousand foot demon with a swinging appendage the size of the Eiffel Tower except two points for audacity. This Is The End is a drug-fueled, man-child bromance as envisioned by John of Patmos and the head of the product placement department at Sony Pictures. An eschatological romp that, unlike the Left Behind series, has the presence of mind to take the evangelical holocaust of nonbelievers with its tongue planted firmly in cheek. Jay Bachurel is back in town to smoke weed, play video games and eat at Carl’s Jr with his childhood friend Seth Rogen....

Modern “Manhattan”

As a conflicted admirer of Woody Allen’s Manhattan, I feel compelled to begin this review admitting the obvious influence. Not because I delight in making the reference, but because I think director/writer Noah Baumbach and writer/star Greta Gerwig intend to remind us of it. How can they not? It’s shot in black and white, follows the lives of intellectuals (or a close proximity thereof) in New York and mirrors Allen’s classic so closely it’s as if they intended it as fan fiction. Frances Ha is certainly Manhattan‘s inferior when it comes to the visual palate, not that it’s trying to match it per se....

F&N Podcast 003 – Marc Hampson Jun10

F&N Podcast 003 – Marc Hampson

Director, Writer, Artist and Musician Marc Hampson braved the heat of our North Hollywood studios to delve into the complicated and fascinating world of independent filmmaking. We end up disappointed with Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing and defending Zach Braff’s recent Kickstarter brouhaha. Who expected that? Album reviews and discussions include Tricky’s newest False Idols and everyone’s favorite band to listen to in the background, The National’s Trouble Will Find Me. Listen to it here: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean   Or download it here. Pub Trivia 10...

“Much Ado About Nothing” Sadly An Appropriate Title – See What I Did There?

Parties at Joss Whedon’s place must be an absolute pleasure. Intelligent, pretty people bantering about, dressed in finely tailored suits and gowns, drinking fine wine and basking in the serenity (no pun intended) of a glorious evening. The film Much Ado About Nothing however, based on the classic Shakespeare comedy and shot over a 12 day period at Whedon’s house, is a little more like your friend mangling a report about what a great time he had. You should’ve been there. There’s been much ado about Whedon modernizing the play and right off the bat we’re shown Benedick leaving Beatrice alone in bed. The...

Game Over: Texas Jury More Ridiculous Than Any Fake News Headline [Daily News Brief]

San Antonio, TX – Friday By Joshua Mauldin In Texas, it’s legal to use lethal force in the pursuit of one’s stolen property. It’s a fairly broad law that lends itself to stories like, Man Acquitted Of Shooting Ex-Girlfriend For “Stealing Heart” or Ronald McDonald Moves To Texas To Legally Gun Down The Hamburglar. However, nothing in the mind of a satirist can top what a Texas jury actually did yesterday. They acquitted a man who shot a woman in the neck for stealing $150 he thought was going to be used as payment for sexual services rendered. Let me reiterate that. This asshole, Ezekiel Gilbert, expected...

Vaughn & Wilson “Crash The System”, Hawke Pays The Bills And Whedon Throws A Shakes...

THE INTERNSHIP For reasons that still evade me, Wedding Crashers was a phenomenal hit back in 2005, grossing $209M at the domestic box office. 20th Century Fox is hoping the Vaughn/Wilson man-child machine can duplicate that return some eight years later. I still don’t understand the appeal of Wedding Crashers, but as I once told my boss at New Line Cinema, “nobody ever made money on what I like.” [Note to Self: Don't f*cking say that. What're you, stupid?] Is there an actor who FedExs his performance in from a shorter distance than Vince Vaughn these days (besides Bruce Willis and Adam Sandler)? Vaughn looks like he boxed...

Wealth Turns LA Woman From 5 To 8 According To Personal Trainer; Sexism Over [Daily News Brief]

Santa Monica, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin When asking her personal trainer how she ranks on a scale of 1 to 10 this morning, 43-year-old entertainment executive Marilyn Gull was shocked to discover that on looks alone she was a 5. However, when her “pocketbook” was taken into consideration, her ranking increased to an 8. “After my husband left me for a 22-year-old dancer, I was destroyed,” said Marilyn through a melancholy grin. “No matter how much I had accomplished on a professional level, I was still doomed by the patriarchal rules of attraction.” Shallow men of an average-to-poor aesthetic...

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures On Your Gym Playlist [FaN Extra] Jun05

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures On Your Gym Playlist [FaN Extra]

As the ravages of aging drag my butt ever closer to the ground I’ve learned an appreciation for music that fulfills a need. Being a white male with the figure of a three-day-old hard boiled egg I had no use for dance music of any kind and thus dubbed it all “crap.” Now that I spend so much of my time on a treadmill (humble brag alert unless you’ve seen a picture of me) it turns out that Tom Waits doesn’t keep my thighs pumping (I apologize for the image). No, I need something with a quick tempo, a simple melody and preferably, over-produced harmonies. This isn’t necessarily true for lifting weights, any...

Political Pundit Gives Snarky Partisan Defense/Attack; America A Better Place [Daily News Brief]

Washington D.C – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin A political pundit patted himself/herself on the back yesterday after writing a vitriolic, straw man defense/attack of his/her preferred side of the Democrat/Republican false dichotomy. “There are real issues out there,” proclaimed the pundit while trying on a new suit/dress. “But those issues are often complicated without a clear black-and-white answer. By reinforcing the liberal versus conservative canard, I’m giving people a valuable shorthand on how to feel about them. Americans need me.” Though admitting the defense/attack was an irrelevant, nonsensical...

F&N Podcast Episode 002 – Eric Sims Jun04

F&N Podcast Episode 002 – Eric Sims

You want the Sims? You drive the Sims! We transported the Mayor of Culver City to the exceptionally warm confines of North Hollywood to find out just what makes your favorite lovable malcontent tick. [Hint - Jameson Irish Whiskey] Eric was kind enough to wax curmudgeonly over his favorite California Seething moments, his experience as a speaker at the Rotary Club, why Murder She Wrote is better than you think and how he was bamboozled by someone claiming to be Gore Vidal.   As if that wasn’t enough, we delve into the enigmatic debacle of After Earth, the hubris of M. Night Shyamalan, Vampire Weekend’s newest album Modern...

Cryptozoologist Claims Discovery Of Legendary Defecating Human Female [Daily News Brief]

Glasgow, Scotland – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Science has long confirmed that nutrients in the human female is digested in the upper intestine and released as an invisible, odorless gas through tiny pours in the skin. Thus, the lower intestine and the sphincter serve no practical purpose; a vestigial, evolutionary holdover like the appendix. However, world famous cryptozoologist Edmund Hanks is challenging that assertion by claiming to have discovered an adult, female homo sapien who both defecates like a male and produces a gaseous excretion similar to the flatulence. “I’ve been tracking Bessie through the back hills of...

Jamie Lannister vs. Brienne of Tarth with Lightsabers Jun03

Jamie Lannister vs. Brienne of Tarth with Lightsabers

Can’t run a blog called Fierce & Nerdy without posting this:

Ghost Confused By Science On “Ghost Hunters”

Pasadena, CA – Monday By Joshua Mauldin The apparition of a deceased scientist admitted during an interview with Skeptical Science Monthly that the methodology utilized by paranormal investigators is curious at best. “If one were tracking bears,” the ghost of physicist Helmund Kliffe illustrated, “one knows certain truths about those animals that allow them to be identified. Fur or defecation samples for example. There’s no reason to think that myself or my fellow spectors emit heat or electro-magnetic fields, so measuring fluctuations of either cannot be considered evidence of our existence.” Kliffe...

Now You See Me *Cheesy Puns In Its Debut; Fast & Furious *Cheesy Puns To First

From Box Office Mojo Now You See Me *made magic over the weekend by grossing well over its expected return. Despite that surprise, and a steep 65% drop from Memorial Day weekend, Fast & Furious 6 avoided *spinning out by managing to remain in first place. The Smith Family sci-fi home video After Earth rightfully came in third with a take on par with recent genre stinkers. 1. Fast & Furious 6 It looks like the majority of people who were going to see FF6 did so last week as the automotive caper sank to a weekend gross of $34M. Don’t cry for Vin Diesel just yet because with a worldwide total of $480M, FF6 is on pace to (sigh)...

Prancercise: All The Fun Of Jazzercise With Double The Embarrassment May31

Prancercise: All The Fun Of Jazzercise With Double The Embarrassment

Today is supposed to be my day off but this video has inspired me so much I’m thinking – screw it. It’s time to dust off my old arm weights, spandex and lack of shame. To the park! “It’s better to be punching into space, than in your face!”

Best Of Daily News Brief [Friday 5er]

Due to a busy week, I didn’t have time to put together an all new Friday 5er. I probably should’ve saved the M. Night Shyamalan article for that but hey, as my wife knows all too well, I’m not that bright. So instead of an original post, I thought it would be fun to take a brief look back at the best of everyone’s favorite second-rate Onion ripoff. Below are the five top viewed articles, which means they’re chosen by you – the public. I’m nothing if not a man of the people:   5. Mime Cokes To Death During Performance; Receives Thunderous Applause. Amidst what was called a tour-de-force by...

Video Review – After Earth

A film directed by M. Night Shyamalan based on a story by Will Smith. It’s about as good as that sounds.

Google Says I Put My Baby In The Microwave, How Do I Make Them Stop? [What The Tech]

Michele Agius is on vacation but will return next week. She has graciously (and foolhardily) allowed me to fill in today. I pre-apologize on her behalf. Back in 2007, a 19-year-old, pastor-in-training was arrested in Texas for shoving his then 2-month-old daughter into a microwave and turning it on. Thanks to Google, because this would-be pastor shares my name, the first thing that pops up in a search is this wonderful story. A few hits down, a separate article clarifies the facts: According to the Houston Chronicle, Detective Johnson testified that Mauldin first threw the baby on one of the beds in the hotel room. He then confessed to...

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Fires Agent After Learning It’s Not Illegal To Turn Down...

Los Angeles, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin Former WWE superstar and current box office champion Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson close-lined his rep Kyle St. Kyle this morning after being informed that it’s not against “Hollywood Law” to turn down a movie. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit but two thirds of the films I’ve agreed to do came with what I thought was the threat of jail time,” admitted Johnson from the set of three different movies shooting simultaneously. “Do you think I would’ve said yes to Race to Witch Mountain, The Game Plan, Snitch, The Gridiron Gang,...

The Top 5 Worst M. Night Shyamalan Movies May29

The Top 5 Worst M. Night Shyamalan Movies

Only the staunchest Shyamalanian apologist can deny that the quality of M. Night’s work has dropped into the Marianas Trench. His name used to be a quick selling point. “From Director M. Night Shyamalan” guaranteed instant audience interest. Throw in a popular leading man, say a Mel Gibson or a Bruce Willis, and the studio knew they had a hit.   The Sixth Sense is a quality entertainment through and through. Sure you can nitpick the plot holes in the [Spoiler Alert - but get bent if this still applies to you] “he was dead the whole time” gimmick but it totally works because the characters and story are so...

“The Purge” To Be Retitled “Tuesday” In Mid-Town Manhattan

New York, NY – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin As part of an experimental new marketing strategy, Universal Pictures has decided to release their new film The Purge in Mid-Town Manhattan under the new title Tuesday. The Purge, starring Ethan Hawke, envisions a utopian America where crime is non-existent and unemployment is at one percent thanks to one day every year where citizens can break any law they desire without the fear of incarceration. “We’re trying to broaden the film’s appeal by using different titles for different sections of the population,” said Stacy Eisenman, Head of Marketing for Universal....

F&N Podcast Episode 001 – Ernessa Carter May28

F&N Podcast Episode 001 – Ernessa Carter

Unfortunately we chose unwisely and picked The Hangover 3 to discuss on our maiden voyage of the Fierce & Nerdy podcast. Our apologies. Seriously, what a steaming pile of disinterested check-cashing that movie turned out to be. I didn’t get a chance to see 32 Fast 62 Furious (unlike apparently everyone) but I imagine it didn’t hate its audience. Or at the very least, its audience’s pets. On the plus side, we invited author/blogger extraordinaire Ernessa Carter to be our first guest. She was kind enough to sit down and go over everything from the aforementioned depression of The Hangover 3, to the wonderful indie...

Fast and Furious 6 *Cheesy Puns To #1 [Weekend Box Office]

Shizz went Kablewie this Memorial Day weekend as Fast and Furious 6 *crashed into first place at the box office with $120M. FF6‘s take dwarfed Fast Five‘s handsome score of $86M back in 2011. Though it had the benefit of both opening over a holiday weekend and a cache of good will from its predecessor, Universal should probably thank the mishandling of The Hangover 2 more than either.   Given the choice between a reliable, cliche action/adventure and a potentially depressing “comedy,” America voted with its feet and chose Vin Diesel’s engorged forearms over Zack Galifianakis’ distended belly. Having...

Review – Before Midnight [Re Post]

The best film I’ve seen this year. I don’t expect a better one.

Christopher Lee’s Birthday Present To The World: More F*cking Metal! May24

Christopher Lee’s Birthday Present To The World: More F*cking Me...

From Rolling Stone. Proving once again that Christopher Lee is more awesome than you’ll ever hope to be, for his 91st birthday (yep, 91st), Sauron collaborated with Judas Priest guitarist Richie Faulkner for his second heavy metal album based on the life of Charlemagne.  ...

Child Unable To Smile Receives Operation Via Kickstarter

Little Rock, AR – Friday By Joshua Mauldin 8-year-old Jeremy Martin was tragically born without the muscle dexterity to smile. His mother thought he would never know the joy of laughter until Kickstarter raised enough money to pay for corrective surgery. “We feel so...

Video Review – The Hangover 3

Mean. Lazy. Boring.

New Age Guru Attempts Suicide With Homeopathic Cyanide; Alive And Well

Sedona, AZ – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin After a long battle with depression, guru/psychic/healer/cranial-sacral specialist Soaring Eagle (birth name Lawrence Jones) decided to traverse to higher spiritual plain by imbibing a homeopathic cyanide solution. After little more than slight...

New San Francisco 49ers’ Stadium To Include Bay Area’s Sec...

Santa Clara, CA – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin Yesterday’s breaking news that Super Bowl L will be held at the new home of the San Francisco 49ers delighted fans of the home city. Today’s announcement that the stadium will also include the bay area’s second biggest...

FED Proposes Stimulus, 15 to 20-Year-Old Males To Make All Purchases [...

Washington, DC – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin FED Chairman Ben Bernanke released the details of a revolutionary stimulus plan that he hopes the Obama Administration will enact in time to take advantage of the summer months. The controversial plan would ban all citizens except for 15 to...

Cut The IRS A Break, Says No One [DAILY NEWS BRIEF]

Washington, DC – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Amidst increasing pressure from Republican leaders for over-scrutinizing conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status, no one stood up to defend the Internal Revenue Service in any way, shape or form. “Sure it looks like they...

Gamers Look For Hand Lotion And Tissue As New Xbox Is Revealed [FaN Extra] May21

Gamers Look For Hand Lotion And Tissue As New Xbox Is Revealed [FaN Ex...

The only video game I’ve played in ten years is Madden [Seahawks!] so the new Xbox reveal means very little to me. However, I know I’m in the minority on this one so the LA Times is thankfully picking up the slack: 10:02 a.m.: Microsoft launched its event with a video full of...

New Beyonce Single “Grown Woman” Leaks [FaN Extra] May21

New Beyonce Single “Grown Woman” Leaks [FaN Extra]

The internet has done what the internet does best (outside of porn of course) and snatched (no pun intended) Beyonce’s new single Grown Woman before it was barely legal (pun intended). Check it out at Salon before it disappears. And it will. The single has the usual chicks-be-badass...

Pat Robertson Says Something Totally Reasonable [Daily News Brief]

Virginia Beach, VA – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin While answering a viewer’s question Monday afternoon, Pat Robertson, the controversial televangelist and host of The 700 Club said something totally reasonable. “I’m a little surprised,” said Amanda Clix, the viewer...

New Dating App “Savior” Helps Men With Low Self-Esteem Fin...

San Antonio, TX – Monday By Joshua Mauldin In an effort to streamline the courting process for men who confuse self-hatred with selfless devotion, a San Antonio-based startup launched the dating application Savior this morning. “With Savior, men searching for relationships that...

Star Trek Into Darkness *Cheesy Puns To #1 [Weekend Box Office]

From Box Office Mojo. Star Trek Into Darkness *beamed to the top of the box office this weekend with a domestic take of $84M. Not a bad showing, though expectations were tracking a little closer to $100M. The knee jerk reaction here is to blame the lack of a strong villain in the marketing...

Woman Given Honorary Ph.D. In Husband’s Shortcomings [Daily News...

Pittsburgh, PA – Friday By Joshua Mauldin The sociology department at Carnegie Mellon University announced this morning that they have awarded 64-year-old Pittsburgh resident Margaret Sanders an honorary Ph.D. in Negative Marital Observance. “We’re convinced that no human...

Video Review – Star Trek Into Darkness

Lexington P. Monoclesworth leads the crew of the Starship Enterprise into darkness…for a while. Another solid summer blockbuster, what gives? Either I’m going soft (ahem) or this year is starting off rather pleasantly. Spoiler Alert 2/3rds in but marked...

Veterinarian Says Cats Won’t Go In Litter Box Because Screw You,...

Chicago, IL – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin After a ten year study of feline behavior, Veterinarian Genesis Allen, concluded this morning that cats who won’t defecate in their litter boxes are punishing their owners for reasons only they understand. “You may have cuddled with...

Rochester Big & Tall Refuses To Stock Non-Plus Sized Clothing [Da...

New York, NY – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin Amidst protests from anti-normal-shaming groups, Rochester Big & Tall CEO Marco Jorello remains steadfast in both his company’s image and business model. During an interview with The Portly Register, Jorello admitted that his company...

Rick James & Neil Young The Original Ebony & Ivory? May14

Rick James & Neil Young The Original Ebony & Ivory?

Not exactly, but before James was caught AWOL by the Navy, they were briefly in a band together called The Mynah Birds. The ironically titled single It’s My Time is one of the great lost Motown treasures from the...

Katy Perry’s “Inspiring” TBN Performance May14

Katy Perry’s “Inspiring” TBN Performance

This video of Katie Perry prior to the lady-smooching, cherry Chapstick fiasco has been around a while but I just discovered it so shut up. Circa 2002, Perry’s performing what I assume is a song entitled Search Me on the self-proclaimed Christian Trinity Broadcasting Network. As someone...

WTF Podcast With Noah Baumbach May14

WTF Podcast With Noah Baumbach

Writer/Director Noah Baumbach sat down with Marc Maron to discuss his new film Frances Ha, as well as forgotten gem Kicking and Screaming and minor masterpiece The Squid and the Whale. For fans of Baumbach’s “adults dealing with prolonged adolescence” like myself, it’s...

Google Image Searches For GIA Reach All Time High [Daily News Brief]

Mountain View, CA – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Google announced this morning that image searches for stills from the 1998 made-for-television movie Gia have increased exponentially over the last twelve hours. The film, based on the life of troubled model Gia Carangi, was relatively...

Space Oddity Covered Oddly In Space May13

Space Oddity Covered Oddly In Space

Chris Hadfield wins the internet today with his cover of David Bowie’s classic Space Oddity, recorded in orbit aboard the international space station. I was going to do a version of this song wearing an astronaut helmet at an open mic this weekend but no point in that now. Thanks a lot,...

Man Given Curfew By Wife After Character Has Affair On Grey’s An...

Mobile, AL – Monday By Joshua Mauldin Spoiler Alert for the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. A Mobile, Alabama man was slapped with a restrictive 6pm curfew after his wife witnessed an affair on ABC’s popular medical drama Grey’s Anatomy. “She takes that show...

Netflix Arrested Development Trailer – 15 New Episodes You Can P...

Arrested Development, the show you always meant to watch, debuts its fourth season on Netflix. Following the same format as the universally loved House of Cards and the universally opposite-of-loved Hemlock Grove, all fifteen episodes will be available on May 26th. If you’re like most...

Iron Man 3 *Cheesy Pun About Flying Its Way To The Top For The Second ...

From Box Office Mojo Iron Man 3 *soared to the top of the American domestic box office in its second week of release, bringing its cumulative total to $284M. Add that to a foreign haul of $664M and Marvel’s flagship Avenger property should easily reach a billion by the end of the week....

We Genie – Parking Tickets Are Nothing More Than A Dirt Relocati...

Video Review – The Great Gatsby

Not the turd-fest the trailer makes it out to be…but still not very good. Catsby? What Catsby!?!?

Celebrity Chef Robert Irvine’s Restaurant Closed After BBQ Sauce...

Hilton Head Island, SC – Friday By Joshua Mauldin Celebrity chef and Restaurant Impossible star Robert Irvine’s personal restaurant Eat! has been shut down indefinitely awaiting an investigation by the South Carolina Department of Public Health over questionable ingredients in a...

Undercover Christian Discovers Heavy Metal Fans Not Possessed By Satan...

Topeka, KS – Friday By Joshua Mauldin As part of a church outreach to hellbound youth, Marcus Walsh infiltrated a local group of high school heavy metal fans and was shocked to discover that none of the kids appeared to be possessed by the devil; most just couldn’t throw a...

Take A Deep Breath, Warner Bros Releases “Gravity” Teaser May09

Take A Deep Breath, Warner Bros Releases “Gravity” Teaser

By Joshua Mauldin Warner Bros released the official teaser trailer for Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity, starring George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, and holy Alien Batman it looks schweeeeeet! It’s Cuaron’s first feature since 2006′s modern classic Children Of Men and the...

“Inside Llewyn Davis” Not Porn, Still Looks Fantastic

By Joshua Mauldin Although I enjoyed True Grit, I prefer my Coen Brothers a little quirky, preferably with a side of John Goodman. Inside Llewyn Davis has both, and T. Bone Burnett. And Carrie Mulligan. And Salieri. And folk music. Is it December yet? Image Credit & Trailer: Screen...

Disney Files Trademark Claim On The Number 4 [Daily News Brief]

Anaheim, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin In anticipation of the potential for a fourth installment of the popular Toy Story franchise, Walt Disney Co. has filed a request with the copyright office to trademark the number 4. “These movies are so popular, we feel that just their...

Neil Patrick Harris To Host Tony Awards; Scalia Frontrunner For Bigges...

By Joshua Mauldin NPH has been tapped yet again to host the Tony Awards because why would they even ask anyone else? The shortlist should be: 1. Neil Patrick Harris 2. No Tony Awards Image Credit & Story: The Hollywood...

Student Kicked Out Of Class For Wanting To Learn

By Joshua Mauldin From Gawker My debate class in high school was little more than a series of packets so I’m right there with yah brah. Perhaps if we actually studied debate I could’ve used a different set of oral skills to get out traffic tickets. Video: youtube Image Credit:...

Tickets For Mark Sanford’s Election Party / Appalachian Trail Or...

Columbia, SC – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin Tickets to attend re-elected South Carolina Republican Mark Sanford’s combination election soiree/Appalachian sex extravaganza went on sale this morning. Normally an event like this is open only to campaign staff and financial contributors...

Marginally Overweight, Non-Caucasian Woman Murdered By Obsessive Boyfr...

West Memphis, AR By Joshua Mauldin A normal 26-year-old, non-white human female who worked ten hours a day to support her daughter and felt too shy about her body to post pictures on social media was found strangled to death this morning at her residence. Police suspect her unemployed,...

Facebook Poll Finds People Who Share Multiple Memes Back-To-Back Are A...

Menlo Park, CA – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin An internal approval poll conducted by Facebook rates people who repeatedly dump frivolous memes the highest among all users. “Our users can’t get enough back-to-back posts of partisan political quips, grumpy cat being grumpy, an...

U.N. to Syria: “Seriously, What’s Wrong With Bullets?̶...

New York, NY – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin A United Nations official pleaded with both sides of the Syrian conflict this morning, warning them to stick exclusively to conventional means of spreading death. “You know the deal guys, killing each other with bullets, knives and...

Actor Guy Pearce To Change Name To “That Guy From Memento”...

New York, NY – Monday By Joshua Mauldin As a courtesy to Americans, actor Guy Pearce’s publicist announced this morning that he will be officially changing his US name to That Guy From Memento. “Guy appreciates that pulling up IMDB on your phone to remember his name before...

Video Review – Iron Man 3

God Reportedly Nervous About North Dakota Personhood Amendment; Could ...

Bismarck, ND – Friday By Joshua Mauldin A source speaking in omnipotence divulged this morning that The Almighty is “more than a little worried” about an amendment to the North Dakota constitution that would define life at conception and award a zygote all rights of...

Elderly Woman With Revoked Drivers License Backs Into Unicyclist; Lice...

Santa Monica, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin 74-year-old Imelda Kershaw’s drivers license was revoked earlier this year after she failed to pass an eye exam. That didn’t stop her from driving however, and yesterday afternoon, she accidentally backed into a unicyclist in the...

LA Woman Uses Turn Signals, Stops At Stop Signs, Given Key To City

Los Angeles, CA – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin 37-year-old attorney, Myra Filiman, was given the key to the city of Los Angeles this morning for adhering to basic driving etiquette during a three-month, city-wide surveillance period. “Operation: What’s This Asshole...

Boston Man Blames Poor Pick-Up Basketball Performance On “Lockah...

Boston, MA – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Pete O’Brien, a Boston man used to averaging 20 points a game, went a paltry 4 for 22 this morning during a pick-up basketball game at his local gym. O’Brien blames his lackluster offering on the recent announcement of ex-Celtic, Jason...

Staples Center Closed Until Sunday’s “Fecal Biohazard̶...

Los Angeles, CA – Monday By Joshua Mauldin Game 5 between the Clippers and the Grizzlies will be played at USC’s Galen Center on Tuesday unless sanitation crews can sterilize the “fecal biohazard” left by the Lakers in time. Sanitation officials have called in...

Overweight Man Forgets To Post Daily Gym Picture On Facebook; Friends ...

Portland, OR – Tuesday A 268-pound Portland resident prompted concern from his peers after neglecting to post a gym picture to Facebook last night. For the past six weeks, Bertrand Kelm has provided photographic evidence of himself on either a treadmill or an elliptical machine every...

Yelp! To Breech Whininess Threshold, Asking Users To Chill The Hell Ou...

San Francisco, CA – Friday By Joshua Mauldin A representative from Yelp!, the website dedicated to costumer-based business reviews, addressed the media Friday morning to warn users that the level of whining is reaching a dangerous high. “Our system isn’t built to handle the...

Review – Pain and Gain

  My favorite Michael Bay film…since I don’t remember The Rock. I know, I’m as surprised as you are.

Richard Dawkins’ Cover Album To Re-Title Bon Jovi Hit, “Li...

London, UK – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin Backed by a band of certified godless musicians, famed biologist and outspoken freethinker Richard Dawkins is currently recording a cover album of popular songs with atheist-approved lyrics aimed at eliminating religious concepts in well-known...

Mark Sanchez Voted To Madden 2013 Cover By Jets’ Fans Hoping For...

New York, NY – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin A last-minute grassroots movement by New York Jets’ fans awarded Mark Sanchez the cover of popular NFL video game Madden 2013. Until this morning, Barry Sanders and Adrian Peterson were battling for the honor but Jets’ fans flooded...

Hallmark CEO Says Love Is A Privilege, Should Be Privatized [Daily New...

Kansas City, MO – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Following the lead of Nestle CEO Peter Brabeck’s notion that water should be privatized, Hallmark CEO Horatio Alton included human emotions denoting affection, loyalty and compassion as privileges better left managed by corporate...

Justice Department To Declare Boston Bombing Suspect “Intergalac...

Washington, DC – Monday By Joshua Mauldin A Justice Department official announced this morning that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the nineteen-year-old suspected of carrying out the marathon bombings in Boston last week, will be declared an Intergalactic Alien. The announcement comes as a response...

Mathematician Cracks Flo Rida’s “Diabolically Clever”...

Cambridge, MA – Friday By Joshua Mauldin James Exton, Professor of Theoretical Mathematics at MIT, announced this morning that he’s finally solved a puzzle that’s stumped mathematicians for years. “Flo Rida [the stage moniker of Tramar Lacel Dillard - pictured here...