On the last episode of the Fierce & Nerdy Podcast, Dana & Tom interview Josh. We cover such timely topics as plot holes in Million Dollar Baby, Les Miserables & Citizen Kane, Lysistrata & Greek Tragedy, Guys and Dolls’ song lyrics, Pete Best, the comparative value of smores, Starlight Express, The Lone Ranger and Tom reads a Fiona Apple article backwards! Josh’s 5 Favorite Movies – Modern Times, Duck Soup, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Groundhog Day and Annie Hall. Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Download Here Big thanks to Ernessa Carter and everyone crazy enough to brave the North Hollywood heat and spend a little time with...

Those old enough to remember the McMartin trial, the most expensive criminal prosecution in Los Angeles history (at the time), will understand the reality of Thomas Vinterberg’s The Hunt. Members of the McMartin family, falsely accused of sexually abusing students in their daycare, spent years in prison until finally exonerated. The Hunt transplants the American moral panic to a small Danish town, exploring in maddening detail how a few mistaken words from a child can turn a community upside down. Mads Mikkelsen plays Lucas, a soft spoken kindergarten teacher in his early 40’s, still recovering from a traumatic divorce. Students respond to him, attracted to the child-like manner he exudes. It’s not that Lucas isn’t able to relate to adults, his circle of friends is robust, it’s just that he’s starting over again. Klara, the imaginative five-year-old daughter of Lucas’ best friend, creates a strong bond with him in her head. He is the stable, kind alternative to her tumultuous family life. She falls in love with him in that confused, cute way children do and kisses him on the lips. Angered and embarrassed by Lucas’ rebuke of her gesture (he kindly explains to her the inappropriateness of her actions), Klara conflates an incident with her brother’s friend to insult Lucas – relating sensitive information to the principal about Lucas’ private parts. This misunderstanding sets in motion a series of devastating events that send Lucas’ life into a spiraling hell of alienation, contempt and eventually violence. The power of The Hunt is our knowledge of Lucas’ innocence and the empathy it creates within us. How should the principal react? Even if she’s prone to imagination, how could Klara know such sensitive information? As an adult and the head of a kindergarten, it’s her job to protect children from predators. Isn’t it prudent to believe the child first and foremost? It took psychologists a little too long in America to figure out that children will admit to almost anything if you lead them to the confession. Child witnesses corroborated absurd accusations in the McMartin trial because law enforcement filled in the details for them. There’s a wonderful scene with a specialist who, even after Klara denies anything happened, coerces her into implicating Lucas by directing her along the way. Klara just wants to go outside and play, the quicker she tells him what he wants, the quicker she can leave. Mads Mikkelsen (from Hannibal: The Series) won Best Actor at the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. His understated portrayal of Lucas is heartbreaking, we want him to lash out at his accusers, proclaim his innocence from the mountaintops but he holds it all inside. Until, I should say, he finally stands up for himself in a deeply satisfying scene at a grocery store he’s been banned from. The film rests on Mikkelsen’s shoulders and even though it gets bogged down in contrivance a little here and there, Mikkelsen never waivers. The ending of The Hunt, although satisfying in its own right, is a little too easy. It robs the story from a powerful climax, choosing instead to pay off a conspicuous character moment from earlier. Still, Vinterberg’s drama is an engrossing story, carefully constructed, well acted and worth your time if you can find it....

The documentary Blackfish, which takes its title from the Canadian Aboriginal term for orcas, chronicles the 2010 tragic death of Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau by the troubled killer whale Tilikum. I remember the official story being that Tilikum, distracted by Dawn’s ponytail, pulled her underwater until she drawned but I didn’t follow the situation through to the end. It turns out that Sea World’s official account of the tragedy may not exactly be true. In fact, it’s a complete spin job blaming “trainer error” to make sure water park customers still see the orcas as safe, cuddly creatures worth purchasing in plush doll form. Unfortunately, they’re called killer whales for a reason. Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s documentary traces Tilikum from his brutal capture, to his inhumane treatment at a second-rate water park in Canada – where he was forced to spend the majority of his time floating in a small tank in complete darkness – and finally to Sea World. The incident in 2010 was hardly an isolated incident. Tilikum had a history of lashing out, whether out of frustration, aggression or psychosis no one can officially say. What can be shown is that Sea World was well aware of his history but put him on display anyway (and used his semen to breed a high percentage of their whales – due to international law against hunting them, the gene pool is drying up). According to former trainers (all but one of whom are now activists against orca captivity), no one was informed of Tilikum’s prior issues. The financial benefits outweighed their own personal safety. Blackfish makes the compelling case that not only is housing these animals in small tanks for human amusement wrong, but the organizations doing so continue regardless of the real dangers involved. Killer whale assaults on park trainers are a common occurrence. It should be noted, as the film does, that there isn’t a single report of a killer whale attacking humans in their natural habitat. In the wild, orcas are remarkably intelligent, highly social, emotional mammals with specific cultural constructs and possibly different languages. Snatching them from the water and cramming them into small tank causes a myriad of problems. Raking (where one literally rakes their teeth across the other), confused social orders, sun burns, diseases, etc. make performing at water parks a miserable experience for them. So much so that the average orca lives to be around 30-years-old in captivity, and despite what Sea World may say, in the wild they can live up to 100 years. I wondered when I was younger why the male killer whales I saw at Sea World had collapsed dorsel fins when pictures of them in the ocean always yielded erect ones. Science doesn’t know exactly but damned if it isn’t the perfect metaphor for the orcas’ broken spirit. Much of the live footage in Blackfish is devastating. If you’re not moved by a mother killer whale screaming in pain, desperately trying to communicate with its young as it’s being stolen or moved, it’s time to hit up the Wizard for a heart. The mark of a good documentary is its point-of-view and the knowledge, or at least the impression, that it’s playing fair with its facts. Showing video of Tilikum gushing blood after a female orca raked him is powerful in and of itself, but is Blackfish bending the truth to fit a preordained agenda? That doesn’t seem to be the case. The only real argument for maintaining the water park status quo is financial – Sea World makes too much damn money to knock it off. That this is the issue here is pretty straightforward and obvious because even if Tilikum pulled Brancheau – one of the best trainers around – underwater by her ponytail (he didn’t, he dragged her underwater by her arm, swallowing it whole and mauling her to death in the process) isn’t...

Former studio executive, head of Script Shark and current Screenwriting Career Coach Lee Jessup breaks down the current state of the film industry, what it takes to effectively brand yourself as a serious screenwriter and how she bridges the gap between the “how to” industry and the real industry. Anyone interested in pursuing a career in screenwriting should do themselves a huge favor and listen. Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Download here or here. Pub Trivia 10 Score: 4/10 For more information on what she does and what she can do for you, please visit her website at Career Coaching for the Scrappy Screenwriter. Image Credit: On The...

Based on the true story of a movie studio trying to make a buck, The Conjuring is one of the best made stupid movies I’ve ever seen.     BATMAN SCALE OF FILM...

I don’t watch a lot of television because it’s a worm hole of lost time when I should be writing or sleeping or working out or replacing the low battery in my fire alarm (sorry baby, I promise I’ll get to it this weekend). However, I did manage to watch House of Cards when Netflix released it earlier this year – lost a whole weekend – and that’s why I’m pleasantly surprised to see it recognized for the badass political drama it is. From Variety: “House of Cards” had nine nominations overall. Lead acting nominations for the series went to Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright, and David Fincher was nominated for directing the opening episode. I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but Joel Schumacher directed a few of the episodes and I never would’ve known had they not mentioned him in the credits. It’s too bad they didn’t let him make creative decisions, the only thing missing in House of Cards is visible Spacey nipples. Disappointed fans like myself will just have to check behind the bushes of London Park to see those. Along with Arrested Development, Netflix broke the platform mold for digitally distributed programming by receiving a total of 14 nominations. Which is weird because I haven’t not watched a series on Netflix for some time now. Netflix, like Google, is a verb at this point – as in, “You haven’t seen Breaking Bad? Netflix that shit before I punch you in the face.” “American Horror Story” had 17 nominations for the second year in a row, leading all programs. “Game of Thrones” had 16 to lead all series. Woah, woah, hold on. American Horror Story had 17 nominations last year? I caught the first half of that POS and stopped watching when it became abundantly clear the writers had no idea where they were going with that story. “Here Piggy Piggy” was the single dumbest subplot of the last decade. Congrats to you Game of Thrones fans. Except for “House of Cards” replacing “Boardwalk Empire,” the drama series nominations remained the same as last year: were 2012 winner “Homeland,” “Breaking Bad,” “Downton Abbey,” “Game of Thrones” and “Mad Men.” In comedy series, five of six nominees also returned: “30 Rock,” “The Big Bang Theory,” “Girls,” “Modern Family” and “Veep,” with “Louie” replacing “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” I don’t understand the love for Big Bang Theory but a lot of my friends with quality taste in programming (quality being similar to mine of course) seem to enjoy it. Every time I stumble on the Aspy Fun Hour it looks like this to me: The good news here is that Louie picked up a rightful nominatioon for best comedy series. It could’ve also been nominated for best drama series and I don’t think anyone would’ve complained. Since it was 30 Rock‘s last season I’m going to assume the voters will toss the Emmy their direction. Fine by me, it’s been one of the most consistently well-written comedies since it first aired. Nominations for reality-competition series went to longtime behemoth “The Amazing Race,” “Dancing with the Stars,” “Project Runway,” “So You Think You Can Dance,” “Top Chef” and “The Voice.” In reality program, the noms were “Antiques Roadshow,” “Deadliest Catch,” “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” “MythBusters,” “Shark Tank” and “Undercover Boss.” No Chopped? “Hello, police, I’d like to report a robbery. Can I describe the suspect? Yes, he’s got spiked, frosted blond hair with dark roots. An obnoxious van dyke…uh huh, right, the kind that fat guys wear to hide their chin. Stupid sunglasses, shorts, faux-rockabilly style shirt. Is he the lead singer of Smash Mouth? I don’t think so. You know what, let me text you his picture.” Lead drama actor nominations went to defending champ Damian Lewis of “Homeland,” Hugh Bonneville (“Downton Abbey”), Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad”), Jeff Daniels (“The Newsroom”), Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”) and Spacey. My...

Furthering his agenda of resurrecting everything he loved growing up, Jimmy Fallon will flick your 90s’ bean this Friday night by featuring a performance by John Stamos’ awesomely terrible television band Jesse and the Rippers. Will Danny play rhythm guitar even though he’s totally not cool enough? Will they change the band name to The Vulture at the last minute to capitalize on a more robust heavy metal market? Will Jesse miss the gig by driving his motorcycle over a building ledge to prove to his old gang he’s still hard? Will Dave Coulier implore Jimmy to cut-it-out with the 90s reunions? Nah, but we might get a shitty Beach Boys...

Jacksonville, FL – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin Following the acquittal of George Zimmerman for the shooting of unarmed minor Trayvon Martin, the sale of hooded sweatshirts known as “hoodies” has hit an all time low thanks to the work of controversial African American leader, Davis Stone. “With the ‘Stand Your Ground’ law in full effect, we need to take practical measures to avoid wearing or acting in ways that threaten or otherwise make white people uncomfortable,” says Stone, head of the Black Capitulation Project. “Hoodies make caucasians nervous, they associate them with gangs and rap music. What we’re trying to do at the BCP is help our brothers and sisters dress in a way that calms white people’s fears – especially since most of them are carrying fire arms.” The BCP’s strategy is to let white people know, from first glance, that they’re “one of the good ones.” “If they see a brother in a Lynyrd Skynyrd or Ronald Reagan shirt, it puts they’re trigger fingers at ease. It let’s them know that ‘hey, a black president freaks us out too.” Responding to critics who claim the BCP’s approach is tantamount to blaming a rape victim for wearing revealing outfits, Stone agrees. “It absolutely is. Do you think I like wearing this stupid Cosby sweater in ninety-five percent humidity? Hell no, I just don’t want to get shot.” Feature Image Credit: Reware...

Hey guys, it’s Tuesday and you know what that means! No, not $5 margaritas and $1 tacos (I’m so sorry) – it’s time to take a look at four new films to keep on your radar. SALINGER During summer vacation, my father forced me to spend at least an hour reading every day. As if reruns of Diff’rent Stokes were going to watch themselves. Gah dad, I hate you! Since I was subject to whatever we had in the house, I read a lot of dense material I couldn’t yet process. Novels like Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury went right over my sixth grade head but I remember being rather taken by J.D. Salinger’s Nine Stories. Given my limited life experience, I didn’t understand any of its thematic elements, but something about the writing style and mood stuck with me on a visceral level. This and Steinbeck’s Tortilla Flat were my favorite substitutions for Gary Coleman’s attitude that summer. I wouldn’t read The Catcher in the Rye for many years later and even though I was the right age at that time, it didn’t strike me the same way. Perhaps I was too smitten with Weird Al at that point to take it in. I didn’t start brooding professionally until my junior year. J.D. Salinger all but packed up his typewriter and went home following the success of Rye but he never stopped writing. Upon his death in 2010, the world learned that he had stockpiled volumes of unread, unreleased new material in vaults at his secluded home. The new documentary Salinger is an exploration of his enigmatic career, analysis of the cultural impact of his work and a mystery thriller surrounding the contents of the vault. Count me in.   SAVING MR. BANKS Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks were both a staple of my elementary school life. I got to watch them whenever my teachers had a hangover – back before I knew what “quiet time” really meant. Saving Mr. Banks is the based-on-a-true-story of Walt Disney trying to convince the original author of Mary Poppins, P.L. Travers, to let Dick Van Dyke sing with cartoons. Tom Hanks as Disney is about as perfect as casting gets and Emma Thompson is one of my favorite actresses. Considering Nanny McPhee uses magic to babysit rich brats, she should know a thing or two about screwing around with source material. Sometimes the behind-the-scenes of a project are just as interesting as the project itself. Sometimes not, but Finding Neverland worked so why not Saving Mr. Banks? I hope they spend a good portion of the film with Jason Schwartzman and Blow Job Novak arguing back and forth about Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. “Godammit! It’s SupercalifragilisticexpialidAcious – docious doesn’t make any fucking sense!” Is it too much to hope for a gentleman knife fight? What a minute? B.J. Novak? There’s goes the “true story” element. No way Walt willingly employed a jew.   LOVELACE No one has benefited more from Dina and Michael Lohan’s abject failure as parents than Amanda Seyfried. She assumed the career that everyone figured Lindsay would have post-Mean Girls. In fact, Lindsay was at one time attached to a similar project, one without funding of course. Seyfried, not Lohan, plays Linda Lovelace, Woodward and Bernstein’s anonymous Watergate source. Much like the flippant shaving habits of 70’s porn stars, it’ll either be a pleasant surprise or completely unwatchable, depending on your preference for mustaches and bush. The original Deep Throat, made back when we had to pretend that sex needed a plot – “Her clitoris is located in her throat, this is a serious issue you guys” – was wildly successful. Some of that due to mob money laundering via theater receipts but either way, it’s one of the most famous pornographic films ever produced. Lovelace eventually went on to denounce pornography and I wonder if they’ll include that...

I tossed and turned in bed all Saturday night wrestling with Ryan Coogler’s Fruitvale Station in my head. Perhaps I should recommend it for that alone. Isn’t that what art is supposed to do? I don’t remember losing any sleep over Pain & Gain. This is a very difficult movie to review because it’s impossible to seperate it from the real life incident it fictionalizes. That seems to be the intention of the filmmakers as Fruitvale Station opens with actual cell phone video footage of the event and closes with Oscar Grant III’s daughter Tatiana at a rally for her father in 2013. For those unaware, in the early morning hours of New Year’s Day 2009, Grant was shot in the back on a BART platform while lying face down by Oakland police officer Johannes Mehserle. Meserhle (whose name has been changed in the film) claims Grant was resisting arrest and when he saw Grant reaching for his waistband, Meserhle mistook his pistol for his taser. Grant was unarmed. The officer was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to two years minus time served. Upon the release of the verdict, protests and small riots broke out all over the greater Oakland area. Fruitvale Station is the dramatized account of that fateful New Year’s Eve, the last in Oscar Grant III’s life. As a keenly observed, brilliantly acted human tragedy it’s one of the best films of the year. As the socially poignant call for justice it strives to be, it feels slightly disingenuous. Or at least unsure of its statement. Maybe it’s the details of the case, or my personal perception, but the film diverges too heavily into polemic by the end. That’s part of the Catch 22 of embellishing or omitting key elements of a true story when creating a narrative account. I should report that the audience I saw it with – a packed house in West Los Angeles – probably disagrees. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house (including mine) when the lights came up. What I appreciate most about Frutvale Station is the filmmakers’ decision to present Oscar Grant III warts and all. This is not an angelic martyr of social injustice but a conflicted human being sorting through the beginning of adulthood. When we first meet Oscar and his girlfriend Sophina (played with subtle force by Melonie Diaz), they’re arguing over an affair Oscar claims to have ended. He promises to be there for her and their daughter Tatiana. Unfortunately, he’s lost his job for being late. While picking up seafood for his mother’s birthday, he begs his ex-boss for his job back – going so far as to borderline threaten him. It doesn’t work. His only real option to pay the rent now is to sell drugs to an old connection. Having already done a stint at San Quentin for possession, that’s not what he wants to do, but what else is there? Much of December 31st, 2008 is concerned with Oscar’s attempt to make amends for previous transgressions – to be better to his girlfriend, daughter and mother – even though the odds are against him. Michael B. Jordan plays Oscar with an admirable ease, fully convincing us that he’s the living, breathing contradiction most 22-year-olds are. What a revelation. Not that fans of The Wire or Friday Night Lights will be surprised. His performance never waivers and that’s precisely why the last act of Fruitvale Station is so devastating. When that gun goes off, it hurts. Deeply hurts. Few on-screen deaths are this affecting and that’s in spite of the fact we know it’s coming. As Oscar fights for life in the hospital and his family and friends pray for his survival, we’re emotionally right there with them – hoping in vain against the inevitable. There are a few scenes that skew into novice territory, specifically: a) some of...

Blues musician Phil Gates kicked it with us in the North Hollywood studio to promote his new album “Live at the Hermosa Saloon.” We get into the state of blues in the US, the best guitar players of all time, Phil’s time as an engineer/producer and Josh manages to complain about his Hawaiian vacation. Listen Here: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or download here. Pub Trivia 10: 6/10 Hermosa...

Raleigh, NC – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Less than a week after outlawing Sharia Law – a set of so-called divinely inspired moral directives practiced by certain fundamentalist muslims – North Carolina passed House Bill 696, a measure reaffirming the non-recognition of British monarch authority in the their state. Though the royal crown is largely a symbolic institution with no official legislative power, North Carolina Republicans felt the gesture was still necessary. “We’re Americans,” said Representative Harold Kent, “we don’t want Mohammed Mo-Whatever or the King of England coming into our state and telling our citizens what to do.” Attached at the last minute to HB696 was a controversial provision that grants male state officials “privileges” with all newly-wed females on their wedding night. “A man has a right to know that his wife is pure, we’re simply creating a way to certify it.” The measure calls for a male Republican member of the house or senate to escort the bride to a nearby room, wherein after a few minutes of inspection, he will return a “token of virginity” to the groom as proof of his wife’s virtue. “We’re not exactly sure what we’ll accept as a token,” admitted Kent, “right now it’s a white towel with blood on it but we’re still hammering out the details. No pun...

Everything about Nat Faxon and Jim Rash’s The Way, Way Back wants to be set in the 80s. From the “vintage” cars, to the clothing, to the location, to Sam Rockwell’s exceptional mining of Bill Murray’s wise man-child mystique, we’re half expecting a boat race to solve the plot complication. That’s fine with me because I happen to have a warm feeling for coming-of-age summer flicks from the Reagan Administration and The Way, Way Back doesn’t require a nostalgic whimsy to be enjoyed. 14-year-old Duncan, played with the right amount of pathetic by Liam James, is stuck in hell – a family summer vacation at the beach house of his mother’s condescending louse of a boyfriend. Steve Carrell plays against type as the kind of insecure weasel that purposefully degrades Duncan to keep himself as “the man” in Duncan’s mother’s life. It doesn’t help that Duncan’s mother (Toni Collette) is basically lost. She’s still licking the wounds of a fresh divorce and too afraid to move on in life on her own. Duncan knows this but at 14, what is he supposed to do but bare it in silence? That’s exactly what he does, enduring one embarrassing situation after the next. The “adults” around him are children with wrinkles and the children his age are oblivious ego machines. The only saving grace might be the alcoholic neighbor’s daughter who seems to exist on a similar wave length but it’s not like he’s confident enough to approach her. It’s going to be a long summer. Well it was, until he stumbles into a water park run by Sam Rockwell. It’s here, in Act 2, where The Way, Way Back develops into a winning coming-of-age story. Prior to Rockwell’s introduction, the set-up is entertaining enough but feels a little too familiar, save for the scene-stealing presence of Alison Janney. Rockwell is no doubt familiar too (you know, Bill Murray in Meatballs and all) but his character is so enjoyable, so effortlessly endearing it doesn’t matter. Even though the plot, written by Faxon and Rash, follows a terribly predictable pattern (i.e. first love, standing up to his mom’s boyfriend, etc.) Rockwell’s presence elevates the material to that rare sublime state where we know where it’s going but it’s so much fun we don’t care. Rockwell could be, and probably should be, looking at a Best Supporting Actor nomination in February. He owns every frame like Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder or Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids. The only caveat here is that Carrell’s given a short shrift. His character has one note (douchebag in the key of me) and since the story wants to repair the fractured relationship between Duncan and his mother, he’s little more than a static villain. Other relationships are so well observed that the material feels like it should be a little more inclusive of the group as a whole. That being said, it’s a tiny regret that may be idiosyncratic to my taste. The Way, Way Back is a delightful, genuine effort that succeeds on almost every level. You could do a lot worse with your film-going dollar....

Sir Thomas of Stillwagon and I switched vacation weeks so this episode is regretfully Tom-less. Please send hate mail c/o The US Postal Service. Fellow cinephile and lead singer of the industrial rock band Idiot Stare Blayne Alexander was gracious enough to sit down and go through our “Best Of” and “Worst Of” the year so far. Neither he nor I could muster enough self-loathing to sit through The Lone Ranger but feel free to assume its place on one of our lists – your call which. Along with dissecting 2013’s film offerings, I grill him on his time in the music business, what’s different since he started, what’s the same, where does one start in today’s landscape, etc. Blayne also regaled me with the story of how he almost wrote the fourth Alien movie until a villain known only as The Whedon swooped in at the last minute to crush his dreams. Damn you Joss! Damn you!!!!!! Listen Here: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or download here Pub Trivia 10 Score –...

Hey guys, I’m back from vacation and a serious writing deadline. Please, please hold your applause until the end. Despicable Me 2 *outgunned The Lone Ranger at the domestic box office over the 4th of July weekend with an impressive total of $142M. Not only did it nearly triple Ranger’s $48M opening, but it did it with a third of the production budget ($76M versus $215M). I guess America just isn’t ready to accept a chiseled caucasian lead and a racial caricature as his sidekick yet. For shame America. For shame. I didn’t see, nor care about either because I don’t have children and my functioning cerebral cortex wouldn’t allow me to sit through Johnny Depp mugging for two hours – no matter how cool that dead crow on his head looks. Don’t let your eyes, brain, intuition or common sense fool you, this is awesome: If you were one of the many who gave Despicable Me 2 a CinemaScore “A” grade you’re in luck because its cumulative gross of $293M world wide means there will most certainly be a third installment. If you were one of the few who awarded The Lone Ranger a surprisingly high “B+” then I suggest heavy, dedicated prayer for a second. Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock’s buddy cop fiasco The Heat falls into third place with an estimated $25M. With a total of $86M, McCarthy’s second starring turn this year will easily clear the $100 mark. No one I know who saw Identity Thief seemed to like it but everyone agrees, McCarthy is HIGHlarious. Funny how that works. I actually bought tickets to this one but opted at the last minute to go to Stout Burger in Hollywood instead. I’m sure McCarthy and Bullock are a fine team but they can’t compete with a Six Weeker and an Allagash Curieux. No one can. Monsters University, Pixar’s newest float in the “Dammit, Stop Making Sequels And Focus On Originals” parade, dropped 57% from last week to around $20M or so. It doesn’t appear as though it’s going to reach the coveted $300M mark in the US but since it’s already pulled in a global total of $400M, Disney’s not sweating too hard. Dearest Pixar, I know sequels are a guaranteed success that play well in the foreign market and sell billions in merchandise but please, please give us something new. Either the Earth is still enamored with zombies or Brad Pitt trying to kill them because World War Z, a movie with virtually no story and certainly no ending, scared up another $18M. I don’t get you people. From Box Office...

Friend of the blog Marc Hampson debuts the first episode of his new animated web series Cheese Ink. If you’ve ever stayed up all night wrestling with the question of what a tattoo parlor run by mice would be like, relax, you can finally get some sleep.

In an effort to solidify our impending irrelevance, we sat down with twenty-something whippersnappers Sara, Nick and Paul to find out what these crazy kids are into. Have they heard of Nirvana? Pearl Jam? Creed? Has Hootie & the Blowfish completely disappeared from the collective conscious? Has Radiohead been reduced to quick mentions by Katie Perry and Avril Lavigne? Does Beyonce have a fat ass? Does Snoop Lion have a fat ass? Why is Ryan Gosling so damn dreamy? What the hell is a Milli Vanilli? Sit back, relax and find out why what you loved growing up in the 80s and 90s means nothing to anyone but you. Listen Here: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or Download the MP3 Here: Pub Trivia 10 Score:...

I haven’t read Max Brooks’ novel but I assume it had something the cinematic version doesn’t; an ending. Oh and a story. It probably has one of those too. The film adaptation, starring Brad Pitt and directed by Marc Forster has neither. What it does have is a few well constructed sequences of a mayhem, one or two nifty effects shots and a whole lot of unfocused meandering. If that’s enough to satiate your entertainment appetite then World War Z could be your movie. If you’re interested in character depth or competent plotting then I suggest you watch 28 Days Later again and save the price of admission. The movie starts out well enough. We’re given maybe five minutes before the excrement finds its way to the fan in the form of a zombie attack on Philadelphia. I kind of appreciated that. In fact, the first half an hour effectively grabs your attention. Part of that is the charismatic screen presences of Pitt and Mireille Enos of television’s The Killing fame. The two make a compelling duo for the little time they’re given. Pitt plays a former United Nations special agent who’s left his position to be a stay-at-home-dad. This information is adeptly given while fighting off an onslaught of computer generated undead warriors. Even though everything in World War Z is familiar to the point of exhaustion, the set-up is so expertly handled we don’t care. The problem is, by the middle we realize it’s taken so much time with zombie attacks, most of which are massive computer generated swarms of bodies, that there simply isn’t enough time to connect any complicated dots or develop a story with interesting twists. Zombie attack. Plot information. Zombie attack. Plot information. Rinse. Wash. Repeat. With the exception of an Israeli soldier, the secondary characters are introduced, give Pitt the necessary exposition to move him to another location and then die. There is virtually no character momentum at all. Even the massive displays of zombie carnage get tiresome after a while. The infected fodder never actually look real. They don’t feel like they occupy the same space as the flesh and blood actors. In the beginning, we’re willing to forgive them (much like the awful CG in the first Spider movie), but as the movie progresses they become animated annoyances. Ants circling a discarded crumb. David Morse is introduced in Korea as a former CIA something-er-rather. He gives Pitt a piece of information and then disappears – for good. He’s not part of a conspiracy. He doesn’t tie into the initial infection outbreak. He’s just toothless and bitter and in the mood to data dump some back story. How nice of him. I refuse to believe that Max Brooks spent no time on these details. World War Z‘s story makes Night of the Living Dead look complex. I understand the production was troubled and boy does it show on screen. Everyone involved is better than this. And then there’s the ending. Wow. Nothing pays off. Nothing you expect or want to come back around does. The final five minutes of World War Z is one of the all time great forfeits in film history. If you thought the last act of I Am Legend was bad, and it is, then wait until you get a load of World War Z. There isn’t a third act. The movie wraps things up at the end of the second act and calls it a night. The real problem here is the lack of a villain that isn’t the zombies themselves. That certainly can work, and there are many examples where it does, but World War Z wants to be a global event with a localized terror but doesn’t know how. 28 Days Later effectively turned human nature into the ultimate figurehead of evil, World War Z is more interested in showing computer generated masses than...

First off, I want to recognize two things: 1. Pointing out the rampant devaluing of women in popular music (and rap specifically) borders on Lloyd Christmas’ moon landing announcement; and 2. Comparing Kanye West to D.W. Griffith is somewhat outlandish but if he gets to declare himself a “new slave” I get to engage in a little hyperbole too. Mr. West’s new record Yeezus is daring in both genre and convention, a technical marvel of studio prowess and song construction. It’s also such an unintentional masterpiece of egotism and cartoonish arrogance that it’s damn near impossible to take seriously. From track one, Yeezus ventures deep into the wormhole of clownish self-importance. I know I’m iconoclastic by nature but I can’t be the only one to regard West as a magnificent buffoon can I? What to make of lyrics like: I keep it 300 like the Romans 300 bitches, where’s the Trojans? “Greek” doesn’t rhyme with “Trojans” so fair enough but you would think a “close high” to the “most high” would do a little research anyway? Nope. Kanye has evolved (or rather, was created) beyond a mere mortal’s historical record. George Carlin once said, and I’m paraphrasing, that when you don’t go to college you spend the rest of your life trying to prove you’re smart. From one college dropout to another, please Kanye, you’re not helping. Cheap shots aside, what I’m really interested in here is the second line of that verse. “300 bitches, where’s the Trojans?” I understand the word “bitch” has or can be applied in a positive, respectful manner. Words change their meaning over time, I’m not going to focus on that. What I am questioning, and indeed, what I would like to point out is that time and time again, women (or bitches) on Yeezus are reduced to the possessions of men. To be fornicated upon as an aggressive act of retaliation. From New Slaves: Fuck you and your Hampton house I’ll fuck your Hampton spouse Came on her Hampton blouse And in her Hampton mouth Godhead Incarnate Kanye isn’t going to take his aggression out sexually on a man because, as he implied earlier in New Slaves, “I’d rather be a dick than a swallower” – that would be super gay. He is, however, going to ravish their wives without a second thought. To Kanye, Peace Be Unto Him, making the sex with a record exec’s wife is little more than keying his car or breaking his watch. Since women are interchangeable with possessions, let’s switch them: Fuck you and your brand new Porsche I’ll shit on your Hampton Porch And light the doo-doo torch Then run while the bag gets scorched Okay so it lacks the emotional gravitas of borderline rape but you get the point. When women aren’t simply avatars for retribution or metaphors for weaker men than His Holiness, Kanye Of West, they’re points on a score board. Collective reinforcements of The Supreme Leader’s transcendent awesomeness. From I’m In It: Black girl sipping on white wine Put my fist in her like the civil rights sign I get that flagrant woman-hating is endemic in much of the genre’s culture (I say much because there are many, many artists who keep a strong distance from it) but I don’t think that’s reason enough to utterly dismiss the overt chauvinism on display here. The reviews for Yeezus are overwhelmingly positive; nay, glowing. Pitchfork gives it a 9.5 out of 10. Rolling Stone 4.5 out of 5. SPIN an 8 out of 10. All treat its views on women as a fairly innocuous component of Kanye’s character. Their job is to review an album, not necessarily to condemn an Artist’s misogyny, but it’s interesting how little anyone is moved by the vitriol. Are we so tone deaf to the denigration of women that we don’t hear it? Do we not care? Or do...

We’re a third of the way through Hollywood’s summer movie slate. So far, there are clear winners like Iron Man 3, retched garbage like The Hangover 3 and some middling-to-decent efforts worthy of a watch like Star Trek Into Darkness and Man of Steel. Given that it’s still only June, I thought it pertinent enough to preview five upcoming offerings that twinge my cinematic prostate to the point of excitement:   1. Elysium Neill Blomkamp’s long awaited follow up to 2009’s District 9, Elysium has the makings of a science fiction classic. Though I enjoyed the first half of District 9, I ended up shrugging through the second half when it eschewed its entire conceit and turned into a first person shooter. Elysium picks up Matt Damon who knows a thing or two about story and throws in the kind of class warfare hyperbole I’m a sucker for. The trailer kind of kicks ass too. We’ll see. Until then, my curlys are cautiously crossed in optimism.   2. The Wolf Of Wall Street Outside of a few documentaries, there hasn’t really been the definitive story of the 2008 financial crash. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was, for lack of a better phrase, fucking stupid and Margin Call was too low key to garner wide recognition. When Martin Scorsese is on point, no director can match him and Leonardo DiCaprio embodies the nature of afflicted privilege better than anyone. Let’s hope The Wolf Of Wall Street captures the rampant greed and the careless pursuit thereof better than Oliver Stone’s cartoonish misfire.   3. Pacific Rim It’s Robot Jox with a bigger budget and normally I’d roll my eyes at this production but it’s directed by Guillermo Del Toro. Everything Del Toro touches turns to gold and although the idea seems ridiculous to the point of farce, I’m on board anyway. Damn you Guillermo, on your reputation alone, you’ve got me interested in a movie with the tag line, “Go Big or Go Extinct.”   4. Fruitvale Station Oh man, I’m so in on this flick. Even if it didn’t star Vince from Friday Night Lights, the execution, mood and style of this movie stands the independent hairs up on the back of my neck. I hope, hope, hope it’s not another unintentional comedy like Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire. Liberal reviewers have a tendency to elevate socially relevant, yet artistically lacking productions to a much higher level than they deserve. Given the subject matter, I have faith this won’t be the case.   5. The Way, Way Back You ever have those movies you look forward to so strongly that if they don’t live up to your expectation you’re almost angry at them? Yeah, The Way, Way Back is like that for me. It runs the risk of being too quirky for its own good, but I trust the writers (including Jim Rash – Dean Pelton from Community) and the cast to deliver a top notch, memorable coming-of-age tale. Please don’t let this suck. That’s my list, what are you looking forward...

Years ago, I was privy to a certain network screening of a new “reality” show that thankfully never made it to air. The production only reached the pilot stage on the promise that Paris Hilton would occasionally guest star as an auxiliary personality, showing up just enough to warrant her presence in the marketing campaign. While the rest of the cast struggled to find even a vague semblance of believability, Hilton was a composed veteran. The caricature she’d created was so polished that everyone around her seemed laughable by comparison. In their defense, the premise, situations and relationships were absurd to begin with. Having spent very little attention on Ms. Hilton, I had naively chalked her up to another entry in the fame-whore, celebrity-for-the-sake-of-celebrity ethos. What I rather quickly realized during that dreadful screening is that not only is she adeptly playing a part, but she keeps an ironic distance from it. So too does Sofia Coppola in her new film The Bling Ring, based on a highly publicized group of teenagers that burglarized a series of celebrity homes in 2008. That Paris shows up briefly and allows herself to be satirized via her home, furthers my assertion that she’s been playing her part with a wink the whole time. The characters in The Bling Ring have yet to pick up on the wink. They’re consumed by the vapid Los Angeles culture of dance clubs, fancy cars, designer fashion and mountains of narcotics. It doesn’t help that their parents, seen sparingly, are self-absorbed creatures unto themselves. These kids come and go as they please, with whomever they want, with little to no interrogation. What do you expect? Emma Watson plays Nicki, a wannabe disciple of Paris, who’s mother home schools her and her sister based on the teachings of The Secret. She starts every morning with a prescribed dose of Adderall and rolls her eyes through self-help inspired lessons about being the best you. Though I assume this setup is penned by Coppolla as an addendum to the real events, I loved the skewering of ridiculous liberal religions. It’s so apropos of the “universe wants me to be successful” milieu that cultivates and justifies behavior like this. Nicki’s friends with Rebecca, a star-struck kleptomaniac who’s transfixed by the rush of thievery and the short term riches it facilitates. Both Rebecca and Marc, the new kid in town, attend a school dedicated to students with behavioral issues – she substance abuse, he anxiety-induced attendance issues brought on by a disappointment in his aesthetic worth. Rebecca talks Marc into breaking into Paris Hilton’s house as a lark, which he reluctantly agrees to. Thanks to the help of Google and blogs like Perez Hilton, the two soon find themselves trespassing on any celebrity’s home they know to be out of town that night. What started out as a whim of adventure, turns into the means of securing a lifestyle they’ve long envied but couldn’t create. It’s here where the movie loses much of its steam. It meanders through too many break-in sequences, repeating the same party scene and shopping spree. It becomes fairly clear by the middle that The Bling Ring lacks a strong narrative structure. It’s almost as if there wasn’t enough material to reach feature length so Coppola fills that dearth with mood, mood and more mood. This is a reoccurring element of Coppola’s work – of which, I’m an admirer. I adore Lost in Translation but I freely admit there’s very little story. I would argue that in the case of Translation, lengthy divergences into the Japanese nightlife compliment the picture. Here it feels like padding. Fortunately, once the gang is caught, the film finds its footing again and delivers a note-perfect resolution in the character of Nicki, and the performance of Emma Watson. The only lesson learned is how to turn her newfound celebrity status as a criminal...

Due to scheduling conflicts and other boring reasons, the wonderful and talented Dana Martin fills in for Joshua Mauldin this week. You’re welcome. Todays guest is none other than comedian/activist Steven Marcus Releford, a/k/a Bathrobe Steve. Among other things, Steve recounts what it was like being on the front lines of the west coast Occupy movement, as well as the motivation and intention behind climbing the KTLA tower in Los Angeles. Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or download here.       Pub Trivia 10 Score: 7/10 Related Links: Man of Steel Video Review This Is The End...

From Box Office Mojo Thanks, in part, to the most embarrassing promotional tie-in campaign of all time, Man of Steel *soared to a new June record by opening with an impressive $125M at the domestic box office. Seriously, can you remember a film that shilled for more brand products than this flick? “When Superman has a Superflow, he uses Tampax!” Since monetary inflation is entirely ignored to inflate (irony!) the importance of current box office receipts, records are basically superfluous, but it’s still a heck of a total. Warner Bros desperately needed a new signature franchise before the inevitable reboot of Batman and Harry Potter (Samuel L. Jackson as Dumbledore please) so Man of Steel‘s weekend take should keep the exec’s cocaine and Thai prostitute inventory stocked for a while. It’s also good news for people hoping to finally see Aquaman on the big screen. WB wanted to see the Supes’ receipts before bankrolling a Justice League adaptation to compete with Marvel’s The Avengers. Given Iron Man 3‘s rightful defeat of Man of Steel at the cineplex, Marvel’s golden boots aren’t exactly shaking. I was a little surprised to see my Facebook News Feed blow up on Saturday with an overwhelmingly negative reaction to the son of Jor-El’s newest incarnation. I didn’t love it by any means, but it had its moments. I expected to be on the receiving end of “screw you douche, Superman was awesome!” but I found myself meekly defending it. SuperJesus punched out evolution, what more do you people want!? Speaking of Jesus, in second place this weekend is a movie I liked more than I probably should have. Seth Rogen’s directorial debut This Is The End is half way to making its budget back with a take of $32M. I say half way because the theatrical gross for a studio is around 50% after the theaters take their cut. That percentage differs of course, but that’s the general rule of thumb. With a production budget of $32M, This Is The End should at least break even by the time it’s raptured out of theaters. On the production budget side, that doesn’t include promotion and advertising. Even with P&A, it should be all right. As a point of comparison, on the production budget side alone, The Lone Ranger needs to gross over $400M just to make its money back. Yeesh. For Disney’s sake, let’s hope The Lone Ranger has a gigantic, be-penised demon other than Army Hammer. I don’t know what that joke means, if you do, please explain in the comments. Now You See Me inexplicably took third place over the weekend. I haven’t seen it but Janelle Burmaster did and her recounting of the event leads me to believe I made the right decision. The rest of America seems to have made the opposite decision as the magician caper is the surprise hit of the summer so far. If you had told me in the spring that an ensemble movie about magic would out gross the Will Smith sci-fi joint I would have asked you to leave because clearly you were drunk. Alcohol = Truth. Fast and Furious 6 decelerated into fourth place, bringing its world wide grand total to $636M. It’s nice to know that in this time of global upheaval, we can still come together as a species and guarantee that every Fast sequel will be more successful than the last. And finally, rounding out your top five is Ethan Hawke’s yacht downpayment, The Purge. A movie with a concept so high, the animated marsupial from Kangaroo Jack is still dizzy with...

Underwhelmed by Man of Steel like I was? Go to IHOP, Carl’s Jr or KFC instead. Buy a Gillette razor. Join the National Guard. Eat some Twizzlers. Do some laundry with Tide. The possibilities are endless!

What is there to say about a movie that features both a coked-up Michael Sera and a thousand foot demon with a swinging appendage the size of the Eiffel Tower except two points for audacity. This Is The End is a drug-fueled, man-child bromance as envisioned by John of Patmos and the head of the product placement department at Sony Pictures. An eschatological romp that, unlike the Left Behind series, has the presence of mind to take the evangelical holocaust of nonbelievers with its tongue planted firmly in cheek. Jay Bachurel is back in town to smoke weed, play video games and eat at Carl’s Jr with his childhood friend Seth Rogen. Bachurel isn’t much for the Los Angeles lifestyle, or the new show business friends he’s been replaced by. However, after a little cajoling, he tags along to a housewarming party at James Franco’s house where everyone from Rihanna to Emma Watson are in attendance. A 9.5 earthquake soon hits, sending the house guests into a hell pit outside and Rogen, Bachurel, Franco, Craig Robinson and Jonah Hill inside for refuge. With limited supplies, increasing chaos outside and the threat of internal collapse from Danny McBride, the stranded caricatures do their best to survive. With a movie like this, the only real question is whether it’s funny or not and barring equal amounts of tedium and hilarity, This Is The End is mostly amusing. It stutters when relying too heavily on tired pot jokes or bodily fluids but finds inspired silliness when dealing with the onslaught of earthquakes, demons and Danny McBride. I enjoyed its willingness to lampoon not only every actor involved (or their filmographies) but its gleeful descent into the absurd. It’s like a Kirk Cameron fever dream of what the end times will be like for the poor sinners of the thirty mile zone. Except that instead of a strict adherence to theological doctrine, the basic notions of human decency are required to gain access into heaven. Unfortunately, this being Hollywood, there’s little of that to go around. One of my favorite running jokes is the satirization of cinematic self-sacrifice as a shorthand for valor. Having been in so many movies, that’s the only way these actors can relate to the higher aspirations of the human spirit. A little indulgent to be sure, but very...

As a conflicted admirer of Woody Allen’s Manhattan, I feel compelled to begin this review admitting the obvious influence. Not because I delight in making the reference, but because I think director/writer Noah Baumbach and writer/star Greta Gerwig intend to remind us of it. How can they not? It’s shot in black and white, follows the lives of intellectuals (or a close proximity thereof) in New York and mirrors Allen’s classic so closely it’s as if they intended it as fan fiction. Frances Ha is certainly Manhattan‘s inferior when it comes to the visual palate, not that it’s trying to match it per se. Manhattan is a love letter to New York, but Frances Ha bests Allen’s classic, in my opinion, on the character and story level. Not just because I get skeezed out when seeing Allen and Hemmingway together, but because the relationships are more sympthathetic, focused and redeemable. Baumbach’s direction is strong, but the strength of Frances Ha is Gerwig’s performance. She’s proud but embarrassed, hopeful but afraid, charismatic enough to be one of your close friends but troubled enough to lovingly worry about her. She embodies the wayward post-grad, Millennial modern woman so effortlessly it’s weird to see her credited under a different name. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her rightfully nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress. She’s that good. Though it is much more, Frances Ha is a tale about friendship and the stunted growth of one partner who bases too much of her adult life on a college relationship with her friend. How refreshing it is to see women at the center of this story, as opposed to men hopelessly sleeping around from one girl to the next, moping about meaning. Frances and Sophie are best friends, they share an apartment, platonically sleep together and spend the majority of their lives amongst each other’s company. When Sophie decides to move in with someone else because the place is closer to what she’s always wanted, Frances is forced to separate from her and discover who she is on her own. New York is both a foreboding and hopeful character here. The tiny bars and expensive apartments are a frightening necessity for Frances. Her friends may be able to afford lavish (to a point) living spaces but as a struggling dancer, she can barely make the rent. At the same time, the “if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere” refrain of Sinatra’s ode to the Big Apple resonates in the distance. If she can accept herself as an entity separate from her best friend, Frances has the potential to succeed – but can she? That’s the question here and I won’t spoil the answer, but suffice it to say, if you’re familiar with Baumbach’s other work, the resolution isn’t that simple. However, for the first time I can remember, it’s well defined. Frances Ha is one of the best movies of the...

Director, Writer, Artist and Musician Marc Hampson braved the heat of our North Hollywood studios to delve into the complicated and fascinating world of independent filmmaking. We end up disappointed with Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing and defending Zach Braff’s recent Kickstarter brouhaha. Who expected that? Album reviews and discussions include Tricky’s newest False Idols and everyone’s favorite band to listen to in the background, The National’s Trouble Will Find Me. Listen to it here: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean   Or download it here. Pub Trivia 10 Score: Related Links: Gordon Family Tree Press Brotherhood Pictures And just because I love the movie and you should watch...

Parties at Joss Whedon’s place must be an absolute pleasure. Intelligent, pretty people bantering about, dressed in finely tailored suits and gowns, drinking fine wine and basking in the serenity (no pun intended) of a glorious evening. The film Much Ado About Nothing however, based on the classic Shakespeare comedy and shot over a 12 day period at Whedon’s house, is a little more like your friend mangling a report about what a great time he had. You should’ve been there. There’s been much ado about Whedon modernizing the play and right off the bat we’re shown Benedick leaving Beatrice alone in bed. The implication diverges in an encouraging way but soon we realize that outside of location and costumes, not much else has will be updated. The characters speak the Bard’s words verbatim (with few exceptions), creating a strange juxtaposition between the modern visual context and the Renaissance sensibility of the source material. The blocking and dialogue exchanges feel more like actors practicing their lines at home before performing them theatrically at a later date. I wish the film had followed the lead of its opening scene. Outside of for the sake of doing it, I can’t figure out why the decision was made keep the original dialogue, references and themes intact. The characters presented don’t embody them in an way. Alexis Denisoff’s Benedick is about as much a war hero as Amy Acker’s Beatrice. Both are amiable enough in their roles, Acker especially. They’re not Branagh and Thompson, but if they were Branagh and Thompson, the same objections would apply. It’s not their fault. If you’re going to modernize Much Ado About Nothing, why not update it with more than revolvers, swimming pools and automobiles? It’s not like satirizing patriarchal double standards is more difficult in 2013 than it was 400 years ago. It may not be acceptable to strangle your daughter to death for an affair (in the Western world anyway), but the same hysteria exists. In the interest of fairness, I should point out that it’s a relatively harmless experience. The black and white is gorgeous, the actors are having a great time, the direction is slick and Nathan Fillion’s hilarious Dogberry is almost worth a recommendation on its own. I realize that, to many people, this review will come off as little more than me not getting it. That’s fair, but I wanted to like this, I really did. I’m a sucker for directors gathering friends to make passion projects over a weekend or two. I just wanted Much Ado About Nothing to establish itself as more than a whim. Rated PG-13 – Limited release in NY, LA and San...

San Antonio, TX – Friday By Joshua Mauldin In Texas, it’s legal to use lethal force in the pursuit of one’s stolen property. It’s a fairly broad law that lends itself to stories like, Man Acquitted Of Shooting Ex-Girlfriend For “Stealing Heart” or Ronald McDonald Moves To Texas To Legally Gun Down The Hamburglar. However, nothing in the mind of a satirist can top what a Texas jury actually did yesterday. They acquitted a man who shot a woman in the neck for stealing $150 he thought was going to be used as payment for sexual services rendered. Let me reiterate that. This asshole, Ezekiel Gilbert, expected to have sex with an escort. Instead, when she fled with his $150 to give to her driver/pimp, he shot her in the neck. SHOT HER IN THE NECK. And it took her months to die. In agony. Never mind that he was soliciting prostitution IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!! According to the jury, what she should have done was accept the $150 and then shot him when he took her bra off. “Your honor, he gave me that money but I did not give him permission to steal my brazier!” Game over, Texas. You win. Image Credit: Huffington...

THE INTERNSHIP For reasons that still evade me, Wedding Crashers was a phenomenal hit back in 2005, grossing $209M at the domestic box office. 20th Century Fox is hoping the Vaughn/Wilson man-child machine can duplicate that return some eight years later. I still don’t understand the appeal of Wedding Crashers, but as I once told my boss at New Line Cinema, “nobody ever made money on what I like.” [Note to Self: Don’t f*cking say that. What’re you, stupid?] Is there an actor who FedExs his performance in from a shorter distance than Vince Vaughn these days (besides Bruce Willis and Adam Sandler)? Vaughn looks like he boxed his part up in 2006 with the note, “Do Not Open Until Desperate.” The Professor Xavier bit is worth a chuckle I guess. I don’t know man, I’m out. Feel free to tell me how amazing The Internship is in the comments (with a scan of your ticket or it doesn’t count).   THE PURGE Like Sinister, The Purge is another entry on the ever-growing list of “What Ethan Hawke Does To Keep The Lights On While Making Good Movies.” [See: Before Midnight] Sinister doesn’t entirely suck and maybe this won’t either, especially if you like routine home invasion flicks with THE F*CKING STUPIDEST PREMISE OF ALL TIME attached to it. All right movie, let me get this straight, if we suspend criminal punishment for one day a year, unemployment will be 1% and all other crime will vanish for the remaining 364 days? Economic inequality and the ramifications thereof disappear because every June 7th we get to steal a bike, shiv an old guy and rape a cat? Eat it with a side of poop movie! I hear on Wall Street, The Purge is being released as . True Story: When you write screenplays, people pitch you “ideas” for a movie all the time. Not ideas they think are worth fleshing out to 105 pages on their own, but if you do it, guaranteed hit! Most of the “ideas” are minimally different variations on The Running Man, Die Hard, The Matrix or something they just watched. “Three guys wake up in Reno after a crazy work retreat and they’re all like, ‘what the hell happened?” Anyway, years ago my co-writer was pitched an idea by her dad called Kill Day about a utopian society where people get to murder one person every year…for some reason. It was one of the dumbest concepts we’d heard up to that point (though he had many more of equal silliness). We laughed it off accordingly and went back to writing something no one would eventually care about. When I saw the trailer for The Purge I said to myself, “Mother f*cker, they made Kill Day.” Let that be a lesson to you screenwriters out there, write every idea your dad comes up with. In Hollywood, stupid is an asset.   MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING Due to a strict deadline for an unrelated Fierce & Nerdy obligation, I won’t be doing a video review of this one until next week. I will be discussing it on the podcast however, so look forward to that. I said look forward! Loooooooook! While working on a little movie that flew under the radar last year, Joss Whedon invited some friends over to his Santa Monica home and shot this much higher profile retelling of Shakespeare’s classic comedy. It’s shot in black and white with a jazzy soundtrack but sadly doesn’t star Keanu Reeves. Oops. Ted Theadore Logan’s recitation of Early Modern English was the glue that held the Branagh version together. Despite this egregious oversight, Much Ado About Nothing opens in limited release in NY, LA and San Francisco on Friday. That means you can either see it at a movie theater or watch it performed live a few blocks away by a fledgling theatre group in black...

Santa Monica, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin When asking her personal trainer how she ranks on a scale of 1 to 10 this morning, 43-year-old entertainment executive Marilyn Gull was shocked to discover that on looks alone she was a 5. However, when her “pocketbook” was taken into consideration, her ranking increased to an 8. “After my husband left me for a 22-year-old dancer, I was destroyed,” said Marilyn through a melancholy grin. “No matter how much I had accomplished on a professional level, I was still doomed by the patriarchal rules of attraction.” Shallow men of an average-to-poor aesthetic have long been able to use success to secure attractive women half their age. Women of equal means have had a difficult time duplicating that dynamic – until now. “When I was young, I dreamed of a world where women, no matter how unappealing our physical appearance might be, could work hard enough to attract sexy, young idiots.” Bryce Fischer, Marilyn’s personal trainer, echoed her excitement. “I only do this gig during the day. I’m actually a double threat writer/actor. I’ve got this awesome idea about a ripped personal trainer who saves LA from fat aliens. If I’m going to play the lead, I need to know people who know people. Banging this old broad gets my foot in the door.” “Banging this old broad,” Marilyn laughed. “He’s so cute.” Feature Image Credit: The...

As the ravages of aging drag my butt ever closer to the ground I’ve learned an appreciation for music that fulfills a need. Being a white male with the figure of a three-day-old hard boiled egg I had no use for dance music of any kind and thus dubbed it all “crap.” Now that I spend so much of my time on a treadmill (humble brag alert unless you’ve seen a picture of me) it turns out that Tom Waits doesn’t keep my thighs pumping (I apologize for the image). No, I need something with a quick tempo, a simple melody and preferably, over-produced harmonies. This isn’t necessarily true for lifting weights, any ol’ angry, screaming group like Strike Anywhere, Red City Radio or Polar Bear Club will do. For cardio though, I’ve found myself turning to music I would never listen to in the car, while I’m writing or anywhere else. Music like the five on this list. Below are the top five guilty pleasures (which is really just a shorthand for “songs I don’t want to take shit for liking”) on my gym playlist. Go ahead and laugh, but what’s on yours? 1. Rihanna – We Found Love I downloaded this song at 3am to keep a party going after a friend suggested it. She realized my iTunes collection was sorely lacking in what would be called “party music.” Everything about it suggests something I’d instantly turn off. The beat is simple enough to make Fat Boy Slim roll his eyes. The lyrics are trite and simplistic. It really only does two things and yet, I spin this puppy at least once every three days. I’ve tried other Rihanna songs hoping to duplicate the adrenaline rush this one provides but alas, nothing. What is it about this one? You would think with the amount of sweat I manufacture, Umbrella would be the…watch the shirt, I was leaving anyway. 2. Kelly Clarkson – Because Of You I HATED this song when it first came out. HATED it. One night my wife was listening to it while doing homework (grad school jerks) and I secretly decided to give it a shot. Sadly, it really works. The chorus is just big enough to push me through. Normally swelling strings in a pop song like this is a shortcut to emotional resonance and here it totally is…and that’s okay. When I’m trying my best not to collapse, jettisoning myself into the front of the person behind me, I don’t need to connect with a song on a deeper level. Synthetic emotional weight is good enough for me. No Kelly, because of you. 3. B.o.B. – Airplanes This song is dumb. The opening piano riff sounds like it’s going into that Backstreet Boy snoozer I Want It That Way. The rhymes are barely acceptable for anyone calling themselves a rapper and Hayley Williams mails in her chorus contribution. But damned if B.o.B.’s travelogue meets bad high school poetry doesn’t work under the right circumstances. Those circumstances happen to be when there’s very little oxygen in my brain but I’ll take it. 4. All American Rejects – Move Along The vocals here approach annoying and the second half of the chorus makes me want to yell, “Come on, come on, love me for the money, Come on, Come on, listen to the money talk!” but Move Along succeeds in moving me along so I play it often. Is it the on-the-nose pleading? The encouraging, “you can do it” vibe? Nope, it’s the silly choral arrangement in the bridge. I am such a friggin’ sucker for that (see: The Killers – All These Things That I’ve Done). 5. Blink 182 – Feelin’ This This one isn’t fair because I actually kind of love this song. It’s a guilty pleasure because the lyrics are so goddamned awful, so absurdly embarrassing that I refuse to sing...

Washington D.C – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin A political pundit patted himself/herself on the back yesterday after writing a vitriolic, straw man defense/attack of his/her preferred side of the Democrat/Republican false dichotomy. “There are real issues out there,” proclaimed the pundit while trying on a new suit/dress. “But those issues are often complicated without a clear black-and-white answer. By reinforcing the liberal versus conservative canard, I’m giving people a valuable shorthand on how to feel about them. Americans need me.” Though admitting the defense/attack was an irrelevant, nonsensical piece of ad hominem chicanery, the pundit said American principles should always trump thoughtful discourse or respectable debate. “Did you see how many hits my blog got? Or the cable news ratings when I appeared? I’ve successfully monetized my voice by satiating a demand, that’s basic economics. What’s more American than that?” Feature Image Credit: Michael O. Leavitt...

You want the Sims? You drive the Sims! We transported the Mayor of Culver City to the exceptionally warm confines of North Hollywood to find out just what makes your favorite lovable malcontent tick. [Hint – Jameson Irish Whiskey] Eric was kind enough to wax curmudgeonly over his favorite California Seething moments, his experience as a speaker at the Rotary Club, why Murder She Wrote is better than you think and how he was bamboozled by someone claiming to be Gore Vidal.   As if that wasn’t enough, we delve into the enigmatic debacle of After Earth, the hubris of M. Night Shyamalan, Vampire Weekend’s newest album Modern Vampires of the City and why grown men find fart jokes about The Last Airbender endlessly amusing.   Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean   Or download it here: Pub Trivia 10 Score – 7/10. Related Articles: A major thank you to Ms. Dana Martin for recording our...

Glasgow, Scotland – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Science has long confirmed that nutrients in the human female is digested in the upper intestine and released as an invisible, odorless gas through tiny pours in the skin. Thus, the lower intestine and the sphincter serve no practical purpose; a vestigial, evolutionary holdover like the appendix. However, world famous cryptozoologist Edmund Hanks is challenging that assertion by claiming to have discovered an adult, female homo sapien who both defecates like a male and produces a gaseous excretion similar to the flatulence. “I’ve been tracking Bessie through the back hills of Scotland for ten years now,” said Hanks, regarding the creature he and the locals affectionately refer to as ‘Bessie’. “I believe I have finally acquired photographic and physical evidence to prove her existence.” Scientists at the University of Glasgow agree that the physical specimen provided by Hanks is indeed human, but they are unable to verify if the DNA belongs to a male or female. Sean Monaghan, the expert in charge of examining the photographic evidence, remains skeptical. “It’s possible Bessie’s a woman, she could also be an effeminate man or a hairless chimp.” Being a married man himself, Monaghan thinks Hanks’ persistence is a fool’s errand at best. “Even if we can prove that the creature in the picture is a human woman, she’ll never admit the dump was hers.” Feature Image Credit: Health &...

Pasadena, CA – Monday By Joshua Mauldin The apparition of a deceased scientist admitted during an interview with Skeptical Science Monthly that the methodology utilized by paranormal investigators is curious at best. “If one were tracking bears,” the ghost of physicist Helmund Kliffe illustrated, “one knows certain truths about those animals that allow them to be identified. Fur or defecation samples for example. There’s no reason to think that myself or my fellow spectors emit heat or electro-magnetic fields, so measuring fluctuations of either cannot be considered evidence of our existence.” Kliffe further pointed out that EVP is also useless. “Since I have no physical body, I lack the vocal chords to create the necessary vibrations to leave words or phrases on a tape recording. If you think you’re hearing myself or my contemporaries, you’ve either picked up a secondary corpreal frequency or you’re falsely interpreting static.” What about psychics or mediums? Kliffe says they’re either liars or crackpots. “First of all, they’re probably lying for money or attention, but if they’re genuinely hearing voices, it’s time to check their medication because trust me, we’re not talking to them. We...

From Box Office Mojo Now You See Me *made magic over the weekend by grossing well over its expected return. Despite that surprise, and a steep 65% drop from Memorial Day weekend, Fast & Furious 6 avoided *spinning out by managing to remain in first place. The Smith Family sci-fi home video After Earth rightfully came in third with a take on par with recent genre stinkers. 1. Fast & Furious 6 It looks like the majority of people who were going to see FF6 did so last week as the automotive caper sank to a weekend gross of $34M. Don’t cry for Vin Diesel just yet because with a worldwide total of $480M, FF6 is on pace to (sigh) speed past its predecessors’ total with relative ease. Given the trend of each successive Fast & Furious sequel out-grossing the previous one, I’ve already got my headline for the seventh installment cued up:   “Fastest Fast 7 Vroom Pew Pew 7 Kaboom Crossed The Finish Line First This Weekend”   2. Now You See Me With a Tomatometer score of 44% and the fact that Americans tend to ignore films based on illusions or magicians, Now You See Me’s $28M was a surprise to everyone. That being said, with a production budget of $75M (before P&A) and a slate of high profile releases approaching, its going to be interesting to see if NYSM can make its money back. Unrelated true story, my wife and I were having dinner the other day and a gentleman came up to our table holding a wallet. He asked if I had dropped mine by chance. As I was checking to see if I had, he said, “wait, no, this looks like mine” and pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket. Both my wife and I looked at each other with “sonofabitch” in our eyes. We had to sit through ten minutes of card tricks. Well played table magician. Let that be a lesson to the beginning illusionists out there. Like all decent people who don’t want to be bothered while we’re eating, we’re going to say no. Your best trick is not letting us do that. I didn’t see either Fast & Furious 6 or Now You See Me but I hope that America enjoyed watching them as much as I enjoyed skipping them.   3. After Earth Scratch that. I would’ve happily sat through both FF6 and NYSM instead of this stillborn effort from the loins of Will Smith and the butt of M. Night Shyamalan. Thankfully this turd is all but flushed with a meek $27M opening. We get into the ins-and-outs of its ineptitude on tomorrow’s F&N Podcast so I’ll be brief here and say that $27M is still way too much.       4/5. Star Trek Into Darkness & Epic Star Trek Into Darkness fell to 4th and 5th place this weekend in a dead-heat with the low-key animated flick Epic. Both took in an estimated $16.4M. At this point, STID not only trails the 2009 entry, but looks like it could finish below it when all is said and done. There isn’t much time to match the first one’s $257M domestic total but its possible, unlikely but possible that the foreign market will save the day. I’m having a hard time explaining this as anything other than a marketing blunder. Or maybe global warming. I don’t know or care about Epic but if you saw it last weekend and enjoyed it, you had a better time at the theater than I did. Don’t get cocky...

Today is supposed to be my day off but this video has inspired me so much I’m thinking – screw it. It’s time to dust off my old arm weights, spandex and lack of shame. To the park! “It’s better to be punching into space, than in your face!”

Due to a busy week, I didn’t have time to put together an all new Friday 5er. I probably should’ve saved the M. Night Shyamalan article for that but hey, as my wife knows all too well, I’m not that bright. So instead of an original post, I thought it would be fun to take a brief look back at the best of everyone’s favorite second-rate Onion ripoff. Below are the five top viewed articles, which means they’re chosen by you – the public. I’m nothing if not a man of the people:   5. Mime Cokes To Death During Performance; Receives Thunderous Applause. Amidst what was called a tour-de-force by spectators, street performer Francois Armand accidentally swallowed a chain of scarves and passed away from suffocation at the Santa Monica Promenade Wednesday afternoon. The scarves, which he normally hid in his mouth at the beginning of the routine, were intended for the finale but became lodged in his throat while attempting to escape from an invisible box. The unfortunate event was witnessed by thirty-six people, none-of-whom stopped to help him. “I thought he was tearing it up,” said Andrea Carpenter, a UCLA student waiting in line at the Apple Store, “At no point did I think he was ever in a stiff wind but the choking thing, that was so realistic I was like ‘damn, you go mime.” Services for Armand will be held at the Our Lady of the Obvious Joke church this Sunday at six o’clock.   4. Overweight Man Forgets To Post Daily Gym Picture On Facebook; Friends Worried. A 268-pound Portland resident prompted concern from his peers after neglecting to post a gym picture to Facebook last night. For the past six weeks, Bertrand Kelm has provided photographic evidence of himself on either a treadmill or an elliptical machine every day, but last evening friends were disturbed to discover no such picture. “I’m speechless,” said Aimee Harvin, coworker and object of Kelm’s unrequited affection. “There’s so much wrong with the world, Bert’s daily exercise updates give me hope that things can get better.” Hayden Smythe, someone Bert met at a birthday party two years ago, agrees. “That a single man in his late 20?s with relatively few obligations can find the strength to take better care of himself inspires all of us. I hope he hasn’t given up.” While wiping a tear from his eye, Smythe paused for reflection. “Bert, if you’re reading this, please don’t stop, humanity needs you.” UPDATE: Fierce and Nerdy has discovered that Mr. Kelm’s phone battery died at the end of his last workout. He has since allayed his friends’ fears with an uplifting status update complete with pictures of a chicken salad and a scale displaying half-a-pound weight loss.   3. Veterinarian Says Cats Won’t Go In Litter Box Because Screw You, That’s Why. After a ten year study of feline behavior, Veterinarian Genesis Allen, concluded this morning that cats who won’t defecate in their litter boxes are punishing their owners for reasons only they understand. “You may have cuddled with them too much,” said Allen regarding possible causes. “Or you may not have cuddled long enough. Maybe they didn’t like their new food. Maybe they’re tired of the old food. Maybe they didn’t appreciate you petting a dog. Maybe they didn’t like the way you ignored a dog. Who the hell knows?” Dr. Allen went on to say that after spending a decade “chronicling these bastards” all he can say is, “scientifically speaking, cats are hairball-puking judgement machines with the ethical standards of a tyrant and the emotional stability of an overweight teenage girl.” The 150 page study entitled Why Didn’t I Listen To My Mother And Become A Dentist is available for download on Dr. Allen’s website.   2. Man Hasn’t Seen Game Of Thrones; What An Asshole. A white male in his early thirties, who...

A film directed by M. Night Shyamalan based on a story by Will Smith. It’s about as good as that sounds.

Michele Agius is on vacation but will return next week. She has graciously (and foolhardily) allowed me to fill in today. I pre-apologize on her behalf. Back in 2007, a 19-year-old, pastor-in-training was arrested in Texas for shoving his then 2-month-old daughter into a microwave and turning it on. Thanks to Google, because this would-be pastor shares my name, the first thing that pops up in a search is this wonderful story. A few hits down, a separate article clarifies the facts: According to the Houston Chronicle, Detective Johnson testified that Mauldin first threw the baby on one of the beds in the hotel room. He then confessed to striking her in the groin, placing her in the hotel room safe, and then putting her in the refrigerator prior to placing her in the microwave oven. Fortunately for me, this situation hasn’t caused too much harm (not like, third degree burns or anything). A high percentage of my friends can process basic math and geography so, “holy shit, did you see this?” was the worst I had to deal with. But what if I was the same age as Mr. Mauldin? What if I lived in the same city? In a job market where employers are looking to disqualify me for even the simplest of discretions, what if they pulled that article up and decided to skip over my resume on the off chance it was me? What could I do about it? Who could I turn to in my hour of digital need?     Fret not hypothetical me, there is a blossoming cottage industry of companies specializing in making sure you’re never confused for a devil-possessed baby cooker again. So many in fact, that a quick Google search of “online reputation” yields an almost endless array of options. Now I know what you’re thinking, doesn’t this sound a lot like those fly-by-night operations in the 90s that guaranteed to fix your credit for a ridiculous fee? The ones that turned out to do nothing more than write a letter to your creditors, hoping your file had been misplaced? Steve Henn of NPR wondered the same thing in this illuminating piece for All Tech Considered yesterday. Henn followed the story of Pete Kistler, the co-owner of BrandYourself.com and minor celebrity whose business defining-story was picked up by The AP, USA Today, Forbes, CBS and NBC. “My GPA was 3.9. I had a bunch of relevant internships and I wanted to go into software,” Kistler says. “By a bunch, I mean dozens and dozens. And I’m not hearing back from anyone.”   Kistler says he was puzzled until a friend gave him a call. He worked at one of the companies Kistler had applied to. “And [he] said, ‘You won’t believe this, but they Googled you and they found another kid with your name that is a drug dealer and they thought that you were him,’ ” Kistler recounts.   Kistler says he still remembers the exact moment he Googled himself. “You know, my stomach dropped,” he says. “Everyone who Googles me thinks I am this kid — I am this drug dealer. And there are all these Google images of a car crash and a DUI.”   According to Kistler, there were many online management companies willing to help him but the cost was so high he couldn’t hire them. After missing out on multiple job opportunities due to what he was convinced were his Google search results, Kistler finally turned to a friend with knowledge of how companies accomplish what they promise. It’s called search engine optimization, or SEO. Kistler didn’t have the cash to pay for it while he was in college. So he and Ambron tackled the problem together — and realized that maybe there was a business in this for them. Search Engine Optimization, or SEO, basically floods search engines with positive stories, pushing...

Los Angeles, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin Former WWE superstar and current box office champion Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson close-lined his rep Kyle St. Kyle this morning after being informed that it’s not against “Hollywood Law” to turn down a movie. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit but two thirds of the films I’ve agreed to do came with what I thought was the threat of jail time,” admitted Johnson from the set of three different movies shooting simultaneously. “Do you think I would’ve said yes to Race to Witch Mountain, The Game Plan, Snitch, The Gridiron Gang, Walking Tall, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island or The Tooth Fairy if I didn’t think I’d be arrested?” Image Credit:...

Only the staunchest Shyamalanian apologist can deny that the quality of M. Night’s work has dropped into the Marianas Trench. His name used to be a quick selling point. “From Director M. Night Shyamalan” guaranteed instant audience interest. Throw in a popular leading man, say a Mel Gibson or a Bruce Willis, and the studio knew they had a hit.   The Sixth Sense is a quality entertainment through and through. Sure you can nitpick the plot holes in the [Spoiler Alert – but get bent if this still applies to you] “he was dead the whole time” gimmick but it totally works because the characters and story are so solidly written you could throw it out and still have a fantastic movie. I’m not in love with Unbreakable because it feels like the first half of a better movie, but I willingly recognize it’s my own opinion as opposed to genuine criticism. It’s slower than a turtle with gout but it’s a build that, from a craft perspective, totally works. I’ll defend these films any given day but when it comes to the five on this list, I’m at a loss to offer even the most modest of defenses. My theory is that M. Night stopped developing his scripts and rushed to shoot them as concepts before they were fleshed out and realized. The Sixth Sense went through multiple drafts until it was perfect. That Bruce Willis’ character was actually dead the whole time wasn’t even a part of the story until halfway into revisions. Basically, he started smelling his own celluloid farts. If you’re not careful, the enormous success of your earlier work has the tendency to blow your ego into a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade float-sized version of its former self. Add that to the fact that no one who wants a job with the emperor is going to point out the nudity of his script and you’ve got a recipe for the five stinkers below. Also, I should preface this by admitting that I’m not including Wide Awake and Praying With Anger as they were made prior to M. Night being M. Night. I know you could say that about The Sixth Sense but that’s the movie that launched the persona we all grew to love – and then hate.   5. SIGNS Actually, I take it back. I will defend Signs despite having the single dumbest villain weakness in the history of cinema. “Look guys, I know water kills us but I say we invade a planet made up almost entirely of H20 – and don’t worry about water vapor either, we’re not trying that hard.” Oh and the whole “swing away” thing is a good old fashioned eye roller. The thing is, Signs tells an effective story without the narrative chicanery. I’m including it here as #5 because it was the first entry in the M. Night oeuvre where the burden of having a plot twist started to weigh heavily on the film itself. The aliens were such a ridiculous add-on that it was clear Shyamalan got to the end and said, “screw it, it’s freakin’ water.” That’s where another draft would’ve come in useful. Had he taken the time to include the invaders as an integrated element instead of a gimmick, Signs would be an inarguable victory. As it stands, when discussing it, you’re forced to qualify your affection with “but the aliens totally sucked.”   4. Lady In The Water I know people who like this movie and though I don’t share their sentiment, I can at least agree that, for what it’s worth, Lady in the Water is internally consistent. That being said, boy is this dumb. Based on a bed time story that should’ve stayed in his ass, Lady in the Water tells an absurd story that’s not only hard to follow, but exceedingly difficult to care about. The...

New York, NY – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin As part of an experimental new marketing strategy, Universal Pictures has decided to release their new film The Purge in Mid-Town Manhattan under the new title Tuesday. The Purge, starring Ethan Hawke, envisions a utopian America where crime is non-existent and unemployment is at one percent thanks to one day every year where citizens can break any law they desire without the fear of incarceration. “We’re trying to broaden the film’s appeal by using different titles for different sections of the population,” said Stacy Eisenman, Head of Marketing for Universal. “We’re testing to see if certain demographics will respond more positively to a title they can relate to.” If Tuesday grosses higher in Mid-Town Manhattan than current tracking suggests, don’t be surprised to see other studios follow suit. Rumor has it that Paramount already has plans to release Paranormal Activity 5 in East Los Angeles as Your Cousin’s...

Unfortunately we chose unwisely and picked The Hangover 3 to discuss on our maiden voyage of the Fierce & Nerdy podcast. Our apologies. Seriously, what a steaming pile of disinterested check-cashing that movie turned out to be. I didn’t get a chance to see 32 Fast 62 Furious (unlike apparently everyone) but I imagine it didn’t hate its audience. Or at the very least, its audience’s pets. On the plus side, we invited author/blogger extraordinaire Ernessa Carter to be our first guest. She was kind enough to sit down and go over everything from the aforementioned depression of The Hangover 3, to the wonderful indie brilliance of Before Midnight, to the surprisingly relevant new David Bowie release The Next Day, to Daft Punk’s disco/dance record of the summer Random Access Memories. Fans of the eloquent Ms. Carter’s first book 32 Candles [purchase here from Amazon] should appreciate her dropping the dirt (scoop?) on her upcoming second novel, The Awesome Girl’s Guide To Dating Extraordinary Men – due out in September. Listen below: Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Powered By Podbean Or download here: Fierce & Nerdy Podcast 001. On the first ever Pub Trivia 10 Quiz, Ernessa scored a shameful 6 of 10. Can you do better? Probably. The Hangover 3 video review: Before Midnight video review: Bowie/Oldman 2016...

Shizz went Kablewie this Memorial Day weekend as Fast and Furious 6 *crashed into first place at the box office with $120M. FF6‘s take dwarfed Fast Five‘s handsome score of $86M back in 2011. Though it had the benefit of both opening over a holiday weekend and a cache of good will from its predecessor, Universal should probably thank the mishandling of The Hangover 2 more than either.   Given the choice between a reliable, cliche action/adventure and a potentially depressing “comedy,” America voted with its feet and chose Vin Diesel’s engorged forearms over Zack Galifianakis’ distended belly. Having picked against America this week (normally a safe bet), I can easily admit I wish I’d seen FF6. Something I never thought I’d say. I am, however, proud to say I took in Richard Linklater’s and that more than turned around the depression The Hangover 3 left me with. Let’s see how much Before Midnight made this weekend…$247K…oh God…depression returning. Deep breaths. Wait, only 5 theaters for a per screen average of $49K, best of any release? Depression subsided. Phew. came in second place with a weekend total of $63M, proving the audience cared a hell of a lot more than anyone involved in making it. That’s down from the $103M total it racked up over the same three day weekend in 2011. The movie is awful for more reasons than I want to go into here but suffice it to say that word-of-mouth should smother this rooster to death within a few weeks. Good.     gained a little ground in its second week, earning $47M. I say it gained ground because it opened a little below the first one but caught up to be in a virtual dead-heat. Both made around $155M after their first 12 days in release. Over lunch today at Stout, a friend of mine put it best about the marketing of STID. “It’s kind of like The Dark Knight if they didn’t tell anyone The Joker was in it.” Why would you hide that? I don’t understand the decision but it doesn’t look like Paramount will have to consider it too long anyway since STID is guaranteed to…I’m sorry about this…”live long and prosper.” Epic happened too. Enough to squeeze into fourth place at $42M. I don’t have kids so I’m not even going to pretend I know anything about this flick. Here’s the trailer just in case:     Rotten Tomatoes has it at a 62%, which for an animated feature is a little on the low side. With a production budget of around $100M (w/o P&A), unless the foreign market picks up the slack, this one could have trouble making its money back in the theater.   Rounding out the top five is a movie you’ve already seen, possibly twice, . The Shane Black directed Marvel juggernaut grossed another $24M to add to its domestic total of $372M. If you add up the entire bundle from over seas, you’re looking at a grand total of $1.14B. That’s BILLION. Much like The Avengers last year, it’s nice to see a solid effort clean up instead of an Alice in Wonderland or a Transformers style spectacle.   The cheapest thing to do, solidify your script, is too often the one thing these hyper-budget flicks can’t seem to do right. Fortunately, Iron Man 3 isn’t one of them. From Box Office...