Back Off Nag! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
This isn’t really a sex question but it is because it’s affecting my sex life. My boyfriend keeps getting angry at me every time I try to help him with anything. All I do is offer my opinion and he says that I need to get off his back or that I’m being a nag. I don’t get it. I thought we were supposed to be a team but whenever I try to do stuff with him he gets annoyed. We can’t even wash the dishes together! He has become almost totally turned off and avoids me or makes a huffy noise when he sees me coming toward him claiming that he’s now just waiting to hear how he’s doing something wrong. We love each other very much but now he isn’t as interested in me sexually. Worrying about it seems to make everything worse and awkward.
Guy Who Wants to Stand By His Man
One of the best pieces of advice I have heard was, “Just because you know the right way to do something, does not mean you have to let everyone else know.” Sometimes, when offering unsolicited advice, the person you are trying to assist will interpret this as An Interference. And in essence, you are interfering with his flow! Whatever it was he was doing before you stepped in was going fine and if it was not he would have, hopefully, asked for your guidance. It may not have been the way YOU would have done it but that is part of releasing control and allowing others to be themselves. The idea of being in a partnership requires you to have faith that your significant other is capable of making decisions on his or her own. After all, he managed to get this far and you fell in love!
Of course this is going to affect your sex life! If you cannot trust him to wash a spoon or boil an egg correctly how can he ever be expected to please you on the deeper levels that actually matter? It is in these tiny details of life where we get opportunities to build bonds. I bet that when you start worrying, you cling to your methods even stronger, making it nearly impossible for your boyfriend to grow, or move, for that matter. Take a step back, literally and figuratively. Let him know you love and trust him and LEAVE THE ROOM. Do not watch him like a lab rat. I know that it is hard to not offer great new ways of doing things but when it is not asked for it can feel “naggy”. It is also very difficult to just back off with out defending yourself because I am sure that you do have excellent ideas that you wish to share. Fight that urge and see what happens. I bet the dishes get washed AND your boyfriend’s sexual desire gets piqued. By you, even.
Lust & Happiness,
featured image credit: StephenMitchell