Making Theatre is Kind of A Dumb Thing To Do [California Seething]

Author’s Note: I know I promised to reveal my pick for “”The One Summer Movie I Dragged My Ass Out to See” – but, sadly, the demands of my so called “real job” have prevented me from doing any real meaningful Seething. That is to say, any meaningful...

An Optical Illusion That Will Rock Your World [Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Jun07

An Optical Illusion That Will Rock Your World [Kicking Back with Jersey Joe]

Want to make your world all wavy and crazy for a few moments?  Just stare at this video for a few and prepare to be wowed!   It’s completely safe.  I tested it on myself and now I’m typing away at this blogumn.  The effects last about a minute.   The best advice to make this work properly is to click the maximize box at the bottom right corner of the video.  Then, place your face up close to your computer monitor and stare at the center screen so the image completely fills your field of vision.  Now, get ready for some fun!     One of the newest fads online is optical illusion videos.  There are hundreds, if not...

Five Things I Wish Were Still Around [Friday 5er] Jun07

Five Things I Wish Were Still Around [Friday 5er]

1. Showbiz Pizza Screw Chuck E. Cheese! In my youth it was all about Billy Bob the Bear and the kick ass animatronic band *The Rock-afire Explosion convincing my young mind that if you had pizza and game tickets, all was right with the world (and that there was definitely not pee in the ball room). *Now THAT is a band name. Anyone want to start The New Rock-afire Explosion with me? Coachella, here we come! Image Credit: Geekologie 2. MTV I know that this channel technically still exists but I’m talking about actual Music Television. Many more generations have grown up without this societal boon than have but I was one of the lucky ones who...

Game Over: Texas Jury More Ridiculous Than Any Fake News Headline [Daily News Brief]

San Antonio, TX – Friday By Joshua Mauldin In Texas, it’s legal to use lethal force in the pursuit of one’s stolen property. It’s a fairly broad law that lends itself to stories like, Man Acquitted Of Shooting Ex-Girlfriend For “Stealing Heart” or Ronald McDonald Moves To Texas To Legally Gun Down The Hamburglar. However, nothing in the mind of a satirist can top what a Texas jury actually did yesterday. They acquitted a man who shot a woman in the neck for stealing $150 he thought was going to be used as payment for sexual services rendered. Let me reiterate that. This asshole, Ezekiel Gilbert, expected...

Stop Wasting Food! Here’s How… [One More Thing Before We G...

A handy fresh food lifespan infographic from visual.ly. You’re welcome! [via...

Vaughn & Wilson “Crash The System”, Hawke Pays The Bills And Whedon Throws A Shakes...

THE INTERNSHIP For reasons that still evade me, Wedding Crashers was a phenomenal hit back in 2005, grossing $209M at the domestic box office. 20th Century Fox is hoping the Vaughn/Wilson man-child machine can duplicate that return some eight years later. I still don’t understand the appeal of Wedding Crashers, but as I once told my boss at New Line Cinema, “nobody ever made money on what I like.” [Note to Self: Don't f*cking say that. What're you, stupid?] Is there an actor who FedExs his performance in from a shorter distance than Vince Vaughn these days (besides Bruce Willis and Adam Sandler)? Vaughn looks like he boxed...

What Is Evolution [Procrastinate on This!]

Take 10 minutes to learn something, fool! [via io9]

Eight “MUST-SEE” Movies About Music – and a Playlist! [Tom Stillwagon]

Music!  Movies! Music movies! Nerds, rejoice!  I’m pulling together both worlds! Here is a list of eight must-see music documentaries. Have you seen all eight?  Have you seen any of them? Are you hearing a cheesy announcer voice in your head as you read this? Good! Here we go: —————————————————————————————————————————– (1) Meeting People Is Easy OK Computer-era Radiohead struggle with their...

Wealth Turns LA Woman From 5 To 8 According To Personal Trainer; Sexism Over [Daily News Brief]

Santa Monica, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin When asking her personal trainer how she ranks on a scale of 1 to 10 this morning, 43-year-old entertainment executive Marilyn Gull was shocked to discover that on looks alone she was a 5. However, when her “pocketbook” was taken into consideration, her ranking increased to an 8. “After my husband left me for a 22-year-old dancer, I was destroyed,” said Marilyn through a melancholy grin. “No matter how much I had accomplished on a professional level, I was still doomed by the patriarchal rules of attraction.” Shallow men of an average-to-poor aesthetic...

How to Write a Scene [One More Thing Before We Go]

I swear I’m going to use this method to write something. I don’t know what yet, but you know, something. [via...

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures On Your Gym Playlist [FaN Extra] Jun05

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures On Your Gym Playlist [FaN Extra]

As the ravages of aging drag my butt ever closer to the ground I’ve learned an appreciation for music that fulfills a need. Being a white male with the figure of a three-day-old hard boiled egg I had no use for dance music of any kind and thus dubbed it all “crap.” Now that I spend so much of my time on a treadmill (humble brag alert unless you’ve seen a picture of me) it turns out that Tom Waits doesn’t keep my thighs pumping (I apologize for the image). No, I need something with a quick tempo, a simple melody and preferably, over-produced harmonies. This isn’t necessarily true for lifting weights, any...

It’s Not About the Nail [Procrastinate on This!]

I swear I’ve had this exact kind of conversation with CH several times. Once, I told my best friend that I was calling her just to whine, because once I talk to CH about a problem, it gets figured out and there’s no more fun whining to be had. Anyway, this is all to say, God bless...

Your Kid Is Not Good At Computers [What The Tech?!]

When I was a kid, no battery operated toy was safe from my 6-year-old screwdriver. I’m not sure when it started, but since before I can remember, I was pulling the motor out from the rotary plastic fishing game or ripping the simple circuitry out of the Operation man’s face. I should make it known that I hated Operation. The damn thing gave me a heart attack and I wouldn’t go NEAR it if others were playing. The suspense, followed by the heart-stopping and the unpredictably timed BUZZZZ were all a little too much for me. And yet, for some reason, every time Santa had discovered I’d ripped the poor man’s nose out he’d bring me another one!...

Political Pundit Gives Snarky Partisan Defense/Attack; America A Better Place [Daily News Brief]

Washington D.C – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin A political pundit patted himself/herself on the back yesterday after writing a vitriolic, straw man defense/attack of his/her preferred side of the Democrat/Republican false dichotomy. “There are real issues out there,” proclaimed the pundit while trying on a new suit/dress. “But those issues are often complicated without a clear black-and-white answer. By reinforcing the liberal versus conservative canard, I’m giving people a valuable shorthand on how to feel about them. Americans need me.” Though admitting the defense/attack was an irrelevant, nonsensical...

Words Hurt, Man [One More Thing Before We Go]

As a nerd from like the very start, my mom used to quote the “sticks and stones” line all the time. This xkcd comic perfectly explains why that quote wasn’t particularly...

Cam Wank! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro, I love masturbating for women while being degraded. The problem is trying to find women to do it in front of. I recently discovered a website where you can broadcast yourself and if you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who wants to watch you jerk off. My question is, is this legal? Do I have anything to worry about? Sincerely, Love To Show & Blow Dear LTS&B, As long as you are displaying yourself in situations where everyone is on board with your actions, things are fine. There are quite a few websites for ADULTS ONLY where you can do this. Since there is no money exchanged AND all parties are consenting, over 18 years...

Time Travel Romance [Procrastinate on This]

Rachel McAdams second time travel movie, ABOUT TIME, looks way better than the movie adaptation of TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE. And Bill Nighy, so  yay?  

F&N Podcast Episode 002 – Eric Sims Jun04

F&N Podcast Episode 002 – Eric Sims

You want the Sims? You drive the Sims! We transported the Mayor of Culver City to the exceptionally warm confines of North Hollywood to find out just what makes your favorite lovable malcontent tick. [Hint - Jameson Irish Whiskey] Eric was kind enough to wax curmudgeonly over his favorite California Seething moments, his experience as a speaker at the Rotary Club, why Murder She Wrote is better than you think and how he was bamboozled by someone claiming to be Gore Vidal.   As if that wasn’t enough, we delve into the enigmatic debacle of After Earth, the hubris of M. Night Shyamalan, Vampire Weekend’s newest album Modern...

Cryptozoologist Claims Discovery Of Legendary Defecating Human Female [Daily News Brief]

Glasgow, Scotland – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Science has long confirmed that nutrients in the human female is digested in the upper intestine and released as an invisible, odorless gas through tiny pours in the skin. Thus, the lower intestine and the sphincter serve no practical purpose; a vestigial, evolutionary holdover like the appendix. However, world famous cryptozoologist Edmund Hanks is challenging that assertion by claiming to have discovered an adult, female homo sapien who both defecates like a male and produces a gaseous excretion similar to the flatulence. “I’ve been tracking Bessie through the back hills of...

Princess Superheroes [One More Thing Before We Go]

As someone in the throes of planning a Princess-Winnie-the-Pooh mash-up birthday bash, all I have to say about the below mash-up is “Why didn’t I think of that???” Seriously, gnashing my teeth and rending my clothes right now. [via The Mary Sue]...

How Good(win) are These Games? (Remote Control Freak)

I’m a pretty big fan of How I Met Your Mother. The characters are fun, they utilize flashbacks, foreshadows and running jokes that play out sometimes seasons later. Plus, it helped re-launch the career of everyone’s favorite teenage doctor. It seemed to me to be such an original concept that it took me several seasons and someone else to tell me it was basically Friends in a bar instead of a coffee house. Whatever, I loved Friends too. The concept of having an end game in mind though – Meeting the Mother – is something that I really appreciate. It constantly moves the plot forward and gives us something to look forward to. So when I heard...

Have A Effin Baby on the Dance Floor! [Procrastinate on This]

Lonely Island was the only thing I used to like about the SNL after the 80s,  and Robyn is the only thing I like about Sweden*. Now they’re together on one video called “#Go Kindergarten,” and however good you think it’s going to be, it’s actually even better....

Christopher Lee’s Birthday Present To The World: More F*cking Metal! May24

Christopher Lee’s Birthday Present To The World: More F*cking Me...

From Rolling Stone. Proving once again that Christopher Lee is more awesome than you’ll ever hope to be, for his 91st birthday (yep, 91st), Sauron collaborated with Judas Priest guitarist Richie Faulkner for his second heavy metal album based on the life of Charlemagne.  ...

Jersey Joe’s Year Three Round Up [Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] May24

Jersey Joe’s Year Three Round Up [Kicking Back with Jersey Joe]

It’s Memorial Day weekend and not only does that mark the unofficial start of summer, but it’s also my SEASON PREMIERE!   This is my 141stblogumn (plus 6 for Fierce Anticipation) and kicks off my fourth year on F & N.  To start the new season off right, I want to update some of the great...

5 Television Show Crossovers I Want To See Right Now [Friday 5er] May24

5 Television Show Crossovers I Want To See Right Now [Friday 5er]

1. Chopped – The McLaughlin Group Edition A very special episode of everyone’s favorite quick thinking cooking show. In this episode, John McLaughlin and 3 members of his weekly discussion panel open up their mystery baskets in an effort to please three renowned chefs using unusual food combinations in a way that doesn’t immediately make you want to vomit. Things take a unique turn when the contestants cannot come to a consensus as to the best way to open their baskets and spend the duration of air time in a heated debate about picnic etiquette and basket making.   2. The Daily Show: Guest Host Ryan Lochte If The Daily Show tends...

Child Unable To Smile Receives Operation Via Kickstarter

Little Rock, AR – Friday By Joshua Mauldin 8-year-old Jeremy Martin was tragically born without the muscle dexterity to smile. His mother thought he would never know the joy of laughter until Kickstarter raised enough money to pay for corrective surgery. “We feel so...

Video Review – The Hangover 3

Mean. Lazy. Boring.

Father’s Day Mugs [Nerdy Ish We Found On Etsy]

If you’re looking for a Father’s Day gift cup, Etsy’s got...

Compliments [Procrastinate on This!]

The next time I’m tempted to deflect a compliment, I’m going to think of this awesome, awesome Amy Schumer video. Also, I’m going to start watching INSIDE AMY SCHUMER on Comedy Central like yesterday. [via Gawker]...

New Age Guru Attempts Suicide With Homeopathic Cyanide; Alive And Well

Sedona, AZ – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin After a long battle with depression, guru/psychic/healer/cranial-sacral specialist Soaring Eagle (birth name Lawrence Jones) decided to traverse to higher spiritual plain by imbibing a homeopathic cyanide solution. After little more than slight...

Merida Kills Merida [One More Thing Before We Go]

Just in case you’re as upset about the Merida makeover as many of us nerds are, here’s a very special episode of DORK TOWER by John Kovalic. [h/t The Mary Sue]  ...

There’s Always Money in the Banana Stand (Remote Control Freak)

Now that somehow its cult audience has convinced God and everyone else to bring the show back (and by God I mean Hollywood, because they are God in this town), it was time for me to have a seat on the couch with an ice cream sandwich and see what all the hype was about. I was not an original Arrested Development fan. IFC started running the show at odd times here and there and I caught a few episodes. The only thing I could appreciate about it at that point was that it resurrected Jason Bateman. I love him. Turns out, AD is a well written, smart show with great acting. I really enjoyed every single episode. I can certainly see the draw of...

New San Francisco 49ers’ Stadium To Include Bay Area’s Sec...

Santa Clara, CA – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin Yesterday’s breaking news that Super Bowl L will be held at the new home of the San Francisco 49ers delighted fans of the home city. Today’s announcement that the stadium will also include the bay area’s second biggest...

Legos does CASINO ROYALE [Procrastinate on This!]

And it is AMAZING! [via i09]

FED Proposes Stimulus, 15 to 20-Year-Old Males To Make All Purchases [...

Washington, DC – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin FED Chairman Ben Bernanke released the details of a revolutionary stimulus plan that he hopes the Obama Administration will enact in time to take advantage of the summer months. The controversial plan would ban all citizens except for 15 to...

Admit You’re A Hipster Already! [One More Thing Before We Go]

As a self-identifying hipster (I mean I’m an original L.A. Derby Doll, used to spend a ton of money on high-quality eyeglasses, and run a blog called Fierce and Nerdy for goshsakes), I’m often surprised by how many people in my circles don’t consider themselves hipster. As...

The New Burger King Rib Sandwich vs. The Legendary McDonald’s McRib: Jersey Joe Declares the Winner ...

This summer, another fast food fight will heat up and it’s not over hamburgers, but pork!  Burger King has just begun serving up a BBQ Rib Sandwich to take on the McDonald’s McRib: a sandwich so out there – it has a cult following.  Can this new BK sandwich take the crown from the McRib?  I’m already declaring the victor! The McDonald’s McRib may be one of the most mysterious, yet delicious sandwiches the restaurant has ever served up.  The McRib first went on sale nationwide in 1982 after a few months of test marketing. The sandwich consists of a pork patty, dill pickles, onion slivers, and BBQ sauce on a dusty 5 ½” roll.  The McRib was...

Cut The IRS A Break, Says No One [DAILY NEWS BRIEF]

Washington, DC – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Amidst increasing pressure from Republican leaders for over-scrutinizing conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status, no one stood up to defend the Internal Revenue Service in any way, shape or form. “Sure it looks like they...

Gamers Look For Hand Lotion And Tissue As New Xbox Is Revealed [FaN Extra] May21

Gamers Look For Hand Lotion And Tissue As New Xbox Is Revealed [FaN Ex...

The only video game I’ve played in ten years is Madden [Seahawks!] so the new Xbox reveal means very little to me. However, I know I’m in the minority on this one so the LA Times is thankfully picking up the slack: 10:02 a.m.: Microsoft launched its event with a video full of...

New Beyonce Single “Grown Woman” Leaks [FaN Extra] May21

New Beyonce Single “Grown Woman” Leaks [FaN Extra]

The internet has done what the internet does best (outside of porn of course) and snatched (no pun intended) Beyonce’s new single Grown Woman before it was barely legal (pun intended). Check it out at Salon before it disappears. And it will. The single has the usual chicks-be-badass...

She-Ra Come Back!!! [Procrastinate on This!]

This Funny or Die She-Ra reboot is supposed to be a joke, but I would watch the heck out of both SHE-RA and SKELLY. Just saying can we get a female-led hero drama or a villain-led comedy around here already? She-Ra with Kylie Minogue from Kylie...

Meaningful VS Boring Sex! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro, When I was in a relationship with a girl for about two years the sex was not good, I mean it was OK but not great. I could get hard and perform and everything except I couldn’t cum. After a while I decided to cheat and the sex was amazing so I ended the other relationship. Then THAT sex got boring and I stopped cumming every time so I ended that one too. This keeps happening, or not happening, I guess. Does this mean I will never be able to have a meaningful relationship because I NEED great sex? I’m a 22 year-old man and feel I should be able to do this. Sincerely, Where’s The One Who Will Rock My World? Dear WTOWWRMW?, This...

Pat Robertson Says Something Totally Reasonable [Daily News Brief]

Virginia Beach, VA – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin While answering a viewer’s question Monday afternoon, Pat Robertson, the controversial televangelist and host of The 700 Club said something totally reasonable. “I’m a little surprised,” said Amanda Clix, the viewer...

The 7-Minute Workout [One More Thing Before We Go]

I’m going to do this 7-minute workout for 7 days straight, starting next Sunday. Anyone interested in joining me? Here’s the breakdown: In 12 exercises deploying only body weight, a chair and a wall, it fulfills the latest mandates for high-intensity effort, which essentially...

ten 2013 albums worth checking out [Tom Stillwagon]

So much cool 2013 music is out there to be heard people. We got new Iggy & the Stooges, new Strokes, new Kid Kudi, new Ra Ra Riot, and new Tomahawk. The soundtrack for The Great Gatsby appears to not suck, and allegedly, the Vampire Weekend record that just came out is quite good (although I’ve only heard a few tracks). While you patiently wait for the new Daft Punk album to drop tomorrow, here’s a list of ten solid albums you may have missed this year. Spotify can’t make all your decisions in life, you know. ATOMS FOR PEACE “AMOK” - Atoms For Peace – AMOK Thom Yorke and Flea are in a band together? Yeah, we got it....

Once Upon a Time: Wonderland Trailer [Procrastinate on This!]

Rubbing my  hands together. Ooooohhhh! This new season of television go’on to be good!!! (And this time, I promise to do a full rundown as opposed to going on massive amounts of bedrest like I did last year). First up, ONCE UPON A TIME: WONDERLAND, which not only stars the second main...

Seething in Seattle [California Seething]

So, last week I left the comfy, drought-ridden, hazy and slightly scorched confines of my Los Angeles home for the moist, green landscape and bright clean air of Seattle and other random bits of Washington State. Now, you probably think I heart Seattle. Or looove it. Or lurve it. Lurve – is that a thing? Do the kids say “lurve”? Are the kids that dumb? I mean, I know they’re dumb cause they’re The Kids and the whole purpose of the next generation is for them to be dumber than we were so we don’t feel so bad about ourselves for getting old and not understanding their music or clothes or YouTube videos or the Instagram GET OFF MY LAWN!...

New Dating App “Savior” Helps Men With Low Self-Esteem Fin...

San Antonio, TX – Monday By Joshua Mauldin In an effort to streamline the courting process for men who confuse self-hatred with selfless devotion, a San Antonio-based startup launched the dating application Savior this morning. “With Savior, men searching for relationships that...

Star Trek Into Darkness *Cheesy Puns To #1 [Weekend Box Office]

From Box Office Mojo. Star Trek Into Darkness *beamed to the top of the box office this weekend with a domestic take of $84M. Not a bad showing, though expectations were tracking a little closer to $100M. The knee jerk reaction here is to blame the lack of a strong villain in the marketing...

New WU-TANG CLAN Single May17

New WU-TANG CLAN Single

New Wu-Tang??? Wanna hear it?  Here it go: The track Execution in Autumn, including verses from Inspectah Deck, RZA, U-God and Raekwon comes from the new album A Better Tomorrow, expected to drop before the end of the year. But that’s not all, the reunion continues.  Wu-Tang Clan will...

Five Rejected New Reality Shows For The Fall Season [Friday 5er] May17

Five Rejected New Reality Shows For The Fall Season [Friday 5er]

1. The Pole Package Live audience vote-in competition to find the best exotic dancer in the country. Ex-Playboy playmate and reality television superstar Kendra Wilkinson, famed dancer turned actor Mikhail Baryshnikov and zany comedic personality Rosie O’Donnell bring multiple viewpoints and a range of show business experience to the judges’ table. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll spend $10 for a Diet Coke! Image Credit: Pole Fitness Congleton Cheshire   2. A Pole Lotta Love A concurrently airing spin-off of The Pole Package following a former/current contestant’s search for true love. Each...

The Classic Video Game BurgerTime is the Real Hell’s Kitchen [Kicking ...

You take an arcade game, add a hamburger-making chef in a kitchen gone wild, and you’ve got yourself hours of guaranteed fun!  BurgerTime, the 80s arcade classic still entertains in the 21st century and has players lining up for seconds! BurgerTime, created by Data East, was released in 1982...

Woman Given Honorary Ph.D. In Husband’s Shortcomings [Daily News...

Pittsburgh, PA – Friday By Joshua Mauldin The sociology department at Carnegie Mellon University announced this morning that they have awarded 64-year-old Pittsburgh resident Margaret Sanders an honorary Ph.D. in Negative Marital Observance. “We’re convinced that no human...

Video Review – Star Trek Into Darkness

Lexington P. Monoclesworth leads the crew of the Starship Enterprise into darkness…for a while. Another solid summer blockbuster, what gives? Either I’m going soft (ahem) or this year is starting off rather pleasantly. Spoiler Alert 2/3rds in but marked...

“Mr. T Ate My Balls!” [One More Thing Before We Go]

I’m always saying we should be way embarrassed about what we’re putting out in space for other civilizations to find, and I think this xkcd comic totally backs...

Mo’ Problems Getting Mo’ Money [Horror Stories] May16

Mo’ Problems Getting Mo’ Money [Horror Stories]

Any tips on how I can get a raise? The 2% they’ve been giving me every year is not enough. I was looking on salary.com and it says I should be making thousands more than I am. How do I get them to pay me what I’m worth? –I Deserve More Dear More, You’ve been getting 2% every year? Wow, lucky you! Since the economy exploded a few years ago, I think it would be difficult to find many people out there who have been getting steady increases every year. I think most who are employed are grateful to have a job and most who aren’t employed just really hate you right now. Here’s a universal truth for you: EVERY employee thinks they are...

Tony Stark Covers JT [Procrastinate on This!][Spoiler Alert]

Can you tell I’m super-excited about having seen three whole summer movies already? Here’s yet another spoiler-rific parody– this time Tony Stark covers Justin Timberlake with “Suits that Fly.” However awesome you think this is going to be, I’m telling you...

Technolog-a.d.d. [What the Tech?!]

I read about two hours of tech news a day, all from various sources. Some are geared to alert consumers about new products coming to market, some are more business oriented (startups, acquisitions, etc.), and some of the stuff I read veers into the dark trenches of R&D. So deep your mind probably can’t handle it. Technology, science and discovery are moving at such a rapid pace that fifty years from now, 90% of what we know won’t resemble anything we know today. I’ll let that marinate with you for a second. This week I’ve decided to bring you a ton of random information about this past week in technology and...

Veterinarian Says Cats Won’t Go In Litter Box Because Screw You,...

Chicago, IL – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin After a ten year study of feline behavior, Veterinarian Genesis Allen, concluded this morning that cats who won’t defecate in their litter boxes are punishing their owners for reasons only they understand. “You may have cuddled with...

Pac Man Seat [One More Thing Before We Go]

So wish this seat was a real thing you could by as opposed to just a design concept. Find out more at designer Bruno Marques’ website. [h/t LikeCool]...

A Moderate Network Summer (Remote Control Freak)

This post is going to be weak and I’ll tell you why. Network television during the summer is weak. A lot of your favorites are probably returning, but if you’re like me, they cost extra.  Cable has by far the better options, but the networks are still trying. This summer, each...

Duplicate Dudes Do Beyonce [Procrastinate on This!]

File this clever duplication Beyonce medley video under “Fills me with glee.” [h/t Jezebel]...

Rochester Big & Tall Refuses To Stock Non-Plus Sized Clothing [Da...

New York, NY – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin Amidst protests from anti-normal-shaming groups, Rochester Big & Tall CEO Marco Jorello remains steadfast in both his company’s image and business model. During an interview with The Portly Register, Jorello admitted that his company...

Rick James & Neil Young The Original Ebony & Ivory? May14

Rick James & Neil Young The Original Ebony & Ivory?

Not exactly, but before James was caught AWOL by the Navy, they were briefly in a band together called The Mynah Birds. The ironically titled single It’s My Time is one of the great lost Motown treasures from the...

Avenger Kitties Assemble! [One More Thing Before We Go]

Jenny Parks, the illustrator behind Dr. Meow is back with Kitty Avengers. In other news, Jenny Parks is freaking awesome! [via...

Urethral Orgasm? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro, How come when I’m having sex it sometimes feels like I have to pee and it’s not from G-Spot stimulation? I’m looking at biology books and can’t figure out how the urethra is connected to sexual arousal but it must be because it’s right there and sometimes when I hold it in for a long time I can actually have an orgasm! Please explain. Sincerely, Full Bladder Bertie Dear FBB, The urethra and the bladder are squished in there with all of your sexual organs. When you get turned on, there is a lot of swelling. In males it is obvious because you see the penis become tumescent, or erect. In females it is not as obvious but they...

Katy Perry’s “Inspiring” TBN Performance May14

Katy Perry’s “Inspiring” TBN Performance

This video of Katie Perry prior to the lady-smooching, cherry Chapstick fiasco has been around a while but I just discovered it so shut up. Circa 2002, Perry’s performing what I assume is a song entitled Search Me on the self-proclaimed Christian Trinity Broadcasting Network. As someone...

Alternative OBLIVION Ending [Spoiler Alert]

As a mother of three, the thought of having this many hands on deck for child-raising fills my heart with glee. Although, I think in this non-mom-written case, the mom character might be saying “this is awesome” at the end of this HISHE alternative ending for another reason. [via...

WTF Podcast With Noah Baumbach May14

WTF Podcast With Noah Baumbach

Writer/Director Noah Baumbach sat down with Marc Maron to discuss his new film Frances Ha, as well as forgotten gem Kicking and Screaming and minor masterpiece The Squid and the Whale. For fans of Baumbach’s “adults dealing with prolonged adolescence” like myself, it’s...

Google Image Searches For GIA Reach All Time High [Daily News Brief]

Mountain View, CA – Tuesday By Joshua Mauldin Google announced this morning that image searches for stills from the 1998 made-for-television movie Gia have increased exponentially over the last twelve hours. The film, based on the life of troubled model Gia Carangi, was relatively...

Disney Prom [One More Thing Before We Go]

Deviantartist spicystewdemon, reimagines Disney characters as prom picture-takers and it is AWESOME. Click through to The Mary Sue to see even more Disney Prom Pictures, including ones for the Rescuers and the Hunchback and Esmerelda. [h/t The Mary...

Space Oddity Covered Oddly In Space May13

Space Oddity Covered Oddly In Space

Chris Hadfield wins the internet today with his cover of David Bowie’s classic Space Oddity, recorded in orbit aboard the international space station. I was going to do a version of this song wearing an astronaut helmet at an open mic this weekend but no point in that now. Thanks a lot,...

BOWIE/OLDMAN 2016! Plus concerts, (music) news, a new Lauryn Hill song...

So this week, I had the privilege of seeing concerts from two different bands who named their band after a city they did not reside in. In two back-to-back nights! Why is this relevant, you may ask? It’s not. I just found it interesting. The world is a psychedelic place, yo. Both shows were...

Boyz II Men Shills Old Navy [Procrastinate on This!]

3 members of Boyz II Men crooning about how much they love white jeans on women and girls. Because why not? 90s crush officially killed.  Also, I absolutely HATE white jeans and there is nothing on this earth that would ever convince me to wear them....

First Job [Dork Lifestyle]

I’ve been thinking about my career path lately and realized that delivering papers was one of my favorite jobs. It was so easy. I could work, sing along to my cassette walkman and get exercise all at the same time. I delivered the news around the neighborhood for three years, it was the second longest job of my life. Do you remember your first job?

Man Given Curfew By Wife After Character Has Affair On Grey’s An...

Mobile, AL – Monday By Joshua Mauldin Spoiler Alert for the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. A Mobile, Alabama man was slapped with a restrictive 6pm curfew after his wife witnessed an affair on ABC’s popular medical drama Grey’s Anatomy. “She takes that show...

Netflix Arrested Development Trailer – 15 New Episodes You Can P...

Arrested Development, the show you always meant to watch, debuts its fourth season on Netflix. Following the same format as the universally loved House of Cards and the universally opposite-of-loved Hemlock Grove, all fifteen episodes will be available on May 26th. If you’re like most...

Iron Man 3 *Cheesy Pun About Flying Its Way To The Top For The Second ...

From Box Office Mojo Iron Man 3 *soared to the top of the American domestic box office in its second week of release, bringing its cumulative total to $284M. Add that to a foreign haul of $664M and Marvel’s flagship Avenger property should easily reach a billion by the end of the week....

We Genie – Parking Tickets Are Nothing More Than A Dirt Relocati...

Video Review – The Great Gatsby

Not the turd-fest the trailer makes it out to be…but still not very good. Catsby? What Catsby!?!?

Celebrity Chef Robert Irvine’s Restaurant Closed After BBQ Sauce...

Hilton Head Island, SC – Friday By Joshua Mauldin Celebrity chef and Restaurant Impossible star Robert Irvine’s personal restaurant Eat! has been shut down indefinitely awaiting an investigation by the South Carolina Department of Public Health over questionable ingredients in a...

The Attack That’s Closed Part of the Statue of Liberty for Nearly a Century [Kicking Back with Jerse...

The Statue of Liberty has been standing guard at the mouth of New York harbor since her dedication on October 28, 1886.  She is a symbol of welcome to immigrants arriving to the United States.  She has been closed for six months due to damage from Superstorm Sandy.  However, one part of her structure has been sealed off to visitors after a terror attack nearly a century ago. Given as a gift from the people of France, Lady Liberty was designed and constructed by artist Frederic Bartholdi.  Completed in stages, parts of the new statue were displayed in both France, New York, and at international expositions before being crated up and shipped...

Five Kickstarter Campaigns That Aren’t Too Far Away [Friday 5er] May10

Five Kickstarter Campaigns That Aren’t Too Far Away [Friday 5er]

1. Supermodel Fallen On Hard Times International Model Adriana Verladelia needs your help! As a widely sought after supermodel she does not get out of bed for less than $5000 a day. However, with the recent economic downturn and companies cutting back in various ways, Adriana is in desperate...

Undercover Christian Discovers Heavy Metal Fans Not Possessed By Satan...

Topeka, KS – Friday By Joshua Mauldin As part of a church outreach to hellbound youth, Marcus Walsh infiltrated a local group of high school heavy metal fans and was shocked to discover that none of the kids appeared to be possessed by the devil; most just couldn’t throw a...

Take A Deep Breath, Warner Bros Releases “Gravity” Teaser May09

Take A Deep Breath, Warner Bros Releases “Gravity” Teaser

By Joshua Mauldin Warner Bros released the official teaser trailer for Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity, starring George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, and holy Alien Batman it looks schweeeeeet! It’s Cuaron’s first feature since 2006′s modern classic Children Of Men and the...

“Inside Llewyn Davis” Not Porn, Still Looks Fantastic

By Joshua Mauldin Although I enjoyed True Grit, I prefer my Coen Brothers a little quirky, preferably with a side of John Goodman. Inside Llewyn Davis has both, and T. Bone Burnett. And Carrie Mulligan. And Salieri. And folk music. Is it December yet? Image Credit & Trailer: Screen...

How to Tell If a Toy Is for Boys or Girls [One More Thing Before We Go...

Preach! You betta run tell that! [image by misanthropist on most...

Disney Files Trademark Claim On The Number 4 [Daily News Brief]

Anaheim, CA – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin In anticipation of the potential for a fourth installment of the popular Toy Story franchise, Walt Disney Co. has filed a request with the copyright office to trademark the number 4. “These movies are so popular, we feel that just their...

Tech Your Mom Out [What The Tech?!]

Most, if not all of our parents are what we might consider “technologically challenged.” Instead of holding it against them, think about how you’re going to feel in 30 years when cars are flying themselves and a breakfast resembling a bullion cube is handed to us by your apron-wearing robot maid and then take the time to reach out to your mom this Mother’s Day. Let’s begin to bridge the gap with a few nifty gadget gift ideas. Present them sensitively enough and you might even see some progress. So without further ado, here’s a list of cool shit you can get your mom to amaze her and make her life a little...

New Simon Pegg Movie [Procrastinate on This!]

As someone who was officially taught to drink by Brits, Aussies, and Kiwis, THE WORLD’S END, the new Simon Pegg/Nick Frost movie, about an adult pub crawl turned sci-fi horror comedy, looks PHENOMENAL. I mean even better than HOT FUZZ. And it might even make up for PAUL–joking:...

Neil Patrick Harris To Host Tony Awards; Scalia Frontrunner For Bigges...

By Joshua Mauldin NPH has been tapped yet again to host the Tony Awards because why would they even ask anyone else? The shortlist should be: 1. Neil Patrick Harris 2. No Tony Awards Image Credit & Story: The Hollywood...

Student Kicked Out Of Class For Wanting To Learn

By Joshua Mauldin From Gawker My debate class in high school was little more than a series of packets so I’m right there with yah brah. Perhaps if we actually studied debate I could’ve used a different set of oral skills to get out traffic tickets. Video: youtube Image Credit:...

Tickets For Mark Sanford’s Election Party / Appalachian Trail Or...

Columbia, SC – Thursday By Joshua Mauldin Tickets to attend re-elected South Carolina Republican Mark Sanford’s combination election soiree/Appalachian sex extravaganza went on sale this morning. Normally an event like this is open only to campaign staff and financial contributors...

Marginally Overweight, Non-Caucasian Woman Murdered By Obsessive Boyfr...

West Memphis, AR By Joshua Mauldin A normal 26-year-old, non-white human female who worked ten hours a day to support her daughter and felt too shy about her body to post pictures on social media was found strangled to death this morning at her residence. Police suspect her unemployed,...

1993 & 2013 [One More Thing Before We Go]

Looking back on it, I’m not even sure how I made it through the 90s. Viva Los Telephonos Inteligente! (And very sorry if I just butchered that Spanish.) [via...

Don’t be Psycho, watch BATES MOTEL [Remote Control Freak]

If you haven’t already started watching BATES MOTEL, you should do it. Now. The season is probably halfway over or more at this point, so there’s some catching up to do. Eight shows in fact. You need cable to catch it. A&E. You might be a little apprehensive because it’s a prequel to a movie made over forty years ago based on a novel based on a real life serial killer…set in 2013. If you’re anything like me, you’re picky about the details in a show – especially a show that has a history based in something else (like a show/movie/book/etc.), and if they don’t get it right, then they better make it really freaking good. This show is....

Amazing NEW GIRL AutoTune [Procrastinate on This!]

At least it’s amazing until they come to the part where they remind us that the season finale is next Tuesday. Boo! Why can’t funny shows be year-round? [h/t...

Facebook Poll Finds People Who Share Multiple Memes Back-To-Back Are A...

Menlo Park, CA – Wednesday By Joshua Mauldin An internal approval poll conducted by Facebook rates people who repeatedly dump frivolous memes the highest among all users. “Our users can’t get enough back-to-back posts of partisan political quips, grumpy cat being grumpy, an...

[One More Thing Before We Go]

I don’t have any tattoos. I know, super-surprising, right? But I always say that if I do get one, it will be on the back of my neck. So big respect for this one. [h/t...

Sadistic Sammy! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro, Do men who watch sadistic and degrading porn tend to have these desires? I found some pretty awful stuff on my boyfriend’s history stream and now I’m worried he’s really warped in ways that could be illegal. Not that it’s anything really illegal to look at (like kids or animals) but, seriously, intense stuff. Sincerely, Not Exactly Vanilla   Dear NEV, Some men who watch sadistic and degrading porn want those desires enacted in real life, but for the majority of people, NO. Whatever someone enjoys experiencing in fantasy world is usually just that: FANTASY. That is what is so wonderful about human beings–the...