. A blogumn by Andy Allen and Kalimba Bennett Dear She Said/Then He Said, I really like this new guy that I’ve been dating for 3 months. He’s an engineer, smart, funny, and kind. The only thing is that he’s a horrible dresser. He mentioned in passing that dumped a girlfriend, because “she was always trying to change him,” so I don’t want to tell him straight-out that he’s a horrible dresser. But he wore an old T-Shirt and jeans with paint stains on them to my boss’s birthday party. It was so embarrassing! Please help! Scared to Speak Up SHE SAID: Alright Scared to Speak Up, I’ve got news for you sister, the old saying is true — a good man is hard to find.  If you are really into him and he’s all the things you say he is — employed, smart, funny, kind — then you should be thanking your lucky stars you found a keeper.  Period. There are always going to be things about your partner that are not “perfect” and I can guarantee there are things about you, yes you, that he doesn’t love but keeps to himself.  So, my first reaction is to tell you to “zip it.”  I’d recommend spending less time nit-picking and more time getting to know this great guy. But if you feel that you absolutely have to say something, here are a few suggestions on how to approach this delicate matter after the jump: Find a way to ask him how his ex-girlfriend was always trying to change him — it may not have had anything to do with his clothes. This way you know if the clothing thing really is a sensitive area or not. If it’s sensitive, then this is something...

. An advice blogumn by Andy Allen and Kalimba Bennett Dear He Said/Then She Said, I am a freelance audio engineer, constantly involved in one or two day jobs on short notice and building a reputation. I recently worked a job that was a disaster. Turns out I made a techincal blunder that rendered all the audio unusable. I offered to pay back my fee but I can’t seem to reimburse my confidence. How do I recover from such a disaster and not sit around dreading my next job? Help! Doomed to Fail HE said: Doomed to Fail, I’m so sorry that happened to you.  It sounds like it was a mildly traumatic experience.  I am a musician and I have recorded a lot of my own music myself as well as with other people, so I think I might have a pretty good understanding of how you feel and what the other party might be thinking. It sounds like you know what went wrong.  If you don’t, then pinpointing your error would be the absolute first step here.  After you’ve identified your mistake, you should run some drills working with that mistake until that particular part of your job becomes second nature to you.  If you don’t feel like you need to run drills and work with it, then just make a dramatic mental note to yourself so that it will be next to impossible for you to ever repeat that mistake again. The most important thing is to regain your confidence.  Confidence will allow you relax and perceive all the different facets of future jobs clearly.  It will allow you to work with steady hands and a steady mind that can vividly recongnize the big picture as well as the minute details...

. An advice blogumn by Andy Allen and Kalimba Bennett Dear She Said/Then He Said, What is a graceful way to shut down a conversation without appearing rude? I love my hair stylist, and don’t want to go through the trouble of finding another one. But she wants to talk—ABOUT NOTHING—for the whole hour. It’s exhausting and makes me want to smash my face in her cutting mirror. Pretending to read Radar Magazine does not deter her. Help! Sick of Small Talk Austin, TX .. SHE said: Dearest Sick of Small Talk, I don’t know a soul that hasn’t encountered a Chatty Cathy in a hair salon. Doesn’t your hairdresser see the magazine you bury your head into the second she opens her blabber mouth? The truth is this – No, she doesn’t.  And … she never will.  She just loves talking too much and she doesn’t care if you like it or not. Now, you can keep smiling and nodding while the voice inside your head is screaming “SHUT UP!!!!!” or you can try a technique I call Painful Honesty aka “saying what’s on your mind.” The “pain” part is on your end because it’s often so hard to say the thing we are thinking.  But PH doesn’t require rudeness it just requires expressing honestly what people might not want to hear. There’s a difference. RUDE: Stylist: What do you think about this Sarah Palin character? You: I’m not paying you to spit in my hair, I’m paying you to cut it.  Now, shut it and put those scissors to work, bitch! Now Painful Honesty at its finest after the jump: Stylist:  What do you think about this Sarah Palin Character? You: She’s … okay… listen, Cathy.  I have — Stylist: She needs...