INTRODUCTION TO THE 2012 EDITION “May I try a free sample?” After speaking those six simple words, the ritual would always be the same: A smiling gray-haired clerk at a Hickory Farms Christmas stand in one of the many Western Pennsylvania malls I visited during my childhood would poke a toothpick into a delicately cut square of meat, hand it to me and the door to paradise would open… I love Hickory Farms Beef Stick. Like that Christmas Eve story Grandpa always told that became longer and more convoluted as the years went on, the time has once again arrived for my ever-growing annual holiday column on Hickory Farms Beef Stick (or, as it’s unfortunately known now, “Summer Sausage”). If George Lucas can give us approximately 18,281 Special Editions of Star Wars, there’s no reason why I can’t write an additional hundred words or so each year, expanding on the joys and sorrows experienced while eating the greatest of the great American foods. (Attention conspiracy theorists: Just because I’ve written and spoken at length about my McRib addiction and am now once more delving into a hagiography of Hickory Farms Beef Stick does not mean that I’m on the American Meat Institute’s payroll. Of course, if anyone from the American Meat Institute is reading this post, I would actually very much like to be on the payroll. Feel free to tweet me up at @ryanbdixon.) And so, dear readers, Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present: ON THE EXEGESIS OF THE SOUL OR: WHY I LOVE BEEF STICK: REVISED and EXPANDED EDITION with a SLIGHTLY NEW, or more accurately, NEWLY REVISED INTRODUCTION (Which You Just Read) and a BRAND NEW (And Very Tragic) EPILOGUE 1: BEEF STICK, LORD OF THE MEMORY PALACE There is...

It was so amazing to see my home team win the World Series while surrounded by family. Also, I’m still a little fearful of swimming pools since watching the video for DYE’s “Fantasy,” so being the lovely person that I am, I figured it would be a great idea to re-run it during swimming pool season.  Hey Fierce Nerds! I’m headed back to St. Louis for a family visit and what I’m sure will be a fabulous Wine, Wit, and Lit event in St. Charles, featuring a gang of super-amazing STL authors. But I didn’t want to leave you hanging for procrastination on Halloween weekend. Enjoy the below. And, of course…. GO CARDS!!!! etc 1.Want to make your Halloween pumpkin extra special and nerdy? How about carving a mockingjay into it? Here are instructions for how to do that. You’re welcome. [The Mary Sue] 2. If the Hunger Games squash doesn’t light up your stoop, how about slicing up these jack-ass-o-lantern effigies of the FX cartoon spy team from ARCHER. [CableTV.com] 3. Apparently, Ben Affleck has been tapped to direct a movie version of THE STAND by Stephen King. This is either going to be scary-good or scary-bad. [Topless Robot] 4. Still don’t think we’ll eventually be taken over by the machines? Click HERE and HERE. I’m just saying that I hope our future overlords celebrate Halloween. 5. Still looking for costume ideas? Think about going literary! [The Galleycat] 6. Big thanks to French animator, Jeremie Perrin, who uses the old titillate-us-then-terrify-us trick to great effect in this fantastically disturbing video for DYE’s “Fantasy.”...

I like this tale. What’s more, I like this telling of it. Hippie Squared is often mined from my personal oral tradition–oft-told tales of my adventures. But sometimes I get the nagging feeling that I told it better years ago at a party somewhere. Not here. This time, I feel like I finally nailed it. The first thing I can ever remember specifically laughing at was Dick Van Dyke’s slapstick tumble over a footstool, when he walks in the front door in the immortal credit sequence from The Dick Van Dyke Show. Certainly it’s the first wellspring of laughter from which I knew I could draw a fresh laugh every time. (And isn’t that much of what we love about TV–those reliable comforts?) Van Dyke’s a dancer. Even when not doing slapstick, his comedy was physical. He put his whole lanky rangy body into everything, his long rubber band limbs and his long expressive face animating every line he spoke, every reaction off someone else’s line. His slapstick itself was a kind of physical comic poetry. A living limerick. My friend Fritz and I used to imitate that footstool tumble over and over with the stool in my basement family room. So it’s also no doubt the first bit I ever practiced in a conscious effort, as a routine, to elicit laughs from others. That’s why it meant so much for me to make him laugh. Which is not to advertise any great display of wit forthcoming on my part. I got the feeling that Dick Van Dyke laughs easily. He likes to laugh, he likes to make people laugh. He’s generous with his laughter. A man in the right line of work, you might say. Anyway, one sunny afternoon in the mid-eighties when I...

Since I believe this is still such an important topic and the ONE thing I would tell people about to reproduce, it’s my favorite piece from the last year. Also because it has ‘prairie dogging’ it’ somewhere in there. How can you not like a story with THAT phrase in it? Frankie Says…. Take care of someone else’s children before you have your own. As a single female, frequent babysitter and auntie since the day I was born (complicated family make-up), I have the distinct authority to recommend that everyone, and I mean everyone should go through an overnight care-taking situation with friends or family prior to popping out their own. This past weekend my sister and her husband took off to Miami for a wedding. They have never left their two children – Jay, age 4 and Lily, age 2 – alone before this getaway, so naturally my sister was freaking out. She still hadn’t weaned Lily and James still won’t sleep alone. I was pretty clear on what I was in for, but thank god I had my niece (from a different sister), Sydney, there to help out. Wednesday night until Sunday morning I played mommy with Sydney, driving around in my Mom-Mobile, with my Mom music playing and my Mom outfits on. Now for me – someone who’s been a live-in nanny, traveled abroad as a nanny, babysits at least a couple times a week – this wasn’t a super stressful weekend. However, if I had put ten of my single, 20-something friends up to the task of Lily and Jay, I think 7 of them would end the weekend with a vasectomy/hysterectomy. On Thursday, Day Number 1, both the kiddies were throwing tantrums because their parents were nowhere to be...

I really don’t think I’ll ever get sick of “Single Ladies” parodies.  And weirdly enough I just realized how silly-sounding Geordi’s name is while typing in that title. Little late. In any case, if this doesn’t lift you out of your back to work funk, I don’t know what possibly could other than just quitting your job all together. ~via The Mary...

Author’s Note: When you want to cause a stir in politics, bring up government spending.  No one is right and everyone is wrong.  We are taxed too high, spending’s too low, too much money goes to parks, not enough on research… the shouting will never subside. If you want to stir up controversy amongst everyone else, bring up bread.  The ultra fit, meathead marathoners will tell you to eat as the cavemen did.  The le pain snobs will tell you about the ONLY boulangerie where you can find a decent baguette.  Then there are the folks who like their bread fluffy, airy and tasteless and would sooner eat dirt than multigrain. I loved this column because ever after 30,000 years, bread is still sexy as hell.  My lifelong love affair with it burns like the fire of a brick pizza oven.   I am not really a fan of dieting. I usually gain five pounds in the first week because my brain and body become convinced I am secretly conspiring to starve myself to death, so they conspire to send me into insatiable pizza and ice cream urges. But like it or not, dieting basically becomes a must at some point after you hit twenty five and everyone’s metabolism hits the wall. Whilst having dinner with friends last week, one of my dining companions regaled us with ins and outs of his newest low carb fad. The idea is to deny yourself of all carbs so on your one day off, all you want is strawberries for your cheat food. Thinking about it, I said that was pretty much how I naturally gravitate in my eating. I focus on healthy proteins and my indulgences are generally a bunch of grapes here and there. I sat...

This is my favorite Fierce Foodie of 2012 because it utterly encompasses my nerdishness, from my obsessive LOTR behaviors to my love of food descriptions in fantasy fiction.  Plus, it expresses my yearning to be a hobbit.    When I think of nerd food, my mind inevitably wanders past pizza rolls and poptarts to Tolkien’s Middle Earth and the delicious descriptions of fantastic (often hobbity) foods.  I am a LOTR nerd of the first order.  I have read “The Hobbit” and the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy over thirty times, and went to see the first movie, Fellowship of the Ring, nine times (for the nine walkers), The Twin Towers six times and the Return of the King three times in the theater (due to my initial dislike for the change of Faramir’s character, I could go on, but you’d only start yawning). As these movies are all over three hours long, I learned that in order to avoid extreme discomfort it was necessary to stop drinking liquids at least two hours before sitting for the film, meaning that I was practically dehydrated by the end of it. But that is the work of the nerd. I was so nervous that the first film would fail, I felt it was my personal duty to make sure I attended multiple times and dragged someone new every time. Tolkien was the kind of writer that knew the importance of food.  Hobbits love food, especially fresh mushrooms. They eat six full meals a day and snack often.  Merry, Pip, Sam and Frodo are nearly killed by ring wraiths attracted by the smoke of the fire started for frying sausages, bacon, and tomatoes on Weathertop. Sam carries seasonings, pots and pans all the way to Mordor. I did not date until...

Still the most romantic music video I’ve seen thus far. Ah, amore! Other than that, this video from from Dutch rapper Gers Pardoel is all kinds of sweet and awesome. Check it out. GERS PARDOEL – ‘IK NEEM JE MEE’ (I’ll take you with me) from Job, Joris & Marieke on...

I wrote this the first week of April 2012, almost a month to the day I was scheduled to run my first marathon. The good news is, I finished. The better news is, hammering my legs for 26.2 miles for nearly 4 hours in the hot May sun of Pittsburgh might have occasioned some post race fatigue (and pepperoni pizza), but it only deepened my enthusiasm for running races. So while now I’m a bit wiser and more seasoned runner than the person who wrote this, I still feel like discovering running was like finding a great secret that I immediately want to share with everybody. And for someone that is supposed to be a “contrarian,” it’s nice to build up something rather than cut it down. -Joe Rusin 7/29/2012 Spring is in the air. It’s also on the calendar, and for many allergy suffers it is up their nose. As the days grow both longer and warmer, there is an increased sense of social pressure to get outside and enjoy the freedom of getting outside and moving. The seasonal starting gun has fired. It’s the perfect time to sign up for an organized race. Most people tend to fall into one of two categories—those who run, and those who don’t. Those who do tend to overemphasize the positive impact running can have on a life, obsess over mileage and personal bests, know what hill repeats are, and view a race as a fun event. Those who fall on the other side of the divide tend to view running as hard, boring work that is not fun, and might even be harmful to joint health. I have at one point been on both sides of this divide. For a long time I thought of...

I picked this post as my “best of” because: 1. I didn’t have many to choose from as I’m a relatively new contributor here and 2. this is hands down the question people ask me more than anything (or a version of). It seems that having a crazy boss is like the common cold of the working world–we all get one eventually and they are really really annoying. Don’t forget to send your questions to askhorror@gmail.com. All questions are confidential. Enjoy! Dear Madame HR, I hate my boss. I’ve worked at this company for over a year, and I’ve tried everything to work with this person. He is crazy and incompetent, yet the CEO and CFO seem to love him. He has no clue how to do his job and half the time I have to explain his own job to him. What do I do? I’ve thought of leaving the company but the job market scares me. –Only Sane One Left Dear Sane One, Ah, the crazy boss, who hasn’t had one of those? I feel like I’ve had several. In fact, after reading your letter, I did a little tally of all the bosses I’ve had over the years and here’s how they broke out (this is just counting my post-college, what some may call “real” jobs): Crazy, but I kind of liked them- 2 Crazy, but I couldn’t stand them- 1 Crazy, like Pol Pot crazy and kind of mean- 1 Crazy, like Norma Desmond crazy and kind of fun- 1 Crazy, but they only talked to me like 3 times, so it didn’t really matter- 2 Crazy, but once I figured out how to work him, I learned A LOT from him- 1 Crazy, but in her defense, it wasn’t...

Just in case you’re wondering, yes, we are still HUGE nerds. You are, too, if the below gives you as big of a tickle as it gives us.   That’s not me talking, that’s Comic Sans — who is basically making me reconsider my ere-to-now eschewing of this font, because the below “I’m Comic Sans, Asshole” video is hilarious (not to mention ridiculously fierce and nerdy). It’s like Eric Sims and Zack Bunker had a snarky font baby. NSFW without headphones, due to all the cussing. Other than that, you’re welcome. ~via LikeCool I’m Comic Sans, Asshole from joehollier on Vimeo. If you liked that video, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...

I really wanted to choose my story about finally being okay with wearing glasses in public for best of FaN, but the column below needed to resurface because I can’t stop saying stupid stuff. People tell me that I’m an excellent listener. One of the reasons people think that, is that I’m keeping my damn mouth shut before I remove any doubt you have of my idiocy. I am always saying the wrong thing and I can’t for the life of me tell you why. Here is a little story I like to call “Ruining the Moment”: We are at an idyllic ranch in Wyoming. My extended family on Mom’s side; cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, have all gathered for our every 5 year reunion. The property is lovely and the sun is melting into the pond and reflecting blues and purples and pinks that color the end of our warm day. My 23 year old nephew and his young wife walk into his Mother’s, my sister’s, cabin and asks the noisy crowd to leave so he can talk to his Mom alone. “Why!?!” I blurt, a little too loudly “Is it because you guys are pregnant?” Of course it was because they were pregnant, with their first child and he wanted to share a special moment with his mother. So do you know who has two thumbs, a big mouth and ruined that moment? This gal. That occurred in 2001. Normally I let go of the stupid crap I say, because otherwise it would weigh me down. That one was a biggie though, so it still sits on my head. Most of the time, I know immediately after the fact when I’ve said something idiotic. Take today at the animal rescue where...

I don’t care how clever his Olympic spot was, I still think James Bond has become entirely too serious.  So this trailer for SKYFALL, the newest James Bond movie, was recently released, and from the looks of it, it’s going to be the most dour James Bond joint yet. Which got me to thinking, how do we feel about this. Anyone else beginning to miss the irreverent Bond of...

For my favorite post of the year for Fierce and Nerdy, I chose to re-publish my Kickstarter how-to. It was by far my most popular post, probably because there are not a lot of straightforward, honest articles of how to succeed in doing a Kickstarter for a video game (I know, because I searched for it before we did the campaign). By now is a success on the app store, and we’re thinking about the next thing. Time Flies! So I’m republishing it because it’s useful, unlike most of the things I write, which are usually half rant and half awkward jokes. Enjoy!  -Matt My little outfit, Part Time Evil, recently decided to do a Kickstarter to fund our indie game . Not the “I need money to live off for a year to make this thing” type of Kickstarter. Everyone on this project is employed in the day, so we raised enough for contractor pay, software, account to publish on iTunes, and all the other things that can really add up. So my point is, the project has zero budget. But as we all know, there’s no such thing as zero budget. That being said this article is something I’m writing so other designers can read it and get a leg up on doing a Kickstarter for a game. We were fortunate enough to succeed in getting the funding, which is not super common on Kickstarter. But it could have been easier, and we could have raised more money if we’d been on top of the following: Let’s just jump right in. What’s a Kickstarter This is a good topic to start with, because you may not know either.  Kickstarter is the worlds largest funding platform for projects. So there are things like crazy...

This is the shortest piece I wrote this year, yet it’s the one people have told me off blog that they appreciated the most. Go figure. If you have decided to pursue writing as a career, the voices in your head will ask you this question often. “How about if no one likes your story?” Or the more dramatic version: “How about if every one on Earth rejects what you have written?” As far as insidious questions go, this is probably one of the silliest. Somebody’s going to like your story. What’s even funnier is that there’s a reader out there for even the worst pile of dreck that will just love it. Really, the question(s) you’re really asking here are “Are there enough people who will either like or love my story for me to feel satisfied?” And, “How do I go about finding the people who will love this story and getting them to read it?” Now those are valid questions, for which I have no good answer. But for now, while you are writing, rewriting, or shopping your novel, take solace in this: There is no such thing as a story that everyone loves. And there is no such thing as a story that no one likes. So the next time the voices in your head ask you “How about if no one likes your story?”, let them know, “On the contrary, at least one person out there is going to absolutely love it.” featured image credit:  Denisa Kadlecová  ...

My supposed break from Procrastinate on This (I think I lasted three whole months before I took it back over), some great advice for living your life well, a Chipolte ad which nearly turned me vegetarian, and yes, I’m still obsessed with the idea of Tayari Jones writing her next novel on a typewriter.    So, sadly, this will be my last Procrastinate on This! I’m going back into writing mode and T.E. will be taking this spot back over as of next week. I know you’ll miss me. Please don’t cry. The good news is that I’m off tour, which means that I’ll be returning to my regularly scheduled blogumn next Tuesday (we’re taking Labor Day off) as opposed to frantically playing catch up. We have some super-great stuff coming up on FaN over the course of September, so make sure to keep your eyes right here, starting next Tuesday. Meanwhile let’s say good bye to summer with a bunch of random stuff from the internets.   1. Wait, wait, wait — chocolate is good for you now??? I’m all over testing out this science. (nom! nom! nom!)  [BBC News] 2. Apparently living in a Red State means you’re way more likely to get divorced. Also, people who get married later or more likely to stay together. Also, the marriage numbers are at an all-time low. Basically you want to click on the link for a whole slew of information from the U.S. Census. [Huffington Post] 3. Tayari Jone, the author of SILVER SPARROW (my favorite novel of the year so far) is going to type her next novel on a pink, 50s-era Smith Corona. Wait, you can like actually write on typewriters??? I thought they were just meant to sit in prominent...

Originally published 2/3/12 – One of my favorite blogumns from this year!  It was great to look back on this classic TV commercials and see which AT&T products really did come true as predicted.  I remember how heavily these aired over several years.  Tom Selleck, the man who starred as Magnum PI and can currently be seen on CBS’ Blue Bloods is a man way ahead of his time.  Nearly two decades ago, his booming voice predicted some of the most common products and appliances we now take for granted!  Was he right?  Check out these vintage commercials I found! In 1993, AT&T began an advertising campaign showcasing all the future technologies that would soon be in everyone’s home that the phone company was working on.  AT&T was positioning itself as being cutting edge and state of the art as the telecommunications war was getting fiercer.  At the time, smaller phone companies were getting swallowed up and the first discount long distance carriers were coming online. AT&T wanted to make sure everyone knew they were the king of telecommunications and with this commercial campaign, gave us all a glimpse of the not so distant future… The first commercial in the campaign correctly predicted three common items: Downloadable books – When I was in high school at the time, we had a program called Access Pennsylvania.  With a special CD-ROM, you would search for the title of any book, magazine, or video in the cooperating districts.  You would then send a fax request and the library would overnight it.  We thought that was high tech!  Now, you can have a book downloaded electronically over the internet and read it on the train ride to work.  I see dozens of passengers on the subway reading their...

Did I really write a piece about wanting, needing, liking a morning commute? Six steps.  That’s how long it takes to walk from my side of the bed to the baby monitor.  No alarm clocks, roosters, or cell phone ringers – just the sounds of a baby boy waking up to a brand new day.  It takes less than 3 seconds to clock in.  I turn off the monitor, hit the bathroom, and free my son from the confines of his crib.  I change his diaper, put him in a new outfit, feed him breakfast (which sometimes entails another outfit change), and get him his milk.  By the time this is done I’ve already logged over an hour on the job.  No shit. I’ve had horrible commutes in my life, especially in Los Angeles.  Try to get from Los Feliz to Westwood in less than an hour during peak traffic times if you don’t believe me. I’ve seen road rage, car accidents, motorcycle crashes, bikers hit, crazy people standing in the middle of the road, lanes closed, roads closed, flat tires, rain, hail, fog, photo shoots, tv shoots, film shoots, celebrity sightings, paparazzi, tourists, old drivers, young drivers, new drivers.  You name it, I’ve seen it on the streets of LA and so have you. The difference is that I miss it.  Unlike other jobs being a stay-at-home parent is a seemingly never-ending endeavor.  I’m my own boss, I guess, but I don’t set my own hours.  I get breaks.  I don’t take breaks.  And even if I’m not “working”, I’m always on call. What I miss most about commuting is that it was my time.  I’m driving my car to my job with my thoughts running through my head.  My most productive writing...

I really can’t get enough of these film-themed ABC videos. They’re like a trivia gift for film geeks.  Help me out with this one please. I guessed every one except H, I, Q, U, and Z. So let me know if you got any of those five in the comments. [via...

It’s not a BEST OF FaN cycle unless cats are featured. You know how we do.  I think this video is supposed to be a joke, but we really, really, really don’t want it to be. ~via Cute...

I picked this as the ‘Best Of “Ask Dr. Miro”‘ from the past year after getting a lot of personal comments thanking me for the travel assistance. Plus, it just seemed to be appropriate for all the summer travel that is going on. Dear Dr. Miro, I am flying cross country to meet my girlfriend’s family for Thanksgiving and I’m worried about what kinky stuff won’t get through security. She asked me to surprise her with “something new and spicy” since we’ll have the family’s guest house all to ourselves. I have the basics like lube, a vibrator, condoms, but I’m worried that anything with more pizazz will get me in trouble. I’m not sure if the vibrator will cause problems, even. I don’t want to check my bags because that gets me even more paranoid so what do I do to avoid looks and getting flagged? Sincerely, Future Savvy Kinky Traveler Dear FSKT, This is one of the most commonly asked questions I get and it is a good one! You are wise to be concerned especially on these crowded hectic travel days but there are some basic rules to follow. First of all, make sure to tow the 3-1-1 rule: No fluids in anything bigger than a 3.4 ounce CLEAR container. Make sure the bottle has its size marked on it to avoid suspicion. If your lubricant is called SEXY LUBE ASS PARTY, and that embarrasses you, put it in another container. Put all of these neatly packaged items into ONE quart size, zip-top, clear plastic bag which is limited to ONE per passenger. Even if you follow the rules, most importantly, look like you know what you are doing. Do whatever you need to do to avoid looking nervous. The TSA...

I think at a time when our bestselling novel is FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY, it’s a great idea to examine what all has influenced some of our favorite blockbusters.  This is all over the web, but just in case you haven’t seen it yet, basically THE MATRIX was influenced by a lot of other really good movies. I’m not hating. I say, if you’re going to rip off — rip off the great stuff. Same goes for drinking. Everything Is A Remix: THE MATRIX from robgwilson.com on...

I know, I know — I’ve had much more inspirational pieces here on Fierce and Nerdy, but strangely enough, this is the one I get asked about the most in real life. So just in case you’re considering getting LASIK and didn’t see this the first time around… Because I totally did for a number of reasons: 1. My daughter kept snatching and throwing my glasses at the worst times. One time she threw them while we were out on the street, and I had to figure out how to keep her from running into traffic and find my glasses at the same time. Keep in mind I’m blind as a bat without them. Luckily a passerby picked them up for me, but it was chilling moment in both child-rearing and glasses wearing. 2. I had grown to hate the fuss of contacts. I kept meaning to go back to contacts after my daughter was born, but never did, accept for special events and vacations. After three years of glasses wearing went by, I kind of knew contacts were no longer an option. 3. I read and watch a lot of post-apocalyptic content, and I was becoming increasingly aware, that if some world-as-I-know-it-ending ish down, I would be completely effed if I lost my glasses. 4. I could. #4 was the main reason I ended up going through with it. I consulted for LASIK back in 2007 and was told my corneas were too thin for the procedure. Five years later, I got to wondering if my corneas had improved given the fact that I no longer wore contacts and therefore didn’t rub them nearly as much as I used to. As it turned out, the cornea requirements aren’t as rigorous these days, because...

Still can’t afford Cartier, but I also still love this ad… I’m not saying that the French are better at crafting mesmerizing images than we are, I’m just saying that this Cartier ad had me at “elephant carrying the Taj Mahal on its back.” Thanks to Gudrun Cram-Drach, whose French husband worked on this spectacular project, for sending this...

I chose this post because I knew that if I didn’t, Ernessa would murder me with an ice-pick. And then Jessica Fletcher would have to solve the case of who murdered me with an ice pick, and Angela Lansbury is too old for that shit. So here you go- enjoy! Let’s say you killed Guy Fieri and dumped his body in a swamp- accidentally, of course. That is to say, you killed him accidentally- it would be very hard to drop something in a swamp accidentally unless you lived in the Everglades and were a particularly poor juggler in which case you’d be dropping beanbags and kittens in the swamp all the time but, on the plus side, you’d be surrounded by happy, well-fed gators. Anyhow, let’s say hypothetically you did accidentally kill Guy Fieri and drop his body in a swamp- well- that would be something to be really embarrassed about- way more embarrassing than watching Murder, She Wrote on TV Land every night, which is the only thing I’m guilty of- even if I am watching it on DVR, so there’s no possible way I can say that I watched it by accident. After all, DVR implies intent, malice, forethought and cold blooded calculation as was demonstrated in the landmark Supreme Court Case The People of California vs That Dude at Work Who’s Always Talking About the Kardashians Even Though He Swears He’s Only Watched Khloe and Lamar Like, Once And He Only Did That Because He’s a Such A Huge Hoops Fan (Barack Obama). I mean, come on, after the 15th consecutive hour, there’s no way in hell I can say I just happened to watch Murder, She Wrote by accident since I was flipping channels to get away from Guy Fieri (the television love...

Originally published on 01/03/11 Ernessa and I got in an argument about this “No Arms, No Legs, No Worries” video, because I’m not the kind of person who seeks out inspiration or inspirational messages. She’s that kind of person, but I’m not. Also, I have a hate-hate relationship with the Australian accent. But I guess Ernessa found this on her friend, Tee Winston’s Facebook page, and she really wanted it posted in this space for our first full-posting day of 2011. She claims not to be a micromanager, but here am I using my first PoT for this inspirational message. It’s fine, as long as she doesn’t make me use exclamation points. I draw the line at exclamation points. [Co-Editor Note from Ernessa: Ironically, T.E. could have really driven that last sentence home by using an exclamation point. Which is why once again, I’m right, while everyone else remains in the...

Want to win a free McRib? Then play Fierce & Nerdy’s Search for the Great McRibiography! Here’s how to win your FREE McRib: 1. Read Ryan’s Dixon’s now classic manifesto: The Five Reasons Why the McRib is the Greatest Fast Food Item of All Time 2. In the Comments section below, share your own personal McRib story or why you think the McRib is the Greatest Fast Food Item of All Time. 3. Fierce & Nerdy’s Blue Ribbon panel (made up of Ryan Dixon, Jersey Joe, and F&N editors Ernessa T. Carter and Amy Robinson) will select the best stories that touch upon the core values of the McRib. (What are those values, exactly? We’re working on it.) 4. Winners will be mailed a coupon for one free McRib! And that’s it. It’s easy. Almost as easy as going to going to your local McDonald’s and ordering yourself a McRib. But hurry, just like the McRib, our contest is for a limited time only: all stories must be posted by TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1st. And now, let’s get on with the show… INTRODUCTION TO THE FIVE REASONS WHY THE MCRIB IS THE GREATEST FAST FOOD ITEM OF ALL TIME Why Me? How did an always poor, mostly anonymous and only occasionally witty blogumnist living in Burbank, CA suddenly find himself as the protagonist in a real-life, 21st century Horatio Alger novel? In 2010,  I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal, my voice was heard on NPR and perhaps the greatest corporation in American history became my follower on Twitter. And I owe it all to one saliva-inducing, two-syllable word: McRib. My journey to becoming a PhD in Pork Product and being hailed as the world’s foremost expert on McDonald’s legendary and enigmatic sandwich all...

Heya, I’ve gotta bounce for a weekend of … well, nothing much. But ya’ll don’t want hear me, ya’ll just want to dance … with this weekend’s chunk of procrastination. So here you go: 1. I was just complaining the other day that we don’t roll creepy enough here at Fierce and Nerdy. So to correct that, I’m including this post about how to make crafts with cat hair. Sorry ahead of time. [Jezebel] 2. Note to women: according to this one study, if you cheat on your boyfriend with another man, then there’s only about a 22% chance that he won’t dump you. But if you cheat on him with another woman, than the chance of him taking you back goes up to 50%. So if you’re thinking of stepping out…. [NYT] 3. See, I wanted to take the advice offered within in the “How to Complain … Without Being an Asshole” post. But as it turns out, it takes a lot of work to complain in a civilized manner. So I think I’ll just stick to complaining the uninformed, emotional, and ranty way. Sorry, Customer Service People. If only Americans weren’t grown so lazy.  [Lifehacker] 4. Just when you think that male body spray ads can’t get any more ridiculous, I present to you, “Fallen Angels.” [LikeCool] 5. Wondering how to raise your kids with a good sense of geography? Try these homeschooling lesson plan by friend of FaN, HOMEGROWN MOSAIC. The brilliance of the plan is that you don’t have to be a homeschooler. It can work just as easily as a supplement to whatever you child is learning at her or his traditional school. I also like that it’s very democratic — starting with the continent of Africa, then moving on from there...

Originally published 06/10/11 Turn on your TV any weekday afternoon and you’ll find the channels jam packed with court shows.  Each year, we are treated to a few new names, while the old standbys keep getting renewed season after season. While most are your standard small claims courts case, there are a few moments when these shows turn out to be more Jerry Springer like.  Check out some of these amazing videos I’ve found and you be the judge! First off, a fight on The People’s Court.  Watch how the producers jump in!  Be sure to look for the use of creative editing and blurs to delete the profanity. Judge Judy is known to be fierce.  Does she ever smile?  She looks miserable just entering the room.  How could she be when she’s the highest paid judge on TV?  Anyhow, not even an earthquake can stop her… And here’s the actual show with the earthquake left in.  The producers went way over the top with the voice over and promo.  They tried to sell this like a movie of the week.  It was a bit much. Next, a woman passes out and falls hard on The People’s Court.  In this case, I think the judge and the crew handled the situation the best they could. This large, angry woman tries to take on Judge Joe Brown.  Judge Joe and all of us get the last laugh… and wait until you see how he calls her out for stealing food from The Waffle House and that’s not all! Tough talking Nancy Grace had her own court show this season and when she laid down the law to a feuding family, E!’s The Soup had a field day… This punk accuses Judge Joe Brown of wearing...

Originally published 05/27/11 This weekend is one of my best friend’s bachelorette party. Since it is a bicoastal wedding (the bride and groom-to-be live in San Francisco, while the family and bulk of the friends live in Massachusetts), we (and by we, I mean the bride and her east coast contingent of the wedding party) were forced to find a common ground on which we could all celebrate and squeal over her upcoming nuptials. So now, instead of a traditional one-night-stand get up, where we take over the town (or at least act like we’re taking over the town) and get annoyingly drunk and pretend we’re Beyonce on the dance floor… now, it’s an entire weekend of shenanigans. And at no small price either. The common ground chosen is Chicago. Last time I looked at a map – which is often, because I think maps are cool and I sometimes forget where a few of the ‘middle states’ are – Chicago was decidedly closer to Massachusetts than to California. So here I am, on Memorial Day weekend, flying (practically) across the country for 2.5 days of bachelorette revelry. FIERCELY (BUT BEGRUDGINGLY) ANTICIPATING GIRLFRIEND TIME From my tone it may sound like I’m complaining. I am. But that’s what I do. In fact, I’m actually really excited to have some full-fledged girlfriend time – two of whom, including the bride, I’ve known since the awkward days of high school. And although I don’t particularly care for – or want to pay for – any one activity planned, according to the maid-of-honor’s itinerary, we’re taking an Architecture Boat Tour of the city, shopping on Michigan Avenue, and going out dancing – after of course getting a class in pole dancing (I knew I was missing something...

Originally posted on 05/11/2011 As cynical as I am, even I squeed a bit when I saw these pictures of real animals with stuffed animals. Click on the pics below if you need a bit of a mid-week upper....

For my Fierce ReRun, I’d like to remind myself what to do when I’m slipping into a funk, because now that my job is over and I’m bumbling around the house, I feel one coming on. Best to nip it in the bud. Originally published 11/04/10 Has anyone ever told you to take care of yourself? You know they’re saying it because you’re not at your best. You’re stressed, depressed, overworked, or tired. Personally, I’m in a funk right now. I don’t feel like doing anything but what I absolutely have to, and I’ve forgotten all the things I have to do. I’ve been through this many times before, and if I were to take care of myself, I would try to do one or all of the following: 1. exercise It may take time away from other stuff I think I should be doing, but the benefits are great: the sense of accomplishment for taking care of my body, the satisfying thigh ache the next day, stress reduction, oxygen to the brain makes it fire faster, endorphins lift my mood… you know all of this stuff already. 2. cut back on TV Sure, Mike and Molly has made me laugh out loud, but I often watch TV to tune out and get away from myself. Using those 22 minutes to actively engage in life will put me in a better state of mind, one that I won’t seek to avoid by watching more TV. If you really need distraction, start a new book. 3. stop eating junk Even if it takes extra energy to prepare a salad instead of eating the kids’ sugary cereal for lunch, I always feel better when I get my greens and my grains. There are studies linking caloric...

Originally published 04/28/11 This thesis project as voiced by Carl Sagan and animated by Adam Winnik made me think, then if made me feel very, very claustrophobic, like I needed to get in a rocketship and blast into space like right now. I think you’ll see why. ~via LikeCool Pale Blue Dot – Animation from Ehdubya on...

Originally published 02/24/11 I’m back on the wagon. That’s right I fell off again. I spent December through most of February stoned. It started slowly with me trying to control my smoking only to quickly spiral down into my full on addiction again. Thankfully I had set up some safety traps along the way that helped stop the cycle early. When I started drinking shakes as a way to lose weight it was just that, a way to lose weight, but what I was really signing up for wasn’t the shakes, it was the personal coach. Each week I send in my food log and each Monday Krissy and I talk on the phone for about half an hour. Her focus is my diet and exercise and that is the way it should be, yet my focus is the complete package. Forcing myself to admit to my negative eating behaviors, many of which are intensified through smoking weed, gave me reason to start exercising control over what goes in my mouth.  In order to do that I had to stop smoking. Without even realizing it Krissy has become an unwitting make-shift sponsor. While working from home may seem like a stoners dream, it has been a part of my addiction nightmare. It’s easy to let my addiction convince me that I can mange a full time internet job from home while being stoned all day. Yet it  was only after I got multiple angry emails and IM’s from my boss that I realized I cannot be high and expect to accomplish a very simple job. If I want to hold on to my health care and regular paycheck I had to let go of the joint. Friendship is already a difficult endeavor for me,...

Originally published on 05/12/11 Below find an i09 retrospective of what this summer movie posters would look like if they decided to keep it real. Real real. Click on any of the posters to see the full post at the most brilliant website...

My favorite piece so far is “Hello Halo Halo,” because I love sharing foods from my childhood that may be utterly unknown or incomprehensible to some readers.  Mung beans and purple yam and palm seeds in my dessert?!  Yes!!  I love to encourage culinary exploration. Originally published 04/06/11 Like so many people, I have a love hate relationship with sugar.  In that I love it but I am fairly sure that it will kill me because my parents are both diabetics.  As a child I loved the Necco wafers my mother carried in her purse.  She would hand a thin sugary circle to me one by one as I waited patiently beside her in the courthouse where she was applying to become an American citizen.  I loved the pink and yellow wafers best, hated the blackish grey ones that were licorice-flavored, her favorite. Every so often my mother would feel nostalgic for her own childhood in the Philippines.  One day she decided to recreate for me the ultimate fun dessert, halo halo, a riotous layered mix of shaved ice, evaporated milk, and sugary, syrupy ingredients like candied mung beans, red and green dyed coconut, creamed corn, chewy palm fruit and crushed young rice.  Needless to say I loved it.  Evaporated milk is basically sugar crack, and it was fun to negotiate the various textures of crunchy, soft and chewy. Nowadays so much sugar in one bowl is a tougher proposition, but not impossible.  Using ice cream in place of the shaved ice and evaporated milk is not just easier but less intensely sweet.  Fresh fruit like chopped mango can form the base in the bottom of the bowl.  A complex starch like sautéed plantain is a great source of fiber and potassium.  Macapuno or...

Originally published 03/08/11 Okay L.A. Friends of FaN, try not to snark on the production values too much. This modern-day retelling of the Archie ethos starts off shaky but really gets going about a third of the way through. The Jughead character is especially intriguing. Good job, random-fan-film-making group. ~via Topless...

I don’t want to belabor this point, but after witnessing a hipster cyclist run into a nice (I assume) Mexican family on a Burbank sidewalk, I feel my cry for sanity in keeping these crazed pedaling freaks off our streets and sidewalks has gone unheeded. I choose to reprint it here not for myself, but for the sake of the children. Originally published on o5/04/11 Let’s get this straight from the start. I do not have a problem with bicycles. I think they’re great fun, good exercise, good for the environment, and wonderfully clever machines. I spent most of my early childhood summers perched on the back of one, and have nothing but fond memories of racing it up and down Long’s Road to the homes of various neighbor kids. When I first saw PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE, I didn’t find anything strange about the main character going to such lengths to recover his beloved bike. I felt the same attachment to mine. Then I grew up, and discovered an even better invention—the automobile. Between my own two feet and a car, I found little need for a bike to get me to where I was going. If it was close enough to ride to, it was probably close enough to walk to, and if not, it was just better to drive. Really, a bicycle fits into a very niche distance—over a mile or two it makes sense, but over 4 or 5 miles it would seem a car (or public transportation) would be the better conveyance. My getting away from the bike didn’t change my feeling about it—I just didn’t have any use for one any more. It wasn’t until I moved to the city for college that my antipathy for the bicycle began....

Originally published on 05/03/11 As it turns out a lot of literary greats had or have cats, including Twain, Plath, Huxley, Gorey, and Murakami. So if you have plans of becoming a great writer and you don’t have a cat — well, I suggest you adopt one along with, you know, good writing practices. Click on any of the pics below to see more photos of literary greats with cats, including Hemingway, Lessing, and Ginsberg. ~via...

This article was meaningful to me because it reminded me of just how unpredictable life can be, that sometimes, we can all be a real asshole and that every once in a while, the bad girl/guy gets what s/he deseves! Originally published 04/05/11 Several months ago, I decided to make a day job change, and began the usual process – talk to people I knew, investigate companies that interest me, begin sending in my resume. Interviews happened and several weeks ago I started the new job. Mission accomplished. Then last Friday I received an email from a studio Vice President for a development job I’d sent my resume to seven weeks earlier, but had never heard back (not unheard of). The email had a trail of a half dozen responses between the VP Monica and her assistant Peter, all about potential candidates for the job. Attached to the email was my (and three other’s) resume. Obviously, the email was supposed to go to Peter but Monica had sent it to me and the three other souls who thought we wanted to work for her: Peter, I googled and facebooked these. WTF?! None of them are people of interest. NONE. Get it together and send me some resumes of people I might actually want to work with and look at every day. Monica Sadly, this is normal behind-closed-doors talk, not just in the entertainment industry, but a hefty majority of corporate America. And more and more people are using Facebook and Twitter when it comes to making decisions like these. Let me first say that I love social media. Love. It. I adore sharing bits and pieces of my life with my family on Facebook, none of whom lives closer than 500 miles. I relish...

Originally published 03/14/11 If you think you understand the placebo effect, and you’re not a doctor or a scientist, then watch this, b/c you really don’t. It’s much, much bigger than you think it is. My highly moral takeaway: I need one of you to give me a placebo and tell me it’s Adderall. I’d get so much more work done, and without all the horrible side effects.~via...

C0-Ed. Note: We’re re-running this “Ask Dr. Miro,” b/c not only is it super-funny, but it also got us flagged by Google Ads. And as you know, we nerds just love to get in trouble — makes us feel baaaad. Originally published 01/05/11 Dear Dr. Miro, I am so embarrassed! I spent the holidays with my family and for the first time, brought my girlfriend. Things went really well. Everyone seemed to get along and play nice with each other. The problem came after we got home. You see, I bought my GF a Feeldoe for Christmas and gave it to her in PRIVATE at my folks’ place. She loved it. I loved it. It was incredible! Honestly, I can’t say enough good things about how amazing our sex was. However, when we got home, we realized that it wasn’t in our bags. Not only that, we realized exactly where we left it: in the bed. I know my mom. I know she has already stripped the bed and done laundry and she must have found it. She has not mentioned it. My GF is mad at me and says that I am making her look bad in front of my family and, that she wants her present back. But that’s a 5 hour flight away. I guess this is more of an etiquette question, but PLEASE, what should I do? Mortified, Red-Faced Rita Dear RFR, Well, if you want to get into etiquette, perhaps you will strip the sheets yourself next time you are a guest in anyone’s home. Even if it is your family, your mother should not be treated like a maid, having to collect your extremely soiled linens. Why do I say extremely without even being there? Because, Ms. RFR,...

Originally published on 03/23/11 Why am I such a hermit? If I wasn’t, I would totally go out into the world and plaster these Malcolm Jamal Warning signs everywhere in the universe. ~via Angry Black Lady...

I chose this as my favorite blog so far for 2011 because it was a cathartic blog for me. My genetic slant toward indecision is on full display here as I battle the demons of finishing a project or abandoning it. After writing this, I decided to move forward with the project, a choice I might still be weighing if I hadn’t discussed it here. Originally published 03/21/11 Great art often comes out of pain and tumult; Picasso’s Blue Period work, Hemingway’s novels, Rumours by Fleetwood Mac. My novel, The Year That Sucked, follows a year of multiple pains, but I need to decide; Could it be great art or am I just beating myself up? The book is driving me crazy, literally. So now I am wavering if the book should stay alive at the cost of my sanity or go into that dusty box of the Almost Finished that lives in the closet. The first draft of the memoir flowed out of me last November during NaNoWriMo. Aside from the occasional crying spell and self-medication with mid-range scotch, its birth was smooth. Now, as I work through the second draft, it’s getting a whole lot tougher. The physical manifestations of the stress I had during that sucky year are resurfacing. Today’s moodiness, anxiety, jumpiness and stomach issues will make for funny story some day, but right now just makes my husband glad we have two bathrooms. Do you think Lindsey Buckingham had IBS during that amazing recording session? It also brings me into a daily confrontation with mortality, often causing a deep depression. While the first draft was a race against the clock and calendar to build a framework of story with a minimal amount of words, it was basically fingers on...

I love to show people how just organizing a simple charity activity can bring wealth to not only the organization, but to the participants & the recipients! Originally published on Valentine’s Day Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day and no, I am not going to inundate you with romance, gift ideas and other fluffy notions that probably won’t live up to your expectations, much like the day itself. Sure, I celebrate it. Even when I was single I enjoyed giving treats to my pals as I enjoyed the nostalgic aspect of it from my childhood. I decided to give in and enjoy it, regardless of the commercial aspects of it. We’re in America, for crying out loud. Consumerism is the way, like it or not. And now more than ever, I need to do my part to keep the economy on an upswing, right? Well, I have taken that concept and exploded it by also giving back. For the third year in a row, I have rallied a group of my fellow employees (we call ourselves Peeps for Pets) and created a CandyGram campaign for the big February 14th day. Bags of candy and conversation heart cookies are wrapped & tagged and delivered in the office to the delight of our staff. This year’s success equaled the previous two with about $1000 raised for the Seattle Humane Society. It’s not just about candy, it’s not just about Valentine’s Day, it’s not just about giving back to the community… it really has given a boost to morale, especially in these uncertain times. One thing that is certain, I still have faith in people and their philanthropic hearts. What are you doing to show your love today? featured image credit: Beverly &...

Originally published 04/07/11 You know how there’s all this Sarah Silverman hate going around, especially from women. Well the below will instantly make you unhate her — but only if you came of age in the 80s … and still hold on to a latent desire to make a deep connection with a unicorn. What? I know I can’t be the only one. ~via...

Originally posted on 01/24/11 Do you ever think back to when you did not use a card to pay for everything? Meet Raoul. He always uses cash. Though I did swipe his debit card for this transaction, he always uses cash. What do you use? Yes, that’s our own Missy in the mood photo! GO...

I think there might be some type of gaming event on this weekend. I’m not sure what it is, since no one’s really been talking about it this week. I might go do a deep internet search on the topic to see if I can dig up any information on this mostly ignored event, but first …. your weekly dose of Procrastinate on This. 1. Could the U.S. take out our internet, like Egypt took out their citizen’s internet? Short answer: Not so much, but our enemies — now they should be worried. [i09] 2. I don’t care if this guy has written the next BEOWULF, I would never ever read a 10,000 page poem. Okay, well, m/b if it was as good as BEOWULF, I’d read it. Hey, somebody else should read it first and let me know. Anyway, not to gender bait, but I wasn’t surprised to find out that the poet was a guy. That takes (the bad kind of) balls. [GalleyCat] 3. This Definitive Guide to Housecats was more than my puny brain could handle, but maybe it won’t short-circuit your head. [Jezebel] 4. This list of 100 Interjections rawks hard. My favorite is “Feh,” which is described as a cousin of “Meh.” [Daily Writing Tips] 5. Oh wait, now I remember what that sporting event was called: The Super Bowl. And this Volkswagon ad, which will show during said event is fierce, nerdy, and super freaking cute. UPDATE: As it turns out Friend of FaN, Jennifer May Nickel made the awesome cape, which as you can see, billows like a rock star. We’ve got friends in high(ly nerdy) places. [Angry Black Lady...

It’s the classic children’s TV show all Generation X’ers grew up with.  See how SAVED BY THE BELL evolved over the years and barely avoided cancellation after a much different pilot episode!  Every American kid in the 90s woke up to this show on Saturday mornings.  It’s great fun to check out all the clips in this walk down memory lane! Originally published 04/08/11 NBC’s Saved By the Bell was a staple of Saturday mornings for most Generation Xer’s in the 90s.  Just about every youngster tuned in and the show quickly became a mega hit spawning multiple spin-offs and movies.  However, the beloved show that most teens would give anything to see, very nearly didn’t make it to air. The teen sitcom Saved By the Bell was created by Sam Bobrick and aired in various forms from 1988-2003.  The show was originally inspired by NBC president, Brandon Tartikoff, who wanted to do a series about an “inspiring” teacher.  As with many shows, the original pilot episode was drastically different from what would finally hit the air. The show was originally to be titled Good Morning, Miss Bliss starring Haley Mills.  The original pilot episode was broadcast on July 11, 1987 as a one time special on NBC (it took The Facts of Life’s time slot for the evening).  This episode has only ever been shown that one time and featured an array of future big name stars; Jaleel White (who would later star on Family Matters), Jonathan Brandis (who would later star on Seaquest DSV), and Brian Austin Green (who would later star on Beverly Hills 90210). The pilot is notable for having dramatically different sets, a slow Family Ties like opening credit sequence, and Mr. Belding’s first name being Gerald and played...

Originally published 03/18/11 In addition to being a sometimes actress and sometimes writer, I am an almost-all-the-time shopping tour guide.  Giving shopping tours is my day job.  “What’s a shopping tour?” you may ask.  Well, I work for a company called Shop Gotham that gives shopping tours of New York neighborhoods.  Tourists buy the tours online, show up at the designated meeting place, and I take them shopping for three hours.  “That sounds like the best day job ever,” you may be thinking.  Yes, it is. Being exposed to so much fashion has transformed my  sartorial tastes from thrift-store loving, label-disdaining jeans and a T-shirt sort of gal to a vintage-loving, trend-following aesthete.   Simply put, I love fashion.  I love interpreting trends, I love choosing to ignore them.  I retain my distaste for big labels like Tommy Hilfiger, but get excited when I discover a new, creative designer or see a “piece” I absolutely adore.  I love fashion shows, Fashion Police, Project Runway, all of it.  In my opinion I have excellent taste.  Of course. However, fashion gets limited coverage on Fierce and Nerdy because, while undeniably fierce, fashion is rarely nerdy.  Until now.  We’ve seen the rise of nerdy chic in hipster comedies, independent bookstores and the kind of bars that host trivia nights.  But this season these five compelling trends will allow us all to embrace our lovable inner dork… 1.  Elastic Waistbands. “Why?” my husband asked, blinking, as I explained the proliferation of elastic waistbands I’d seen in stores recently. “I’m not sure,” I responded.  “I think because of the popularity of leggings, which have become jean/leggings, or jeggings, and suddenly everybody remembered how comfortable elastic waistbands really are, especially when you’re gorging yourself on craft brews and artisanal cheeses.  So...

.500. For any fan of baseball’s Pittsburgh Pirates, this number now has more significance than Barry Bonds’ home run record, DiMaggio’s hit streak or Cal Ripken’s consecutive games played. When I wrote the following blogumn in March, it looked like the chances of  the Pirates  finally ending this season with as many wins as losses after a record 18 consecutive years of failing were about as good as Newt Gingrich winning the Republican nomination. Then a funny thing happened: the Pirates started winning. And they’ve kept winning with as much regularity as they’ve been losing. And now the wins are starting to outnumber the losses. We’re about halfway through the season and if the Pirates keep going, this blogumn will be forever outdated. Never before have I ever wanted my writing to be so wrong... Originally published 03/25/11 How do the Pittsburgh Pirates compare with other infamous losers of history? On Thursday, April 7th, Major League Baseball’s Pittsburgh Pirates will take to the field of PNC Park to play the Colorado Rockies. If all goes as planned (and there is little reason to doubt that it won’t) sometime in early October, the Pirates will finish their 19th consecutive losing season. The only records that will be broken will be their own: In 2009, their 17th  losing season tied them with the Philadelphia Phillies for the longest streak of consecutive losing seasons in North American sports history. And last year, the Pittsburgh Pirates celebrated their final descent to the bottommost throne in Loserdom’s decaying garbage heap with the most losses (105) in their 123 year existence. In terms of embarrassment, ignominy and defeat, the Pittsburgh Pirates are now only competing with themselves. Of course many people will argue that Pirates’ fans really have no right to complain....

Originally published on 03/10/11 I remain thoroughly on Team Spock, but I’ll be damned if this Captain Kirk robe doesn’t have me wanting to switch sides. It’s only $50, and it looks both comfy and warm. Cheap, comfy, warm and nerdy? Hard to beat that combination. Click on the pic to purchase. ~via Topless...

Originally published 03/23/11 Okay, unless your visiting this blog post from the future, prepared to be super-jealous of everything you’re about to see in Corning’s A DAY MADE OF GLASS. You know how you felt that one time you brought an Apple product, only to have them announce an upgrade a month later? That’s how you’re about to feel about your entire present-day life. Seriously, why can’t we live in the future now? ~via...

Co-Ed. Note: We obviously chose this one because it was super-controversial. Also, because every time I go to put on my skinny jeans, I now think of this post. Ugh! Originally published 01/20/11 It should be noted that I’m not a fashion expert.  I don’t have a degree in fashion from one of those institutes you hear about on TV late at night.  My idea of dressing up, now that I’m a stay at home dad, is putting on a clean t-shirt.  During the week you’ll usually see me lumbering around in shorts or athletic pants, depending on the weather, and the aforementioned tee which may or may not have a witticism on it.  My experience and so-called expertise in this area is limited to the occasional Project Runway rerun, several episodes of What Not to Wear that were penance for all my sports intake, my daily walks and weekly errands with my son.  These tasks include, but are not limited to, strolling through the mall, shopping at Target and stocking up at Costco.  It’s not a coincidence that these places also seem to attract moms, or more generally, women.  Which brings me to my point: Skinny Jeans. There are some fashions that go out as fast as they came in.  Anyone still wearing parachute pants or acid washed jeans or tie dyed shirts?  I mean anyone other than those who still have their Michael Jackson Thriller poster up, or those getting the band back together, or those homemade honey sellers at the farmer’s markets.  Other fashions stick around forever.  The little black dress, the power suit, comfortable jeans are just a few examples. There are also some fashions that come out, reach a Tipping Point, and seem to take over the world. Juicy...

You only have until next Friday to enter to win our 32 CANDLES swag giveaway. You can win just by spreading the word about 32 CANDLES, so definitely get those deets HERE. Meanwhile here’s a report I did on a book I’m still quoting. It’s also the one non-fiction that I think everyone should read. Originally published 04/14/11 Every so once in a while a book comes along that inspires within me so many ideas that my usual book report format just doesn’t fit. I actually finished the book back in February and have been trying to figure out a coherent way to present my notes ever since. Today I give up that struggle. I’m just going to download my thoughts as a numbered list, prefaced by these three statements: This is a very well-written book detailing the history of cancer from ancient times until right about now. It’s already my favorite non-fiction book of the year. Everyone whose life has been touched in any way by cancer should read this book. 1. Video killed the health-intiative. It is perhaps sad that we will probably never have another president with a serious health problem.  According to EMPEROR: “Polio research was shaken out of its torpor by Franklin Roosevelt in 1937.” Having been paralyzed from the waist down because of polio, Roosevelt led the charge to advance research and publicize polio. It would take decades for cancer research to find its own champions. 2. WARNING: Reading this book at first is a bit like watching HOARDERS. You will yourself feel riddled with cancer, hopeless about a cure. 3. It occurs to me that we should be more grateful for current medicine. Almost every medical procedure, tool, and pill that we take for granted really represents...

Originally published on 03/01/11 Apparently the Hipster Ariel tumblr, which we featured on our Friday PoT a couple weeks ago has now juggernauted into a full-blown, all-Disney-Princess-encompassing thing. So click on the below pic for a whole bunch of Hipster Princess nougaty goodness. ~via...

Originally published 02/15/11 Remember how I said last week that THIS was the most awful thing I had seen all year? I spoke too soon. The below is definitely the most awful thing I’ve seen all year. It’s maybe even more awful that THIS — and I didn’t even think that was possible. I don’t care if the Egyptians are now free, the fact is that we live in a terrible, terrible world. ~via Topless...

Learning how to Fight Fair and Communicate are crucial skills for all aspects of life. I understand how difficult it is to employ these “rules” when caught up in the emotional moment which is why I am choosing this Blogumn to repeat: a refresher for both my readers and me. Originally published 06/08/11 Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend and I just had our first major fight. We’ve never disagreed this majorly before and I’m wondering if this is “it”. We moved in together a year ago. I worry that he’s doing similar things as my ex-husband and fear maybe I should cut my losses right now before it gets too deep. He agreed to pick me up from an appointment next week and then scheduled a guy’s weekend in Vegas for the same time! How irresponsible! My ex made many promises to me that he didn’t keep and so you can see why I’m freaking out. He claims he forgot but still wants to go to Vegas AND suggested a friend of mine pick me up!!! I should just find a new apartment and dump him, right? Sincerely, On the Way Out Dear OtWO, Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is your first big fight and you have been co-habitating for a year? That, in itself, is amazing. A couple’s first argument is an important milestone! I know it sounds strange, but this is an incredible opportunity for growth and has the potential to truly bring you closer together. Obviously, you were greatly hurt by the carelessness of your ex-husband but here is a new guy and a totally different situation. It is not fair to pile up all your hurt feelings from your past marriage onto this new man....

Hey-O, Super-quick reminder to enter to win a $25 gift card and a very limited edition 32 CANDLES tote HERE. Meanwhile, here’s a very important post on a seriously controversial topic that would still be in our top five if I hadn’t disabled its ability to do so. The poll is still open, so feel free to vote to vote below. Originally published 03/23/11 Okay, an argument broke out in the comments on my Gwyneth Paltrow post yesterday in regards to a very important question: Was Jude Law hot in THE HOLIDAY? I argue that no, he was not hot. As a matter fact he was ridiculous, seeing as how his over-application of self-tanner turned him into a completely unheard of creature: a tan, blond Englishman. I might have forgiven his appearance if the film had been called THE SUMMER HOLIDAY, and were perhaps set in Greece. But no the film was about a holiday taken during the holidays, and in Jude’s case was set against the snow-laden background of a quaint British town in winter, I’m afraid that the heretofore attractive, Jude Law, came off looking both vain and orange. Reads4Pleasure, however begs to differ. She insist that he is quote-unquote fine in this movie. Seeing as I am right in most things, I already know that she is wrong. But I’ve decided to put it to you, Dear Reader. The question you must settle definitively: Is Jude Law hot or ridiculous in THE HOLIDAY? Click HERE to watch him in THE HOLIDAY, where he’s somehow tanner than his California-based co-star, Cameron Diaz. Then vote in the poll below. [poll...

Originally published 02/03/11 Because I got a graphic right here that says your state ain’t so great either. Click on the pic for further explanations … or if you like me, have trouble telling which unlabeled state is which, now that you’re not in the third grade anymore. ~via Pleated...

It’s funny because last time we picked our favorite blogumn, I picked my first article and this time I picked the first article I wrote for FAN in 2011.  It was an easy choice for me, because I’m still obsessed with the idea of spending Christmas on Coronado Island and even mentioned this to my husband just two days ago.  Now that it’s summer, I think it’s time to embrace a good STAYCATION again! Originally published 01/04/11 My husband has been asking me to embrace the staycation since we’ve moved to San Diego two years ago.  Finally, this past holiday season I fell into the spirit of a full blown staycation and fell in love with a new part of my city again. We decided on a staycation this year because neither of us planned our New Year’s weekend in advance.  Starting December 26, I looked into traveling December 29-January 2 and all my efforts to go to Hawaii showed a cost of $3500-$4000for the four day trip — maybe next year.  I was dying for a break.  We’d just had Alan’s family visit for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas.  That’s when I told Alan “STAYCATION!” on Wednesday night. For the first time I was planning my weekend in San Diego like I was traveling there.  I was looking up what activities I wanted to do, what restaurants I wanted to eat in and anticipating sleeping and lying in bed (something I love to do on vacation). We had Indian food, a yummy cheese-centric dinner at a local restaurant, saw Harry Potter, and ended the weekend with a trip to Coronado Island. Coronado Island has actually served as a bit of contention in our marriage.  I love going there and my husband, content in...

Originally published 02/10/11 Though less than a minute, watching this video is exactly like staring straight into the face of evil. I’m surprised I made it out alive. If you dare to watch, I hope you make it out alive, too. ~via Topless...

I chose this article because even looking back on it I am surprised that is spawned such a heartfelt, deep and thought-provoking discussion on race and identity both here and on Facebook.   It also made me think further about how, if at all, parents should try to shape their child’s racial identity.  I have every intention of trying to shape our children’s racial identity but the discussion threads really made me think about how careful I need to be. Originally published 02/15/11 When I was in college there was this young biracial (half black and half white) woman.  I remember her so vividly, which is funny since she went out of her way to avoid talking to me even though we lived in the same house.  Truthfully, it was not just me – lets call her “Jessica” – avoided most black people particularly those that were extremely vocal about race and racial politics.  She did not attend BRIDGE – the pre-orientation program for women of color at Smith.  She refused to join the Black Student’s Association.  A friend of mind would often remark how “confused” she was because she was adopted and raised by white parents.  Our junior year she started an organization on campus called MISC or “Multi-Ethnic Inter-Racial Smith College.”  By that time I was dating a really awesome guy, who happened to be white, and it was becoming abundantly clear that we were headed down the aisle.  So Jessica scared the hell out of me!  All I kept thinking was what if I have a daughter like her who intentionally alienates herself from women who resemble her mother or father? Fast forward nearly 14 years later – indeed I did marry that awesome guy, who happened to be white.  And...

I’m rerunning this one just because it was unexpectedly really, really popular. So many of our readers seemed to either irrationally dislike Gwyneth Paltrow or irrationally dislike another celebrity. If you didn’t weigh in the first time, please do so now. I really enjoy this topic. Also, friendly reminder, that though our paperback swag giveaways end NEXT FRIDAY (seriously enter to win now!), our Book Club giveaways are in effect for the entire summer. So do convince your book club to read 32 CANDLES sooner than later, and get those details HERE. Now for the post, which originally ran on 03/22/11… What I find weird about my dislike of Gwyneth Paltrow is that it has no basis. There are those that dislike her because they feel that she is overprivileged and out of touch. But really acting as a profession with its scattered paychecks and unapologetically non-merit based hiring practices doesn’t attract very many underprivileged and in touch folks to it ranks. I can think of a handful of actresses and music artists who I like just fine who are in the same overprivileged, out-of-touch boat. Also, I find my dislike weird, because I like Gwyneth Paltrow in everything she does. Loved her in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, adored her in SLIDING DOORS. She was the only thing I liked in IRON MAN 2, and I can’t get enough of her on GLEE. It’s to the point that I would happily watch her in anything she chose to star in, b/c she tends to pick movies to my taste. I might even rent COUNTRY STRONG when it comes out on video. Yet, I do not like her. I cannot watch interviews with her. If she is featured in a magazine, I skip over that article....

Originally posted on 01/10/11 I think these hidden animal teacups are supposed to be cute, but I don’t see how having an animal head in the bottom of your tea cup wouldn’t scare the shit out of any unwitting houseguest. And that makes me want to order an entire set right now with the money I don’t have, just in case anyone ever gets it in their head to visit me in my hovel of an apartment. ~via...

Originally published 01/31/11 As I write this, it’s raining outside.  It would be a perfect day to cuddle with That Special Someone.  But I don’t have a Special Someone.  What I do have is a fancy new phone.  Which is why I’m developing. . .The Virtual Girlfriend App. Download the free version, fill out a brief questionnaire setting your grammatical/age/topic preferences, and instantly begin receiving three to four text messages throughout the day.  Imagine how heart warming it would be to be sitting at work, doing something productive when suddenly your phone chirps.  “Hey,” pops a text message, “Just thinking about you [insert name here].  Hope you’re having a good day!”  Would your heart not tingle just as much as if your “real” significant other (whom you never see anyway) sent the message?  Yes it would.* Once you get hooked on the basic version, it’s time to move up to the next level.  For a monthly fee of $2/month your Virtual Girlfriend will send you occasional picture messages of what she’s having for lunch.  For a small extra charge, she can send vaguely titillating picture messages.  This added depth will guarantee greater verisimilitude.  The VGA’s proprietary AI system will also allow a degree of interactivity.  That’s right, you’ll be able to ask her questions, get her opinion on things, even have little spats that you can then resolve with a little late night sexting.  It’s almost like the real thing! Ready for even more?  Fill out an extensive survey detailing your eating habits, shopping lists, schedule, educational background, color preferences, income.  Once you share this level of intimacy with your Virtual Girlfriend, she will remind you to buy milk, wish your mother a happy birthday, or ask you penetrating questions about your favorite passages...

While reviewing my posts from the past year in an effort to find my favorite, I discovered two important things about myself: I am an angry, hateful and occasionally deeply unpleasant person to be around. I had a great time in Vegas this year! So- here’s my personal favorite post of the past year, chock full of Vegas travel tips for the non-gambling, Cirque-hating, outdoor drinking and bowling enthusiast. Just don’t tell my dog I picked this one. Or my Drunk Dad. Or my new floor. Originally published 03/14/11 We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the urge to make a gratuitous reference to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas began to take hold. And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car. So we decided to stop for lunch. We chose The Mad Greek Café, world famous for gyros, date-shakes and pointless statuary. The gyros ranked somewhere between “Daphne’s” and “ass,” but the date shakes were loaded with enough sugary goodness to obliterate any of the unpleasant healthy feeling that goes along with eating fruit. And the statuary — well, suffice it to say that the Mad Greek has the finest reproduction of Michelangelo’s David ever to be placed between a Yield sign and a fire hydrant. Oh, and, by the way, Michelangelo was Italian, morons. I guess “Idiot Greek Who Flunked Art History Café” didn’t have the same ring to it. So, right, uhm Vegas. Here’s the thing, I hate gambling. Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. I don’t understand gambling. Then again, I hate all the things I don’t understand (Cirque de Soleil-...

Two Friendly Reminders: 1) Most bookstores are open today, so you should definitely consider picking up a copy of 32 CANDLES while you’re out and about. THEN you can enter our paperback giveway. 2) We’re re-running the BEST OF FaN for the next two weeks. So if you’re newish to the blog or just want to re-read the cream of the 2011 crop (which is way fun), then keep on coming back every weekday as usual. Love, love, love!...

“The Ancient Greeks reserved a special word for the sort of arrogance that makes you forget your own humanity. That word was Hubris.” — From an introductory essay included in the Playbill of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. Note to Julie Taymor, Bono and The Edge: When creating a $65 million dollar musical beset by more accidents than those found in the diapers of my nine-month old niece, it’s not a good idea to feature an essay in your show’s program about Hubris. But then again, the entire production history of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark reeks of Hubris. And Hubris was at the heart of what I saw on the night of December 20th when, during a preview performance, Christopher Tierney (one of the many actors who portrays the flying Spider-Man) plummeted 30 feet into an orchestra pit, causing the performance to come to a premature end with seven minutes left. In truth, I was there to see an accident. Not an accident that endangered the life of an actor, mind you, but a theatrical one.  I had missed the opportunity to feast upon such legendary Broadway turkeys as Dance of the Vampires, Lestat, and Carrie: The Musical. And the larger-than-life elements and Jupiter-sized egos involved with Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark seemed to ensure that the show was either going to be a unmitigated disaster or a genuine work of theatrical genius like Taymor’s The Lion King. I know what you’re thinking now– Aside from the stage accident, how was the show? To assist me in answering this question, I’ve enlisted my buddy Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher who knew a few things about Hubris. As anyone who’s taken a freshman year theatre class knows, Aristotle broke down Greek Tragedy (and thus...

a blogumn by Ryan Dixon INTRODUCTION TO THE 2010 EDITION Like that Christmas Eve story Grandpa always told that became longer and more convoluted as the years went on, the time has once again arrived for my ever-growing annual holiday column on Hickory Farms Beef Stick. I figure if George Lucas can give us approximately 18,281 Special Editions of Star Wars, there’s no reason why I can’t write an additional hundred words or so each year, expanding on the joys and sorrows experienced while eating the greatest of the great American foods. (Attention conspiracy theorists:  Just because I wrote about my McRib addiction a few weeks ago and am now delving itno a hagiography of Hickory Farms Beef Stick does not mean that I’m on the American Meat Institute’s payroll. Of course, if anyone from the American Meat Institute is reading this post, I would actually very much like to be on the payroll. Feel free to tweet me up at @ryanbdixon.) And so, dear readers, Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present: ON THE EXEGESIS OF THE SOUL OR: WHY I LOVE BEEF STICK: 2010 REVISED and EXPANDED EDITION with a SLIGHTLY NEW, or more accurately, NEWLY REVISED INTRODUCTION (Which You Just Read)   1: BEEF STICK, LORD OF THE MEMORY PALACE “May I try a free sample?” After speaking those six simple words, the ritual would always be the same: A smiling gray-haired clerk at a Hickory Farms Christmas stand in one of the many Western Pennsylvania malls I visited during my childhood would poke a toothpick into a delicately cut square of meat, hand it to me and the door to paradise would open… I love Hickory Farms Beef Stick. There is a popular dinner party question that goes something like...

So first up, as I’ve been alluding to ever since we booked the trip back in June, the fam is headed down to Hawaii for some much-needed R&R for the next two weeks. But never fear, we’re not abandoning you. We’ll actually be having two weeks of re-runs with our FaN writers and myself picking some of our favorite posts from the last two years. If you haven’t been with us from the beginning, then this is definitely the two weeks you should be reading. And if you have been with us, well, let me tell you, I’m getting quite a kick re-reading the posts that our FaN bloggers have been sending in. They’re like little gifts from the past, and I think you’ll enjoy re-reading them, too. So do come back on Monday for our BEST OF FaN. That all said, here is my Hello Friday for the week. 1. Like Zack Bunker, I find the Drag-U concept of turning women into fierce drag queens somewhat baffling. But if this show were set in a frat house or male strip club or anything like that, I’d be it’s #1 fan. 2. Like most people who have a couple years of therapy under their belts, I occasionally miss it. So Dr. Miro’s speed-shrinking event sounds all sorts of fabulous. 3. I don’t re-read books. And when I read posts like Amy Brown’s revisit of UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN, I’m glad for it. Loved the movie, though. But now I’m afraid to rewatch it. Luckily I don’t revisit movies either. 4. When I worked at the United Jewish Federation in Pittsburgh (still my favorite day job to date), they had several programs to send Jews who had never been to Israel there to visit. Basically...