On the Exegesis of the Soul Or: Why I Love Beef Stick [The Ryan Dixon ...

INTRODUCTION TO THE 2012 EDITION “May I try a free sample?” After speaking those six simple words, the ritual would always be the same: A smiling gray-haired clerk at a Hickory Farms Christmas stand in one of the many Western Pennsylvania malls I visited during my childhood would poke a...

Procrastinate on This — Halloween Edition [BEST OF FaN]

It was so amazing to see my home team win the World Series while surrounded by family. Also, I’m still a little fearful of swimming pools since watching the video for DYE’s “Fantasy,” so being the lovely person that I am, I figured it would be a great idea to re-run it...

When I Made Dick Van Dyke Laugh (A Hollywood Valentine) [Hippie Square...

I like this tale. What’s more, I like this telling of it. Hippie Squared is often mined from my personal oral tradition–oft-told tales of my adventures. But sometimes I get the nagging feeling that I told it better years ago at a party somewhere. Not here. This time, I feel like I...

Baby-sit Before You Baby-make [Frankie Says...][Best of FaN]

Since I believe this is still such an important topic and the ONE thing I would tell people about to reproduce, it’s my favorite piece from the last year. Also because it has ‘prairie dogging’ it’ somewhere in there. How can you not like a story with THAT phrase in it?...

Captain Picard, Data, and Geordi LaForge Do “Single Ladies”...

I really don’t think I’ll ever get sick of “Single Ladies” parodies.  And weirdly enough I just realized how silly-sounding Geordi’s name is while typing in that title. Little late. In any case, if this doesn’t lift you out of your back to work funk, I...

In Defense of Bread: A Love Story [Elbows on the Table][Best of FaN]

Author’s Note: When you want to cause a stir in politics, bring up government spending.  No one is right and everyone is wrong.  We are taxed too high, spending’s too low, too much money goes to parks, not enough on research… the shouting will never subside. If you want to...

Nerd Food [Fierce Foodie][Best of FaN]

This is my favorite Fierce Foodie of 2012 because it utterly encompasses my nerdishness, from my obsessive LOTR behaviors to my love of food descriptions in fantasy fiction.  Plus, it expresses my yearning to be a hobbit.    When I think of nerd food, my mind inevitably wanders past pizza...

It’s Not a Real Romance Unless You Eat a Mermaid Together – Proc...

Still the most romantic music video I’ve seen thus far. Ah, amore! Other than that, this video from from Dutch rapper Gers Pardoel is all kinds of sweet and awesome. Check it out. GERS PARDOEL – ‘IK NEEM JE MEE’ (I’ll take you with me) from Job, Joris &...

Everyone Who Races Wins [On The Contrary][Best of FaN]

I wrote this the first week of April 2012, almost a month to the day I was scheduled to run my first marathon. The good news is, I finished. The better news is, hammering my legs for 26.2 miles for nearly 4 hours in the hot May sun of Pittsburgh might have occasioned some post race fatigue...

“My Boss is Crazy” is a Redundant Statement [HorroR Storie...

I picked this post as my “best of” because: 1. I didn’t have many to choose from as I’m a relatively new contributor here and 2. this is hands down the question people ask me more than anything (or a version of). It seems that having a crazy boss is like the common...

Stop Hating, Bitch Fonts! – Procrastinate on This [BEST OF FaN]

Just in case you’re wondering, yes, we are still HUGE nerds. You are, too, if the below gives you as big of a tickle as it gives us.   That’s not me talking, that’s Comic Sans — who is basically making me reconsider my ere-to-now eschewing of this font, because...

Foot Mouth or Stupid Stuff I Shouldn’t Have Said [Tall Drink of ...

I really wanted to choose my story about finally being okay with wearing glasses in public for best of FaN, but the column below needed to resurface because I can’t stop saying stupid stuff. People tell me that I’m an excellent listener. One of the reasons people think that, is...

Why So Serious, James Bond? – Procrastinate on This [BEST OF FaN...

I don’t care how clever his Olympic spot was, I still think James Bond has become entirely too serious.  So this trailer for SKYFALL, the newest James Bond movie, was recently released, and from the looks of it, it’s going to be the most dour James Bond joint yet. Which got me to...

Thine Commandments of Kickstarter for an Indie Video Game [Gamer by De...

For my favorite post of the year for Fierce and Nerdy, I chose to re-publish my Kickstarter how-to. It was by far my most popular post, probably because there are not a lot of straightforward, honest articles of how to succeed in doing a Kickstarter for a video game (I know, because I...

How About If No One Likes Your Story? – Bloggin’ on the ET...

This is the shortest piece I wrote this year, yet it’s the one people have told me off blog that they appreciated the most. Go figure. If you have decided to pursue writing as a career, the voices in your head will ask you this question often. “How about if no one likes your...

Procrastinate on This! – The End of Summer Edition [BEST OF FaN]

My supposed break from Procrastinate on This (I think I lasted three whole months before I took it back over), some great advice for living your life well, a Chipolte ad which nearly turned me vegetarian, and yes, I’m still obsessed with the idea of Tayari Jones writing her next novel...

How Tom Selleck Predicted Our Future [Kicking Back With Jersey Joe][Be...

Originally published 2/3/12 – One of my favorite blogumns from this year!  It was great to look back on this classic TV commercials and see which AT&T products really did come true as predicted.  I remember how heavily these aired over several years.  Tom Selleck, the man who...

L.A.’s Shortest Commute is… [Stay-at-Home Nerd][Best of Fa...

Did I really write a piece about wanting, needing, liking a morning commute? Six steps.  That’s how long it takes to walk from my side of the bed to the baby monitor.  No alarm clocks, roosters, or cell phone ringers – just the sounds of a baby boy waking up to a brand new day.  It takes less...

The ABCs of Movie Monsters [Procrastinate on This]

I really can’t get enough of these film-themed ABC videos. They’re like a trivia gift for film geeks.  Help me out with this one please. I guessed every one except H, I, Q, U, and Z. So let me know if you got any of those five in the comments. [via...

Live From Seattle: Space Muslims! [A Tall Glass Of Shame][Best of FaN]

I love this story from my past, and over the last year I have to say this is my favorite blog post. These women haunt my memories of Seattle and every time I have returned, I think about them and wonder where they are today… Every year around this time when the sun starts to change...

50 Shades of a Cupcake: an Erotic Tale by Sarah Fazeli [Bewitched, Bot...

You. Cupcake. You sit, innocent, behind the clear glass. You hide between row after row of imposters. You cannot deceive me. You cannot hide. I bend low, in order to see you clearer. My eyes sure of you there. Nothing, not even a pane of Plexiglas can shield you from my desire. You, the one...

The Future of Advertising Is Going to Be Ridiculously Cute – Pro...

It’s not a BEST OF FaN cycle unless cats are featured. You know how we do.  I think this video is supposed to be a joke, but we really, really, really don’t want it to be. ~via Cute...

Thanksgiving (Sex) Toys & the FAA [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t ...

I picked this as the ‘Best Of “Ask Dr. Miro”‘ from the past year after getting a lot of personal comments thanking me for the travel assistance. Plus, it just seemed to be appropriate for all the summer travel that is going on. Dear Dr. Miro, I am flying cross country...

Everything Is a Remix: THE MATRIX – Procrastinate on This [BEST ...

I think at a time when our bestselling novel is FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY, it’s a great idea to examine what all has influenced some of our favorite blockbusters.  This is all over the web, but just in case you haven’t seen it yet, basically THE MATRIX was influenced by a lot of other...

Oh, and hey, did I mention I got LASIK? – Bloggin’ on the ...

I know, I know — I’ve had much more inspirational pieces here on Fierce and Nerdy, but strangely enough, this is the one I get asked about the most in real life. So just in case you’re considering getting LASIK and didn’t see this the first time around… Because I...

Panthers and Dragons and Elephants — Oh My! -Procrastinate on Th...

Still can’t afford Cartier, but I also still love this ad… I’m not saying that the French are better at crafting mesmerizing images than we are, I’m just saying that this Cartier ad had me at “elephant carrying the Taj Mahal on its back.” Thanks to Gudrun...

Murder, I Wrote About [California Seething][Best of FaN]

I chose this post because I knew that if I didn’t, Ernessa would murder me with an ice-pick. And then Jessica Fletcher would have to solve the case of who murdered me with an ice pick, and Angela Lansbury is too old for that shit. So here you go- enjoy! Let’s say you killed Guy Fieri...

Procrastinate on This: Ernessa’s forcing me to start 2011 sappy ...

Originally published on 01/03/11 Ernessa and I got in an argument about this “No Arms, No Legs, No Worries” video, because I’m not the kind of person who seeks out inspiration or inspirational messages. She’s that kind of person, but I’m not. Also, I have a...

WIN A McRIB! The Five Reasons Why the McRib is the Greatest Fast Food ...

Want to win a free McRib? Then play Fierce & Nerdy’s Search for the Great McRibiography! Here’s how to win your FREE McRib: 1. Read Ryan’s Dixon’s now classic manifesto: The Five Reasons Why the McRib is the Greatest Fast Food Item of All Time 2. In the Comments...

Procrastinate on This: Friday Edition: March 4, 2011 [BEST OF FaN]

Heya, I’ve gotta bounce for a weekend of … well, nothing much. But ya’ll don’t want hear me, ya’ll just want to dance … with this weekend’s chunk of procrastination. So here you go: 1. I was just complaining the other day that we don’t roll...

Outrageous Court Show Clips: Kicking Back with Jersey Joe [BEST OF FaN...

Originally published 06/10/11 Turn on your TV any weekday afternoon and you’ll find the channels jam packed with court shows.  Each year, we are treated to a few new names, while the old standbys keep getting renewed season after season. While most are your standard small claims courts case,...

Fiercely (and a bit begrudgingly) Being a Bridesmaid: FIERCE ANTICIPAT...

Originally published 05/27/11 This weekend is one of my best friend’s bachelorette party. Since it is a bicoastal wedding (the bride and groom-to-be live in San Francisco, while the family and bulk of the friends live in Massachusetts), we (and by we, I mean the bride and her east coast...

The Antidote to Cynicism: One More Thing Before We Go [BEST OF FaN]

Originally posted on 05/11/2011 As cynical as I am, even I squeed a bit when I saw these pictures of real animals with stuffed animals. Click on the pics below if you need a bit of a mid-week upper....

Secret Life of an Expat: Get Up Outta that Funk [BEST OF FaN]

For my Fierce ReRun, I’d like to remind myself what to do when I’m slipping into a funk, because now that my job is over and I’m bumbling around the house, I feel one coming on. Best to nip it in the bud. Originally published 11/04/10 Has anyone ever told you to take care of...

Take Five Minutes to Put Life in Perspective: Procrastinate on This [B...

Originally published 04/28/11 This thesis project as voiced by Carl Sagan and animated by Adam Winnik made me think, then if made me feel very, very claustrophobic, like I needed to get in a rocketship and blast into space like right now. I think you’ll see why. ~via LikeCool Pale Blue...

Nerd in Transition: On the Wagon (Again-Again) [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 02/24/11 I’m back on the wagon. That’s right I fell off again. I spent December through most of February stoned. It started slowly with me trying to control my smoking only to quickly spiral down into my full on addiction again. Thankfully I had set up some safety traps...

Summer Movie Posters Keepin It Real: One More Thing Before We Go [BEST...

Originally published on 05/12/11 Below find an i09 retrospective of what this summer movie posters would look like if they decided to keep it real. Real real. Click on any of the posters to see the full post at the most brilliant website...

Hello Halo Halo: Fierce Foodie [BEST OF FaN]

My favorite piece so far is “Hello Halo Halo,” because I love sharing foods from my childhood that may be utterly unknown or incomprehensible to some readers.  Mung beans and purple yam and palm seeds in my dessert?!  Yes!!  I love to encourage culinary exploration. Originally published...

Procrastinate on This: Archie Gets the CW Treatment [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 03/08/11 Okay L.A. Friends of FaN, try not to snark on the production values too much. This modern-day retelling of the Archie ethos starts off shaky but really gets going about a third of the way through. The Jughead character is especially intriguing. Good job,...

Keep your bicycle off the road: On the Contrary [BEST OF FaN]

I don’t want to belabor this point, but after witnessing a hipster cyclist run into a nice (I assume) Mexican family on a Burbank sidewalk, I feel my cry for sanity in keeping these crazed pedaling freaks off our streets and sidewalks has gone unheeded. I choose to reprint it here not...

If You Want to Be a Great Writer, Get a Cat: One More Thing Before We ...

Originally published on 05/03/11 As it turns out a lot of literary greats had or have cats, including Twain, Plath, Huxley, Gorey, and Murakami. So if you have plans of becoming a great writer and you don’t have a cat — well, I suggest you adopt one along with, you know, good...

Wherein I Learn I Am Not A Person of Interest: Hyperbolic Tendencies [...

This article was meaningful to me because it reminded me of just how unpredictable life can be, that sometimes, we can all be a real asshole and that every once in a while, the bad girl/guy gets what s/he deseves! Originally published 04/05/11 Several months ago, I decided to make a day job...

Fascinating Facts About Placebos: Procrastinate on This [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 03/14/11 If you think you understand the placebo effect, and you’re not a doctor or a scientist, then watch this, b/c you really don’t. It’s much, much bigger than you think it is. My highly moral takeaway: I need one of you to give me a placebo and tell...

Ask Dr. Miro: A Feeldoe in the Bed is Worth Two in the… What You Didn’...

C0-Ed. Note: We’re re-running this “Ask Dr. Miro,” b/c not only is it super-funny, but it also got us flagged by Google Ads. And as you know, we nerds just love to get in trouble — makes us feel baaaad. Originally published 01/05/11 Dear Dr. Miro, I am so embarrassed!...

Malcolm Jamal Warning: One More Thing Before We Go [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published on 03/23/11 Why am I such a hermit? If I wasn’t, I would totally go out into the world and plaster these Malcolm Jamal Warning signs everywhere in the universe. ~via Angry Black Lady...

Quitting or Letting Go? Tall Drink of Nerd [BEST OF FaN]

I chose this as my favorite blog so far for 2011 because it was a cathartic blog for me. My genetic slant toward indecision is on full display here as I battle the demons of finishing a project or abandoning it. After writing this, I decided to move forward with the project, a choice I might...

Fierce in Seattle: Sweet lovin’ [BEST OF FaN]

I love to show people how just organizing a simple charity activity can bring wealth to not only the organization, but to the participants & the recipients! Originally published on Valentine’s Day Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day and no, I am not going to inundate you with...

Pretty Much the Best Thing Ever: Procrastinate on This [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 04/07/11 You know how there’s all this Sarah Silverman hate going around, especially from women. Well the below will instantly make you unhate her — but only if you came of age in the 80s … and still hold on to a latent desire to make a deep connection...

Dork Lifestyle: Raoul is so retro [BEST OF FaN]

Originally posted on 01/24/11 Do you ever think back to when you did not use a card to pay for everything? Meet Raoul. He always uses cash. Though I did swipe his debit card for this transaction, he always uses cash. What do you use? Yes, that’s our own Missy in the mood photo! GO...

Procrastinate on This: Friday Edition: February 4, 2011 [BEST OF FaN]]

I think there might be some type of gaming event on this weekend. I’m not sure what it is, since no one’s really been talking about it this week. I might go do a deep internet search on the topic to see if I can dig up any information on this mostly ignored event, but first...

SAVED BY THE BELL: How a Big Part of Our Childhood Almost Never Made i...

It’s the classic children’s TV show all Generation X’ers grew up with.  See how SAVED BY THE BELL evolved over the years and barely avoided cancellation after a much different pilot episode!  Every American kid in the 90s woke up to this show on Saturday mornings....

Molly Garner Knows a Few Things About Fashion: FIERCE ANTICIPATION [BE...

Originally published 03/18/11 In addition to being a sometimes actress and sometimes writer, I am an almost-all-the-time shopping tour guide.  Giving shopping tours is my day job.  “What’s a shopping tour?” you may ask.  Well, I work for a company called Shop Gotham that...

The Ever-Sinking Ship: The Historic Losing Streak of the Pittsburgh Pi...

.500. For any fan of baseball’s Pittsburgh Pirates, this number now has more significance than Barry Bonds’ home run record, DiMaggio’s hit streak or Cal Ripken’s consecutive games played. When I wrote the following blogumn in March, it looked like the chances of  the...

Think Geek Captain Kirk Bathrobe: One More Thing Before We Go [BEST OF...

Originally published on 03/10/11 I remain thoroughly on Team Spock, but I’ll be damned if this Captain Kirk robe doesn’t have me wanting to switch sides. It’s only $50, and it looks both comfy and warm. Cheap, comfy, warm and nerdy? Hard to beat that combination. Click on...

Vajazzling and Pejazzling: Tall Glass of Shame [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 05/26/11 I am all for bling in this world, but there is a time and place for everything. It seems everywhere I turn these days there is another mylar encrusted t-shirt, more shimmering cell phone covers, jewel encrusted dog collars and now… Swarovski crystals for...

People Who Live in Glasses are Luckier than Those that Don’t – In the ...

Originally published 03/23/11 Okay, unless your visiting this blog post from the future, prepared to be super-jealous of everything you’re about to see in Corning’s A DAY MADE OF GLASS. You know how you felt that one time you brought an Apple product, only to have them announce an...

Stay-at-Home Nerd: Weighs in on Skinny Jeans [BEST OF FaN]

Co-Ed. Note: We obviously chose this one because it was super-controversial. Also, because every time I go to put on my skinny jeans, I now think of this post. Ugh! Originally published 01/20/11 It should be noted that I’m not a fashion expert.  I don’t have a degree in fashion from one of...

THE EMPEROR OF MALADIES by Siddhartha Mukherjee: Book 15 of 2011 ̵...

You only have until next Friday to enter to win our 32 CANDLES swag giveaway. You can win just by spreading the word about 32 CANDLES, so definitely get those deets HERE. Meanwhile here’s a report I did on a book I’m still quoting. It’s also the one non-fiction that I think...

One More Thing Before We Go: Hipster Princesses [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published on 03/01/11 Apparently the Hipster Ariel tumblr, which we featured on our Friday PoT a couple weeks ago has now juggernauted into a full-blown, all-Disney-Princess-encompassing thing. So click on the below pic for a whole bunch of Hipster Princess nougaty goodness. ~via...

Procrastinate on This: We live in a terrible world [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 02/15/11 Remember how I said last week that THIS was the most awful thing I had seen all year? I spoke too soon. The below is definitely the most awful thing I’ve seen all year. It’s maybe even more awful that THIS — and I didn’t even think that...

Fighting Fair! What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class: Ask Dr. Miro [BE...

Learning how to Fight Fair and Communicate are crucial skills for all aspects of life. I understand how difficult it is to employ these “rules” when caught up in the emotional moment which is why I am choosing this Blogumn to repeat: a refresher for both my readers and me....

Is Jude Law Hot in THE HOLIDAY? – Wow! It’s Wednesday! [BE...

Hey-O, Super-quick reminder to enter to win a $25 gift card and a very limited edition 32 CANDLES tote HERE. Meanwhile, here’s a very important post on a seriously controversial topic that would still be in our top five if I hadn’t disabled its ability to do so. The poll is still...

One More Thing Before We Go: Don’t go talking ish about my state [BEST...

Originally published 02/03/11 Because I got a graphic right here that says your state ain’t so great either. Click on the pic for further explanations … or if you like me, have trouble telling which unlabeled state is which, now that you’re not in the third grade anymore....

NewlyNested: STAYCATION!!! [BEST OF FaN]

It’s funny because last time we picked our favorite blogumn, I picked my first article and this time I picked the first article I wrote for FAN in 2011.  It was an easy choice for me, because I’m still obsessed with the idea of spending Christmas on Coronado Island and even...

Procrastinate on This: The most awful thing I’ve seen this year [BEST ...

Originally published 02/10/11 Though less than a minute, watching this video is exactly like staring straight into the face of evil. I’m surprised I made it out alive. If you dare to watch, I hope you make it out alive, too. ~via Topless...

Political Physics: I Agree with Halle, the “One Drop Rule”...

I chose this article because even looking back on it I am surprised that is spawned such a heartfelt, deep and thought-provoking discussion on race and identity both here and on Facebook.   It also made me think further about how, if at all, parents should try to shape their child’s...

Regarding My Dislike of Gwyneth Paltrow: Oh, It’s Tuesday [BEST ...

I’m rerunning this one just because it was unexpectedly really, really popular. So many of our readers seemed to either irrationally dislike Gwyneth Paltrow or irrationally dislike another celebrity. If you didn’t weigh in the first time, please do so now. I really enjoy this...

One More Thing Before We Go: Make your house guests regret visiting yo...

Originally posted on 01/10/11 I think these hidden animal teacups are supposed to be cute, but I don’t see how having an animal head in the bottom of your tea cup wouldn’t scare the shit out of any unwitting houseguest. And that makes me want to order an entire set right now with...

Single White Nerd: The Virtual Girlfriend App [BEST OF FaN]

Originally published 01/31/11 As I write this, it’s raining outside.  It would be a perfect day to cuddle with That Special Someone.  But I don’t have a Special Someone.  What I do have is a fancy new phone.  Which is why I’m developing. . .The Virtual Girlfriend App. Download the free...

Seething Las Vegas: California Seething [BEST OF FaN]

While reviewing my posts from the past year in an effort to find my favorite, I discovered two important things about myself: I am an angry, hateful and occasionally deeply unpleasant person to be around. I had a great time in Vegas this year! So- here’s my personal favorite post of the past...

Happy July 4th! [BEST OF FaN]

Two Friendly Reminders: 1) Most bookstores are open today, so you should definitely consider picking up a copy of 32 CANDLES while you’re out and about. THEN you can enter our paperback giveway. 2) We’re re-running the BEST OF FaN for the next two weeks. So if you’re newish...

THE RYAN DIXON LINE: Dangling by a thread – SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF...

“The Ancient Greeks reserved a special word for the sort of arrogance that makes you forget your own humanity. That word was Hubris.” — From an introductory essay included in the Playbill of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. Note to Julie Taymor, Bono and The Edge: When...

The Ryan Dixon Line: On the Exegesis of the Soul or: Why I Love Beef S...

a blogumn by Ryan Dixon INTRODUCTION TO THE 2010 EDITION Like that Christmas Eve story Grandpa always told that became longer and more convoluted as the years went on, the time has once again arrived for my ever-growing annual holiday column on Hickory Farms Beef Stick. I figure if George...

Hello Friday: FaN Notes [August 20, 2010] [BEST OF FaN]

So first up, as I’ve been alluding to ever since we booked the trip back in June, the fam is headed down to Hawaii for some much-needed R&R for the next two weeks. But never fear, we’re not abandoning you. We’ll actually be having two weeks of re-runs with our FaN...