. Proof of Nerd ID by Charles Cron TIME’S A-WASTING EDITION According to a recent Dow Jones report, Americans spent 4.2 billion hours stuck in traffic during 2007 — which equates to one full work week per person. Photo Credit: Kathy...

I get a lot of IRL and online writing advice from Clark Perry of clarkblog fame. And he recently reposted this anti-procrastination graphic gem. Thanks, Clark! [Source:...

Ooh, how much do I love this clangy Flaming Lips “Borderline” cover? Thanks for the introduction, clarkblog! Watch more Dailymotion videos on AOL...

So I watched every single Hal Hartley movie that had been made before 2000 during my time in Japan. The Japanese really liked Hal Hartley and his movies had their own special section in my local video store, so I decided to give him a chance, even though I couldn’t read the back cover description, which was in Japanese. I discovered a lot of awesome movies that way while in Japan and I now think everybody should try watching a bunch of movies without knowing what they’re about beforehand one of these days. Anyway, when I saw this “Kool Thing” dance from Hartley’s Simple Men on clarkblog (brought to you by Clark from “Nerd Date”), I thought of Japan rather fondly. Also, I love Sonic Youth and even more so, Chuck D, who has a heavy influence on my 3rd novel, so this scene is basically a triumvirate of great things (Hartley, Sonic Youth, Chuck D) coming together + white people dancing badly, which I just never grow tired of watching for some...

. a blogumn by Clark Perry Over the past seven months, I’ve devoted my mad skills to giving you fun tips on dating. All of my suggestions have been thoroughly field-tested for strength and accuracy. I dare not recommend anything I haven’t tried myself at least a few times. I’d give a shout-out to the bevy of lovely ladies who’ve kindly assisted me on this topic … but that list is just too damn long. Which brings us to what might be called my anti-column, in which I implore you to momentarily disregard everything I’ve said until now. Sometimes the best date is the one you don’t take. I’m not talking about playing hard to get, although that tactic has its advantages when played properly. Letting someone wonder about you, even chase you, can be a great sport. “The thrill of the hunt,” it’s called. For some people, this form of flirting can be a great indicator of a potential mate’s attraction and playfulness. We all do it to some extent. As long as you’re not cruel, it can be a lot of fun. I’m talking about taking a break from dating, whether you’re a casual Casanova or in a special relationship. No matter what it is you love doing — dating, following politics, collecting Pez dispensers — every now and then you simply need to take a break and clear the slate. Why? Well, abstinence certainly makes the heart grow fonder, but the problem there is that you’re still thinking of yourself in relation to others. I’m suggesting that you need to regularly attend to your relationship with yourself. Look around you. It’s clear that we’re not spending enough time alone. Our society won’t let us. If we want to feel connected in...

. a blogumn by Clark Perry Chances are a lot of dates will spend time watching The Watchmen this weekend. It’s a blockbuster superhero movie that die-hard comics fans have waited more than 20 years to see. The epic tale’s promise of an adult take on costumed crimefighters will certainly lure in viewers who flocked to last year’s smash The Dark Knight. And when I say “adult,” I mean that in a grown-up sense. In 1986, comics writer Alan Moore and artist Dave Gibbons painstakingly fashioned an alternate universe where superheroes bleed, have sex and wrestle with middle-age crises. They also get outlawed by a government led by the still-in-power Richard M. Nixon. When one of these has-been heroes turns up murdered, the others pull their cowls out of storage and go back into business. Scripted by David Hayter and directed by Zach Snyder (300), Watchmen promises to be a very faithful adaptation of the acclaimed graphic novel. Advance word has been mixed, with most of the nay-saying arising from critics who never seem to appreciate comic-book movies in the first place. It may or may not be the weekend’s perfect date movie, as the story does feature loads of graphic violence. But Watchmen is further proof (as if we need it) that the world of comics offers more than meets the eye. It may provoke discussion with your date about the obvious fact that comics aren’t just for children anymore. In fact, if you poke around, you’ll quickly find that lots of comics aren’t even about superheroes. That’s why I’m suggesting something most dates would never think of doing: take a trip to a comic book store. It’s true that the cliched Comic Book Guy in The Simpsons is still out there: overweight,...

. a blogumn by Clark Perry So let’s say you’re dating someone and it’s going well. You’ve proven yourself to be a good cook, dinner date and spirited conversationalist (which of course means you’re a good listener). You’ve both been to movies, museums and plays and you’re looking for something new. Before long, one of you will mention Taking A Trip Together. I capitalize those words to highlight the metaphorical significance here, but don’t freak out just yet. You’ll probably plan a simple weekender to get started. That sort’ve thing feels safe because it doesn’t strain the resources (financial or emotional) and you’re not far from the safety of your mothership if things go south. You may ask: what’s the big deal? You’ve probably already spent a weekend or three together. There’s a difference, however, between shacking up for a two-day Lost marathon in your jammies and jetting off somewhere way out of your comfort zone. Very quickly, you will realize that vacationing together is an entirely different game with a new set of rules. They say you never really know someone until you travel with them. When you take your first Date Trip, you’re going to get a Windex-clear view of your date. And they’re gonna get one of you. Here’s what you need to think about before you get going. Relax, these are simple and basic things, but they’ll go a long way toward making your trip one to remember. Know Where You’re Going. With knowledge comes relaxation, and you don’t want to stress over logistics you can solve from afar. If your destination is new for the both of you, spend some online time researching the local restaurants and tourist attractions. I find customer review sites like Yelp! are great resources...

a blogumn by Clark Perry Let me tell you about my first girlfriend. Her name was Mandy. She had a big snaggle-toothed smile, brown hair, brown eyes and lotsa freckles. Mandy was really smart and she liked The Monkees and puppies and lots of other animals. She was my first Valentine. We were in kindergarten. I remember the day we swapped valentines. Everybody in my class filled them out before nap-time and left them sitting on our desks. I couldn’t sleep a wink because I knew there was a valentine for Mandy in my stack … but did she have one for me? I don’t know why I was so scared. We liked sitting next to each other during class. And we almost always ate lunch together and chased each other at recess. Other girls were fun to play with, sure (especially Lisa, who looked like a pretty elf) but I didn’t spend nearly as much time with them as I did Mandy. And Mandy definitely had a preference for me over the other boys in my class. Everyone had taped little white sacks to their desks, paper-bag mailboxes. After naptime, we wandered around dispensing our valentines. I walked across the room to glumly deliver cards that were only half-sincere. And sure enough, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mandy drop an envelope into my bag. My heart leapt with joy! But then I saw her give one to Billy Kinser who sat next to me … and Eddie Duncan two seats down … and then Darren Dunne. Darren! Stealer of cookies! Spitter of gum! My mortal enemy! How could she? The fact that we also swapped them with everyone else in our class didn’t matter. Hers was for me, mine...

. a blogumn by Clark Perry I don’t know how James Carville and Mary Matalin do it. I mean that literally. How do they, y’know … do it? I guess you can look at them and conclude that nobody else wants to do it with them. But does that explain the attraction they obviously feel, a love that — gasp! — transcends politics? These big-time Beltway advisors come from different sides of the political aisle. Hell, they’re not even under the same roof most of the time. The drawl-happy Carville made his name as Bill Clinton’s main strategist and attack dog in the 1990s. Given his serpentine nature in both action and appearance, he’s more aptly described as an attack rattlesnake. The shrewd and shrill Matalin rose to power and fame as an assistant to George H.W. Bush, then later advised Vice President Dick Cheney. Most recently, she hitched her hopes to Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson, that Law & Order actor who seemed to care less about his own campaign than anybody else ever could. This married couple is quite a pair, to put it mildly. Whenever I see them together, I’m too stunned to do anything but stop and stare. Visually they are unlike anyone else on the planet. Put a ruffled bone ridge on Carville’s forehead and you’ve got a killer Star Trek villain. And poor jug-eared Mary looks like Pat Buchanan in drag (even beating out Pat’s fugly sister Bay for that title). So yeah, let ’em have sex with each other. I don’t see anybody else lining up for them, do you? I’ve been thinking about Carville and Matalin this week, not because they’ve chimed in on cable news channels (I thankfully missed them if they did), but because...

. a blogumn by Clark Perry Dating can be wonderful, amazing, and life-changing. Dating can also be pretty darned expensive. As someone who just got their pink slip, I’ve been asking friends for tips on dating in these recessionary times. Here’s a rundown of the some of the best advice they gave me. An Evening at Home: Sounds lame, right? We do this all the time so it’s easy to disregard what makes a night like this special. Staying home is our usual fallback position. This is what you do when you don’t wanna do anything special. Everybody needs to just chill in their crib every now and then. That’s why a special evening requires you to make your home an event, a destination. Clean up, add some flowers, set the mood with candles and music, and dress the part. No jeans or sweats — save that for the next day. The meal will likely be the centerpiece of the evening. Cooking is one of the most romantic things you can do for a date (provided you do it at least adequately). Nothing shows affection like a home-cooked meal. My evenings almost always start with a little garlic simmering in olive oil, maybe followed by some chopped onion or minced fresh ginger. From there, I can easily steer the meal towards a curry, some pasta sauce, or even a tasty bruschetta topping. Don’t like to cook? Then choose something easy that can be prepped ahead of time. Marinate some chicken in lemon juice, garlic and pepper. Throw this into a skillet or onto a grill and serve with a side salad and bread. Total cooking time: 15 minutes. Pasta is also easy and quick to make, and can often be as elegant as anything...

. A blogumn by Clark Perry Dang, did Thanksgiving fall late this year or what? Hell, it nulled and voided my birthday, which usually follows it by a week. Damn you, pilgrims! We’re all feeling the crunch this year. There are simply too many holiday parties jammed into a three-week time frame. This morning I checked my calendar and gasped. Every weekend and half my weekdays between now and New Year’s are booked solid. Where’s the fun in hustling from one shindig to another until you literally drop dead? My advice: do your best, load your plates with more veggies instead of sweets, and be the best anti-Scrooge you can. Times are tough all over and the stress is thicker than egg nog this year. What people will appreciate is someone who can lift their spirits, if only for a few moments at the buffet table. You may take a date to one or more of these parties. Remember that holiday parties will most likely see you pulled apart as you spend time with people. So before you even ring the doorbell and enter the party zone, take a moment to hug your partner, nuzzle them and let them know they’re special. Better yet: take at least one night off from the madness and plan a stay-at-home evening where you can both relax and rediscover the spirit of the holidays with the help of our good friend, Mr. TV. Suggestions after the jump: Let’s state the obvious: there are some truly awful Christmas TV specials out there. I know because I’ve watched them all. And not just Christmas crap — I even own a copy of Paul Lynde’s Halloween Special from 1976, one of the most jaw-droppingly bad specials of all time. Guest stars...

. A blogumn by Clark Perry DATE WITH AN INCAN PRINCESS If you’re on a date, never talk too much about someone else. I date women (sorry, boys) and lemme tell ya, you certainly can spend too much time talking up other women. Doesn’t matter who it is: your dearly departed mom, your sweet sister or your favorite non-threatening lesbian beer buddy. Women don’t want to be overshadowed by any other female. They want to be the radiant center of your undivided attention. This can be a problem when there’s a woman you simply have to talk about. This week, I’ve got one helluva woman to talk about so my dates are sure to go south pretty damned quick. This woman was everything that other women are not, and we will never see her likes again. I’m telling everyone about her: my friends, my neighbors, and my dates. And when I’ve blathered on for too long, I do what I should’ve done in the first place. I shut the hell up, pull out the headphones, cue up my iPod, and let the mystery lady speak for herself. Her name was Yma Sumac (pronounced Eee-mah Soo-mack). She died last week in Silver Lake, CA, despite rumors that she’d long ago returned to her native Peru. Yma Sumac made some of the most stunning music our ears will ever hear. She rose to creative and popular heights in the 1950s and 1960s with an uncanny brand of music I can only describe as Swank Lounge Meets Jungle Goddess. “Lounge/Exotica” was one of the more interesting and ironic musical styles to emerge from the 1950s. As America’s suburbs became more uniform and bland, those shiny new hi-fi stereos needed to blast something to counter the homogenization. Artists...

. A blogumn by Clark Perry You might think horror movies aren’t suitable for dates, especially if you’re just getting to know somebody. After all, you want yourself and your companion to feel comfortable, safe, and socially engaged at all times. Nothing can throw you off your game like the unexpected sight of an exploding head or endless scenes of grisly torture. Way back in the day, a friend took a first date to what he thought was just another stupid 80s horror movie. Lots of horror films back then were lame, ineffective scarefests that gave you both a chance to sit back and laugh at moronic characters and bright fake blood. My friend figured this one, with a cheesy title like The Evil Dead, would be silly enough that they could both laugh at it and emerge in good spirits. Half an hour in, both of them were pressed back in their seats as Sam Raimi’s directorial debut scared the sweet Alabama bejeezus outta them. They emerged trembling from the movie theater and could barely talk afterwards. I think that was their first and last date. Face it: you just can’t be smooth and charming with someone who’s shellshocked. Believe me, I’ve tried. And national polls show that I’m about as smooth and charming as they come. But if you choose wisely, you can find scary Halloween fare that not only lets you share sensational seasonal shivers with that special someone, but also puts you in the mood to bond nicely in other, far more intimate ways. Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling Twilight series of novels hits the screen later this year. I haven’t read any of them and probably won’t because the universe, seeking balance, always demands that a few brave souls withstand certain...

. A blogumn by Clark Perry Time and Again What would you do if you had a time machine? It’s a great question to ask a date if you wanna really get to know somebody. The question always gets turned back on you, so be ready. And if I’m having a good time with someone, I have the perfect answer. “Why, I’d go back in time just so I could meet you sooner, darlin’.” That line is guaranteed to slay or your money back. Actually, I’ve got a list of about 47 things I’d do with a time machine. First, I’d go back in time and kill Adolf Hitler. Then I’d go back in time and kill Hitler again, just to be sure. Then I’d tackle Lee Harvey Oswald in the book depository before he could raise his rifle. The government spooks on the grassy knoll would still get their shots, but this would at least remove Oswald as the patsy in one of the biggest conspiracies of all time. Third, I’d go back and sleep with Louise Brooks, the silent film actress. She was way damn hot and I’ve always wondered if her voice was as saucy as her smile. We always talk about going backward in time. Why is that? Because we all have regrets and lost opportunities? Or is because we’re all scared of the big blank future ahead of us? But what if your time machine was a one-way device? Specifically, what if you could only go forward in time, with no way back? Would you want to use it then? That’s the case in Joe Haldeman’s hilarious and thought-provoking novel The Accidental Time Machine, a sci-fi romp with a very sweet love story at its heart. The story’s about...

. A blogumn by Clark Perry Face it, dates can be awkward. You’re going to spend a few hours with someone you may not know at all. Your desire to feel comfortable and make your date feel the same might just backfire. Maybe they’re as self-conscious as you are. You want to hurry up and relax and not overcompensate. There’s nothing worse than coming across forced or over-enthusiastic. It’s a careful, attentive dance we do when we date. It’s best to get on a topic you know something about, something you can share. Politics can be tricky if you don’t know someone. Go for the arts instead. Music is great because you can actually share it in real-time. Ask your date if they’ve heard the Ting Tings. If they haven’t, you can turn them on. Pull out your iPod or other magic gadget and fire up one of the catchier tracks from their debut CD “We Started Nothing” (I recommend “Good DJ,” “Fruit Machine” or the head-bobbing title cut). If you really wanna show your savvy (not to mention your age), pull up Toni Basil’s thumpin’ 1982 New Wave hit “Mickey Mickey” and compare the drums to those you hear in the Ting Tings’ “That’s Not My Name.” See what I mean, below. This Brit-based duo makes infectious and shimmering pop magic, a crunchy blend of sassy girl vocals, headstrong percussion and shimmering, happy guitars. They play all the instruments themselves and, at their gigs, trigger wave after wave of music samples and vocal overdubs. I don’t know if singer Katie White and drummer Jules de Martino are romantically involved, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Pull up some of their live performances on YouTube and watch their energy together. They get into the groove...

. A bloghum by Clark Perry Getting you properly prepared on Thursday for your date on Friday, Saturday or Sunday If you’re not a nerd, chances are you’ll date someone who is. Relax. I’m here to help. Contrary to popular belief,nerds have always been pretty good at dating. We just had to keep it under the radar until the rest of the world realized they were ready for some of this geek lovin’. If you go to a movie or talk about books or music, every date is gonna have a nerd component. That’s just where pop culture is right now and it’s not gonna chance anytime soon. As a cultural influence, the nerds control the message right now. So welcome to your first nerd date column. Here’s a hot topic that may help you keep the conversation lively while you and your next date size each other up (full back story after the jump): Watching the Watchmen Before dinner arrives, whip out your high-tech pocket gadget of choice and show your date this stunning trailer for Watchmen: Chances are your date saw and loved at least one superhero movie this summer (and it probably wasn’t The Incredible Hulk). The summer’s best efforts in that category were Iron Man, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army and, of course, The Dark Knight. Can you imagine a rival studio trying to ban one of these movies? Sounds crazy, it would never work, right? But that’s what may happen next year with one of the most eagerly-anticipated super-flicks of all time. Alan Moore’s acclaimed 1980s graphic novel is the War and Peace of comic books. It posits a world in which superheroes are subject to fascistic government control — Richard Nixon is still president in this retro-fitting of...