For many years I didn’t have TV – not just a lack of cable but no basic channels either. I would catch up on network programs on my computer at lunch, but there were so many shows I didn’t even know existed at the time. I’ve since embraced satellite television, and although I’m not one to argue that there is certainly a lot of terrible, mindless crap on the boob tube, there are also some really impressive endeavors I’ve run across lately. Some are well known cultural successes and some I don’t really hear about besides the internal monologue playing in my brain. These are a few: 1. My Mother’s Ravioli Much to my delight, I discovered this Cooking Channel gem one weekend morning surfing around my usual “nothing’s on” go-to’s. The premise centers around multi-talented Mo Rocca, whom you may know from The Daily Show, The Tonight Show, and CBS Sunday Morning among other things (I’m also a radio nerd who catches Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me whenever I can, and he’s always hilarious on that too). Rocca visits with the senior generation, one person or couple at a time, learning to cook their favorite dishes. He also delights us with humor and antics in-and-out of the kitchen as he gets to know these people and their histories in a way that only such a gifted and personable journalist can. This might be my favorite discovery of the year, I like it that much. 2. Defiance Maybe a lot of you are already watching this show from the Syfy Network (and playing the corresponding game), but I haven’t heard much talk about it for how fresh and well executed I find it to be. As a lifelong lover of science fiction, fantasy, steampunk, etc (I could go on), I’ve checked out many a TV show that looked promising only to find it derivative, badly executed or under-appreciated and therefore cancelled before it could really grow to fruition. My boyfriend discovered this show during a recent weekend marathon, and we were almost instantly hooked. While there are other decent sci fi shows on right now, this one constantly impresses me with its creatively imagined world. It takes its cues as to what works from shows gone by (Next Gen, Firefly) while still creating a very original set of species and characters. It’s also, on the whole, exceptionally well cast. My timing is a bit bad on this one as they just had their season finale, but if you can catch up on it, check it out – you won’t be disappointed. 3. The Newsroom Ok, so this is a highly advertised HBO series from the likes of Aaron Sorkin (who I admit most people I know have a “love ‘em or hate ‘em” relationship with), but for how amazing I think this show is for anyone watching, regardless of political leaning, even amongst my liberal friends I don’t know many who are watching this fantastic offering. Obviously I think you can tell I am a fan of Sorkin, but I actually came to much of his other work through falling in love with this show – The West Wing and Moneyball – so I (rightfully or not) feel like I took this show in with a clean slate. The cast is tremendous, able to carry comedic moments with the same ease as politically charged or romantically charged plot lines. Veteran actors Jeff Daniels, Emily Mortimer and Sam Waterston are expectedly excellent, but the rest of relatively unknown names also shine: John Gallagher Jr., Dev Patel, and Alison Pill to name a few, with the biggest surprise for me being Olivia Munn, who has grown leaps and bounds over the last season and really holds her own. If you aren’t already watching this show I probably won’t be able to change your mind, but if you aren’t, you should...
5 Things I Just Don’t Trust [Friday 5er]
posted by Amanda Rowse
1. Crepes I know some people are crazy about these dubious offerings, but every time I see one I tend to get the feeling I’m in the presence of food with an identity crisis. Are you an omelette? Are you a pancake? Are you a savory main dish or a dessert?!? Make up your mind, man! For the time being, I’ll just stick with my benedict, thankyouverymuch. 2. Cross Walk Buttons I have the sneaking suspicion that the entire system of the well known green walking person vs. red hand is a perfect example of appeasing people by making them feel like they have some sort of control. I am one of the minority of Angelenos who actually walks a fair amount in our lovely smog ridden city, and I would bet you a Ruth’s Cris porterhouse that pushing that damn button does NOTHING. I have to chuckle to myself sometimes when in the presence of someone who thinks that pushing it multiple times – like someone ringing a doorbell with an axe murderer on their tail – will somehow speed the changing of the lights. No sir, don’t trust ‘em. 3. Packaged Lunch Meats First, I must admit to the fact that from about the age of 14 until the age of 29 I was a vegetarian (it was the bacon that brought me back, damnit). Even now I would say I’m not the most devout of carnivores, yet from the earliest memory I’ve always been a bit weary of packaged lunch meats. Upon opening the vacuum sealed container, one gets a wiff of something with absolutely zero resemblance to a nice baked ham or roasted turkey, and yet we perserevere, even when the obviously slimy texture hits our fingertips while we make our turkey Sammie. Maybe I’m alone on this one folks, and I totally still eat them from time to time, but I’m not comfortable with it. 4. People Who Hover In The Checkout Line PEOPLE! This is a public service announcement! Getting thiiiis close to the person in front of you buying some Bud Lite and cantaloupe or splurging on those cute summer sandals will NOT: a) help you get done any quicker; b) lead to making a friendly new acquaintance; or c) do anything whatsoever helpful and not uncomfortably annoying. Why do you feel the need to make actual physical contact with my purse? My inching away from you is NOT, in fact, a coy way of saying “here, let’s go THIS way ever so slowly together!”. No more of this. 5. Shifty-Eyed Dogs Homer Simpson had it right. You just can’t trust them. Look how shifty! He’s plotting something, I’m sure of it. Image Credits: Wives With Knives Driver’s Ed Pinedae.Blogspot Midwest Dairy Association Teal Like The...
Five Things I Wish Were Still Around [Friday 5er]
posted by Amanda Rowse
1. Showbiz Pizza Screw Chuck E. Cheese! In my youth it was all about Billy Bob the Bear and the kick ass animatronic band *The Rock-afire Explosion convincing my young mind that if you had pizza and game tickets, all was right with the world (and that there was definitely not pee in the ball room). *Now THAT is a band name. Anyone want to start The New Rock-afire Explosion with me? Coachella, here we come! Image Credit: Geekologie 2. MTV I know that this channel technically still exists but I’m talking about actual Music Television. Many more generations have grown up without this societal boon than have but I was one of the lucky ones who looked forward to not only a new album coming out, but a new video as well. An added bonus was the entire “Unplugged” series, which brought about several classic performances in their own right. Now I’m all sad and angry. Image Credit: Simeone’s A2 Media 3. The McDLT Ah McDonalds. I know the Big Mac tends to be the reigning king of your hamburger empire but I remember fondly those days of yore when you offered up a burger housed in such a unique way I’ve never seen it replicated. What a rarity in the fast food wars. The McDLT ingeniusly came with the hot elements on one side of a Styrofoam container, while the cold elements chilled out on the other side, just waiting to be joined in delicious union. This was a really smart idea but apparently most of their patrons preferred hot tomatoes and wilted lettuce for their lunch purchases. Silly people. Image Credit: Fanpop 4. Colecovision My first gaming console and still the closest to my heart. I remember playing The Smurfs (and marveling at the fact that when you walked in Gargamel’s castle it sounded suspiciously like passing gas. Just me?), Q-Bert, and Donkey Kong on my parent’s bed and knowing that in fact, the future was NOW. This system looks so lovably rinky-dink in this day and age but to a kid in the 80s, it couldn’t be beat. Image Credit: Video Game Gazette 5. Firefly There are no jokes to be made here, nor any explanation needed. It had to be said. Now if you need me, you can find me weeping in a pile on the floor for the rest of the...
Best Of Daily News Brief [Friday 5er]
posted by Joshua Mauldin
Due to a busy week, I didn’t have time to put together an all new Friday 5er. I probably should’ve saved the M. Night Shyamalan article for that but hey, as my wife knows all too well, I’m not that bright. So instead of an original post, I thought it would be fun to take a brief look back at the best of everyone’s favorite second-rate Onion ripoff. Below are the five top viewed articles, which means they’re chosen by you – the public. I’m nothing if not a man of the people: 5. Mime Cokes To Death During Performance; Receives Thunderous Applause. Amidst what was called a tour-de-force by spectators, street performer Francois Armand accidentally swallowed a chain of scarves and passed away from suffocation at the Santa Monica Promenade Wednesday afternoon. The scarves, which he normally hid in his mouth at the beginning of the routine, were intended for the finale but became lodged in his throat while attempting to escape from an invisible box. The unfortunate event was witnessed by thirty-six people, none-of-whom stopped to help him. “I thought he was tearing it up,” said Andrea Carpenter, a UCLA student waiting in line at the Apple Store, “At no point did I think he was ever in a stiff wind but the choking thing, that was so realistic I was like ‘damn, you go mime.” Services for Armand will be held at the Our Lady of the Obvious Joke church this Sunday at six o’clock. 4. Overweight Man Forgets To Post Daily Gym Picture On Facebook; Friends Worried. A 268-pound Portland resident prompted concern from his peers after neglecting to post a gym picture to Facebook last night. For the past six weeks, Bertrand Kelm has provided photographic evidence of himself on either a treadmill or an elliptical machine every day, but last evening friends were disturbed to discover no such picture. “I’m speechless,” said Aimee Harvin, coworker and object of Kelm’s unrequited affection. “There’s so much wrong with the world, Bert’s daily exercise updates give me hope that things can get better.” Hayden Smythe, someone Bert met at a birthday party two years ago, agrees. “That a single man in his late 20?s with relatively few obligations can find the strength to take better care of himself inspires all of us. I hope he hasn’t given up.” While wiping a tear from his eye, Smythe paused for reflection. “Bert, if you’re reading this, please don’t stop, humanity needs you.” UPDATE: Fierce and Nerdy has discovered that Mr. Kelm’s phone battery died at the end of his last workout. He has since allayed his friends’ fears with an uplifting status update complete with pictures of a chicken salad and a scale displaying half-a-pound weight loss. 3. Veterinarian Says Cats Won’t Go In Litter Box Because Screw You, That’s Why. After a ten year study of feline behavior, Veterinarian Genesis Allen, concluded this morning that cats who won’t defecate in their litter boxes are punishing their owners for reasons only they understand. “You may have cuddled with them too much,” said Allen regarding possible causes. “Or you may not have cuddled long enough. Maybe they didn’t like their new food. Maybe they’re tired of the old food. Maybe they didn’t appreciate you petting a dog. Maybe they didn’t like the way you ignored a dog. Who the hell knows?” Dr. Allen went on to say that after spending a decade “chronicling these bastards” all he can say is, “scientifically speaking, cats are hairball-puking judgement machines with the ethical standards of a tyrant and the emotional stability of an overweight teenage girl.” The 150 page study entitled Why Didn’t I Listen To My Mother And Become A Dentist is available for download on Dr. Allen’s website. 2. Man Hasn’t Seen Game Of Thrones; What An Asshole. A white male in his early thirties, who...
5 Television Show Crossovers I Want To See Right Now [Friday 5er]
posted by Amanda Rowse
1. Chopped – The McLaughlin Group Edition A very special episode of everyone’s favorite quick thinking cooking show. In this episode, John McLaughlin and 3 members of his weekly discussion panel open up their mystery baskets in an effort to please three renowned chefs using unusual food combinations in a way that doesn’t immediately make you want to vomit. Things take a unique turn when the contestants cannot come to a consensus as to the best way to open their baskets and spend the duration of air time in a heated debate about picnic etiquette and basket making. 2. The Daily Show: Guest Host Ryan Lochte If The Daily Show tends to be a tad too “political” for you, this is definitely the episode to watch. Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte will run down the latest in beer, bromance and babes with a frequent “Jeah!” to punctuate the importance of those issues. The episode will also feature a breakdown of Ryan’s daily hair maintenance! 3. Martha Stewart’s Scared Straight Martha will open her home to a group of “at risk” youths to show them the bleak reality of breaking the law. Watch their horrified faces as she forces them to create a table scape using only what is in her basement and bake a batch of cranberry sage scones using dried cranberries and powdered sage! Martha eventually breaks down herself, however, when she realizes she has run out of unpasteurized goats milk. It’s a learning experience for all involved! 4. Dance Moms Catch A Predator The long running hit show To Catch A Predator is joined by Abby and the moms, who hope to catch a creepy pedo on national television. The pairing only lasts for one episode, however, as the man they successfully netted escapes when the moms fall into a heated discussion over whose child served as the most successful bait. Of course Abby thinks they are all terrible bait and need more practice. 5. Bates Motel Impossible Veteran hotel operator Anthony Melchiorri takes on his biggest challenge to date: whipping the Bates Motel and owner Norma Bates into ship shape! He must master such tasks as creating community interest in the motel for reasons other than homicide, distance the operation from any human trafficking rings and try to keep himself and designer Blanche Garcia alive long enough to realize their redesign...
Five Rejected New Reality Shows For The Fall Season [Friday 5er]
posted by Amanda Rowse
1. The Pole Package Live audience vote-in competition to find the best exotic dancer in the country. Ex-Playboy playmate and reality television superstar Kendra Wilkinson, famed dancer turned actor Mikhail Baryshnikov and zany comedic personality Rosie O’Donnell bring multiple viewpoints and a range of show business experience to the judges’ table. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll spend $10 for a Diet Coke! Image Credit: Pole Fitness Congleton Cheshire 2. A Pole Lotta Love A concurrently airing spin-off of The Pole Package following a former/current contestant’s search for true love. Each “Soul-John” competing to win her heart will either be given a glass platform heel to advance or be bounced to the parking lot by 6’5″ human-tank Bruno. Tune in for your weekly dose of romance, adventure, and pasties! Image Credit: Made-In-China 3. Undercover Aristocrat Eat your heart out Eliza Doolittle! In this new series, each week an excessively privileged contestant will have to infiltrate a group of “average citizens” or face having to pay student loans. The bougie who most successfully convinces the commoners of their proletariat status wins their pick of cushy employment from the other contestants’ fathers. There will be bus riding! Image & Feature Credit: Jenny Lindh 4. Plaque To Basics A group of highly successful dentists compete to see who can traverse the length of the Mississippi River with only a rowboat, hockey stick and a limitless supply of Jolly Ranchers. Hosted by Gary Busey’s teeth, this high octane ride is sure to leave you chomping at the bit for more! Image Credit: Unite and Prosper 5. The Real Housewives Of St. Paul Just when you thought the drama of The Real Housewives’ franchise couldn’t be topped, they’ve done it again! The Real Housewives of St. Paul explores the tumultuous daily lives of five Twin Cities’ residents. Thrill as these reasonable human beings buy groceries, attend PTA meetings, try Zumba and contribute to church bake sales! Image Credit: CRBC...
Five Kickstarter Campaigns That Aren’t Too Far Away [Friday 5er]
posted by Amanda Rowse
1. Supermodel Fallen On Hard Times International Model Adriana Verladelia needs your help! As a widely sought after supermodel she does not get out of bed for less than $5000 a day. However, with the recent economic downturn and companies cutting back in various ways, Adriana is in desperate need of shampoo, summer-appropriate heels, and food and water for her shih tzu, Foofa. “I actually haven’t seen Foofa in several days, my housekeeper says she probably escaped through a window but I’m sure she’s just staying in her doggie bed out of loyalty to my cause.” For just a small contribution, you can help – don’t wait, time is running out! 2. Support Your Favorite Show Do you love Game of Thrones? Of course you do! Now for the first time ever, HBO is offering fans of the show the opportunity to be involved on a whole new level! With rising production costs, subscriptions and advertising dollars just aren’t cutting it. If you would like to see everyone’s favorite sexily violent fantasy world continue to grace your televisions, please donate today. Only a Lannister would not be moved by this predicament. So dig deep, and be a part of television history! [Actual involvement not guaranteed] 3. Help Me Help You. Hey all, Simon here. You guys know I’m always there to lend a helping hand to my friends in need. I mean, where would I be without you guys? My talented, ambitious friends mean the world to me. And man, you guys sure have been ambitious as of late. Film projects, music projects, art installations, you name it! Wow. I’ve been so proud to support all of your Kickstarter campaigns with words and dollars! I really want to continue to show you...