So obviously I won’t be procrastinating at all this weekend. Not only do I have my self-imposed deadline to finish the first rewrite of my second women’s fiction novel by November 1, but I’m also gearing up for the Circle of Sisters Book Club tomorrow in good ol’ NYC, so be there, our hurt our collective feelings. Meanwhile, I do believe it’s time to procrastinate on this! 1. Yeah, this Death Star pumpkin is pretty much the best jack-o-lantern in the history of ever. [Topless Robot] 2. Looking for a romantic dinner to make for your vegetarian sweetheart? Look no further than this Sweetie Melt recipe made up by own own Kelli Bielema (“Fierce in Seattle”). Seriously, I’d eat this, and ya’ll know how I luvs the meat. [Veg Out & About] 3. Love, love, love these PSA posters for alien invasions. But yeah, let’s hope we never actually need them. [i09] 4. Ya’ll know how I’m always lovin’ on my gap, right? Well, it’s looks like I’m not the only one. It looks like gap-tooth honies are “in.” This makes me wish that people still said “Woot!” [NewsOK] 5. Sookie! There’s a big blizzard comin’! Check out Vampire Bill using his real accent in the trailer for Ice, a movie that looks like the British version of The Day After Tomorrow. Though I consider not actually having Roland Emmerich at the helm a plus, I’m still on the fence about whether I want to see this. What say...

INTRODUCTION TO THE 2010 EDITION: Why Me? How did an always poor, mostly anonymous and only occasionally witty blogumnist living in Burbank, CA suddenly find himself as the protagonist in a real-life, 21st century Horatio Alger novel? During the past three weeks I’ve been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, my voice was heard on NPR and perhaps the greatest corporation in American history became my 69th follower on Twitter. And I owe it all to one saliva-inducing, two-syllable word: McRib. My journey to becoming a PhD in Pork Product and being hailed as the world’s foremost expert on McDonald’s legendary and enigmatic sandwich all began with a seemingly innocuous FaN blogumn that I wrote last December arguing that the McRib, an object of both mirthless odium and near-religious devotion, was simply the Citizen Kane of rapidly-processed culinary cuisine. I had resolved myself to the fact that this blogumn had probably sunk to the never-to-be-read-again seabed of the fathomless internet ocean until a few weeks ago when a reporter, working on his own McRib story for the Wall Street Journal, read the post, contacted Fierce and Nerdy and interviewed me. With the publication of that front-page article, I stepped upon the national stage to take my rightful place as the Susan Boyle of fast foodies. (Google “Ryan Dixon McRib” and 3,390 results come roaring back at you. Google “Ryan Dixon” and I don’t even make an appearance until the second page.) Unfortunately, for the past sixteen years only select pockets of the country were able to celebrate the annual arrival of those banners, draped under the Golden Arches, inscribed with that immortal phrase “The McRib is Back.” But this year, for the first time since 1994, the entire nation, in a period of great...

By the time you read this I’ll be on my way to NYC for Saturday’s Circle of Sisters Book Club. So hoping to see a bunch of you there. Meanwhile here are my thoughts about our super-terrific week at Fierce and Nerdy. 1. Like Michael Kass, I’m not a huge fan of Halloween. But my Halloween trauma story involves wearing a plastic Shera costume to my popular-girl cousin’s Halloween party, only to find out that everyone else was wearing non-plastic costumes. Since then I’ve come to accept that I will almost always be wearing the wrong thing at any given party. But that memory still burns. 2. Debra G, if CH lost his job and I could not finagle another book deal, I’d be okay with selling off every piece of furniture that we own — save our bookshelves. That is all. 3. You know I’ve never worn a slutty Halloween costume, but Dr. Miro kind of made me want to give it a swing. Next year. This year I’m going to be in NYC, probably having breakfast with Dr. Miro, then catching a matinee of FELA, then going down to New Jersey for my new goddaughter’s first Halloween. Fun! Fun! 4. I’ve also never cut a date short with a fake sickness, so I was very impressed that Alex or Emmy was able to do this with a straight face. Hoping there’s a part 2 to this story. 5. Zack’s inspirational blogumn about more creative Halloween costumes made me feel really bad that I haven’t bothered w/ a Halloween costume this year– but um, not bad enough to to actually dress up. See...

I want and quite frankly feel that I deserve these ghosts home office lamps, which were obviously made my ThinkGeek, b/c all cool things seem to be made by ThinkGeek. Do I even have to say ~via ThinkGeek...

… then seriously don’t watch this. I’m not afflicted w/ that particular phobia myself and this video of 700 clowns laughing to break a national record still creeped the heck out of me. ~via Gawker featured image credit: Neil...

Dear Dr. Miro, I want to get into some role-playing with my girlfriend but don’t know how to start. Am I a creep for wanting to see her dressed like a schoolgirl or stewardess? I don’t want her to think I’m not into her out of costume because I am, but I just want a little something different once in a while.  How do I do this? Sincerely, Guy Cree P. Dear GCP, What perfect timing. Halloween is approaching and you know what that means? It’s the time of year when most women can be convinced to dress up as Sexy Anything! You name it: Sexy Doctor, Sexy School Girl, Sexy Zombie… Right now, there are tons of costume supply stores just waiting for you to come in and BUY, BUY, and BUY as many sexy outfits as your credit allows. Take charge and figure out fun places to party this weekend so you have an excuse to buy some costumes. Go ahead, take your lady shopping for Halloween sluttiness (do NOT forget the wigs or heels) and then reap the benefits all year round. Really get into character while playing your new personas throughout the week. If you buy her the Naughty School Girl get-up, figure out your Strict Teacher look. Just think of all the disciplinary implements you can carry in your briefcase. A Slutty Flight Attendant requires a Demanding Pilot or a Willing Passenger and, we all know a tramp like Little Red Riding Hood needs her Big Bad Wolf. The fantasies to choose from are endless! Have fun with this and see where it takes you. Hey, you might be a creep, but certainly NOT for wanting to have a little bit of fun with your girlfriend. In fact, I...

Why oh why didn’t we find this shark outfit before buying Betty her duck costume??? Ah well, next year… featured image credit: Don...

Am I the only one who never cared for Care Bears? If so, perhaps you two might appreciate this T-shirt, which I really thinks gets to the true nature of Care Bears. Click on the pic for more info. ~via Redbubble current mood photo credit:...