[Ed. Note: This will be my only blogumn this week, but it’s super-long, and I’ll be back next Monday.] Remember how last Tuesday, I said that an IVF pregnancy is very different from a non-IVF pregnancy? As it turns out, a IVF miscarriage is also very different from a non-IVF miscarriage. Thursday: I keep coming back to Thursday, because I don’t feel like getting out of bed. This is often the case on what I call “Is she still there” days —  days on which your fertility doctor checks that you are or still are pregnant. CH had to talk to me for 30 minutes on Monday, before convincing me to go in and get the blood test over with. And when I was pregnant with Betty, we had the “Why you should get out of bed” conversation for every single doctor’s appointment until I cleared my first two months and was transferred to a regular OB.  Basically, you don’t feel like getting out of bed, because what if it’s bad news? Why get out of bed for bad news? But we have a very busy day on Thursday. I read 100 pages of my non-fiction book, get out of bed, meet with a realtor about a business we’re looking to start, rush to the doctor’s office for the blood test, plug in a late article on FaN, promote Fierce and Nerdy, clock two pages on the 32 CANDLES screenplay — the next thing I knew it’s time to eat before my writing hours begin. I had resolved early in the year to do this pregnancy right, not to forget to eat as I had with Betty, to feed myself regularly and nutritiously. So when lunchtime rolls around, that means I watch a soap...

Sorry, sorry. Know I promised that T.E.’s blogumn, DIY NERD, would debut in this space today, but we’ve got to learn to do an audio edit right quick before it can. So now I’m forced to say come back next week for that. But this might be a good thing, since I wanted to get in one last IVF update before I go in for my big frozen embryo transfer on Friday. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that things seem way more confusing this time. Last time, I had spent over a year trying to get pregnant: ovulation tracking, fertility tests, blood draws, failed IUIs, lots and lots of drugs with random side effects — I was trained up and ready to go. Also, I didn’t yet have a child, so if need be, both my husband and I could drop everything to get things done when they had to get done. Doing a frozen embryo transfer, is like saying, “Remember all that stuff you did two years ago? Do the last thirty days of it with no training, a second book to finish, and no husband to back you up (because he’s babysitting) — now! Now dropping everything, means dropping your baby, and you don’t want to drop your baby — she’s precious. So appointments that CH came with me to last time, he now spends at home with Betty. I find myself yo-yoing between extreme gratitude (yay we live in a time with IVF, yay we can afford IVF, yay I can hopefully squeeze this last baby out before going into promotional efforts for the next book –how convenient!), and mild resentment. IVF takes up so much time, it’s so invasive [there is no such thing as an appointment where...

So, I guess I’ll do my promised Mexican cruise article tomorrow, since as often happens with IVF, my period came and now my life is fully rotating around my ovulation cycle. It’s kind of like being in a two-week long episode of Private Practice, in which every test and exam has to happen NOW! NOW! NOW! as opposed to later when you have a nice hour or so block available. When I underwent IVF the first time, this wasn’t a problem, because at that point, CH and I had been trying to get pregnant for over a year-and-a-half. We were already well-used to not ever making firm morning plans, and dropping everything at a moment’s notice when I got the little happy face on my ovulation-testing stick. I had even developed systems (yes, systems!) for managing appointments and getting done everything I need to get done at my then-job. This time around, though, I’ve been constantly running after the dropped ball. I started unexpectedly spotting on Sunday, and I was surprised when CH asked me (as he never does unless we’re trying to conceive a baby w/ science) if I had started my period — he must have seen the newly-opened tampon box next to the toilet. I answered that I hadn’t expected it until Monday, but yes, it had just started. And he asked what we were supposed to do next. Now I know that having Baby #2 is important, but along with all the other stuff I have to keep straight including my writing schedule, day-to-day life, new business, and oh yeah, Baby #1, I have to admit that my answer was vague. Something along the lines of, “Dr. Koopersmith told me, but I’m having a little trouble remembering… Um, I think...

So I cut off all my hair — yes, again. I had been thinking about doing so for a while now. The last time I cut my hair (got rid of my locs and rocked a small fro) I got pregnant, I got an agent, I got a book deal. In 2011, I’m hoping to get pregnant and to sell the two books that I wrote and rewrote over the course of 2010, sooo… Back in October, it occurred to me that I should cut my hair off again. I mean look what happened the last time. But there were also other things that happened: I quit my job, we decided to sell our house — these were great decisions in the long run, but both actions kept me up at night. The fall out that comes with cutting off your hair isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. “You’re very brave,” a friend of my husband’s said at a recent party that we both attended. “Well, it will grow back,” my MIL said with a tsk in her voice after a stunned, “What did you do?” My husband cut it off for me before going to bed on Wednesday and the next morning, my daughter looked at me with a most quizzical look, then laughed when I ran her little hand over my fuzzy pate. “Your hair is your crowning glory.” A lot of black women say this. I got the idea to cut it off in October, then waffled back and forth, until just like when I cut off my locs, I found myself with an itchy head of hair, two weeks from my last wash. I needed to either deal with it or cut it off. And I didn’t feel like dealing with it, so...

I was talking the other day with a friend online about second child births. I’m already feeling a little anxious about getting pregnant again in January. I’m aware that Californian moms have a reputation for just loving on pregnancy, but I’m not going to lie, I’m one of those people who enjoyed the result WAY more than I enjoyed the pregnancy. I’m concerned about being tired all the time again. When folks ask me the “how do you do it all” question, I answer, eyes-open-wide: “Buttloads of coffee.” So yeah, I’m not too happy about giving up my perfect sidekick come January. Then there’s the fear about even being able to get pregnant a second time, since it was rather difficult the first go-round. And even if it’s as easy as we hope it will be, since this time our embryo is all set and ready to go, thanks to the first IVF treatment, I circle back round to the energy question. Ya’ll, I need my energy. I have no idea how I’m going to get by without it. But we’re going through with the January date anyway, mostly because of biological imperative — I believe in siblings. But also because of morbidity. CH and I both have parents who died before we got together and that would have been hard to go through without a sibling. And also because it’s not like I’m not going to need my energy in 2012 (which is hopefully when the second book will release) or 2013 (which is hopefully when the third book will release). 2014, 2015, and 2016 aren’t looking like low-energy years either. So I might as well do it now. During the first pregnancy I joked that if it were up to me I...

  As I’ve told many people IRL and online already, I’m hoping that IVF will produce one more miracle baby for us by the end of 2010. But because I’m anxious, I’ve started to get a little scared that it won’t work the second time as easily as it did the first. Sometimes I think that I just shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe if I keep my hopes secret from the universe, then it won’t burn me. But then I remember driving to my first date with my future-husband, CH, and saying, “Universe, I’m ready, I’m truly ready,” and that turned out pretty well. So I look at pictures like this 4-seater orange Vespa, and I imagine myself and CH on it sometime during the 2020s with our daughter, Betty, and her future sibling, tooling around the Italiano countryside, and I think, “Yes, this could happen.” For whatever reason, I’ve always believed that if I talk aloud about something good happening, then it will and if I imagine something bad happening, then it won’t. For example, I never, ever imagined that my mother would die early, but before my date with CH, who I was really excited about, I said, “Universe, I’m ready, I’m truly ready.” The other day I read something which opined that a novelist shouldn’t tell anyone about her work in progress, just like a mother shouldn’t tell anyone about the life growing inside of her until it’s at least three months old. I actually believe the opposite. When Betty was confirmed, I told EVERYBODY. I called up friends, I wrote about it on Fierce and Nerdy. If a random friend asked me how I was doing two weeks after I found out Betty was a go, I would say, “Well,...

“Well, the nice thing about IVF is that your eggs will always be 31,” my OB said at my 6 week post-natal check-up during our discussion about family planning. The thing about our particular fertility problem is that, for whatever reason, there are many cases of it being reversed by the presence of children in the house. So though we hadn’t had to worry about birth control for quite awhile, it was now something that our doctor was telling us we should reconsider. And I’ve decided to follow his advice on that. Here’s the thing that happened to me on the IVF road to Betty. After our IVF retrieval turned out so well and produced several “good” fertilized eggs, I decided that it would unfair to have a child spontaneously when we had so many fertilized eggs waiting in the freezer. I’ve been told about couples that have decided to bring all of their embryos to term, b/c of religious or ethical reasons, and that’s not us. CH and I are definitely not looking to become a TLC show. But I do believe that I owe something to our remaining embryos. For me it’s either an IVF pregnancy our second and possibly third time around or it’s nothing at all. So birth control, until we’re ready to undergo the second embryo transfer, yes. But the other strange thing that happened to me on the IVF road was that after all the tears and disappointments and frustration, IVF became rather convenient. First of all, there’s that 31yo egg situation. Under the current plan, we would have child #2 when I am 33, and (still under financial consideration) child #3 when I’m 35 or 36 — m/b later or never if our money isn’t right. It’s...

Photo by Kalimba Bennett So last week I hit the pregnancy wall. I can’t sleep, I can’t get up w/o a lot of effort. My knees hurt when I walk, my back hurts when I walk or sit. Sitting for too long is uncomfortable, lying down w/o propping my head up properly has led to 3 counts of acid reflux vomit — once through my nose (even less fun and more burny than it sounds). I’m so generally exhausted that I nod off like by 71yo father every time I’m in the car or trying to read my last baby care book. I have this thing about not showing up to things that I’ve promised to be at. It’s A huge pet peeve and I usually go out of my way to keep my event promises. In the last month I’ve flaked on four events — two just this past weekend. A few well-meaning people have told me to enjoy this time before the baby arrives. My question to them would be, “How?” I definitely wasn’t a princess in a past life, b/c all this sitting around is driving me crazy. Thus the inspiration for “Operation Get Betty Out.” So far I’ve walked about a mile a day, ignoring my viciously protesting back. I’ve eaten this legendary salad. A friend suggested pineapple, so I’ve been hitting the chunks hard. The only thing I haven’t tried is the castor oil, which two friends suggested. I figured I should save that, just in case Betty tried to stay in past June 22nd. So we went to our 39 week check-up yesterday and the doctor did another cervical exam, and it turned out that I was approximately … 1cm dilated. “But Ernessa wasn’t that exactly where you...

So while the the Octo-Mom supposedly has a new house, a new reality show in the works, and now round-the-clock infant-child care, valued at $135,000, IVF continues to get slammed for her actions. Apparently, some Georgia pols have introduced a bill that limits the number of embryos that can be inserted in a woman and would prevent the freezing of additional embryos. This bill would also put limits on how many embryos could be created in the lab for transfer. Though the bill is supposedly sponsored by several Georgia legislators, so far I haven’t been able to find a quote from any woman in support of it. Only male legislators seem to be talking to the media about it. I also highly doubt that any of these bill sponsors did any real homework about IVF. Here’s the thing, Nadya Suleman is a huge exception to the general rule of IVF. Even though your chances of having multiples are higher with IVF, most doctors are unwilling to insert 6 embryos into spouseless, unemployed women. If lawmakers really wanted to prevent multiple births, they’d be better off putting limits on IUI (artificial insemination). Usually when you hear about a woman have anything above twins, it’s b/c she has been given drugs which increase the number of eggs that she produces in her normal monthly cycle. Then she was shot up with donor sperm from her husband, partner or another source, and that sperm has fertilized more than one egg. This is what happened with Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8, and that’s why most news outlets assumed that Suleman’s children were the product of IUI before TMZ really started  digging. So to sum this up: if IUI had worked for CH and me, I would’ve...

So you’ve probably heard about this woman here in California who after conceiving 6 kids through IVF, went through the process again and had 8 more. Now as someone who’s been through IVF, of course I’ve been following this story with almost fanatical interest. First of all, I find it hard to imagine that this women is anything less than crazy. 6 kids born to a single mother with super-enabling parents are bad enough, to willingly sign on for more after that smacks of narcissism, greed, delusion and a few other mental illnesses that I could name. Second, I am dead curious about the doctor that implanted the embryos. The details are shady here. Maybe she lied to him. Maybe he only implanted 4 embryos and they ALL split — what are the chances? Either way, it’s sparked a huge debate about IVF practices. I’m with the camp that believes that only one egg should be implanted in women under 35 if the egg is good — 2 if the eggs are only okay. However, I do understand why some doctors choose to implant more than two embryos at times. IVF is incredibly expensive. I’ve read about and spoken to women who have switched jobs, gone through extreme life changes, and/or taken out loans in order to afford it. Under those circumstances, does a doctor really want to say “only one egg at a time it’s safer”? So now a few politicians are making a little noise about maybe regulating this IVF stuff. I doubt it will happen. If you were to regulate IVF, then you’d have to talk about why so many insurance companies are allowed to get away with not covering it, nd that’s a can of worms that they probably don’t...

As I’ve said before, IVF pregnancies are a little different. From what I can see, women tend to either be a lot more secretive or a lot more forthcoming about them. I’ve chosen forthcoming. I wish that more women would. And I would love for stars like J.Lo, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman (all rumored IVF recipients) to talk more about IVF. In my opinion, by not doing so, they are lending even more to the impossible “perfect woman” ideal, and making women who have to go through IVF feel that it’s taboo. With that in mind, I decided to do one last blog on my IVF pregnancy, just in case it’ll shed some light on the subject for someone else out there. Once the dot was confirmed, I was a little surprised to find that IVF pregnancies operate a little differently from traditional pregnancies. You don’t immediately switch to an OB, but have to continue seeing your IVF doctor for the first 10-12 weeks of the pregnancy. This is a little difficult, because the things you want in an IVF doctor (aggressiveness, intensity, intelligent explanations, constant risk assessment, a certain brusqueness [so you don’t cry]) are not necessarily the same things that you want in an OB. Also, you’re monitored a bit more closely. Save for my Belgium trip hiatus, we’ve seen our doctor every other week since the pregnancy was confirmed. It’s gotten to the point, where CH and I have set up a routine of going in on an empty stomach full of dread and eating out for breakfast after we see that the baby is okay. And one more thing: drugs. You have to take estrogen for the first few weeks of an IVF pregnancy and progesterone suppositories for the first...

My first college English teacher (Patricia Skarda) told me that I would be be doing my writing a service to abandon the exclamation mark all together, but apparently that lesson never really sank in. Though, in all fairness, I almost never use it in dialogue. And even more fairness, you guys drove me to it in this case. Thanks so much for your huge response to my pregnancy news. CH and I are super-touched. To answer just a few of the comments that we got on and offline: -Yes, J. and D., do try to get pregnant sooner than later. In fact, if you live in L.A., everyone get pregnant like yesterday. Baby Hibbard will need playdates. -No, this will not morph into a mommy blog. There are already so many good ones out there, so we’re just going to keep things Fierce and Nerdy here. Plus, we’re going to see Tina Turner tomorrow night, so you know, my hummingbird-like attention has already been diverted. It’s actually dangerous, because if she sings “We Don’t Need Another Hero” from Mad Max 2, I might die of nerd happiness. Die, I tell you! -Good idea, Zacki! I can’t wait to take a maternity shopping trip with our resident chic geek, Delia. In fact, I might try to get her to do a mom chic blog. We’ll see. But enough with the sentimental stuff. We have a ton of Wow! Nerd Culture for you today, including what CH is calling “the best litter box ever,” so definitely keep checking back throughout the day. Cheers!...

So, I’ve been going back and forth with myself about how to tell you guys this, but I found out at 2:30pm yesterday that I’m pregnant. Of course this was proceeded by a nearly sleepless night, followed by a paralyzing fear that kept me in bed until Monique was able to talk me into getting up and driving to my fertility doctor’s office for a blood test. “Did you cheat?” asked the nurse that took my blood. “What do you mean?” I asked. I had forgotten to take my progesterone a couple of times, maybe that’s what she meant. “Did you take a home pregnancy test?” “I thought about it, but the internet said I could get a false positive or a false negative, because of the IVF, and I couldn’t. I just have to know for sure.” She nodded and said, “Yeah, it’s better if you don’t cheat.” And that made me wonder about the women who had, the ones that had obviously come into the doctor’s office buoyed on hopes of positive home pregnancy tests, only to find out that they weren’t pregnant. Later on this same nurse informed me that I was “very pregnant” and congratulated me. Then she told me I would need to come in on Thursday to make sure that my beta has doubled — which basically means to make sure that my pregnancy hormone has doubled. Apparently if it doesn’t, then that means that the pregnancy could be a chemical or ectopic  — both dire scenarios. So now I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Thursday. But according to Monique, that’s basically what pregnancy is, being really scared all the time that something’s going to be wrong or some test will come back negative. So unless you’ve got...

Hey Guys, somehow I totally missed that it was our one month anniversary on Tuesday, so I’m belatedly throwing up some confetti in the air. Many thanks to you, the readers, and to our Fierce and Nerdy contributors for making this one of the best months of my life. So far I’m putting it up there with my summer in New York. But unlike the summer, Fierce and Nerdy is going to keep on going and hopefully just getting better and better in the months to come. On a more serious note, I’ll be announcing whether I’m pregnant or not on Monday’s first Fierce and Nerdy post. I’m no longer feeling calm about it, but trying not to get too stressed, b/c that’s a serious no-no according to my doctor. Also, it’s killing me that there’s nothing I can do but wait. Over the counter pregnancy tests often deliver false results after the IVF, so I can’t even channel my obsessions into checking and re-checking until I take my blood test on Sunday. Patience seems to be the only cure for this situation. Still, I’ve been finding it very hard to concentrate at work, and I don’t think a week has ever passed by slower in the history of man. Maybe not even in the history of the universe. But no matter what happens, I want to thank all of the people who have shown me so much love and support over the past few weeks. I’m extremely grateful for your open ears and kind words, and I seriously don’t know what I would have done without you. But enough, with the serious stuff. We’ve got a ton of fun blogs to throw at you. Let’s close the week out right. Hello...

So I’m on my second day of bed rest after getting fertilized (aka having an embryo transfer) on Thursday, and I’m officially bored out of my skull. Have discovered that I might be one off those people who only likes to spend hours reading and/or watching television when there is something else that I should be doing. Also, I’m in a bit of a limbo while I wait for my novel to get back from the copy editor. Apparently, I’m just not any good at twiddling my thumbs. But the good news is that the eggs were “so good,” that we didn’t have to decide between 2 or 3. Our doctor suggested just implanting one, since 4 of them made it to freezing yesterday and maybe two more will make it to freezing today. In the end, we had to make the decision about whether to implant 1 or 2 rather quickly, and with me hopped up on valium no less. And though our natural instincts and my distaste at the prospect of going through this process again were encouraging us to go for twins, the fact is that multiple births are higher risk. Plus, everyone I know who has ever had a baby has warned that twins are double the insanity, and therefore twice as likely to drive couples crazy. So we went with one, and we’re scheduled to take the pregnancy test on Oct. 12th. I’ll report back then. But right now, my fingers are super-duper crossed. That all said, let’s get off the serious stuff and enjoy a fun Friday of blogs. Cheers!...

By the time you read this, I will be at the fertility treatment center, getting fertilized with 2 or 3 eggs — shockingly we still haven’t decided yet. I feel like one of those swing state independents that still hasn’t made up their mind about voting for McCain or Obama. Do we know any of these people in real life, by the way? I have a feeling that the media’s just making them up. Anyway, I’ve been given exactly one valium to take before the procedure. So either I won’t be online very much today, or I will be and my comments might not make a lot of sense. Apologies ahead of time, either way. Seriously, how long does it take valium to wear off? I’d really like to know, just so I can plot out the rest of my day. Though I doubt it would really effect my plans to lay on the couch, watching Private Practice, Dirty Sexy Money, and Skins until CH comes home from work. Anyway, enjoy the many great blog posts that we have for you today. And wish me...

Remember that awesome twice-mentioned writer’s conference that I was barely able to attend because of the IVF egg retrieval that happened smack dab in the middle of the weekend? Well, I just want to say that not only was the Los Angeles Southern California Writer’s Conference MORE than kind about re-scheduling all of my agent and editor appointments, but also I just found out that they gave me an award for Outstanding Fiction for my novel,  A Molly Ringwald Ending. So, that’s a nice ego boost when I most needed it, and somewhat embarassingly, made me cry at work — though I suspect that has more to do with all the hormones I’m on than anything else. I’m still a cynical writer, so please don’t go around telling people I’ve gone soft. Anyway, see the full list here. And find out more about the conference here. Thanks,...

So I’ve been going back and forth with myself about whether to talk about the fact that I went through the first part of in vitro this weekend.That is, I had my eggs extracted. CH gave the doctor his jimmies in a nice sterile cup, and now we have 9 fertilized eggs, doing whatever they do, before they get put back into my body on either Tuesday or Thursday. On one hand, in vitro doesn’t exactly fall under the theme of “fierce and nerdy.” On the other hand, there are so few blogs about it, that I wonder if by not talking about it, I’m helping to advance the taboo nature of needing help to conceive. So I weighed the pros and cons of it, and came up with, “Well, I’m a fierce nerd, and it’s happening to me, so yes, I can and should get away with talking about going through in vitro on this blog.” Also, it’s something that I’m afraid to talk about in a public arena. And since I recently made the decision to make “fear” by “true north”* — that is, I’ve decided that if I think about doing something, and then I think, “No, that’s too scary.” Then I should just go ahead and do it anyway. “Courage is only fear that’s taken a deep breath” and all of that. But then decision made, and big breath taken — it occurred to me that I really don’t have much to say about in vitro at this point, except these 7 things after the jump: 1. It’s REALLY expensive, and it’s not covered by most insurance plans. But Viagra is and so is about every other surgery designed specifically for men, including vasectomies. This of course makes me very...