Dear Dr. Miro, Why is it that EVERY time my partner & I make love he wants me to give him oral (and I do!) but he seldom returns the favor. We do it at least four times a week and my boyfriend only goes down on me twice a month at the most! What should I do? Shouldn’t he KNOW this is unfair? Sincerely, Not Just Another Giver Dear NJAG, Sounds like he is communicating his needs and perhaps you need to learn how to express yours. Boyfriend may be under the impression that all is well in your sex life. Since you did not mention whether or not you have discussed this with him, I will assume you have not. It is that idea of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. It would be a wonderful world if our lovers all knew intuitively exactly what we wanted them to do but that is not the way it is. In order to get what you want, you must ask for it. How great you are such an accommodating partner but it is only building ill feelings if you are not being pleased in the way(s) you wish. I would venture to guess if your BF was aware of these feelings of injustice he would step up his game. Speak to him directly about how you would really like to have him go down on you more often. Have a conversation in which you firmly state your desires – no wishy washy ‘uhm, it would kind of be sort of nice if you would consider…’ type nonsense. Just come out and say what YOU want without accusations or tip toeing. Of course, there is the possibility your man may not enjoy “returning the favor”....

Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend says she can’t cum with another person. Before you ask, YES! She does get off when she’s by herself but just not in front of anyone else or with anybody. I REALLY want to give her a big O but she gets too embarrassed and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. (When I found her vibrator, she almost started crying!) I’m becoming kind of obsessed. I’ve always been able to make my girlfriend’s come. What do I do? Sincerely, Feeling Bad ‘Cos I Want to Please Dear FBCIWtP, First of all, back off of the idea of giving your girlfriend an orgasm as an ultimate goal. This has become about your self-esteem wrapped up in whether or not your lover can climax. It is understandable how you would want to help her have this ultimate pleasure as well as how this can injure your image of yourself. It is not about MAKING someone else have an orgasm. This needs to be re-framed as a journey of feeling good and comfortable rather than a goal that MUST be reached. Stop bugging her about it as she is obviously suffering severe stress and shame regarding her sexual pleasure. This is only going to create performance anxiety. Not only is she going to feel as if she is failing as a woman by not being able to do this thing that every magazine says she needs to do, your Lady is now having the double pressure of failing YOU. Imagine the stress she must be experiencing. Your prowess as a lover is not being reflected in whether or not your woman comes. Of course you want to help her have this experience. It is great news that not only is your...

Dear Dr. Miro, This isn’t really a sex question but it is because it’s affecting my sex life. My boyfriend keeps getting angry at me every time I try to help him with anything. All I do is offer my opinion and he says that I need to get off his back or that I’m being a nag. I don’t get it. I thought we were supposed to be a team but whenever I try to do stuff with him he gets annoyed. We can’t even wash the dishes together! He has become almost totally turned off and avoids me or makes a huffy noise when he sees me coming toward him claiming that he’s now just waiting to hear how he’s doing something wrong. We love each other very much but now he isn’t as interested in me sexually. Worrying about it seems to make everything worse and awkward. Sincerely, Guy Who Wants to Stand By His Man Dear GWWtSBHM, One of the best pieces of advice I have heard was, “Just because you know the right way to do something, does not mean you have to let everyone else know.” Sometimes, when offering unsolicited advice, the person you are trying to assist will interpret this as An Interference. And in essence, you are interfering with his flow! Whatever it was he was doing before you stepped in was going fine and if it was not he would have, hopefully, asked for your guidance. It may not have been the way YOU would have done it but that is part of releasing control and allowing others to be themselves. The idea of being in a partnership requires you to have faith that your significant other is capable of making decisions on his or...

Dear Dr. Miro, Every time I have an intense make out session with a boy my face gets hella messed up. Dry rough skin on my chin and upper lip, small pimples – EWW! I know it’s from guys that aren’t clean shaven but WTF?! Am I so muy sensitivo? Is there anything I can do to help post make out? This is embarrassing. It must be totally obvious to people about what I’ve been up to. I’m just beardy boy crazy!!! Sincerely, Ouchy Face Frieda Dear OFF, What you are describing sounds like beard burn and it can happen on your face or anywhere that a bearded person may be rubbing against for any amount of time. It’s that stubble combined with fluids and a lot of friction. There are quite a few home remedies available to those who are fond of lip-locking with the hirsute faced. Use either soy or skim milk with a bit of warm water. Soak a rag or t-shirt in the mixture, we ring gently and apply in a compress to your beard burn. Instead of the milks, you could brew some green tea and after it has steeped apply the cooled down tea with the afore mentioned soaking cloth. Do not use a wash cloth as it is too rough. Allow this to remain on the affected area 4-10 minutes. Do not rinse after. Then apply a bit of aloe vera gel (cooled in the fridge feels the best) and/or a bit of 1% hydrocortisone. The hydrocortisone is definitely not the most natural option but you will see faster results. This can all be done up to four times daily. Two more things to keep in mind: 1. Do NOT exfoliate your face at least five hours...

Dear Dr. Miro, I love sex and maybe that’s an issue. I’m 22 and live with my girlfriend who’s 12 years older than me. In the beginning of Us, it was sex all the time and now I’ll be lucky when I can get some. When she says “no” I get mad and sometimes I want to call someone to “hang out” with. I work overnights and when I come home instead of being tired I’m all horny for her and trying to turn her on but she pushes me away! I want to have fun, but she doesn’t understand me. The most frustrating thing is that my love for her is strong and I can’t see myself with someone else. I just want this to work but she acts like there’s something wrong with me. She says this is what happens to lesbians is that true? Sincerely, Want it From HER Bad Dear WIBFH, There’s nothing wrong with loving sex as long as you are not hurting anyone, including yourself, against his or her volition. It sounds like you are in dangerous territory in that you are beginning to look elsewhere to fulfill your cravings. You cannot force someone to get “in the mood”. In fact, that is really disrespectful. I get how being rejected by your woman can be frustrating, to say the least. You need to have a conversation with your lady, letting her know where you are coming from. Even tell her you are considering “straying” from the relationship and how this constant refusal of your advances is taking its toll on your relationship. You mention not being able to see yourself with anyone else but that you are tempted to “hang out” with others. Figure out what is something...

Dear Dr. Miro, For a third date, with this guy I REALLY like, I invite him over to my place for dinner and what I was hoping would be more. Then, Dude brought his dog with him even though I was VERY clear before he came that it was a BAD idea. This really really bothered me. He also didn’t want to wear a condom when I asked him to!? On just our third date? So, the dog tore apart my room, got dirt everywhere and there was no way I could relax enough to get lucky. Generally I love animals, in fact I have several birds and a cat – which made the dog’s presence even more complicated, and maybe I could learn to love this dog but in the mean time how do I see this guy without his pet that he takes everywhere? Sincerely, Frustrated Fanny Dear FF, This all sounds like deal breaker material. Why some people insist on forcing their pets on folks who are simply not interested is an entire thing in and of it self. Hey people: nobody finds your fluffy friend as amazing as you do! The bigger issue is the fact you requested a few pretty important things and were ignored. This dismissal of your feelings in regards to bringing his pet with him is completely congruent with not wanting to use a condom. If this guy is unable to hear such simple things in the beginning throws of a relationship, it will be next to impossible later on. No one is questioning your love of animals. What I will call into question is why you would put up with someone who so blatantly ignored your needs. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, I was just dumped by the love of my life. All my friends say this is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. That’s BullS**t! The best thing that ever happened to me walked away from an amazing relationship and now I feel like I’m going to die. What do I do? He’s already with someone else so I don’t think I can fight for us. How do I deaden this pain? Sincerely, Broken Reject Dear BR, I know it feels like you are going to die. This is why it is called heart break. Your heart is actually in pain! I understand how much situations like this hurt. Sometimes you have to just feel those awful feelings for a while. It does not sound helpful right now but the old adage “time will heal” is pretty dead on. Using the word “dumped” is problematic because it reinforces that garbage feeling. Trash gets dumped. Remember: you are a human and NOT refuse. Words are really important in recovery. So much so that it often helps to simply do an old fashioned journaling technique in which, once a day, you write whatever comes to your head for three pages. Get out all those emotions un-edited onto the paper OR you can write letters to yourself and him. Whatever you do, do NOT send him these rants. It will only serve as fodder in ways you are too delicate to handle at this juncture. Having imaginary conversations that he does not in actuality participate can be incredibly cathartic. One woman I know kept a box filled with all her letters to her ex that she knew better than to send. When it was full, she held an amazingly beautiful bonfire exorcism...

Dear Dr. Miro, I really want to do something special for my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day but I don’t have any money. Suggestions? Sincerely, Broke & In Love Dear B&IL, Love does not require money. Hopefully by now, your love has realized you are not rolling in moolah and accepts you for the tax bracket you are nuzzled in together. There are lots of sweet things you can do for a significant other that are not pricey. Men and women are not really all that complicated when it comes down to romance. If you want to do something tender and loving, you can start off with a nice hand made card that has a picture of the two of you in it. How about an old-fashioned coupon jar that has a bunch of deliciously filthy things you would like to do to him and have him do to you? Making a nice dinner or possibly just a dessert can work as well, especially if you are the main course! If you are musically inclined, write a cute little song for him and perform it wearing nothing but his favorite panties and a guitar. There are so many DIY sites now that have lovely little ideas for making bouquets and other fun tokens of your affection. The most important thing is to remember that this is simply one day out of the entire year to remind each other of your feelings towards each other. Try to take some of that pressure off yourselves and remember to simply enjoy one another. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, I went on Winter Break to Maui with my cousin and she totally turned on me. We were in a bar and these hot guys invited us to their yachts and she made a big scene about how we couldn’t go because of how dangerous it was and so I tried to bring them to our room and she FREAKED on me. Am I really as stupid and slutty as she proclaimed to the entire floor of our hotel? Sincerely, Frustrated & Hurt Dear F&H, Not knowing all the details I choose not to make a blanket statement of yes or no to your query. It is a pity your cousin needed to be so loud with hurtful words. That must feel really awful! However, what I will say is that there IS something to being cautious even when, or rather, especially when, on vacation. Sure it seems like there are no consequences when you are on a far away tropical island but sometimes, there are. It is hard to predict what will happen when you are partying, but that just means you need to talk with your travel companion about what you both can agree on ahead of time. Sure your cousin may have been out of line to explode publicly, as opposed to taking you aside and calmly relating her fears. If she was in an altered state of consciousness, it may not have been that easy for her. Perhaps she was concerned about both your welfares and was unable to express it in a manner you could hear. Going with unfamiliar men to a yacht has a lot of deliciously fun potential but it could also result in a terrifying disaster. When sharing a room or any kind...

Dear Dr. Miro, I think I’ve met The One. She is the GREATEST girl. My problem is that she is BORING in bed. I feel like we can work on this, but I don’t know, so I’m looking to you for answers. Can you turn a bad lay into amazing sex? I want this to work. She accepts everything about me & everything is perfect about her to the point where we should spend the rest of our lives together. It’s just this sex thing is gnawing at me. Sincerely, Round Peg Square Hole Dear RPSH, For some, sex is not important. Whether bad or good they are not really affected. For most people, there is not enough time on this earth for perpetually boring and bad sex. The “rest of your life” is more than likely too long for a situation such as this. If your love life is a big yawn at the beginning when you have all the love endorphins pulsing through your bodies, how do you intend this to work 10 years down the road? Of course a dissatisfaction with your sex life is gnawing at you. Listen to that! Typically in the budding stages of a romantic relationship, when you are still fascinated by each other, the sex is automatically hot, or there is not much hope for the future. Of course there are exceptions to every rule – arranged marriages come to my head in that regard. I am glad you used the phrasing “my problem” because that is exactly what it is. You say she is perfect but complain about a massive part of a long term sexual relationship! Why not be dear friends with this person as opposed to sexual partners? The best portions of your...

Dear Dr. Miro, I have the flu. I’m still very horny and want to have sex with my girlfriend. In fact, laying around in bed all day just makes me want more sex and there’s only so much jerking off I can do before I’m going crazy for my girl. Here’s my question: Can I give the flu to my special lady friend through sex? Also, a BIG thank you for your past column! It helped me & my girlfriend realize I’m not a complete sex maniac freak. Sincerely, Sir Flu Man Chu of the Horny Knights Dear Sir FMCotHK, Influenza cannot be caught through vaginal secretions or semen. The Virus may be spread, but it will be too unhappy to flourish. Flu Virus really likes the bronchial system! So technically, you will not transmit Flu through intra-vaginal penile containment or sticking your penis into any orifice, really. This Virus spreads via airborne droplets and particles when an infected person sneezes, coughs or speaks. Sometimes it can be passed on through things someone with the virus touched, sneezed or coughed on like a doorknob or penis. When a healthy person touches these polluted items and then touches his/her mouth or nose, the Virus may enter their system. If you were to wash every part of your body AND not breathe any where near your partner, it would be feasible to have sex and not give her the flu. But really, how realistic is that? You see, although the actual “sex” part is not going to make your Lady sick, every other part of the act will. Helpful hint: If you are going to have juicy sexual activity while sick with flu, make sure there is a lot of air circulation in your room. In...

Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend and I have been like rabbits the past month: sometimes 10 times a day! Is that normal? How much is too much sex? Sincerely, Lucy Bowlegs Dear LB, Normal is different for everyone. Here is the simple answer: too much is anything after YOU decide YOU have had enough. As long as your adult activities are not interfering with your health, livelihood or any other commitments you need to keep, there is no problem. Be safe, sexy and enjoy! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit: captainsubtle If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...

Dear Dr. Miro, I met this guy and five years later and we are going strong. I love him. He loves me. We want to be together always. That means live together. Because we are the same age, he can’t really support us because we are both in school. My family, on the other hand, wants to get rid of me as fast as they can, but not to him. They are waiting for someone to come along who they approve of, but I told them I don’t want to be with anyone else. How am I suppose to live my own life the way I want to if they don’t let me? I don’t know what to say, or do, so my family will back off and let me live my life. Sincerely, In Love & Confused Dear IL&C, This is a problem of youth as well as seemingly cultural differences. You are attempting to differentiate from your parents while at the same time being dependent upon them for economic support. It is unfortunate, but while you are under their roof, it is their rules. Like it or not you have to obey to a certain extent. This does NOT mean you need to accept being pawned off to the first or last gentleman whom your family approves. In this day and age, the burden of financial support no longer falls on just one person. Everyone has to pull his or her own weight. I am proud of you for getting an education! However, while you are being taken care of by your family, you may need to set aside your desires to live with this object of your affection until you both can take care of your selves. Right now is an...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’m falling really deep for my boss. This is ridiculous. I’m in a great marriage with a hubby who loves me & I love him but I’m feeling like we don’t have anything in common anymore. Maybe all these long hours are beginning to take their toll? He (my boss) just seems so smart and everything that I want to be around him all the time where as my husband has become really Meh. Nothing’s happened with my boss, physically, but it seems like it may be going that way. What do I do? I don’t want to ruin my marriage. Sincerely, Lost My Shiny & Love The Man Dear LMS&LTM, It is understandable that you are developing feelings for a man who is both NOT your husband AND has a position of authority. His special attention to you makes you feel unique which is more than likely missing from your marriage. That, actually, is something to keep in mind: perhaps your hubby is not feeling any special attention from you, either. Why not try to create something “shiny” between you and your betrothed? Bring this up to him. Tell him you are starting to feel as if the sparkle has faded and you want to do something about it. Be pro-active! That is, if you actually do want to change the situation. What was is it that made you fall in love with your husband? Try remembering these things and salvage what you can. Take a break from the day-to-day and go on a romantic vacation. Sometimes just getting out of your house for a long weekend together is enough to help re-kindle that dwindling fire. If you are interested in saving your marriage, first examine what it is you...

Dear Dr. Miro, My husband and I are in Couples Therapy, which is a good thing. We have a lot of things to work through that I feel are totally attainable. The problem is when our 5 & 8-year-old kids ask, “Mommy where are you & Daddy going?” and I say an appointment. And they ask what kind. And I say a doctors. Then they get worried that we are sick and I don’t really know what to say. I know they have had the terrible misfortune of hearing some of our arguments and must have picked up the tension in the house but what should I tell them? Also, I may need to go to rehab for 21 days and I REALLY don’t know what to tell them about that. Sincerely, Finally Trying to Do Right Dear FTtDR, Wow. I suppose I should congratulate you on taking care of your personal relationship in an adult fashion. But, to throw in that piece about needing to go to Rehab as an aside, needs addressing in, and of it’s self. The fact that you “may need to go” is a telling part of the stress, tension and erratic behavior your children and husband have no doubt experienced. The thing about kids is that they absorb EVERYTHING going on around them. This includes your behavior, emotions and, to get a bit hippy-dippy, your psychic energy. Your lovely children are more than likely aware that something is wrong with you. And, if they are not, they are at least on to the fact that you are not happy. Whether or not they internalize this notion and feel it is their fault is another thing. Everyone wants the best possible version of yourself that you may attain. Bring...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it possible for a girl to get pregnant if she hasn’t had her first period? I thought no, but then some people told me that it was? Admittedly, my sex education wasn’t the best. Now my daughter’s 11 and I’m getting nervous about what to tell her on specifics. We’ve been having good conversations for years (just like you’ve recommended). I’m trying to be realistic because, I didn’t get my period until I was 15 so I want to clear up anything before it gets too late. Sincerely, Not Ready To Be Grandma Dear NRTBG, First, let me applaud you on your desire to inform your child! It is so great to hear from parents about their willingness to communicate with their children on all levels. The quick answer may surprise many. Yes, it is possible for a gal to get pregnant if she has not had her first menses. Now for the long answer… Just because there has been no visual menstrual blood does not mean your daughter has not started to ovulate. This happens 14 days before actual discharge, as in, her period. For a bit of a brush up on female reproductive cycles, remember Ovulation is when a mature egg has been released from the ovary through an oviduct and is ready to be fertilized. Meanwhile the uterine lining is thickening for optimum fertilized egg implantation. This is the most fertile time of month for a woman. There is a massive increase in sexual desire and lubrication, or to put it blatantly: Ovulation is when Ladies get the horniest and most likely to conceive. It is your bodies’ ways of getting on that reproduction train. If no conception happens, the egg and uterine lining get sloughed off...

Dear Dr. Miro, My partner and I have become so busy that “getting busy” never happens. I really miss our long sex sessions but it’s been forever and I’m not sure where we would even fit it in – pun kind of intended. We both love reading so maybe a book recommendation? I still find her incredibly sexy but we never seem to have the time. Sincerely, Miss D. Sex Dear MDS, First of all, if your lives are really that busy, the idea of a long juicy sexcapade does not seem appropriate. Of course you miss those moments but, obviously they are not a priority. There is no quick fix to your conundrum. I highly recommend getting over the idea of having epic love making carnivals and re-start your engines with some simple quickies. I am sure that just the idea of setting aside long periods of precious moments is enough to exhaust you. A fabulous book on this is Megan Andelloux’s Hot and Fast: Sexy, Spontaneous Quickies for Passionate Orgasms. You want an easy how-to for Making It with yourself and others? Hot & Fast is YOUR book. Using humor, specific suggestions and accurate information applicable in our crazed modern age, Andelloux takes readers on an exciting journey through the world of the oft dismissed Quickie, in all it’s different options and glories. Stop taking your sexual lives so seriously and remind yourselves how “the whole wide world is basically a sexual play space”. You will find page after page of suggestions on how to make your Sexy Time convenient AND delicious. Plus, Andelloux even included a shopping guide – you have to love that! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of...

Dear Dr. Miro, If someone has a higher sex drive than their partner, what should they do? I want to screw all the time and my boyfriend (we’ve been together a year) seems happy with twice a week, maybe. I constantly feel horny for him but he thinks there’s something wrong with me and jokes that women aren’t supposed to need that much sex. I love him and don’t want other men (or women) but I’m frustrated and am starting to feel like he’s not attracted to me which is not helpful for my self-image. HELP! Sincerely, Veruca S. McNympho Dear VSMcN, The idea that we are all supposed to have the same levels of sexual desire is what is wrong. It is extremely rare to have precisely the same libido as your partner. What you are describing is called Discrepancy of Sexual Desire. It simply means that one partner has more, or less, of a sex drive than his or her partner. There are no limits to how much (or little) sex women, or men, are “supposed” to “need”. This is truly up to each individual person. It is understandable you would be affected by your significant other’s opinions. After all, he is obviously a very important person in your life. However, he may be extremely attracted to your loveliness and just not have as strong a sex-drive, as you. Has your man given you any reasons to feel less attractive other than not sharing your libido levels? This may be your own self-esteem issues playing out. I recommend examining your needs and desires in relation to what you expect your lover to provide. He cannot be held responsible for your insecurities any more than you his. Understand there is NOTHING inherently wrong...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been using Poppers for about five years to enhance my sexual experiences and I’m starting to worry that they may affect my future health. What are the long-term side effects of using poppers? Everyone seems to have them in the clubs and I’ve never heard really bad stories from any of the guys I share them with but… Sincerely, Poppin’ With the Boys Dear PWtB, First, for those who do not know, Poppers, or Amyl Nitrite, Butyl Nitrite and Amyl Nitrate, are gas substances which when inhaled, or huffed, can create feelings of excitability, giddiness, lowering of inhibitions and heightened sensual awareness for about a minute in the user. They can be very popular as the brief period of intoxication can increase the bliss of a sexual experience. Unfortunately, as the high is so short (I’m talking about a minute) the possibility of over dose is pretty high since the “huffer” will want do a bunch of hits in succession. Here is how it works: A vapor is released from a vial, which causes your veins and arteries to dilate resulting in the blood flowing faster through the heart and the brain. In other words, MASSIVE Vasodilation! Nitrates improve blood flow through blocked arteries and amyl and butyl nitrites increase your heart rate, dilate your arteries and cause your blood pressure to drop. This produces a “rush” as your heart struggles to keep blood flowing to your brain. There is a warm flash and intense sexual desire. Also, the smooth muscles are incredibly relaxed by this dilation. This means the blood vessels, stomach and other parts, yes, but more importantly for recreational use is the relaxation of the sphincter muscles making anal sex much easier. The name Popper is left...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’m a single parent raising a boy. He’s 12 yrs old and I tried having the sex talk with him but he refused to talk to me. Is there a certain approach I should take with him? I’m scared of what he may be picking up from his friends but I’m not exactly feeling good about what to say. Sincerely, Overwhelmed Awkward Mom Dear OAM, Congratulations on even attempting something that obviously is uncomfortable to you. It can be highly disconcerting for a blossoming young man to have his mom try to talk about anything even remotely sexual. The best you can do is let him know that the door is always open, so to speak. Tell him you are there for him if he has any questions but do not try to force “the talk” on him. That is bound to end in repelling your sweet boy. Twelve is such a confusing disorienting time in anyone’s life. His peers are definitely talking about this stuff already so it may be a good idea to ask him about what his friends are saying. To back track, hopefully, you have set up an environment with as little sex-negativity as is possible. Kids pick up on any discomfort their parents have about and sex can be a big trigger! Having open dialogues with your son about everything that is going on his life, not just sex, will pave the way for easier interactions, in general. Being able to speak about his daily issues, freely, will make any serious discussions a bit smoother. I find that a lot of parents will not have a regular practice of checking in with their offspring and then out of nowhere, believe they must have this frank discourse...

Dear Dr. Miro, My husband cheated on me with a somewhat famous lingerie model. He told me the entire story and claims it was a “seize the day” moment for him & he’d never have forgiven himself if he hadn’t. He was shocked I wasn’t high fiveing him over his once in a lifetime opportunity!!! Needless to say, it was a crushing moment for me. My body and trust issues were never so great to start with, especially after having two daughters with him and now… Well, I don’t know what to do with this. I love him. I know he loves me. We have a family but to think that any time a pretty lady walks by he is going to kick himself or blame me for not f-ing her?! I need to heal and I’m not sure where to begin. Sincerely, Betrayed in Mom Jeans Dear BiMJ, Wow. That is a really difficult place to be. Being with a partner who has strayed is incredibly hard and me saying something along the lines of, “Well, at least he communicated to you and it is not an ongoing thing” is NOT going to help at this moment. You have every right to be “crushed”. Do not hold those toxic hurtings inside! It may even be a good idea to have the girls stay with someone else for a few days while you deeply feel your feelings. Definitely find a therapist, RIGHT NOW, to work through your own body and trust issues as well as a Couple’s Counselor who specializes in infidelity. There are support groups, too. Use as many resources out there for support as you can so that your healing over his betrayal can begin. But what to do with this? Let...

Dear Dr. Miro, What are some suggestions for strengthening my marriage? We’ve been together 2 years and I want to focus on the things that can make us stronger not break us apart. Everything I read tells me what not to do so, uh, what CAN I do? Sincerely, Pro-active Pat   Dear PP, Congratulations on being proactive! Since it is so easy to get hung up on all the negatives, we can easily lose sight of the positives unless that extra effort is put in. Here is a top 10 list of things to help on your journey together. 1. Always remember what brought you together. 2. Continue to remind each other about all the things you love about the other – even when it is something as simple: I love how you ask me what I need from the store. 3. Ask what you can do for your true love. Sometimes we get so caught up in the daily routine, we can forget we may want different things. 4. Make time for romance. If that means scheduling it in, so be it. 5. Continue to take care of yourself. If you were a gym person when you first met, keep up with that. Make sure to keep hands, feet and other body parts well groomed. This will leak into how you care for each other. 6. Try to remember to do things for each other without having to be asked. That includes remembering to keep quiet about certain stuff and other times it could be as simple as using the “right” towel. 7. Strive to be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. This will (hopefully) inspire your mate to do the same. Set the bar for excellence without...

Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend has a few close guy friends she hangs with and I think that’s wrong. I don’t go out with any females alone – their boyfriends would get angry they’re hanging with another man. I’m pretty sure these dudes are waiting for my girl to be weak & screw her when I’m not around. I can’t get this idea out of my head & when I ask her about it she gets really pissed off and says, “We’re just friends”. This is making me crazy! I’m not OK with this. How do I make her stop? What do I do? Sincerely, Crazed with Jealousy Dear CwJ, The question of whether straight males and females can ever truly be “just friends” with no sexual tension or thoughts of wanting more has been asked through out the ages. Perhaps your instinct is correct. There are always exceptions to this but on average, the answer is NO: Guys & Girls cannot be purely platonic on both sides. Even if she believes they are “just friends” these fellows probably do see your GF as a potential mate or conquest. However, the actual problem here is not whether or not these types of relationships are possible. You ask what to do about this situation as well as “How do I make her stop?” I have a feeling your S.O. was friends with these fellows before knowing you and will be way after you are out of her life. This jealousy is going to push her away from you; possibly into the arms of whom you most fear – those attentive male friends who have been listening to all those issues she has been having with you. You see, by not trusting a person’s ability to...

Dear Dr. Miro, I overheard my husband talking on the phone about how hot Black Bull Cuckoo-Sex scenes are. Is he into crazy animal sex? No matter how secure I am in my sexuality, this seems like something I can’t (& don’t want to) compete with. Sincerely, Not Into Animals Dear NIA, Before you go hiding your pets, understand that Black Bull scenes have nothing to do with actual bovines. During your eavesdropping (an entirely other issue) you may have overheard a bit wrong on the “Cuckoo” part. He was probably talking about cuckolding. Traditionally, a Cuckold is a man whose wife is cheating on him. Now it is more often a referral to a fetish in which a male gets turned on by his partner having sex with other males. Sometimes referred to as Mandingo Scenarios, a Black Bull fantasy is when a black man (the Bull) has sex with a white man’s significant other. Generally, it is a scripted situation in which a well-endowed, dark skinned male has hardcore sexual relations with the white guy’s woman in front of him. Nationality is not important as long as it fulfills the white man’s fantasy of not being able to compete with this “other” fellow who has over powered his lady with his massive sexual prowess. It is a fetish that taps into the insecurity of the “cuckolded” man on quite a few levels. One, his partner is being unfaithful. Two, not only is she being adulterous, a man with whom he could never compete is sexually fulfilling her. This, of course, simply builds on old stereotypes that stick in many white American folks’ psyches. To top everything off, she does it all in front of him, rubbing salt in the wound, so to...

Dear Dr. Miro, With all the 50 Shades of Whatever and Poly-Gang Bang Hoo-Hah that’s going on in our culture, I’ve started questioning myself and whether I’m just the most boring person in the whole world. Seriously, after making out, I like to get off with some head and then classic penetration. I mean, I believe in being both the giver and receiver and LOVE to go down on my partner just as much as getting pleasured but does that make me lame? I don’t want to be with anyone but my spouse or see my beloved screwed by someone else and I guess that means I am really into what’s derisively called vanilla monogamous sex. Is there a support group for those as sexually uninteresting as myself? Sincerely, Vanilla Shake, Please Dear VSP. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with liking what you like as long as it is consensually pleasing to all involved. If that means it is you alone, you partnered with the love of your life or involving all the (human) performers from a three-ring circus, then that is what your healthy and satisfying sexual experiences will be. Sure there are a lot of options in mainstream media today for those considered Sexually Adventurous but let us not set up black and white scenarios here (unless that is what helps get you off). Just because you may not wish to get tied up while dressed as a Sexy Elf or set up some Mandingo-Cuckold scenario does NOT mean you are boring. If YOU are bored, then you are boring. If you and your partner are happy, then bask in that yumminess! Allowing your perception of others’ judgments to affect you seems to be more the issue here rather than your sexual...

Dear Dr. Miro, My wife is an overweight BBW (big beautiful woman). I’m talking at least 200lbs extra. That isn’t my problem – just more to love, right? I still want her in every way but her self-esteem about her body is so low that she refuses to let me touch her. I’m certainly no matchstick and she’s never been a small woman (I’ve ALWAYS loved that about her) but what can I do? I tell her all the time how sexy I think she is, that she’s not too fat for me and try to introduce playful “adult” activities but I keep getting shut down. I’m getting resentful that she won’t allow anything close to erotic to transpire between us PLUS I am tired of being rejected. Sincerely, Tired of Being Shut Out By My Big Mama Dear ToBSOBMBM, It is not possible to force anyone to feel good about his or her self. That is something they must do on their own. It is not a pleasant situation to be with someone who thinks poorly of herself. Speak with her about your desire for all HER voluptuousness! Leave the “you’re not so fat” part out. If your wife is a plentiful woman, then she is. No reason to pretend otherwise. Verbally re-enforce your attraction to her Rubenesque loveliness while letting her know how torn up you are that she cannot see her own beauty. Perhaps the two of you could go on an exercise/diet program together not necessarily to get “thin” rather to simply start feeling good. Show her how dedicated you are through your ACTIONS, since words are simply not working. You will be heightening the endorphins folks need to feel good about themselves AND you will be doing it together....

Dear Dr. Miro, I just had a baby and do not associate my lady bits with getting sexy anymore. My nipples are now the domain of my little one and I do NOT want them incorporated into Mommy-Daddy Time. Even my vagina seems more like a place for my sweet child to exit rather than a pleasure center. I used to be horny ALL the time and now I avoid my hubby when he starts to get that look. How do I get my sexy back? Sincerely, Lost My Groove Dear LMG, This is a common problem that comes up for many moms. Of course you are going to be focused on how to keep your little bundle of joy alive and the sexy stuff can easily slip to the way side. This is understandable. It is fantastic you acknowledge your need to re-engage in your marriage, and your SELF, sexually. This process of re-eroticizing can be difficult but in the end, rewarding. Self-pleasure is always the place to begin. Get out that dusty vibrator and remember how much fun you had pre-baby. Take, for want of a better term, baby steps. You know how sometimes you have to fake a smile to pave the way for a more pleasant experience? This can be applied to sexuality, too. If you can kick start your libido with some fun alone time – you and your vibrator, that is, you may find it will ignite a bit of that forgotten Sexy you so desire. To be blatant: get some blood back into your clitoris with what ever means necessary until you bring yourself to orgasm. Only after that will you be able to engage with your baby’s daddy in a relaxed and sexual way. PLEASE do...

Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend Will. Not. Stop talking about our sex life to her friends and now I find out her family knows intimate details about us, too. This makes me waaaay uncomfortable. I ask her to stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of her relationships. Demands why I want her to stop being in communication with her friends and fam. How else do I deal with this? They are my friends, too PLUS I am SO not looking forward to any family gatherings. Sincerely, Embarrassed to Leave the House Dear EtLtH, So you are involved with someone who over shares and does not respect your wishes or comfort zones. This sounds extremely awkward and rather disrespectful. Could it also be symptomatic of other facets of your life together? It does not seem like you have a very safe space together. There are certain people who do not need access to these personal experiences you two are sharing. Try to come to an agreement on who you both are all right having on that list. Let her know this is not about preventing any and all communication with her loved ones – that is ridiculous – but rather, it is about keeping some things private. Healthy relationships work when both parties are able to hear each other. If you ask, in a non-demanding manner, to limit the juicy details in discussions with others and she refuses, you may need to exit this situation. Really, it is all about what resonates deep inside you both. Perhaps, this is her way and she will never change – can you live with that? If she does not “get” how this is offensive AND you remain uncomfortable with it, there is not much potential...

I picked this as the ‘Best Of “Ask Dr. Miro”‘ from the past year after getting a lot of personal comments thanking me for the travel assistance. Plus, it just seemed to be appropriate for all the summer travel that is going on. Dear Dr. Miro, I am flying cross country to meet my girlfriend’s family for Thanksgiving and I’m worried about what kinky stuff won’t get through security. She asked me to surprise her with “something new and spicy” since we’ll have the family’s guest house all to ourselves. I have the basics like lube, a vibrator, condoms, but I’m worried that anything with more pizazz will get me in trouble. I’m not sure if the vibrator will cause problems, even. I don’t want to check my bags because that gets me even more paranoid so what do I do to avoid looks and getting flagged? Sincerely, Future Savvy Kinky Traveler Dear FSKT, This is one of the most commonly asked questions I get and it is a good one! You are wise to be concerned especially on these crowded hectic travel days but there are some basic rules to follow. First of all, make sure to tow the 3-1-1 rule: No fluids in anything bigger than a 3.4 ounce CLEAR container. Make sure the bottle has its size marked on it to avoid suspicion. If your lubricant is called SEXY LUBE ASS PARTY, and that embarrasses you, put it in another container. Put all of these neatly packaged items into ONE quart size, zip-top, clear plastic bag which is limited to ONE per passenger. Even if you follow the rules, most importantly, look like you know what you are doing. Do whatever you need to do to avoid looking nervous. The TSA...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been looking for a good reference book on sex stuff but I don’t want some dense college textbook. Any suggestions? Sincerely, Randy Researcher Dear RR, I highly recommend The Guide To Getting It On by Paul Joannides (http://www.goofyfootpress.com/). “The Universe’s Coolest and Most Informative Book About Sex” should be on everyone’s shelves. The Guide covers an incredibly vast sexual spectrum in language accessible to all. Extremely sex positive and non-judgmental, it is as appropriate by a couple’s bedside as upon the shelf next to a Doctoral Candidate’s other important reference materials and textbooks. Check it out! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...

Dear Dr. Miro, What advice do you have on how to add spice to the sex-life for a couple who’s been getting it on for 20+ years? Sincerely, Lady Content Yet… Dear LCY…, Congratulations on twenty years together – pretty impressive in this day and age! Not sure how spicy you want to get so I will start with some basics. Sometimes when couples have been together for a long time they forget the simple things that young white-hot passionate newly coupled folks do. When was the last time you sent a sexy text to your partner letting him or her know what color your panties are – or if you are even wearing any? By stimulating those thoughts, you both start thinking a bit more sexy and priming those love pumps, so to speak. Perhaps you could mention a few things you would like to do to your S.O. when you finally are alone together. Remember: the build up to the event is just as important as the finale. Have you tried talking about fantasies? Dressing up for each other? Role-playing? Recording yourselves? How about putting your tongue on a part of your loved one’s body that you have not visited in a long time, or even ever before? A good, oft neglected little spot is that area between the vaginal opening and anus (or a man’s testicles and anus) called the perineum. Use your tongue or lube to get it all slippery & rub gently in circle patterns or back and forth. And while we are on the topic of rubbing, do NOT underestimate the power of a sexy massage. There are some fabulous massage candles at Babeland (www.babeland.com) as well as delicious oils all over the place. Keep it simple and...

Dear Dr. Miro, How much wiener can a vagina handle? I just discovered that the guy I’m dating is overly “blessed” & I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle this. It’s not my first time or anything like that but I’m just wondering how big my hoo-hoo actually is. Sincerely, Petite Miss Dear PM, Most vaginas can fit a lot more in them than we give them credit for. Just think: a baby can go through there and chances are that your fella’s penis is not that big. That is not to say a baby is a comfortable object to have passing through your lady parts, rather, this elastic muscular canal is pretty amazing and can handle a lot. Masters & Johnson referred to the vagina as “potential space” because it is capable of expanding. Think of a balloon when it is flat. The sides are folded onto each other. Then, as air fills it, the balloon expands. Your vagina does this too! During sexual excitement, not only are your inner walls lubricating, but they are also rising apart, creating a somewhat tenting effect. Pretty amazing how bodies do this sort of thing! As for the actual size of your vagina, although there is great variety amongst human females, I can give you some basic numbers. When not turned on, a vagina in a child bearing aged woman is approximately 3 inches in the front and 4 inches in the back. While you are becoming more and more aroused, your vag will start enlarging. The degree varies immensely and has a lot to do with what you are used to putting inside there. The important thing is to TAKE IT SLOW. Ease into your sexual experience. Make sure your lover gets you...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it crazy to love women with pretty feet? And I mean LOVE. Sincerely, Foot In Mouth (Yes PLEASE) Dear FIM(YP), Depends on your definition of crazy. Sounds like you may have a bit of a Foot Fetish. Pronounced sexual interest in feet or footwear, are the most common sexual body fetishes. As long as your “love” for women’s feet does not detract from your quality of life or lead you down a path like the Baltimore Foot Stomper or Toe Suck Fairy, it is quite all right. Foot Partialism is predominantly a male predilection for female feet and their coverings (stockings, heels, etc.) but there are always exceptions. Sometimes the desire lies in the odor, coloration and/or the shape and size of the footsies. The first documentation of Podophilia was in 1220 AD! Recent investigations have shown that the part of the brain that recognizes the feet, more specifically the toes, is right next to the genitals. Sex nerd Emily Nagoski has drawn us a detailed map This makes the study of Podophilia that much more intense! A very simple crossing of signals can result in a jolt to the brain signaling extreme sexual excitement. There are other societally driven reasons to for adoring women’s tootsies. Since feet are mostly hidden beneath socks and shoes, seeing them could be as exciting to see as it was to our Great Grandparents regarding a glimpsed bit of limb! (Mind you, that was back in the days when even the legs of a table or chair needed to be covered so as not to upset anyone’s decency.) Theories abound as to where the desire to worship feet originates. The traditional idea that as a child one saw mostly feet due to crawling around...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it normal for a guy to hang out with his exes? This makes me really uncomfortable. I don’t want my boyfriend around a bunch of girls he used to have sex with but he gets mad at me and tells me, “We’re besties – nothing more.” I think this is weird and so do all my friends but he says I’m being paranoid and selfish. Sincerely, Want My Man To Myself Dear WMMTM, Normal is a difficult word. What is normal for one person is completely bizarre for another. I have a few questions to ask him. What is he getting from being around his Exes? What did they have when they were sleeping together that they don’t have now? See if you can join him while he is having a hang session so you can better understand their connection and dissolve it as a potential threat. If he does not want you there, then there is a problem. Find out what it is he gets from these ex lovers that he feels is lacking in his life. It is possible to be friends with your past flames. It is even possible to be best friends with an Ex but that is an EXTREMELY rare circumstance in which both parties realize they are in no way attracted to each other physically, but yet have a definite and intense connection. One key here is to understand the difference between flirty sexual interactions and strictly platonic. The other key here is my favorite word: COMMUNICATION. You are allowed to feel those feelings. If you are uncomfortable, sit with that discomfort for a bit and locate exactly what is triggering it. Let your boyfriend know how this is percolating. Unless you have agreed...

Dear Dr Miro, I’m constantly turned on by my girlfriend – a good thing, I realize this – I’m a very lucky Man. We have sex in the morning and then about 20 min later I have another erection and want to do it again and a lot of times we do. If I’m around her all day, I want to have sex with her maybe 4, 5 times and cum just as much each time. This is after many years together, I might add. Usually she’s game but I worry she’ll get bored, or she’s thinking ‘seriously?! Again?!’ I love my GF, I find her incredibly sexy and she gets me VERY excited – But can it be possible I want her Too Much? What’s up with the erections for her all day long?? Is this a medical condition? Did I mention I’m in my early forties? Sincerely, Hard To Know Dear HTK, How amazing you have found someone you feel so excited by! This is a good thing and as long as she is “game”, I do not see a problem. The only questions you should ask yourself are the following: 1. Do you feel the need to have sex with others? 2. Do you feel unsatisfied after ejaculating? 3. Are your erections interfering with other aspects of your life? 4. Is this interfering with HER life? If the answer is no to the above questions, keep enjoying yourselves! Mainly, it comes down to communication. Check in with your sexy lover to make sure she is not feeling pressured. Finding someone with whom you share a similar desire level with can be amazing but keep in mind, realistically, it will not always be like this. So, enjoy what you have! Sometimes it...

Dear Dr. Miro, I just saw that old SNL skit where Will Ferrell gives himself a BJ. Is that even possible? Sincerely, Inspired to Take Yoga Dear ITTY, What you are referring to is called Autofellatio, the taking of one’s genitals into one’s mouth, for sexual pleasure. And yes, for one in approximately every 3,000 men, it is possible. However, there needs to be extreme flexibility combined with a fit body and a rather long penis. It must be possible for women, as well, but I have yet to see any evidence of this either in adult movies or scientific journals. According to my research, men have been trying to do this since the dawn of time. There is even a myth that the Egyptian Sun God, Ra, created his children Shu (God of Light) and Tefnut (Goddess of Moisture) by pleasuring himself and then spitting out the ejaculate forming his offspring! The first documented case, in a scientific journal on Autofellatio, appeared in the “American Journal of Psychiatry” way back in 1938. There is footage of a 1970’s Ron Jeremy as well as quite the sub-genre/fetish today. I if you care to do your own research, Ricky Martinez is one of the more famous adult entertainers capable of this solo feat and, yes. He is quite impressive. If you are looking to Bend It Like Beckham, and are rather well endowed length wise, I suggest stretching every day perhaps after a warm bath or sauna. Remember, as I said above, being fit and flexible are necessary. Porn Star Ron Jeremy will be first to admit that due to his protruding belly, he can no longer place his penis in his own mouth. Try not to get hung up on whether or not you...

Dear Dr. Miro, I went on a date with this guy and everything was AMAZING. He is absolutely perfect except one thing: apparently he and his last girlfriend broke up because he cheated on her. I know the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” adage but is this always true? I don’t want to be his next victim. Should I even bother going out with him again or should I ignore his calls? Sincerely, Trepidatey Katey Dear TK, Before you completely blow him off, perhaps the circumstances surrounding his indiscretions could be looked into. There are many different reasons people cheat. I know the stock answer is supposed to be, “Run – Don’t Walk from this Jerk!” But you know, life is more complicated than instant answers. One size does NOT fit all. Although it is a rule, “once a cheater always a cheater” there are exceptions. How did this information come to light? Admitting to his dalliance could be a big bonus in this fellow’s favor. A massive way to gain closeness and increase intimacy is through the disclosure of personal information that you would only tell a significant other. Is it possible he is trying to turn a new page in his life and begin on a clean slate filled with honesty? That being said, when it comes down to it, you MUST rely on your instincts. What does your gut tell you? If you really like this guy, tell him about your trepidation. Pay attention to what is both said and not said but especially examine how you feel in and out of his presence. I am not suggesting you over-analyze, just be open to the real emotions you are experiencing and the truth will be revealed. Lust & Happiness,...

Dear Dr. Miro, My gorgeous, brilliant, wife and I have really busy lives between our fulltime jobs, volunteer work and newly adopted twins lets just say: not a lot of together-alone time. I’m really worried we are going to have Lesbian Death Bed and as a result I wanted to try to schedule some times for us to have sex but she got angry at the idea saying I’m being selfish, our relationship is obviously in danger if we need to plan things like that and I should’ve thought of this before the adoption went through. This all really hurt me. Also, I thought she’d like the idea of putting this on our to-do list but no. We used to have amazingly passionate filled days and nights but there hasn’t been any of that since the babies arrived. How can I bring this up again with out feeling totally rejected or sounding resentful of the kiddies (because I’m not)? Sincerely, Lacking Sleep & Sex Dear LS&S, First of all, congratulations on your twins – how wonderful and exhausting for you both! The idea of scheduling sex for busy couples is really important. Special Sexy Mommy Time is crucial for maintaining that sensual bond that brought you together in the beginning. When you are sleep deprived from such a hectic life style it is hard to react to things upon initial hearing in a sane manner so, it is understandable your wife may have reacted in the manner she did. While on the surface the ideas of having a sex life AND raising twins being mutually exclusive may seem true, it does not have to be. Of course you are feeling hurt! You were already having attachment issues and this pushed you away further. It...

Dear Dr. Miro, What’s wrong with my husband? At least once a week he’ll wake me up for late night sex, and the next day he won’t remember! Sometimes it even happens multiple times in a night and I have to push him away. How can he not recall this? Could it be me? Am I so unmemorable? We love each other but when I mention it he refuses to believe me. Another thing, the sex is actually really amazing with him more (ahem) attentive and, uh, giving, so I don’t exactly want it to stop completely but sometimes it’s way too much and I feel pressured and yucky. Mainly, I just want him to remember it. We aren’t on any medications and hardly ever drink so that isn’t it. Sincerely, Would Like to Make An Impression Dear WLTMAI, How crazy making for you! Sounds like your hubby may actually suffer from a condition called Sexsomnia, one of the newest classifications of sleep disorders. We all accept that there are folks who walk, talk and eat in their sleep, right? So, being intimate is not that far of a leap from all of those others. The first paper recognizing this rare disorder was not published until 1996 and labeled the condition “Sexual Behavior in Sleep” or SBS. Generally, SBS is triggered by lack of sleep on previous nights, stress, excessive alcohol or drugs. Since the latter two can be ruled out, see if there is a pattern in regards to his stress levels. Alert your betrothed to this and make sure he understands the serious implications in a frank and open discussion without any finger pointing. This can be just one manifestation of other sleep issues he is facing. Unfortunately, there is often a...

Dear Dr. Miro, I adore my girlfriend of six months but lately she’s been telling me I need to give her my email and Facebook passwords. When I said that I didn’t want to she accused me of being untrustworthy and secretive. I’m not hiding anything from her but I just don’t feel right about it. Should this be a deal-breaker & just get out? Sincerely, Should I Run? Dear SIR?, In our world with little to no privacy – people publicly blogging their Dear Diaries, pictures of family on Facebook, everyone’s home address a Google search away – it is important to hold onto some semblance of the personal. Sure, your girlfriend may think it is you being “untrustworthy and secretive” but really, where is HER trust? Her faith that you will not do anything to disrespect what you have together has to get in place, too. Maybe it will not. That is something you will need to feel out. This issue is coming up more and more. There has been a big deal made about middle and high school kids sharing passwords at an attempt towards special intimacy with one another. It makes sense: what else do they have to which no one else has access? There are some adult couples that even share email addresses! However, in the case with tweens and teens, it is bound to end messy. And, more often than not, the adult couples have a lot of issues around it, as well. Since you have discomfort with your Adored One’s demands, let her know. What is it about sharing your passwords that truly freaks you out? Think about it honestly. This could be a great opportunity to communicate what is and is not acceptable to both of...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been dating a man for about 6 months and am very much in love with him. He’s sexy and handsome and treats me like a princess and my friends all like him too. The only thing is that we have very disparate incomes. I make about 3 times what he earns in monthly income. He never asks me for money, and isn’t a tightwad when we go out, but I worry about our future together. He spends money when he gets it – I’m a planner and saver. Do you have any advice on when is a good time in the relationship to talk about money? How can I address my concerns without sounding like a worry-wart? Sincerely, Happy In Love Worry-Wart Dear HILW-W, How wonderful for you to have met this amazing gentleman! The question of money can be tricky. We are not often taught how to approach money matters and become uncomfortable when this topic is broached. A good time to talk about this is RIGHT NOW. If it is causing you worry, then he should know. Words of warning: do NOT bring this up during fore play, Sexy Time or post coital bliss out. (Although the above sounds like a no-brainer, you would be surprised!) While reminding him of how happy you are to be his, let your man know you are having these concerns about your economic future together. He may have been having some similar thoughts. Make sure to come from a place of love and confidence as opposed to insecure accusations of him not being a suitable provider. It is best to get it all out on the table instead of shoved beneath the rug where you will trip over it for years to...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’m totally freaked out. My boyfriend keeps talking about how he doesn’t like his balls or penis & that they interfere with his ideal look: that of a Ken Doll!?!? He wants to get all his man bits chopped off. He doesn’t want to be a woman – he’s actually super masculine – just disgusted by his junk. He says he hates having his balls there. He doesn’t like me touching him or anything. I really love him. He’s an amazing man in all other ways except for this one major thing about his thingies. He’s really ashamed about this and tells me I’m the first person he’s ever shared this with but I don’t really know what to do with it. I thought I was totally open to all the variations a person’s sexuality could be but this is a bit much. Sincerely, Don’t Want to Date a Ken Doll, Dear DWTDKD, Sounds like a desire to become what’s known as a Eunuch. Throughout history, there have been men who have chosen as well as men who have been forced to become eunuchs. This Ken Doll look is not as peculiar as you may think. No, it is not exactly run of the mill, but there are thousands of other men all over the world who have this similar desire. Wait, What? Yes. Traditionally, a Eunuch is a biological man who has had his testicles removed. According to research, there are some interesting common threads to men who wish to get rid of their man bits. First, there has been found a much higher level of physical and sexual abuse in their childhood. Second, 11% witnessed or participated in an animal castration while growing up. Third, there is a high...

Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed and we don’t use condoms. I have a drug test next week. Can I test positive for THC from him coming inside me? Sincerely, Naturally Paranoid Dear NP, If testing positive for THC from ejaculate intake was possible, there would more than likely be a Seth Rogen film with that as a sub-plot. THC is short for Tetrahydrocannabinol, which is the principle psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. We have all heard of the false positives for opiates after eating a poppy seed muffin and so the silence on this matter pushes me to the conclusion of NO. As this is not a good method for reaching scientific conclusions, I began further research. Amielle Moreno, a Seattle based Research Scientist, had this to say, “Let’s go over facts: THC is fat solvable and it’s also found in hair which is protein. Semen includes a large amount of protein, but the amount of THC in semen would be negligible. The THC has already been processed by one person before it gets in contact with a vagina, mouth or rectum. I don’t think it would be enough to test positive.” Since fats are processed through an entirely different system than that of the reproductive, their transference is highly unlikely in detectable quantities. You see, THC is metabolized mainly in the liver. It is detected through hair, urine, blood, “oral fluid” and sweat. There seems to be no evidence of it being found in genital fluids. Another researcher, who wishes to remain anonymous, brought up the additional argument against THC being transferred through sperm with the following, “Semen, as a vehicle for genetic material, would have no evolutionary advantage in bringing along extraneous chemicals like THC in the ejaculate....

Dear Dr. Miro, I keep getting told by women I want to date, that I’m “too nice”. What’s that even mean? Shouldn’t I be good to women? Am I supposed to get all Douche-y on them? It seems that a**holes always end up with the girls I like but it just doesn’t seem right to me. What should I do? Sincerely, Nice Guy Who Can’t Get Laid Dear NGWCGL, I will venture a guess that the women you are interested in are not turned off by you being nice to them as much as they may want someone with a particular kind of swagger you do not possess. Maybe it is not a matter of being “too nice”, as in considerate, but rather you come across as a bit wimpy. Then again, do you really want to be with a lady who does not want to be treated well? There is a misnomer in our society that you must either be a Nice Fella Pushover or a Jersey Shore Jerk Dude. Being polite and aware of others is great! However, there is often a disconnect between being kind and being a man. Do you not stand up for yourself or ask for your needs to be met? There is a happy medium to be discovered within these extremes. Let me level with you. Telling a person “you are too nice” as a way to stay in the “Friend Zone” is a supposedly polite way of saying, “I am not turned on by you. You do not get my juices flowing.” That is NOT to say you will never meet anyone who will get excited by you. It is to say, that the women you are attempting to have relations with are simply not in...

Dear Dr. Miro, I started seeing a guy from work in Friends With Benefits way but we only hook up when he’s REALLY drunk. I was really happy with the situation – no strings attached, etc and thought he was too but then he’s sober he goes on about how “It was such a mistake” and we shouldn’t do that again. AND, when my ex showed up at a bar we were all at together my FWB’s gave us the evil stink eye all. night. long. What gives? Sincerely, Toni Dear T, First of all, Work Guy is obviously not happy with your Friends With Benefits situation. He has deeper feelings for you compounded with layers he is not admitting even to himself. If you truly want a FWBs experience, consider someone who can actually use his or her words to articulate what they are thinking and feeling in a manner that will facilitate a fun night and not leave any residual guilt (on his end) or doubts (that I hear from you). I am not coming down on your happiness with your current set-up but, how good could the sex be if he is always “really drunk” by the time you get it on? Having a sloppy night of passion can be great for some people but I imagine being told it was a mistake can dampen the feelings. Still confused by the evil stink eye your FWBs gave you? Understand, Work Guy is not actually a Friend WITH Benefits. He is someone you work with (this in itself is going to go badly and be rather awkward) that has feelings for you, who cannot commit to an actual relationship. I am not making any value judgements in regards to committing or not...

Dear Dr. Miro, My wife and I, while having a pretty good relationship overall, do not connect on a sexual level. She has a much lower sex drive than I, and body shame coupled with germaphobia limit the range of our activities. She’s made it clear that anal intercourse is off the table (and when I told her she could ”peg” me in return there was no interest at all) but recently I’ve been obsessing about licking her asshole or having her pee on me, and I’m afraid that even confessing these desires to my germaphobe wife is going to have her thinking of me as weird, dirty, and disgusting, and not someone she can kiss or hug without thinking of how unclean I am. What do I do? Sincerely, Feeling Dirty Dear FD, This must be a really difficult place to be. I see it a lot in my practice – both differing levels of sexual desire as well as the significant other’s reluctance to participate in activities that would turn their mate on. Try taking baby steps. Start off slowly with oral sex that does not involve her bum. Is she ok with you licking her lady parts? If that is too “dirty” or shame invoking you could use a barrier such as a dental dam or even Syran Wrap to assist in the purity factor. As you are feeling denied access to certain things, it is natural to start fantasizing about more forbidden zones. The thing is, you are married to your wife for better or for worse and part of that is respecting each other’s limitations. Everyone has fantasies whether they are obsessing over this season’s Prada heels, lasagna or even Golden Showers, sometimes you cannot get what you want....

Dear Dr. Miro, Can you be a good man AND pay a woman for sex? I just found out that while I was working overseas, for a year, my husband not only went to strip clubs with his friends but also saw a prostitute and this is freaking me out. I always thought of him as so respectful and loving, but now I see him as a monster female exploiter! Not only that but he cheated on me! He says it’s not cheating and that he loves and adores only me but I’m just confused and questioning everything that I thought was sacred in our life together. Sincerely, Hurt & Confused Dear H&C, Of course you are hurt and feeling confused. This was not anticipated. It is understandable you would have intense feelings of inadequacy, questions regarding the “sanctity of marriage” as well as possible emerging issues of abandonment. Those are all OK to have, at this moment. Feel your feelings. Discuss with your betrothed what is so upsetting to you and try to truly hear what he says. Get it all out so that this will not continue to rear it’s ugly head. A lot of the time, couples argue about things that have nothing to do with the actual feelings that may or may not be coming up. This is more than likely triggering your attachments to each other. He may fear that you will not love him anymore while you fear that you are not good enough… Time apart is so very difficult and it is important to acknowledge both that AND how hard it is to come back together after even a few days, let alone a year. This is tricky territory. If you feel the two of you cannot...

Dear Dr. Miro, What lowers sperm count? Sincerely, Brad Pitt Dear “BP”, An estimated eight million US couples have fertility issues, half of which involve men with poor sperm quality. There are SO many contributing factors to lowering your count. I am not sure if that is what you are trying to do or if that is what you are trying to avoid but here it goes… To understand this topic better, it is important to get a handle on where your sperm is hanging out and manufactured which is, inside the scrotum. So, first of all, beware of those skinny jeans! You have got to let those boys breathe. Careful of long exposure to extreme temperatures like standing in the freezing cold or severely hot baths. The Cremaster Muscle, responsible for letting the balls hang low or come way up tight, depending on the weather around your manly danglers, can only do so much. Sitting long amounts of time can lower sperm count. This is a major concern for cabbies, pilots, students and any other testicle-baring male who has a sedentary lifestyle. Take caution in regards to radiation emitting technologies. Try not to store your phone in the front pocket for long amounts of time and keep your laptop off of the genital region. You feel how your computer is getting hot? That is a sign TO MOVE it! An epidemic decline of sperm counts in modern man is also being blamed on environmental pollution, plastic chemicals, pesticides and unhealthy diets like junk food and sodas. Pharmaceutical drugs are another major cause of decreased swimmers. For example, the common selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressant drugs can literally bring a man’s sperm count to zero! The men of today have much poorer sperm...

Dear Dr. Miro, I thought I was OK with being single until all this chaos for Valentines Day got up in my flow. What can I do to avoid becoming more depressed about being an alone loser than I already am? Sincerely, Juan Is the Loneliest Number Dear JITLM, First of all, there is no shame in being alone. In fact, it is a great place to be to truly understand yourself. You are certainly valid in your feelings about having Valentine’s Day shoved down the masses’ throats. Honestly, even those entrenched in couple-dom get a bit uncomfortable with the pressures of having to prove their love on this one particular day. From my research, it is not really even understood who this St. Valentine was! (Seemingly a conglomerate of about fourteen different martyred fellows all with the same name. Although, one in particular tried to convert someone he should not have and ended up, well, quite uncomfortably martyred.) But back to your question… Keep in mind that this is a Hallmark Holiday with little to no relevance to the rest of the world. Try to hang out with your (single) friends and just have a good time. There is also the fabulous option of taking the time to honor your self. Give some love to you! That can mean different things to different people. Some manners to do this may include getting a massage, splurging on that new techno gadget you have had your eyes on and some good old fashioned self pleasuring! Avoid restaurants as they will be filled to over flowing with folk attempting to make romantic memories. Keep in mind that being single is not a sign of being a loser. I know it can be tough when it feels...

Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend always wants to have sex right as we wake up but I’m really embarrassed of my morning breath. When I go to brush, he gets annoyed. That’s the main time we have to get it on and I don’t feel sexy so then I’m all pressured. What am I supposed to do? Sincerely, Hallie Tosis Dear HT, It is pretty difficult to feel sexy when worried about how you are smelling let alone feeling pressured. Here are a few super simple ways to combat Dragon Mouth. One is to leave a small cup of mouthwash on your bedside table before you go to bed. When you start to gain consciousness the next day, swirl that stuff around in your maw and spit back into the cup. A second easy breezy method is to have a tin of Altoids waiting for you upon first morning jab. Another suggestion that does not directly address the Dawn Death Breath is to have your morning intimacy from behind. This provides incredible closeness while avoiding any exchange of oral cavity odors! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit: Mike...

Dear Dr. Miro, I have been faithful to my husband for the entire 19 years we have known each other. With all the news focused on Newt Gingrich and his open marriage attempts, I’m beginning to think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to cheat but I’d really like to have some new adventures that don’t involve him. Am I terrible for wanting this? I don’t think it will make everything in my life better but it certainly will make me feel better about some things. Sincerely, Wanting More Dear WM, Are you asking me for permission to redefine your present marriage confines? You may simply be bored and need to liven things up in the bedroom so try to figure that part out, first. Are you ready to open this Pandora’s Box in your marriage? Start simply by watching some adult movies together and see where that leads you. Wanting to open your marriage is nothing to feel badly about. In fact, why should one mode of sexual intimacy be applied to all people? It is rather unrealistic to believe that everyone will be completely satisfied by one person for the remainder of his or her years together. You say you want some adventures that do not include him. Consider traveling alone or with a girlfriend. How about skydiving, horseback riding through Arabian deserts or white water rafting? Is it possible your desire for more may not even be tethered to the sexual realm? If you truly want to explore alternative dynamics to “traditional” marriage, there are many options available to you. However, the MOST important part of all this is to keep in mind that what separates cheating from an open relationship is COMMUNICATION. Everyone involved in your relationship(s) must understand...

Dear Dr. Miro, My wife of six years, who I love very much, and I are trying to have a baby. This is really embarrassing. I used to be so excited by her and barely able to contain myself. Now, I’m not able to seal the deal. Sometimes I can’t even get hard and when I do, I can’t cum. I think she’s beautiful and such a good woman so that’s not it. Our schedules are pretty hectic with her in med-school and me finally getting a position in the firm I’ve been after, so it’s one more thing stressing me out. We’ve been able to do everything else and I’m really comfortable with our lives so what’s my problem? Sincerely, Can’t Seal the Deal Dear CSD, There is a lot going on here. First, make sure this is not a physical problem. Are you able to get erections and orgasm when you self-pleasure? If not, go see your doctor and get some tests done to rule out diabetes, low blood pressure or a multitude of other possibilities. If yes, then it is definitely psychological. You say you are comfortable – maybe too comfortable? Many times when you get to know somebody really well, the hotness and mystery can dissipate. The yearning, animalistic lust that got you going may have gone away. It’s a lot pressure on a man when he feels like he MUST perform. With everything you are dealing with, no wonder you are stressed! You are NOT a circus animal, jumping through a hoop when commanded. A step back to alleviate some of that command-based sex will help. Even this act of love, which should be a stress reliever, has entered onto the list of things you need to do. Take...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve insisted on using condoms with my girlfriend but she says she’s allergic to them. Is that even possible? I’m trying to be a responsible man but she’s making it really difficult and accusing me of not trusting her. So far this has resulted in me not getting ANY. I don’t feel like arguing about this and want to be with someone I can have sex with. Sincerely, Have Condoms Will Travel Dear HCWT, Good for you for trying to use condoms! First of all, a responsible grown up man deserves to be with someone who does not accuse him of mistrust when in reality you are doing the most trusting of all things. Your current girlfriend may indeed be “allergic” to something having to do with the condoms. Does she get a rash when using latex gloves or some band-aids? This will be a big indicator as to whether or not she has a latex sensitivity. Latex allergies are a lot more common than most people imagine. If this, indeed, is the problem, you have great options! You could get a Poly-Urethane prophylactic, like the Trojan Supra, which is actually stronger and thinner than latex while transmitting body heat. Or, you could go with a Poly-Isoprene love glove. Both Durex’s Avanti Bare and Lifestyles’ Skyn will meet that choice. These are the newest technology and cost less than other materials. PLUS, they are amazingly soft, stretchy and strong. If your GF’s sensitivity is not latex related, she may be reacting to chemicals and spermicides used in the pre-lubricated condoms, such as Nonoxynol-9. Though a seemingly a good idea, and as the name suggests, spermicides utilize substances that kill sperm. However, this happens due to the bleach like properties, which can...

Dear Dr. Miro, What are the benefits of couples counseling before marriage? My girlfriend thinks we need it. I thought she would be happy that I proposed after three years. I mean, seriously, if she thinks we are having problems isn’t that a huge red flag? I do love her. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. If we can’t handle our own problems shouldn’t I just call this whole thing off? Sincerely, Getting Cold Feet Dear GCF, There are actually quite a few benefits to couples therapy regardless of whether or not you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. If your girlfriend thinks you need it, take it to mean there are a few wrinkles she wants to smooth out in order to start off the remainder of your years together. One of the major plusses in taking this healthy step with your fiancé is that you enter a room in which a professional will be holding safe space for you both. Often times, it can be initially scary because the partner who did not suggest this thinks that he willl be blind sided by many issues that he  will then have to defend himself against. Hence the need for a qualified therapist who will put you at ease and let you understand this is not about having a referee to say who is right versus who is wrong. Rather, it is about strengthening the relationship. She may just want to know you care enough about your relationship to work on things together. Sometimes, simply agreeing to go is enough! It will prove to her you are in this for the long haul – no matter what life may throw in your way. Reacting by saying, “We...

Dear Dr. Miro, I think my new girlfriend is really insecure. It doesn’t make any sense because she’s gorgeous, sexy & brilliant. Is it possible for me to get her feeling better about herself or is this a big red flag that I need to pay attention to by cutting my losses. Sincerely, Shirley She’ll Change Dear SSC, No matter how much love and encouragement you give, a gal (or anyone, really) has to find self esteem within her own person. Sure, you will be able to assist her in gaining some feelings of security but there will always be that burden of proof upon you. If being gorgeous, sexy and brilliant was not enough for her innate feelings of worthiness, how are you going to help? Be careful she does not take you down with her in a crazed spiral of not being good enough. It sounds like you know what to do with this crimson flag. Pay attention to your instinct. Those lost, insecure, souls of the world are so easy to love and so difficult to untangle from when it is no longer fun. Perhaps you should consider adopting a shelter dog if you want to improve a gorgeous creatures life. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit: Etna’s...

Dear Dr. Miro, What is meant by a “healthy” sexual relationship? I hear this term but it confuses me. What is healthy sexuality & how can it get it? Sincerely, Struggles the Clown Dear StC, A healthy sexuality means very different things to different people. What a lot of folks mix up is acts versus authenticity. Says the ever brilliant Sexuality Educator, Media Mogul and Sex Worker Rights Activist Audacia Ray, “It’s not about the mechanics of what kind of sex you’re having, or what that looks like or how many people are involved, it’s more about being truthful with yourself and your partner.” By avoiding self-deception and listening to what truly makes you feel like a better, more whole person, you will be maintaining a healthy sexuality. Think about what makes you happy. What turns YOU on? You cannot simply “get” a healthy sexuality by figuring out a definition. “There’s not a list of activities that you should be doing or not doing”, says Ray. Tune in to this perpetual process. When you are actually paying attention to your desires, that cumulate over the course of your lifetime, the concept of a healthy sexuality simply falls into place. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit: Icon Photography...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it really necessary to take “safe sex” precautions when you are having sex with just one person? What about someone you know very well? Sincerely, Juana Lose D’Barriers Dear JLD’B, Just because you may be “having sex with just one person” does not mean that one person is only having sex with you. The same applies to someone you know very well. Exactly how well do you know this (potential) sex partner? Are you aware of every one of their past and present conquests and sexual interactions? The answer is: even if all that information were available to you – probably not. No, it is not necessary to have safe sex but come on! You know it’s definitely advised. Honestly, you do not have to do anything, and should not do anything you truly do not want to do in regards to sexual matters. What you can do is look at the possible ramifications for not taking safe(r) sex measures and, decide if it is worth it to you. That whole gamble with your life and health thing may not be a big deal to you, so behave accordingly. Of course there is no such thing as completely “safe sex” unless you are going solo but there can be measures taken to have safer sex. Discuss with your partner what you both feel best about. Suggest getting tested together! If you are not comfortable or ready to have this kind of discussion with your lover(s), perhaps you are not ready to be engaging in such behavior. Remember: adult behavior requires adult conversations. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving...

Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend’s birthday is in a few weeks and I have NO extra money. Things are so tight that I won’t be able to pay rent AND get him something as meaningful as he deserves. My guy is so thoughtful and giving and I want to do something amazing to show him how special and sexy he is to me. Suggestions for this pauper girl? Sincerely, Poor & In Love Dear P&IL, Times are tough and as the old saying goes, “money can’t buy love” or happiness for that matter. Unless, of course, you find happiness and love on yachts in the Caribbean and strip clubs… But back to your issue. If you want to be thoughtful, how about putting together an Erotic “Scrap” Book? Write out some fantasies your special guy is turned on by interspersed with a few exciting escapades you two have shared. Make some suggestive drawings, cut out kinky pictures and print some self portraits of you looking all ready for action. You could simply illustrate your stories with photos of things like the messy bed left in the aftermath of a passionate night, the lingerie you wore or the view out the window of where one of your tales takes place. You do not actually have to be explicit unless that is what you want. Get creative! Put all of your material together in a book form to make an Erotic Book he will cherish and reference through out your years together. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, Can rough sex make my Vag smell? Sincerely, Stinky Puss Dear SP, The quick answer is no, rough sex does not result in vaginal odor. However there are some things to clarify. First of all, you are assuming rough sex means the same thing to everyone when really it can entail anything from light spanking with a gentle pull on the hair to being hogtied and flogged during a gang-bang. Another thing is that everyone’s body is unique. What may affect a person one way may have a completely different result on anothers. Unpleasant smells emitting from your Yoni are due to miscellaneous factors. Have you been checked for Sexually Transmitted Infections? If you have crossed STI’s off as a possibility, the next place to look could be improper hygiene. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but even if you are washing after your sexual escapades you may be causing harm and odors as a result of improper techniques. What I mean by that is, you could possibly be using a soap that irritates your Special Lady Parts and in retaliation, your Vag will try to heal it’s self by producing more than her usual flora and fauna, so to speak. This same thing can be applied to douching. I could go on and on about that “D Word” but will make it simple: Do. NOT. Douche. It is unnecessary. The chemicals in most all douching products are akin to shooting bleach up in you. While on the topic of irritants, check and see if the condoms or lube you are using have Non-Oxynol 9. That stuff can produce rashes and bad reactions, which can turn stinky. Another factor contributing to an unsavory Vagina could be in your diet. It...

Dear Dr. Miro, How do I tell someone I’m with that I have an STD without scaring them away? When should I even do that? How could anyone want to be with me when they find out I have genital herpes? It’s not like I’ve been with that many people but I still feel totally gross. Sincerely, Depressed & Dirtied Dear D&D, First of all, I am sure you have way more to offer than what’s going on between your legs. Having an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) does not imply you have had a lot of partners or you are a bad person. It simply means you may not have been well informed. It only takes once to contract an STI. The time for disclosure is a tricky one in that it does not need to be the first thing your potential sex partner knows about you but it should be addressed before you get naked together. Really, it depends on the situation. If you are dating, disclosure is definitely not suggested, or necessary, on the first date. Let your love interest get to know you a bit. Make sure when you do bring this up, you are both planning on sleeping together. Since you will already be in a vulnerable state, it a wise idea to broach the topic while you are both fully clothed. Understand, if your potential sex mate gets uncomfortable and cannot handle your reality, they may need to get up and sort it out in his or her head. As you decide upon the right time, stay in your place of personal power and authenticity. Remind yourself: you are a good, loving, sentient being who just happens to have made this one mistake. Based on the fact you do...

Dear Dr. Miro, I met my Dream Man and am on the springboard of crazy. I can’t get him out of my head. Since he’s a famous actor, there are many shots of him online so I find myself staring at photos of him much more than I should and losing myself in daydream. We only spoke for a few minutes and yet I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t want to Facebook him, even though he said I could, because that embarrasses me and I wouldn’t even know what to say. How can I stop thinking about him? Should I stop thinking about him? Please don’t say I should go out and hook up with someone else. I did that and it did not suit me. I guess I’m just a dreamy lover of love… Sincerely, Hopelessly Devoted to My Dream Man Dear HDTMDM, If this is truly a dream of yours, follow it. See where it may lead! What’s the worst that can happen? At least you will have tried. All you have to lose is the fantasy and if you are OK with that, I say: Go for Him!! I know that a lot of people may advise you to forget about this Dream Fellow and move on with your life, but I am not sure as to where you are supposed to move. We are encouraged to turn many of our dreams into realities so why not in the realm of Romance? When I look around at what people (possibly including you) are capable of accomplishing, things like raising families, starting their own companies, creating better worlds for us to live in… questions about talking to the woman or man of your dreams seems like a no-brainer. Putting yourself...

Dear Dr. Miro, In my fantasies, I objectify women. If I think about them too much as real life people they cease being sexy. I love my wife but as a loving caring brilliantly pure being. It’s only when I see her as a sweet piece of ass am I turned on by her. I understand that there are two different types of energies in a relationship: one for the heart & mind (the relationship), and then that other for the genitals (the sex). Both are important but how can I avoid killing that animalism of sex? I’m talking about that thing that disconnects the mind – the part that loses sight of “relationship stuff” like figuring out what couch to buy. Obviously, objectification is unhealthy. But isn’t that part of sexual attraction? Maybe it’s just a male thing or at least a masculine trait. Will this haunt me the rest of my life? I feel bad turning my wife into an object. Sincerely, Mr. Love2Love Her Dear Mr. L2LH, The quick answer is yes, there is a major element of objectification in sexual attraction and no, it is not a purely male thing. Read on if you want more details… Objectification is not unhealthy, in and of it’s self. Really, it is how you manage it. You are right in thinking that there are different levels of relating to each other, all very important, depending upon what type of interpersonal connections you desire. Objectifying another being can be extremely liberating if there is some understanding before and after of the person behind the object. This is specifically true for long-term situations. If we were discussing one-night stands or booty calls, this would not surface as an issue, in that all you have is...

Dear Dr. Miro, I love my sensitive boyfriend. I really do. He is amazing in so many ways but sometimes I wish he could be more manly. How do I get him to be more macho? Sincerely, Woman Wants Man Dear WWM, This is an all too common issue for more and more women these days. Lines are blurring on what is and is not “manly” which can be both positive and negative. On one hand you want somebody who is sensitive to your needs, a great listener and an all around good (though often somewhat weenie) guy. On that other hand, it can feel really good to be caught up with a strong jerk of a stereotype. Here is the key: you can not and will not change him. He is what he is. If you truly love Hombre Sensitivo, as you say you do, learn to accept him for who HE is – not who you hope he will be someday. Whether he is a big lovable wimp or your adored lug of a He-Man, you are not going to change him. Decide what you can and cannot live with and go from there. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, Why does my husband want to get down and dirty when either of us have a fever? There I am in bed feeling awful and SO not sexy and he tries to start something. Who wants  to have sex when they are sick? Sincerely, Let Me Be Sick Dear LMBS, Who wants to have sex when they are sick? Well, a lot of men do. This question reminds me of the Larry David quote, “The closest I ever came to death, was when I masturbated with a 104 degree temperature.” For a lot of men, lying around in bed, regardless of what else is going on, will inspire sexual desire. You name it: mourning a loss of a loved one, the flu, wisdom tooth removal and more. There they are with nothing else to do but feel their feelings and yes, play with their Ding-a-Ling. In a sense, your husband may be attempting to “do unto others as he would have done unto himself”. Unfortunately, it is not exactly what the majority of women want as they are lying in bed trying to recover. Another part of this could be the trigger of seeing you lying all vulnerable, warm and snuggly. The part of his brain that connects having sex with his wife and the conditions in which this occurs will go all haywire, creating a big Hubby-Chubby. It goes the other way, too. Say you are giving him special, loving attention as a result of his feeling under the weather.  This may get translated into your man becoming massively turned on by all the tenderness being received. You see, what you are experiencing is YOUR reality of snotty tissues, endless coughing and pounding headaches (that will not be cured by...

Dear Dr. Miro, My wife doesn’t like me to go down on her. She gets weird about letting me see or get near her vagina with my face.  Well, she seems to like it a little bit at the beginning but then pushes me away quickly after I get started.  We have sex, no problem, and she goes down on me all the time but I never get to return the favor. Two questions: How do I get her to like it more? How do I get near my own Wife’s Juicy Bits with out it being a big scene? Sincerely, Juan T’Slurp Dear JT’S, Have you asked your Betrothed why she does not want your face between her legs? Has she been comfortable with oral sex with past lovers? Is your face scratchy? What is it that makes her push you away?  These would all be good places to begin. A lot of women are uncomfortable with their Vulvas after being told their entire lives “it” is a dirty, shameful, smelly part of their personhood that should be hidden. I do not know Your Better Half’s background but that could possibly be coming up for her.  There is also the issue of women believing they need to pleasure their partners without receiving any pleasure in return. You know, that whole martyr thing to which humans can fall prey. It is difficult for some people to let go and allow others to please them. Make sure Wifey knows how amazing you think her Special Lady Parts are. Go into details with this. Declare your love of her smell, taste, juices, texture and coloring. Let her know how much you adore turning her on with your tongue and lips. Reiterate how giving the woman you...

Dear Dr. Miro, My doctor told me I should get a hysterectomy as a preventative measure because the meds I took to fight breast cancer may cause uterine issues. She claims that since I’m 41 years old and don’t plan on having any children that this is what I should do and that it won’t effect me in any way. This doesn’t sound right but it’s what my insurance company agrees with. Won’t this screw with my orgasms somehow? I’m totally freaked out because everyone’s telling me something that doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to say good-bye to my uterus but I certainly don’t want to create more medical problems. Sincerely, Scared and Mistrustful Dear S&M, Of course you are freaked out. One of your defining organs, as a female, is in jeopardy. Removal of an organ is a last resort – NOT a “preventative measure.” This seems like a lazy and careless manner of treatment. Not only does your experience sound incredibly dismissed but also, it truly feels like an inhumane quick fix. Keep in mind, there are many instances in which removal of one’s uterus is a necessary procedure and has created a better quality of life, but it does not sound like you are in one of those situations. There is much research clearly showing how hysterectomies negatively impact women. Quite a few women have uterine orgasms, so that would be the end of that. Also, from studies conducted over the past half century, it has been found that hysterectomies can result in diminished sex drive, insomnia, short term memory loss, decrease in stamina, increased irritability and anxiety, just to name a few. I highly recommend you check out Hers Foundation http://www.hersfoundation.com/ for specific percentages and more data. You are...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been dating a guy for a couple months and I really like everything about him except one major issue. He has the worst breath EVER!!! The last time he picked me up for a date I couldn’t kiss him because his pie-hole smelled ROTTEN. I made up an excuse as to why I had to stay home. Am I being shallow for dumping him? Sincerely, Freshness Lovahh Dear FL, When something smells rotten, it usually is. When his mouth, an extremely exposed portion of his being, is gross, how can you even consider exploring what may be in his pants? When a fellow cannot handle simple oral hygiene it makes us question what other aspects of his life are beyond him. I do not think it makes you shallow to want to avoid mouth-decay. However, if this guy means a lot to you, let him know a visit to the dentist is in order. He may have a few cavities as well as bigger tooth and gum issues. Kissing is so important in a loving sexual relationship. It is hard to get things started in passionate deliciousness when there is a cloud of Ick wafting from your potential lover’s lips. Smells are major in what may turn you on and off. Pay attention to what your senses are telling you. You know what you need to do. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it really weird that I got all crazy horny during all the excitement about the hurricane? I think there is something really wrong with me because I keep trying to figure out what to put in my emergency kit in case I want to hook up with someone? I want to be prepared but I’m not sure what the essentials should include. Sincerely, Potential Girl Scout Dear PGS, It is not “weird” to become turned on by danger and potentially life altering situations. In fact, after the tragic events of 9/11, there was a surge in what the media called “Terror Sex”. The idea, that all may be gone tomorrow so why not have lots of slutty-delicious adventures and live a little, is a natural phenomenon that many humans become wrapped up in. When we are told that the world we live in is about to end in some extreme way, our adrenalin starts to surge. This creates miscellaneous coping mechanisms. Everyone handles things differently. Whelming sexual urges is just one way. With all the hype over Hurricane Irene, it is no wonder you were turned on! As for putting together an emergency kit, whether it is for hurricanes, earthquakes or monthly ovulation time, there are a few ways to go about it. After making sure you have things like an extra battery for your wireless devices, CASH, tampons, medications, water, food, candles and matches, you can get to the fun stuff. Here’s a handy starter list: – charged vibrator (because you need to be clear headed) – head lamp (to keep your hands free) – chocolate – condoms – lube – blindfold (also helps you sleep) I would love to hear what other essentials FaN readers have for their...

Dear Dr. Miro, When do you know you have an addiction to sex? Everyone keeps telling me I’m a sex addict! Sincerely, Can’t Get Enough Dear CGE, Labeling someone with an addiction is dangerous territory. A lot of times a person will not take any personal accountability for their behavior if it can be brushed off as something outside their control with a, “I can’t help it. I’m an addict!” mentality. It is important to distinguish whether or not you have a problem. Perhaps you simply have a higher sex drive than those around you. When there is a problem is if your behavior is interfering with your daily activities; that life in general stuff. The following are a few questions to ask yourself: Are you engaging in risky behavior as a result of a compulsion to have sex? Have you lost jobs, friends or valuable resources because of your predilections? Has the ability to focus on anything besides Sexy Time evaporated? If the answer is yes to any of these, you may have a problem. However, if you are simply having fun, managing to keep all the rest of your life in order and feel healthy about your choices, what is the problem? Sometimes labeling others helps to control them. Investigate why these folks around you are so set on the title: Sex Addict. While you are delving deep into things, you may also want to look into what it is that creates a feeling of ‘never getting enough’. Is there a hole (psychological or emotional) you are trying to fill literally and physically? Regardless of the answers you come up with, understanding your own behavior and figuring out why YOU do what you do will be a great asset to you throughout...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it normal for a four year old to touch herself down there? I don’t want to give my daughter a complex but it makes me really uncomfortable. How do I make her stop? Her pre-school teacher told me that she keeps rubbing against things in the middle of the class room! I’m not a prude, but this is totally embarrassing, especially when she does it in front of Grandma in the living room. Help! Sincerely, Mommy Freak Out Dear MFO, It is perfectly normal for children to touch themselves. If it feels good, why would you not? Just like adults, children have different levels of  desire in regards to touch and sexual feelings. They are individuals. The problem comes with ill-defined conceptions of time and place. Many children pick up clues of what is and is not appropriate while others do not. How you react to your daughter’s early sexual explorations, regardless of your (dis-)ease, is super important as it will effect her throughout her life in ways she may not even realize. Children can read discomfort on adults much more clearly than you may believe. Explain the concept of time and place. Most kids understand there are certain things you do in public and other things you keep to yourself. I do not believe you should figure out how to make her stop touching herself.  Merely tune her in to where and when is appropriate. She probably knows, by now, it is not acceptable to poop on Grandma’s rug, right? Utilize this fully developed concept. Acknowledge what is going on before it sinks into her subconscious as a filthy thing to be ashamed of. Have a heart to heart with your budding lass. Something along the lines of, “I...

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it true that sex can get rid of headaches? I think my girlfriend is making this stuff up. Sincerely,Tylenol Man Dear TM, Not all sex can get rid of headaches but full on orgasm is capable of removing blockages and decreasing pain of all sorts! Have you noticed that right before you come, more intensity of everything is needed? It works like this: when you have an orgasm, your body releases serotonin and endorphins. Serotonin is that fabulous neurotransmitter that helps improve desire, pain perception and mood. Endorphins are opiate-esque chemicals your body releases at orgasm which have been proven to increase pain thresholds. All that, is to say: Orgasm is a natural painkiller. Keep in mind, not only are the endorphins and serotonin levels at play, but headaches are generally caused by blood vessels in the brain constricting. This is what causes the tension and pain. During Petite Mort, there is an increase in blood flow, dilating those tiny vessels and eliminating the pain in your head! This would not work for a migraine but a headache? Definitely. The old, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache” is a giant load of crap. If there is a headache, sex is the best thing to try. Of course, self-pleasuring would probably be the safest route to go so you do not have the additional pressure of finding someone with whom to have an orgasm. On a side note, thanks to Masters & Johnson, orgasm is medically recognized as the best remedy for menstrual cramps. The big O disperses pelvic edema, a fancy term for those stuffy, bloaty, crampy feelings a lot of gals get before they begin menstruating.  My professional opinion is to follow the teachings of Peaches and F...

Dear Dr. Miro, I caught my boyfriend watching gay porn. I mean, really gay porn… He’s totally not into my vagina anymore, right? Sincerely, A. Lotta Vagine Dear ALV, It is possible you snagged yourself a closeted beau but not necessarily. Before you spin out of control with negative accusations, keep in mind there is an entire spectrum of desire in regards to sexuality, existing in us all. Just because he enjoys some intense Man on Man action does NOT negate his desire for your lovely lady parts. I know there are some out there who will read this and say, “EW – no way! He’s into dudes.” but take a pause before continuing down that road. Women can enjoy Lesbian porn and not get worried about whether or not they are gay so you can see, in a lot of ways, this becomes a societal prejudice against male sexuality! Seeing one or more people engaging in juicy passionate sexiness can be a super hot turn on, regardless of the orientation(s) and gender(s) involved. It is helpful to think of what Dr. Joe Kort says, “As if the sex act itself makes you gay!? It’s not the act; it’s really your orientation… This is separate from the sexual fantasies!” Even if your boyfriend likes putting things where the sun doesn’t shine, either with the help of a friend or on his own, it does not mean he is gay. (See Peg Him!) Look at it this way: if you fantasize about burning down your old high school, does that make you an arsonist? Instead of freaking out on him, calmly ask about this newly discovered predilection. Applaud your lover on his ability to explore his desires without caving to Society’s labels. It is quite...

Dear Dr. Miro, I told my girlfriend that I fantasized about her when I was Jilling-Off and she freaked out!! I’m not sure what upset her because I think it’s the highest compliment I could give someone. She called me a disgusting freak and now I feel like she is telling all our friends I’m a pervert. What went wrong? How do I stop feeling guilty about rubbing one off? Sincerely, Guilty Hornster For My Girl Dear GHFMG, Try not to allow yourself to succumb to this guilt. It is perfectly healthy to satisfy yourself sexually. In fact, it is an important skill that should be mastered! This is tricky because on one hand, you are correct. How amazing to know you are someone’s fantasy – when you could “have” anyone you desire while fantasizing and you chose your significant other! I think that is a beautiful thing and yes, a great compliment. What may be at work here are preconceived ideologies that simply do not match up. Is she offended by the fact you indulge in self-pleasuring or was it that you “used” her as material? For some, the concept of Solo-Sexy time is hard to swallow, rendering them extremely uncomfortable. Even though an awful lot of folks participate in such activities, it may be viewed as wrong as a result of their specific moral compass. Have a conversation with your Lady about some of the benefits of Tending Your Skittles, such as better vascular and muscular health as well as a fabulous stress reducer. You may be a disgusting pervert but it has nothing to do with your fantasies! It could be fun to talk a bit about the role of fantasy and the discovery of your favorite erogenous zones both on...

Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend has been dropping massive hints about wanting a couple’s massage for her birthday but I’m not sure what to expect. What exactly is it? What if I get a hard on? I’d be really embarrassed, but if some random woman is touching my junk and I’m relaxed, how can I not get stirred up? Sincerely, Easily Excited Dear EE, If you want her to happily remain your GF, book that couple’s massage NOW. Listen, all that happens during one of these is you and your partner receive massages at the same time, in the same room, by different professionals. What if you do get turned on? I would think that a sign of a successful massage. It is not as if this should be an unusual occurrence for a seasoned masseuse. So you get hard. Not really a big deal. Let’s reframe: you and your girlfriend are in a darkened room with soothing music and aromas, in a relaxed state of bliss, being pampered, touched, rubbed and… In this circumstance, I would think NOT getting slightly aroused would be peculiar. I know a masseuse who claims if her client is not drooling she did not do her best! Things happen. I can understand how you might be shy but let the practitioner gently know “what’s up” if your penis just happens to respond to her touch. There are ways professionals can squeeze a thigh to make your dragon go back to sleep without causing undo embarrassment. Bottom line: do not be afraid to try something new. Especially if what you are afraid of, is liking it too much! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

C0-Ed. Note: We’re re-running this “Ask Dr. Miro,” b/c not only is it super-funny, but it also got us flagged by Google Ads. And as you know, we nerds just love to get in trouble — makes us feel baaaad. Originally published 01/05/11 Dear Dr. Miro, I am so embarrassed! I spent the holidays with my family and for the first time, brought my girlfriend. Things went really well. Everyone seemed to get along and play nice with each other. The problem came after we got home. You see, I bought my GF a Feeldoe for Christmas and gave it to her in PRIVATE at my folks’ place. She loved it. I loved it. It was incredible! Honestly, I can’t say enough good things about how amazing our sex was. However, when we got home, we realized that it wasn’t in our bags. Not only that, we realized exactly where we left it: in the bed. I know my mom. I know she has already stripped the bed and done laundry and she must have found it. She has not mentioned it. My GF is mad at me and says that I am making her look bad in front of my family and, that she wants her present back. But that’s a 5 hour flight away. I guess this is more of an etiquette question, but PLEASE, what should I do? Mortified, Red-Faced Rita Dear RFR, Well, if you want to get into etiquette, perhaps you will strip the sheets yourself next time you are a guest in anyone’s home. Even if it is your family, your mother should not be treated like a maid, having to collect your extremely soiled linens. Why do I say extremely without even being there? Because, Ms. RFR,...

Learning how to Fight Fair and Communicate are crucial skills for all aspects of life. I understand how difficult it is to employ these “rules” when caught up in the emotional moment which is why I am choosing this Blogumn to repeat: a refresher for both my readers and me. Originally published 06/08/11 Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend and I just had our first major fight. We’ve never disagreed this majorly before and I’m wondering if this is “it”. We moved in together a year ago. I worry that he’s doing similar things as my ex-husband and fear maybe I should cut my losses right now before it gets too deep. He agreed to pick me up from an appointment next week and then scheduled a guy’s weekend in Vegas for the same time! How irresponsible! My ex made many promises to me that he didn’t keep and so you can see why I’m freaking out. He claims he forgot but still wants to go to Vegas AND suggested a friend of mine pick me up!!! I should just find a new apartment and dump him, right? Sincerely, On the Way Out Dear OtWO, Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is your first big fight and you have been co-habitating for a year? That, in itself, is amazing. A couple’s first argument is an important milestone! I know it sounds strange, but this is an incredible opportunity for growth and has the potential to truly bring you closer together. Obviously, you were greatly hurt by the carelessness of your ex-husband but here is a new guy and a totally different situation. It is not fair to pile up all your hurt feelings from your past marriage onto this new man....

Dear Dr. Miro, I know all about that Honeymoon phase of a relationship and I’m pretty sure I’m leaving that “stage” with my partner, but is there any point to continuing our relationship? I like the steamy passion and cravings for my lover and don’t want to be in a relationship where that doesn’t exist. What’s the point of being romantic with someone without the romance? Sincerely, Running Out of Steam Dear ROoS, You seem to be mixing up the concept of having to rip someone’s clothes off with that of romance. I agree that in the context of a long-term relationship, there is not much point to being involved sexually with someone, with whom there is never any romance. However, it is quite possible to maintain a romantic edge that incites that delicious fever over a period of time. Not having a red-hot butterfly in the stomach feeling each time you think of your partner is a reality. but it does not exclude the ability to have exciting lava flow eruptions with your significant other. It just means you have passed to another level. I believe you can have even deeper, more meaningful encounters as you get to know another person’s being on psychic, physical and emotional levels. This is something you have to be ready for. Is it possible you are not ready to delve deeply enough into a relationship in which there is more than just teenage lust and devouring? This is perfectly all right. Before you decide whether or not something has a point, think about whether you actually need a reason to stay in the relationship, or if it is simply not relevant to your state of mind right now. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit: paul...

Dear Dr. Miro, I would like to read some lesbian erotica but everything I find is too blech. Please suggest something I can read to my girlfriend on our summer vacation that isn’t so explicit I can’t say it out loud but sexy enough that it makes me blush. Sincerely, Lesley Bookworman Dear LB, If you have not read TIPPING THE VELVETby Sarah Waters , go get it now. And when I say now, I mean yesterday. Gently sexy and yummy while remaining a charming story. Perfect for an intimate read on the beach beside your bathing beauty or in a hammock under the stars. Lust & Happiness, Dr....

Dear Dr. Miro, Is it true that watching porn will desensitize me to real sex? Sincerely, Shawna Na Dear SN, Do you feel romantic comedies affect your expectations towards actual, intimate relationships? It is the same idea in that Adult Entertainment can be great to experience both by yourself or with company but keep in mind, it is not how “real” life sexuality works. Not even porn stars have “Porn Star Sex” when away from the camera. If you are watching X-Rated movies as help to get you over that edge, what is the problem? I see it as visual and auditory lubricant – and most people need lube at least once in a while! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend says he’s not sure if he loves me anymore. We’ve been together for over10 years so I can understand how people can lose that hyper passion in-love feeling but to not love me at all? What do I do with that? It’s not like we need to stay together for the kids or even cats since we don’t have any pets (we share only a Ficus tree), but is there a possibility that he does still love me and just doesn’t realize it? Sincerely, Hoping For Love Dear HFL, So your beau is not sure of his love for you. Ask him what he is sure of. That will tell you a lot. Is it possible Boyfriend is having his own personality life crisis and cannot figure out up from down? If this is the case, you will need to take an honest assessment of how willing you are to put things on hold until Mr. Confusion figures out where he is. This is an extremely painful place to be. Try not to allow his flighty comments to affect your sense of self. In truth, it sounds like Man-Child simply does not hold those love feelings anymore. This happens. Be honest: are you willing to be with someone who no longer loves you? You know you deserve to be in a relationship in which the feelings are mutual. Yes, things are often uneven in some way or manner but usually in workable ways. Of course it is nearly impossible to maintain that passionate fascination with your partner over the long term, but to not be sure about simply loving and caring about you?! Those are unacceptable words to have come out of your mate’s mouth – unless of course...

Dear Dr. Miro, My husband has back issues and has been going to a chiropractor for a few years now. At least that’s what I thought. I found an email where he is recommending to a colleague “a happy ending place” he likes and even wrote how “Your wife will never know.” What exactly is “a happy ending place”? Am I right to assume he’s actually been getting jerked off at these “therapeutic” appointments? I’m totally devastated and don’t know what to do. Am I such a bad lover that he has to go outside our marriage? Am I jumping the gun by assuming this is sexual? Sincerely, No Happy Endings For Me… Dear NHEFM, You are correct in assuming a Happy Ending place is sexual. Basically it is an illegal massage parlor tailored to giving men sexual release under the auspices of a relaxing massage. Technically, when all is said and done, it is a relaxing massage! Please keep in mind that this is not a reflection of your erotic skills, but since I do not actually know what goes on in and out of the bedroom in your marital life, I cannot comment on whether you are a “bad lover.” Many people find the idea of an impersonal and ‘professional’ sexual interaction a major turn on and do not see it as cheating, per se. This is because of a belief, held by some, that with no emotional connection, it is a business transaction, and therefore a safe outlet in which nothing unfaithful is occurring. Unfortunately, something unfaithful IS occurring since he has been lying to you. This has most likely shattered your belief in everything he tells you. The fact that your husband has been blatantly untruthful to you is a...

Dear Dr. Miro, I’m in therapy with someone who specializes in sexual issues. I’m a very sex-positive, open to nearly any sexual experience, person. I’m married to a person with a lot of body shame, doesn’t seem to like sex. I love this person more than I can verbalize, I really wish my partner and I could just be free and without inhibitions. To me that is the definition of intimacy. I’m sure patients often get sexual feelings for their therapists, but my fantasies about my therapist make me feel so guilty. And I feel like I’m betraying the person I love and objectifying my therapist. Is it still okay to see my therapist when I’m attracted to him and attached to another? I’m sex positive and my therapist is sex positive, how do I not fantasize about him? Maybe I should get a new therapist. Sincerely, Guilty & Smitten Dear G&S, This actually comes up a lot in my practice. Understand it is perfectly normal to have this type of transference onto your therapist. You are in an extremely intimate setting, speaking of things that are so personal and sacred to you. Of course you are going to have feelings for the one person in the world that knows all of your everything! Let your therapist know about these thoughts you are having so the two of you can work those out. As someone trained in sexuality issues, this will not be awkward for your therapist but it may be very difficult for you. When we feel as if something is missing in our relationships, it is human nature to begin attempting to fill that void with anything else. Fantasizing about your therapist is a pretty reasonable, healthy and safe route to go....

Dear Dr. Miro, My super sweet roommate always dates creeps but this last one is the worst! They have a long distance ‘relationship’ and I’m sure he cheats on her, but she thinks it’s love. She’s always way too excited to get anything from him especially his emails and she forgot to sign out last weekend, so I read some just to see if it would explain what she sees in him. These emails were beyond graphic sex scenarios about stuff he wanted her to do to herself. Not a big deal but in one he wrote for her to put ice cream in her Cootchie and have the cat lick it all up! That freaks me out AND it’s MY CAT! Isn’t that considered either a. gross or b. animal abuse? I mean, I guess you are not hurting the animal, but it just seems so morally wrong. I’ve heard stories about guys doing that with peanut butter on their genitals, although it seems could be dangerous depending on the pet. Sincerely, Anita Neu Dormmate Dear AND, Reading your Roomie’s private sex correspondence aside, you would be amazed at how many women are getting it on with their beloved animals. I just know I am going to hear it from the animal lovers out there but here it goes… There is quite a large population of folks who enjoy a bit of licking on their special sexy bits by their kitties with those rough tongues or by their dogs with all that canine saliva. Talk about receiving love from your pet! In this context it may sound bizarre, but when there is no damage to the animal it is therefore not animal abuse. Sure it may be gross to one person but it...

Dear Dr. Miro, The last time I was having sex with my husband he stopped right in the middle and said he couldn’t stay hard because I look like a fat sausage and no one could possibly be turned on by me. So I’m not a perfect 10 but I’m not overweight.  I have been trying to lose extra pounds and even though we can’t really afford it, have hired a personal trainer. Yet I still feel like crap. I’m really upset by how mean that was. All I want to do is tell him the long list of things I hate about him. You know, hurt him the way he hurt me. I know I shouldn’t because I will regret it. It’s not like he’s eye candy, by any means, but I love him and try to be a good and loving wife. He has made this a difficult and thankless task. What can I do? Sincerely, Notta Jolly Fat Girl Dear NJFG, What a terribly hurtful thing to say! That is so not appropriate. How dare he blame you for his inadequacy! Honesty is an important aspect of any relationship but there are certainly more tactful ways of being honest than what your hubby has displayed. You are right in holding back the list you want to tell him out of anger, to a certain degree. However, if these things are still on the tip of your tongue when you have cooled off, you should speak your truth. Let your Betrothed know how his comments have affected you and what they triggered. If you do not feel safe telling him your feelings, PLEASE see a relationship therapist who can provide a space in which both of you can express what has been...

Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend is a One Minute Man. He is also uncircumcised. Is there any connection or is he just crappy in bed? Frustrated in England Dear FiE, Quick answer: he is crappy in bed. There is no correlation between being uncircumcised and not lasting longer than a few minutes. If there was, entire countries would have sixty seconds as their Sexy Time average and that is simply not the case. There is no evidence proving Jewish men, for example, last longer than men from religions that do not include a covenant with a deity through the chopping off of foreskin. Of course, there is going to be a bit more sensitivity in the Member of one who still has his prepuce because extra skin means extra nerve endings. However, those additional tingles are relatively nominal. I am sure that circumcised men have quite enough sensitivity to make sexual experiences involving their Joysticks extremely enjoyable. Regardless of how tiny, it is a shame that any nerve endings, particularly those having to do with sexual pleasure, may be removed from babies, but in many cultures, it is a tradition that has been in place way before I was asked my opinion. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, I can’t figure out why I have yeast infections, lately. I think I’m eating right and I’m not messing around with a bunch of dirty boys like usual. I’ve been using my Rabbit a lot but seriously, that can’t cause yeast problems, can it? Sincerely, Itchy Bread Factory in My Pants Dear IBFIMP, Yeast infections, or the Candida fungus, can happen from a change in the delicate balance that needs to be maintained inside of you. There are many reasons behind them. Too much acidity or ph, can result in your body taking over in a yeast infection. Your body is trying to heal itself! Candida can be a result of things like too much sugar, not wearing panties that let your Lady Bits breathe, stress, using scented “sanitary” products, harsh laundry chemicals, staying in a wet bathing suit all day or douching. Sometimes the itching and discharge will occur due to antibiotics because these medicines work on the principle of killing bacteria and a lot of the flora and fauna you need, to maintain a healthy Vag, can end up taking the hit. Many women develop Candida each month prior to their periods as a result of pesky hormonal changes (and the stress and eating habits that ensue). These annoying Yeast Infections may also be triggered by putting something inside you that is not clean, such as the Dirty Boys you referenced, or, insufficiently cleaned toys. If you are using your Rabbit a lot, how have you been about cleanings between your heated Self Pleasuring sessions? Even if what is on your Special Bunny is from you, you still MUST clean it thoroughly with warm water and a non-allergenic soap like baby shampoo. Wipes are not enough. If you do...

Dear Dr. Miro, I like porn. No, I LOVE porn! There, I said it. My boyfriend says it’s not right that I watch so much. Shouldn’t he be excited that I like to watch? I mean, sometimes he’s cool with it and sometimes not. When’s it OK and when isn’t it? Will this affect our long-term relationship? Sincerely, Porn Lover & Proud Dear PL&P, Liking pornography is definitely not a crime. For your beau to make comments such as, “This isn’t right!” to things you find natural, is merely symptomatic of other moral issues in your relationship. It has been proven that graphic sexual imagery can be a great supplement to an already thriving sex life in a coupling, as long as (and this is important PL&P) everyone involved is on the same page. Sharing sexy images or scenes can greatly spice up your own personal acts! Sometimes, little doses are necessary injections of pizzazz when you have run out of ideas. There is also nothing wrong with using porn to put you over the edge when self-pleasuring. When pornography becomes a problem is when it is used as a substitute for interacting with your main squeeze or anyone else for that matter. Are you watching clips instead of filing your taxes? If things in your life get put on hold as a result of the time you are putting into adult films, that is when you must step away or it may be judged as “not right.” The other time it may cause issues, and this is what I think you may be dealing with, PL&P, is if one of the parties is feeling insecure about his or her body or self. Sometimes folks see pornography as rubbing their noses in their “imperfect”...

Dear Dr. Miro, I have decided that this Spring I shall have my lesbian experience. It just seems like something I should do. Suggestions? Sincerely, Cara Pitt Munche Dear CPM, Your question is more of a Michael Scott Declaration. Simply replace Bankruptcy with LESBIAN Experience.  Let’s consider why you think this is something you should do. Really, if you are attracted to ladies, just woman up about it. If you are doing this to turn on a boyfriend, understand how offensive it is to folks who actually have desire towards members of their same gender. Do you think sex with women will make your eyes pop, like wearing more purple? It is a possibility. Is this like a New Year’s resolution to take better care of your feet? In that case, perhaps you should embark on a quest for better hygiene, health and pleasure! Whatever your brain may be spinning around about, please enjoy yourself and be safe. Romancing a Sapphic Sweetie may be exciting, uncharted territory you are drawn towards, like bungee jumping or Full Moon Kayaking with crocodiles and, like these adventures, there are precautions. All I ask of you in your Girls Gone Wild biblical exploit(s) is to keep the following advice in mind: Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself while asking what your Special Lady Friend actually wishes to have done. It is not always what you may think or what you want.  So yes. As always, keep the communication way open. Let your Lovely Lass know the situation up front, so nobody gets hurt against her volition. Hopefully, this is not merely an item to be checked off a list like buying toothpaste or changing health insurance. Allow your exploration through the Isle of Lesbos...

Dear Dr. Miro, I think my boyfriend wants me to give it to him up his pooper. Does that make him gay or just a freak? This kind of grosses me out but mainly I’m confused. I think he should be happy just putting his wiener inside me since he claims to like women. Sincerely, Y. Anna Ew Dear YAE, Wanting to have something inserted in one’s bottom cavity does not necessarily equate gayness. If a man wants a woman to penetrate him he wants a woman. If he wants a man then, maybe he is gay. It is a hard thing to define when I do not have much information about you and he other than you seem really opinionated regarding topics you know nothing about. Essentially, you are telling me, “I do not understand this. Therefore I think it is weird and gross.” What exactly do you believe he wants you to give him? A fist? Roses? Eggs Benedict? If you were not so closed-minded, YAE, I would congratulate you on finding a man who is willing to experiment and try new things! I would tell you how lucky you are to have found a fellow who is willing to let go of society’s preconceived notions of what REAL men and women do in the bedroom. Instead, I will just explain what may be going on. I am going to go out on a limb and assume your beau has referred to a desire to be Pegged. Thanks to Dan Savage and his readers back in 2001, pegging became the “official” term for a sex act in which a woman wearing a strap on dildo anally penetrates her male partner. Some may ask, why would a straight man want this?  Well, there...

Dear Dr. Miro, I am with a man who pleases me so much in EVERY way. The only thing is, well, the size of his thing. He is way sensitive about it and has asked if he is big enough for me, and all that. He even asks if most of my past boyfriends were bigger than him! I want him to shut up about it but don’t really know what to say. Any suggestions? Sincerely, Former Size Queen Dear FSQ, The best thing to say in these situations, especially when you do not want to lie is, “Baby, you are hung like a big sexy gorilla! Now shut up and get back to pleasing me like only YOU know how!” The fabulous part of this response is that the average size of an erect gorilla’s penis is 1.25 inches long. Needless to say, he does not need to know this information and unless he has spent considerable time observing Silverbacks, it will definitely ease his fears of inadequacy and enable him to feel like the incredible, sexual, manly primate, you need him to be Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, My new apartment is right above my landlord’s and noise travels through the shoddy wooden floors way too clearly. I am nervous about using my vibrator or having any Gentlemen Callers over for fear of the sounds traveling into The Man’s ears. What are my options? Sincerely, Anita Makesum Noise Dear AMN, Ah, yes: the joys of apartment dwelling! First of all, put down carpets. And I mean everywhere. Go ahead, layer those plush babies! Get material you like the color of, from a fabric supply store, and instead of painting the walls, tack the pretty sound absorbers up. These two moves will definitely cut down on the echoes of your Pants-less Parties. You can also hang clothes and hats up to deflect on the bouncing of sound. Another thing to do is to play music or TV so that the sounds get mixed together and it is not that obvious. However, the effect, if not carried out correctly, can be similar to the 14 year old boy who thinks room spray will cover the smell of cigarettes when in fact it, it makes his room smell like the spray and his off-limits cigarettes! Second, you are just going to have to accept that he may hear you. I know it can be embarrassing but seriously, we are sexual creatures and it is something every one in your building must accept. Some vibrators are quieter than others and you will need to investigate which one has both the desired results while being the quietest. Unfortunately, the Hitachi is going to rumble while getting the job done and a Pocket Rocket may not satisfy, though it is definitely stealthier. As far as Gentleman Callers, go to their pads for your first romps...

Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend tells me he read an article that says sex can make you smarter and he could assist me in benefiting from this scientific fact. I think he is calling me stupid while pressuring me to be more sexual. Is he full of crap? Sincerely, Blonde and Pressured Dear BAP, In answer to your actual questions: yes. Your oily beau hunk is indeed calling you stupid, and pressuring you to have sex with him via wonky pseudoscientific data. As for being full of crap? He probably is most of the time but on this issue, he actually has a few facts behind him. I believe he is referring to a study done on rats at Princeton’s Psychology Department by Leuner, Glasper, and Gould. But remember: rat sex and human sex is a little different, to say the least. The thing is, during human sexual interludes a few things happen that can stimulate brain growth. Keep in mind that some of this stuff, like absorbing Vitamin D, getting exercise and having an intimate conversation with your significant other, could happen just from taking a thirty-minute walk together in the sunshine. What most likely will not happen on your walk is orgasm (although it depends on the walk)! During orgasm your body increases its levels of oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin is a hormone that creates all those fuzzy, loving yummy feelings and dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes you feel super happy and, well, a little dopey but in a good way. In fact, both give you a pretty good high. As a result, sex tends to decrease anxiety, as it is pretty hard to feel stressed out and tense with a bunch of dopamine and oxytocin flowing strong through your body....

Dear Dr. Miro, I LOVE to travel. My boyfriend can never go. He makes me feel bad whenever I want to go away. Then I get resentful of being stuck to his schedule and bank account. He accuses me of cheating on him when I do go away so the whole thing becomes really annoying. I’d love to do phone sex and video chats but I get really embarrassed and don’t know how to bring it up and he never mentions it. Plus it’s kind of hard to feel sexy when you are getting accused of being unfaithful – especially when you aren’t! I want a healthy balance, but how? Sincerely, Frustrated in Paradise Dear FIP, The easy answer is to dump him and move on. Find a man who can travel, trust and grow with you. Forget about this pettiness and enjoy life! But real life is not filled with easy answers. Things get much messier when you are an actual human and not merely a question in an advice column. These are much deeper issues than your boyfriend not traveling with you. There is that whole lack of faith thing, involving accusations, insecurities and inappropriate lashing out. Remember, no one is “making” you feel bad. You are allowing this behavior to continue, as well as these moods. If he is attacking you about indiscretions that do not exist, instead of getting defensive, take a deep breath and ask him where these feelings are coming from. Tell your BF that you understand how he may feel these things but reassure him that this is his mind running wild. It is NOT your reality. I have a feeling he is more upset by his inability to join you on your escapades – which in...

Dear Dr. Miro, I am a 44 year old woman who has never had a meaningful relationship. Every time I date someone new and I think they are different from the last they turn out to be just the same or worse. What gives? Confused, Marie De J’Vous Dear MDJ, One of the keys to finding a meaningful relationship, that is not a carbon copy of your last, is to honestly take stock of the lessons that the last person in your life taught you. If you never examine what it is that YOU were trying to learn from YOUR history, there is no way you can move on. What did this person end up representing to you? We are experts on what we need, whether or not we listen to ourselves. Every human that comes into our life is there for A Reason. Figure out what the reason is. What unresolved issues are you playing out on the love-battleground? This is a pretty heavy thing to do, so give yourself time and patience as you unearth the deeper significance of your past dalliances. After you do that, write out the qualities that you need in a mate. And I mean a thorough list! Everything from “Do our playlists match?” to “Will he be capable of tending to my needs when they arise?”  No items are too trite or major. It is your way of figuring out how to Dial-a-Partner, so to speak. If you do not pay attention to what you desire you will end up bringing in energies, in the form of lovers, with whom you will be not be happy. When you have cleared space in your heart, psyche and soul, I bet you will be surprised by who, and what,...

Dear Dr. Miro, I read my boyfriend’s emails and found a lot of very sexually suggestive correspondences between him and other women. I confronted him about them and he denied that anything happened. He seems to think I should just get over it but I can’t seem to. I can’t figure out what I did to drive him to this and feel so bad about reading his private emails but still! What do I do? I love him so much but I’m so angry and hurt. Sincerely, Snoopy Shatters Dear SS, What an immensely difficult situation to find yourself in! I feel for you in that I know your trust is going to be absent for a while, if not forever. And, when you cannot trust your man, what is left in your relationship? Let us pretend he did not have anything more than these flirtatious indiscretions, like he claims. If that is the case, he has still been unfaithful to you emotionally, which is more than most couples can survive. Unfortunately these situations are pretty common in the age of email. We are so far beyond the simple lipstick on the collar days. Since I do not know anything more than what you have told me I will not tell you what to do other than to take stock of your relationship and your self. Understand it is NOT your fault that he has behaved badly. OK, yes – you read his emails. And, yes – that is a breach of privacy and trust, but perhaps you did so as a result of your intuition telling you there was something happening you should know about. Of course you are hurt and angry. The man you love has betrayed you! Allow yourself to feel...

Dear Dr. Miro, If I use bananas or veggies to masturbate with, does it matter if they are organic? From, Miss Chiquita Dear MC, Here is a good rule of thumb: never insert anything into yourself that you would not put in your mouth. Yes, different things comes out of different orifices but seriously, you know what your body needs better than anybody else. Helpful Hint: If you are concerned about the quality of your edible Jill-Off materials, use a condom! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...

Dear Dr. Miro, In order for me to get an orgasm – or even be close to getting an orgasm – I have to think about having a threesome with my long-term boyfriend all of the time, otherwise, nothing happens. Is this really bad? It would be nice to come with just who’s there (meaning my boyfriend), and not some extra imaginary dude. Sincerely, Toosie Nuff Dear TN, Fantasies are great! There is nothing wrong with having a make-believe threesome incorporated into your sexual repertoire. I do think there is a lot to the phrase “whatever works”. If you are having orgasms and enjoying your sexual escapades, both real and imagined, who is to judge what is “bad”? Is it possible for you to mention this imaginary Ménage a Trois to your beau? You do not have to tell him the part about not being able to orgasm without it but if this is a fellow you want to be having sexual explosions with for years to come, he should have some clue as to what does it for you. You could even ask him about what HE fantasizes about. Perhaps you two will be able to meld some of them together! Lust & Happiness, Dr....

Dear Dr. Miro, Is there a “special” spot for men on the penis that is more sensitive than other parts? Also, how do you know how rough your man wants his junk handled? Sincerely, Kenya Makett Goodner Dear KMG, There are so many spots on the penis that can be considered “special” but what you are probably looking for are those “OOH RIGHT THERE!” places. I suggest gentle licks around the coronal ridge and to make sure you pay attention to the frenulum. Always remember lots of saliva and lube. Everyone likes different pressures (on all their body parts) so start out soft and work your way up the pressure circuits. It should be pretty obvious what he is liking and when he wants more. You can even ask him things like, “You like how I do this?” Or, “You want it harder, Big Guy?” You get the picture. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image photo credit: Bennett 4...

Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend is going to Europe on business for THREE MONTHS and I am freaking out. I want to do something really special for her before she leaves and wonder what I should do. I love her so much, but am nervous she won’t remember everything we’ve had together, these past five years, while she is out of the country. There is no way I can afford to go visit her and this is a long time. Please help! Sincerely, Future Lonely Guy Dear FLG, Separation is always difficult, but if you are planning on spending a long time with this person, three months is really nothing in the scheme of things. Sounds like you should plan a lovely evening with your True Love in which you give her items to remember you by. This can involve a special pair of panties that will remind her of you each time she dons them, a favorite meal and perhaps a mixed CD of music that will make your girlfriend absolutely melt in thoughts about you every time she plays it. The second thing that comes to mind is how you two need to get on the Skype wagon so that you can have video chats with each other. Maintaining that real time eye contact is crucial in any long-term arrangement. A good step to take is to order one of those make your own dildo molds: http://www.makeyourowndildo.com/. One evening before your Sexy Jetsetter leaves, tell her you have an arts and crafts project with which you need her assistance. Then she can actually take your Hard Member to Europe! This should be a lot of fun. She will be able to think of you and all the sexy times you have had...

Dear Dr. Miro, How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm? Sincerely, Juana Gnogh Dear JG, Ah, wondering whether you have experienced La Petit Mort, or the Little Death, as the French call it, eh? To those who have had the privilege of coming, either once, or on a regular basis, it sounds a bit like a joke. Q: How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm? A: Your upstairs neighbor gives you a high five the next morning. Q: How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm? A: The reception on your TV is suddenly wonky, and your cat won’t make eye contact anymore. All joking aside, orgasms are a very important part of all our sexualities and something that I hope everyone will be able to experience throughout their life. The problem with answering you is that, if you have had one, you would probably know.  There really is no other sensation like it, and it comes with an explosion and a sense of completion, even if you go for seconds, thirds or fourths. Some people will liken it to feeling a sneeze coming on but way more intense. Everybody’s experience is different and it’s like trying to describe the color blue. When you are in that massively juicy aroused state, you will start to feel increasing pressure, get short of breath, start to tense, your pulse will be out of control and sometimes, you may feel like you are about to fall off a cliff (but in a good way). And then, as your toes curl and you think you cannot take anymore, time stands still as you feel a bursting, throbbing, release: a sense of ahhh…  You are washed over with a whelming sense of resolution, transcendence,...