Let’s get a little throat clearing out of the way.  The tsunami in Japan is an unspeakable tragedy that strains the vocabulary of empathy let alone feeble attempts at humorous diversion.  I hope that our extensive Japanese readership will take this offering in the spirit it is intended: an admiration of the Japanese and their ingenious solution to the obesity epidemic. For most of us as the sun burns warmer our thoughts turn to beaches and pools and any other myriad of outdoor events. One of the things that I’ve noticed since my return from the hell-mouth of Detroit to the sanctuary of the Californian coast is that the average weight of those around me has dropped 30 to 40 pounds.  LA, I like to quip, would sink into the ocean if everyone weren’t on a diet. The obesity ‘epidemic’ is discussed as if it were some uncontrollable terror from which we can’t escape. Depending on where you get your facts, obesity costs America between 100 – 150 Billion (yes ‘B’) bucks a year.  Most of the fattest people are also the poorest and most of that cost is subsidized by the thinnest among us.  Before you cry ‘Republican!’ and let loose the hot dogs of war, I’ll call your attention to the Fat Taxes of the mid to late aughts, which were Democrat bills based on studies done at liberal bastions called Universities that showed taxing trans fats and other high calorie / low nutritional value foods would extend people’s lives and improve their quality of life. Fat people cost us money.  The fatter you are the more of everything you consume.  If we really want to have a greener environment, we should start recycling fat people. In 2008 Japan started a campaign...

The democratization of being gay has forced my sisters and me to accept all kinds of less-than-fabulous types and activities as part of L’homosexualité.  This includes ‘sports gays’ and therefore the Super Bowl. I’m an athletic supporter! And so am I and so am AIY!  Heyyyy!! FIERCELY ANTICIPATING Four weeks out of the year I subsist on lemonade, salt water, and laxative tea.   The other weeks I’m corseted by abstinence from preservatives, artificial flavors, soda, Oreos, and other black magic.  Casting off my dietary shackles for one day to consume a fried Twinkie is the definitely the best part of Super Bowl Sunday. I’m white knuckling my lankiness as I try to keep up with the 19-year-old Wehomos haunting Mickey’s and Eleven. But a 450-pound fat girl lurks inside of me dying to eat her way out.  For one magical night, I let her loose. Gays of all faiths, South Beachers, Zoneheads, Cleansers, and Meth Addicts will set aside their differences on Sunday to take part in orgies of carbs and chemicals to rival any typical middle American Super Bowl party or anything on thisiswhyyourefat.com.   (Also check out the sister website thisiswhyyourehuge.com if you’re into both food porn and feeling superior.) I’m going to admit something here.  I hadn’t tuned into the Super Bowl in nearly 10 years but my Pete throws a “White Trash Super Bowl Party” every year and I was obligated to hostess last year.  The soiree is exactly what you’d imagine.  Everyone dresses up as their favorite Southern cousin and gathers together to partake in fried food and booze. Essentially everyone in America will have his or her own WTSBP.  They just don’t call it that.  We’ve all heard Super Bowl Sunday is the busiest day for pizza joints, beer...

Jingle balls, fags!  It’s holiday movie time and we’re ready to have the best time since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye! FIERCLY ANTICIPATING This surely is the most wonderful time of the year because there’s one thing on which all good Christians can agree: family time is a drag, so it’s best to do it in a movie theater.  And it’s shaping up to be one of the gayest Christmases ever! Brace yourselves, homos.  We’ll have an offering from this stallion: Wait wait… not him.  THIS stallion: (I’m seriously so excited to see this movie mostly because of Mr. Gad.  I know it’s hard to distinguish my sarcastic sneer from sincerity…just think of it as sinsneerity.) I’m not holding my breath just yet but supposedly we’ll have I Love You, Phillip Morris. But that’s not even the gayest movie we’ll see this season.  No, Ricky Martins, the gayest movie in this year’s C bag has got to be Burlesque: Finally a GAY Moulin Rouge. This should have been a Halloween movie since it stars the immortal queen of the vampires… Stanley Tucci. Wait, wait…not Tooch.  Cher.  I imagine her back is now just a zipper they keeping taking in an inch at a time. I mean I know she’s getting older and probably sold her soul to the devil but seriously.  He face has just gotten smoother while everything else has gotten tighter. I do, however, have an idea of what she did with her extra skin…. Somebody needs a pee pee and you can’t just get donor skin from any stranger off the street! Both Cher and Chaz have truly become their inner butterflies. KINDA WANNA SEE I too wanted to escape from Pittsburgh when I first landed there at the tender...

To celebrate Halloween, all week Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present the online premiere of John Dunn’s Last Run, a darkly comic psychological horror film written and directed by Hell House: The Awakening co-author and F&N contributor Ryan Dixon and produced by F&N writers Zachary Halley, Joe Rusin, and Jersey Joe (with Yasmina Jacobs). Today is the conclusion of the 26 minute film about John Dunn, a former high school teacher with a mysterious past who takes a late night run only to discover that he’s on no ordinary running trail. His run turns into a nightmare as specters of his dark past appear before him and threaten to consume his sanity — and his life. Click here for Part 1 Click here for Part 2 Click here for Part 3 Click here for Part 4 And watch the final installment of John Dunn’s Last Run...

To celebrate Halloween, all week Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present the online premiere of John Dunn’s Last Run, a darkly comic psychological horror film written and directed by Hell House: The Awakening co-author and F&N contributor Ryan Dixon and produced by F&N writers Zachary Halley, Joe Rusin, and Jersey Joe (with Yasmina Jacobs). Today is the fourth part of the 26 minute film about John Dunn, a former high school teacher with a mysterious past who takes a late night run only to discover that he’s on no ordinary running trail. His run turns into a nightmare as specters from his dark past appear before him and threaten to consume his sanity — and his life. Click here for Part 1 Click here for Part 2 Click here for Part 3 And watch Part 4...

To celebrate Halloween, all week Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present the online premiere of John Dunn’s Last Run, a darkly comic psychological horror film written and directed by Hell House: The Awakening co-author and F&N contributor Ryan Dixon and produced by F&N writers Zachary Halley, Joe Rusin, and Jersey Joe (with Yasmina Jacobs). Today is the third part of the 26 minute film about John Dunn, a former high school teacher with a mysterious past who takes a late night run only to discover that he’s on no ordinary running trail. His run turns into a nightmare as specters of his dark past appear before him and threaten to consume his sanity — and his life. Click here for Part 1 Click here for Part 2 And watch Part 3...

To celebrate Halloween, all week Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present the online premiere of John Dunn’s Last Run, a darkly comic psychological horror film written and directed by Hell House: The Awakening co-author and F&N contributor Ryan Dixon and produced by F&N writers Zachary Halley, Joe Rusin, and Jersey Joe (with Yasmina Jacobs). Today is the second part of the 26 minute film about John Dunn, a former high school teacher with a mysterious past who takes a late night run only to discover that he’s on no ordinary running trail. His run turns into a nightmare as specters of his dark past appear before him and threaten to consume his sanity — and his life. Click here for Part 1 Watch Part 2...

Just in time for Halloween Week, Fierce and Nerdy is proud to present the online premiere of John Dunn’s Last Run, a darkly comic psychological horror film written and directed by Hell House: The Awakening co-author and F&N contributor Ryan Dixon and produced by F&N writers Zachary Halley, Joe Rusin, and Jersey Joe (with Yasmina Jacobs). In the 26-minute film, which will broken into five parts airing each day this week., John Dunn, a former high school teacher with a mysterious past, takes a late night run, only to find that he’s on no ordinary running trail. His run turns into a nightmare as specters of his dark past appear before him and threaten to consume his sanity — and his life. Watch Part I...

a substitute blogumn by Zachary Halley The last communiqué I received from Mr. Dixon was “written with the pen that wrote the second serif on the health care bill, asking me to take over the column this week as he would be conducting a feasibility study in Alaska’s Bristol Bay.  I’ve learned not to question. FIERCELY ANTICIPATING If you’ve been living under the proverbial rock, you may not have heard that the remake of the 1981 cult classic Clash of the Titans opens this weekend. (For our younger readers, 1981 was last century and they had talking pictures then.)  Here’s the trailer for the original: How could they possibly update that?!  I mean the clay!  My god the clay!!  It looks so realistic!!!  Not since Caligula were actors of such renown convinced to make such a steaming pile of film history.  I mean, my god the gods: Claire “I was onscreen with Chaplin” Bloom: Maggie “I was Miss Jean Brodie” Smith: …and the godfather of them all  Laurence “I’ve been up every bum in London” Olivier: And let’s not forget newcomer Harry Hamlin: This was, of course before LA Law sucked out his youth and vitality only to leave him merely ruggedly handsome and only able to snag Lisa Rinna: Most of the Hollywood updates of late have certainly struck me as steps down.  But this seems like it’s at least a lateral move if not a step up.  We’ve traded Olivier for Neeson and Fiennes: And in a major improvement we’ve got Worthington for Hamlin. Surprisingly there aren’t many images of him with his shirt off…they’re mostly of other boys.  And here they are: Of course I know COT20103-D will suck.  I’m certain of it.  But it can’t suck any worse that COT1981Poo-D...

. a substitue blogumn by Zac Halley Ryan Dixon’s hiatus continues as he is dealing with his recent divorce and partial dismemberment and reattachment of certain extremities at the hand of his Guatemalan bride. It is with great pride that I take over the mantle of FA.  I have appeared in this hallowed spot before with an occasional quoted witticism as Dixon’s gay roommate as well as a rant about how much I loathed The Merry Gentleman (still one of the worst movies I’ve ever had the displeasure to sit through.)  So turn up the Lady Gaga, don the feather boa and tiara if you are lucky enough to own a pair, and join me on this, the gayest edition of FA ever! FIERCELY ANTICIPATING I know, I know.  I’m supposed to say I can’t wait to see this: I think most gays and (Universal Pictures is hoping) most straights share a common attraction to Matt Damon.  Let’s be honest…he’s hot. Aw… Look at that little cutie telling us his math related psychological problems. Yeah, Mattie!  Let it all out for Daddy!! Some gays will probably seek out Easier with Practice starring some blond hottie: His name is Brian Geraghty…but does it really matter? Grip that long board, blue eyes! And it’s a pretty safe bet most gays and I will share another evening with Channing Tatum in the nightly showings of this classic: …drool…  Let’s just have a few more picture of Chatum. There’s a Cobra shooting at you right now, Channie… But the movie that will speak most truthfully to nearly all gays will most likely be Diary of a Wimpy Kid. When I saw this trailer with my boyfriend and our sister wife, Dan, I noticed all the straight people in...