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Double Standard!! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
I REALLY like this boy, let’s call him “Y”. Every time we hang it’s INCREDIBLE! Y makes me so turned on but he refuses to say what our status is. I ask point blank, “Are we exclusive or are we friends with benefits” but he never gives a straight answer.
THEN, I find out Y is dating other girls so I thought, “that is my answer.” I went out with some friends, met this other boy (let’s call him “F”) and we got pretty close. My friend posted a picture of us snuggling on her bed and now Y won’t return any of my texts.
I know he saw the picture but really?! I can make-out with guys if he can be with other girls, right? I still want to be with Y but it feels like a double standard and something doesn’t feel right. What do I do?
I would be exclusive with him if he would be with me but why should I bother saving myself for someone who can’t give me a straight answer?
Sincerely,
Annoyed & Lusting
Dear A&L,
If what you want is an adult relationship, you will need someone with whom you can communicate. I am happy you were able to have a delicious experience with “Y” but it seems he wants to play childish games.
Do not be sucked into this double standard he insists upon. You get to do whatever you want with whomever you want until specific boundaries are established. Even then, those boundaries will be YOURS so you will still get to do what you want within the parameters YOU have set for yourself and the lucky object(s) of your affection.
You know exactly what is going on. Your instincts have guided you correctly. If what you want is confirmation from me then you have it.
Do not “bother saving yourself for someone who can’t give you a straight answer.” Always listen to that gut feeling because when something feels wrong, it usually is. Do NOT allow him to interfere with your intuition.
Pay attention to what feels authentic.
Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro
Feature Image Credit: Men’s Fitness
This is such an early 20s situation, it might as well be declared an official rite of passage. In my upcoming novel, one character basically says a woman shouldn’t worry about what kind of relationship a guy wants, but what kind of relationship *she* wants.
So many women twist themselves up in knots trying to figure out what dudes want, when really they should be figuring what they want. Like if this chyck wants to be in an exclusive with Y and he doesn’t want to be, then move on. If she wants to be in a non-exclusive relationship with him, and he doesn’t want her to be non-exclusive, then move on. It’s only a double-standard if she lets him have complete control of the relationship.
People (especially women) are so afraid of being selfish in relationships, but I find when people put their needs and wants front and center, somehow they often end up in relationships in which they as well as their partners get what they need and want.
So long comment short: she needs to focus on what she wants for her relationship with Y, and if she isn’t getting it, move on until she finds a situation that makes her happy.
I am in complete agreement!!