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Dude, Where’s My Erection? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

My wife of six years, who I love very much, and I are trying to have a baby. This is really embarrassing. I used to be so excited by her and barely able to contain myself. Now, I’m not able to seal the deal. Sometimes I can’t even get hard and when I do, I can’t cum. I think she’s beautiful and such a good woman so that’s not it. Our schedules are pretty hectic with her in med-school and me finally getting a position in the firm I’ve been after, so it’s one more thing stressing me out. We’ve been able to do everything else and I’m really comfortable with our lives so what’s my problem?

Sincerely,
Can’t Seal the Deal

Dear CSD,

There is a lot going on here. First, make sure this is not a physical problem. Are you able to get erections and orgasm when you self-pleasure? If not, go see your doctor and get some tests done to rule out diabetes, low blood pressure or a multitude of other possibilities. If yes, then it is definitely psychological.

You say you are comfortable – maybe too comfortable? Many times when you get to know somebody really well, the hotness and mystery can dissipate. The yearning, animalistic lust that got you going may have gone away. It’s a lot pressure on a man when he feels like he MUST perform. With everything you are dealing with, no wonder you are stressed! You are NOT a circus animal, jumping through a hoop when commanded. A step back to alleviate some of that command-based sex will help. Even this act of love, which should be a stress reliever, has entered onto the list of things you need to do. Take the reins and mix up your sexual repertoire. Take this OFF the to-do list and re-frame. Slowly ease it onto the I WANT To-Do List.

Scheduling can be difficult but try to work with it. When you know tonight, or the next day, is going to be reserved for intimacy, think about all the things you want her to do to you and vice versa. Let your beloved know what you are fantasizing about, to build up some of that tension. Thinking someone is beautiful, and loving him or her, is NOT the same thing as being turned on. Put the sexy back into your Sexy Time! Send Wifey some explicit texts, to remind you both of what it is that turns you on, and get those juices flowing. A “good woman” does not equal a raging sexpot in the bedroom. You may have to change your perception of the future mother of your children, at least during Naked Time. Good girls often need and WANT to get dirty, too. Buy her some naughty lingerie and try some new positions. Mechanical baby making sex is not going to help create a life born of passion.

Keeping things fun and light is the best manner to rid your selves of those pressures. When those demands are removed, combined with inserting new thrusts of passion, your erection and orgasm will come back in full force!

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro

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