FacePlant: The World, But Better [Single White Nerd] Apr11

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FacePlant: The World, But Better [Single White Nerd]

A few nights ago, I met a girl at a bar.  We chatted and, after a few minutes, I asked for her number.  “I’d love to,” she said, “But I have a boyfriend.  Facebook me.”  I did, now we’re FaceBook friends.  Great.  But here’s the thing:  the whole process was so inefficient.  If would have been so much easier if I’d had some way to know her relationship status from the get go.  What if there were a way to navigate modern social interactions more efficiently, to gather information more quickly?

What if we had FacePlant?

FacePlant is nothing less than the next stage of augmented human evolution.  FacePlant makes life simple and efficient.  FacePlant plants the convenience and breadth of knowledge available on Facebook directly into your face.

Based on technology developed in 2008 combined with a proprietary facial recognition program and linked with Facebook, FacePlant integrates a heads up display into ultra-thin, undetectable contact lenses.  Imagine meeting a new person and having their vital information pop up on either side of their head.  Relationship status, occupation, educational background, how many friends they have (a sure indicator of social influence), most recent wall posts — all there to take the guess work out of social interaction.  With this information literally before your eyes, you are able to move new social connections onto sure footing with greater efficiency.

Imagine a world without small talk. A world where every conversation begins with knowledge that, in the past, took hours to glean through painstaking, sometimes awkward, “conversation.”.  A world of more depth, more fulfillment, and more knowledge.  That is the world of FacePlant.

Imagine a world where language is no longer a barrier. A world where subtitled translations appear beneath someone’s lips as they speak a foreign language.  A world where the Tower of Babel has toppled and the walls between us crumble.  That is the world of FacePlant technology with the proprietary FaceTitle module.

Imagine the convenience of having special offers, specifically geared towards your individual interests, sent to your FacePlant in real time.  No more checking Groupon, Living Social, Urban Daddy or other sites.  You will be able to spend more time with your friends, in real life, enjoying each other, shopping, dining, and more while taking advantage of your specially chosen (just for you) offers.  That is the world of FacePlant, too.

FacePlant is about making life easier.  It’s about integrating the virtually real with the really real.  It’s about you.  It’s about me.  It’s about all of us.

Let’s reimagine my interaction from a few nights ago, this time augmented by FacePlant technology:

A few nights ago, I met a girl.  My FacePlant immediately recognized her and, as I approached, let me know that she was in a relationship, had graduated from Wichita State, and like kiwi fruit.  Since I also like kiwi fruit, I began the conversation by talking about a fruit salad.  She was immediately engaged by this topic and shared a story of her own about fruit–something we both knew we had a mutual interest in.  I asked about a few friends we had in common, blinked to add her as a FaceFriend (through proprietary FaceBlink technology), and went on with my night.

How great is that!  And, the next time I see her, maybe her relationship status will have changed to “it’s complicated,” leaving the door open for me to inquire about sharing a kiwi fruit with her sometime.  Efficient.  Real.  Amazing.  FacePlant!

A brief note on privacy:  nothing could be more important.  FacePlant users can opt out of the service at any time by either a) executing a series of blinks, b) logging onto a computer and managing settings, or c) taking out the FacePlant lenses.  If you want to go back to straight reality, sans augmentation, you can.  But you may find that it’s a bit like eating pancakes without syrup.  Bland and a bit rubbery.

I’m excited about the possibilities of FacePlant.  I’m sure you are, too.  I look forward to the day when I can look at the area around your face and see your status update saying:  “Just installed FacePlant.  It’s AMAZING!”  That’s FacePlant.  That’s the future!

Note:  For all you folks who were flummoxed by my Virtual Girlfriend App post, please note that FacePlant, like the VGA, is not real.  Yet.  As far as I know.

featured image credit: SnaPsi ???????