FIERCE ANTICIPATION: October 9-11
In Which Detroit is Rebuked, Cloudy Rains Again and Free Style is Disciplined…
FIERCELY ANTICIPATING
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Detroit Lions
Photo Credit: Andy Emcee
If I were Detroit I’d really hate Pittsburgh right now. Think about it. Last month, during the G-20 conference hundreds of articles were published revealing how Pittsburgh avoided the scythe of the Recession Reaper by focusing on green innovation, education and health care. In many of these same articles Detroit was mentioned as an example of how a city can really f*ck things up. In the eyes of the world it seems that Pittsburgh represents a 21st Century embodiment of Bensalem, the Utopian Island found in Bacon’s New Atlantis, while Detroit is a Bartertown where the Thunderdome has closed shop and Master/Blaster can’t find a job.
Photo Credit: MichiganMoves
Yet this socio-economic juxtaposition is nothing compared to the recent inter-city sports drama– in the realm of athletic competition, the specter of the Steel City continues to haunt the Motor City like Banquo’s ghost at Macbeth’s banquet.
During the Stanley Cup finals in June, the Pittsburgh Penguins entered Detroit’s Joe Louis Arena and became the first team to win a Finals Game 7 on the road since 1971. Not heartbreaking enough? How about this past Monday when the Detroit Tigers completed a historic baseball collapse, becoming the first team in major-league history to lose a division title after holding a three-game lead with four to play. And who is the manager of the Detroit Tigers? Jim Leyland, the beloved former skipper of the Pittsburgh Pirates who still resides in… (You guessed it) Pittsburgh.
Now the Detroit Lions, fresh off last season’s historically execrable 0-16 season, play host to the Super-Bowl-winning Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday afternoon. Anyone willing to bet that this will be the weekend where Detroit’s luck will change? Didn’t think so.
KINDA WANNA EAT MY WORDS
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven. And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutes, it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do.
–Acts, Chapter 9, The Holy Bible, King James Version
Three weeks ago I dismissed Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs with a flip, one sentence evisceration. I indulged in my cleverness until almost universally positive reviews poured down on the film like its eponymous food. By the end of that Friday, I began to have the creeping fear that my prognostication would take its ignominious place in the Hall of Bad Predictions alongside “Dewey Defeats Truman,” finding W.M.D’s in Iraq and the all-but-certain success of Crystal Pepsi.
That weekend I hesitantly went to see the film in IMAX 3D, hoping that my instinctual aesthetic standards would be proven correct, allowing me to gloat over the spurious taste of the critical masses. But as the old Yiddish proverb goes, “Man plans, God laughs.” And so, like Galileo Galilei, I stand ready to renounce my previous statements on Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Quite simply, it was a blast. One of the best cinematic experiences I’ve had all year. A movie that works equally well for children and adults, it manages to capture that same sense of awe, adventure and humor that made Up such a masterwork. While there are minor flaws to nitpick, I shall not do that here. If my previous blogumn caused you to not see the film (considering Cloudy’s supersized box office returns, I somehow doubt that), then I can only hope that this one makes you see it ASAP.
WOULDN’T SEE IT IF YOU PAID ME
Free Style
Whenever I need to find something to fit into the “Wouldn’t ______ If You Paid Me” category, I simply take a deep breath and look at a list of upcoming movie releases, which has never failed to provide me with more-than-enough fodder for ridicule. Case in Point: Free Style.
Not that the trailer needs any further mockery (picking on Free Style is about as easy as picking on Detroit), but I just wanted to share with you four short observations I gleaned from watching it. A free style on Free Style, if you will:
1. The 2009 Definition of Insanity Award goes to 20th Century Fox. In the entire history of humanity has there ever been a dirt bike / motocross / BMX movie that has been any good or made any money? In fact, the 1980’s seemed to prove that instead of actually bringing people to theaters, this sub genre actually has the power to keep people away. Does anyone remember The Dirt Bike Kid, BMX Bandits, Rad, or Winners Take All?
Anyone?
No? Me neither.
2. Welcome back to the world of feature films, Penelope Ann Miller. We’ve missed you! However, before you get too far into your comeback, may I offer some advice? Why yes, you say? Great. Here goes: For your next movie, please ask the hair and makeup department to give you a hair style that doesn’t make you look like the second coming of Pat Nixon.
3. Speaking of our 37th First Family, who wants to make a bet that Free Style’s leading man, High School Musical-alum Corbin Bleu is currently engaging in late night bouts of Nixonian boozing and paranoiac monologing over the fact that his career will soon go the way of the dodo once Jaden Smith gets pubic hair? (I’m sorry, I know he’s a Brando to the Tweeners, but I just can’t look at his name — Corbin Bleu — without thinking about ham, Swiss cheese and chicken.)
4. You know a studio lacks faith in a movie when the marketing budget doesn’t cover a professional voiceover announcer. I mean, where did they get the guy on the trailer? He sounds like the announcer of a community access special about teenagers with STD’s. Somewhere in heaven, Don LaFontaine is laughing.
P.S. If Free Style wins the Best Picture Oscar or goes on to gross more money than Titanic, I refuse to write a retraction.
Wow, that review actually made me want to see Cloudy. M/b we should blame the trailer editor, b/c I would not have guessed that it was going to be a good movie based on the previews. Have you ever been this wrong about a movie before?
Probably the last time I was this wrong about a movie based on the trailer was Brokeback Mountain, which had a trailer so bad it felt like a parody or a bad SNL sketch (Within the context of the film, "I wish I knew how to quit you." is a powerful line, but in the trailer, it's unintentionally hilarious. The trailer for Yes Man was also terrible, hiding a much better movie and I wrote about that one earlier this year.
Wow, that review actually made me want to see Cloudy. M/b we should blame the trailer editor, b/c I would not have guessed that it was going to be a good movie based on the previews. Have you ever been this wrong about a movie before?
Probably the last time I was this wrong about a movie based on the trailer was Brokeback Mountain, which had a trailer so bad it felt like a parody or a bad SNL sketch (Within the context of the film, "I wish I knew how to quit you." is a powerful line, but in the trailer, it's unintentionally hilarious. The trailer for Yes Man was also terrible, hiding a much better movie and I wrote about that one earlier this year.
The complex web woven between and around Detroit / Pittsburgh is Shakespearian, isn't it? :-)
I tend to think it's a little more Sophoclean.
The complex web woven between and around Detroit / Pittsburgh is Shakespearian, isn't it? :-)
I tend to think it's a little more Sophoclean.
And I broke every movie-going rule I have and went to see CWACOM simply based on the title, which made me feel like a kid again.
And I broke every movie-going rule I have and went to see CWACOM simply based on the title, which made me feel like a kid again.
I've got great love for the Burgh and am pleased by all the recent positive attention — but it really is an example of necessity being the mother of invention. The city avoided the housing bust because the population has been shrinking for 30 years, so no one needed to build houses. It's developed great health care since the people who haven't left stay and get old. And..as for green innovation — have you seen some of those pics from the 50's and 60's???
Great point Ian! Although, like Woody Allen said, "80% of success is just showing up."
I've got great love for the Burgh and am pleased by all the recent positive attention — but it really is an example of necessity being the mother of invention. The city avoided the housing bust because the population has been shrinking for 30 years, so no one needed to build houses. It's developed great health care since the people who haven't left stay and get old. And..as for green innovation — have you seen some of those pics from the 50's and 60's???
Great point Ian! Although, like Woody Allen said, "80% of success is just showing up."
Given Pittsburgh's renaissance / extreme makeover, isn't "Steelers" passé? I vote for calling the team The Pittsburgh "Green Innovators." But I'll also accept "The Educators."
While I appreciate your forward thinking, I wouldn't get your hopes up. While the city of Pittsburgh is quickly approaching the bleeding edge of urban forward thinking, the actual population of Pittsburgh still enjoys fish-net hats (without irony), pick-up trucks and mullets.
Give it time though, this too will change.
Given Pittsburgh's renaissance / extreme makeover, isn't "Steelers" passé? I vote for calling the team The Pittsburgh "Green Innovators." But I'll also accept "The Educators."
While I appreciate your forward thinking, I wouldn't get your hopes up. While the city of Pittsburgh is quickly approaching the bleeding edge of urban forward thinking, the actual population of Pittsburgh still enjoys fish-net hats (without irony), pick-up trucks and mullets.
Give it time though, this too will change.