FIERCE ANTICIPATION: Sept. 10-12

Back in August I promised that today I was going to reveal the true and terrifying story behind the upcoming graphic novel I co-wrote, Hell House: The Awakening. Well, it turns out I f*cked up the release date and Hell House: The Awakening isn’t actually coming out until later this month.

The good news: this gives you even more time to pre-order the book! (50% of all proceeds will go to help save the lives of rescue dogs across the country who are in danger of being put to sleep.)

The bad news: you’re going to have to wait just a little longer for my product-placement enhanced memoir cum blogumn.

The even worse than bad news: I discovered the delayed release date last night, meaning I was scrambling faster than a quarterback being chased by the Pittsburgh Steelers’ defense for something to write about today.

(The most terrible news of all: I lied about those rescue dogs. I’m keeping all my money and not giving any of it to them. They will die horrible, sad, lonely deaths and there’s nothing you can do about it.)

In my desperate search for material, I began reviewing past Fierce Anticipations and realized that it was two years ago almost to this very day that this blogumn first appeared onto the world wide web (does anybody still call it that anymore?) and changed all of your lives forever. Even more surprising was my discovery that the blogumn I wrote in 2008 could still be used today, albeit with just a few small changes accounting for the two-year time difference.

Because the “happy ending” massage parlor I frequent charges 15% extra if you’re late for an appointment, I’ve decided to skip trying to write a new blogumn and just give you the golden opportunity of reading (or re-reading) my very first Fierce Anticipation, with some minor edits, corrections and annotations. (Hey, stop complaining! Unlike most of the Super-sized blogumns I write nowadays, this one barely clocks in at 400 words. To adapt a phrase from Mad Magazine – Short!)

On the subject of what to do this weekend…

FIERCELY ANTICIPATING

The food at the Los Angeles County Fair. While Southlanders on low-carb diets may equate a trip to the fair with the Bataan Death March, for those of us who assume that technology will advance fast enough in the next 20 years to allow Nanobots to clear out our sure-to-be-clogged arteries, there’s nothing better. Here’s just a sampling of the deep-fried delicacies I can’t wait to taste:  Snickers, Oreos, avocado, Pop Tarts, Cheese Ravioli, Spam, frog legs, Twinkies, pickles, zucchini, banana pudding, cheesecake, Milky Way bars, Coke, White Castle burgers, and, my favorite from last year three years ago, the deep-fried Krispy Kreme chicken sandwich, and what sounds like what will be my favorites this year, the deep-fried PB&J sandwich and deep-friend Klondike bars . In between the eating, I hope to rid my body of at least a few hundred of the newly arrived caloric compadres by heading over to the Winter Wonderland expo where one can ice skate in the indoor rink, sled down the “sledding ramp” and use the fake snow that falls every half hour to start, well, a fake snow ball fight. Thru September 28th October 3rd.

KINDA WANNA READ

The War Within: A Secret White House History, 2006-2008 Obama’s Wars by Bob Woodward. Aside from a mile-long title that I find strangely reminiscent to X2: X-Men United cheesy book cover that makes our President look like he’s trying to impersonate Tom Cruise on the Mission: Impossible poster, I’m excited to dig into the fourth first part of Bob Woodward’s chronicle of the Bush Obama presidency. As usual per the Woodward brand, the book includes a host of juicy headline grabbing behind-the-scenes events including revelations about the intense spying the Bush administration subjected upon Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and his government “a sweeping portrait” of Obama’s policies “on the Afghanistan war, the secret war in Pakistan and the worldwide fight against terrorism,” said the publisher.

WOULDN’T GO IF YOU PAID ME

ApologetiX: Live in Concert. For those readers living in or near Farmer City, IL Grafton, WV, this Saturday night tonight you’ll have the opportunity to hear the miraculous musical stylings of the world’s most famous and, perhaps only, Christian parody band at the Blue Ridge High School.  Aside from the “Barbara Ann” parody, “Baa! We’re Lambs”, the divinely inspired playlist includes “The Devil Went Down to Jordan”, “The Real Sin Savior”, and the “Bethlehemian Rhapsody.” Tickets are $10 in advance, $15 at the door.

Ryan Dixon is the co-author of the graphic novel Hell House: The Awakening published by Viper Comics. Please follow him on Twitter, if for no other reason than his girlfriend just broke up with him and he could use the company.