FIERCE ANTICIPATION: The Book of Sam the Sham

Hello Nerds (and any of my friends and family who have been directed here from a Facebook link)!

Thanks to the good folks at Fierce and Nerdy, I will again be contributing a Fierce Anticipation blogumn this week. Before we venture down the road of geekery together, however, I must warn you: I am writing this column from the Starbucks near my house which I have dubbed “The Douchatorium” for its influx of douche nozzles.

Yeah, I know. It’s a Starbucks in LA and I am asking for it. This particular location near my house, however, is to assholes what The Gathering was to the Immortals in Highlander. They all come here, find me, and start trouble. So, dear readers, if I seem tense and scatterbrained, you’ll know it’s because the hipster collective has sucked the mean IQ of this place down to Happy Jack levels. If you’re reading this and I didn’t make it out alive, I bequeath my iTunes collection to my friend Dan.

FIERCELY ANTICIPATING

Last time I regaled (read: bored?) you with my various tastes in music in about 600 words. This time around, I am to do it in less (check word count at the end). There isn’t much I am fiercely anticipating, and I certainly don’t mean that in the traditional post-Valentines Day-emo-I-hate-my-parents way. I just mean that there is little on my Geek Radar in the immediate future.

I am, however, anxiously awaiting Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s new Broadway musical, THE BOOK OF MORMON. Knowing them, the show will either be the longest running show, or be over in two days. It all depends on how uptight the crowds are. However, the show previewed last week to fantastic acclaim, so fingers crossed.

Now I have never really been a musical fan, as I have often discussed with fellow blogger, Ryan Dixon. Why take a perfectly good story and ruin it with show tunes? Have we already forgotten about the tragic poopstorm that was 1990’s Cop Rock? With Julie Taymor currently perverting my childhood hero (Spiderman) with the world’s largest costumed practical joke, and Glee being the nation’s favorite thing since… that thing last month… I have never been LESS a fan of musicals. This show may be Broadway’s last chance at redemption in my eyes. But it has a lot going for it:

For one, the show is from the minds that created South Park, Team America, Orgazmo!, and Cannibal the Musical. Trey and Matt have consistently made my friends and I double over in laughter for the last fifteen years. From the poignant, to the inane, to the poignantly inane, those two are on the forefront of funny. I mean, the last show-stopping number these guys brought us was “Uncle Fucker” in 1999. If that’s any indication of what’s to come, sign me up.

The show stars Broadway alum, Hollywood actor, and guy who still owes me a new Starbucks card after he dropped mine out the window of a moving car, Josh Gad. As you can tell, Josh is also a good friend of mine from high school, so I am especially rooting for him… Whoopsie! I dropped a name there. Watch your step.

Josh has also consistently made me laugh for nearly fifteen years, so I have a good feeling about this show. If you find yourself in NYC, do yourself a favor, splurge and buy the tickets. You won’t be disappointed.

The Book of Mormon opens on March 23rd at the Eugene O’Neil theatre on Broadway.

(Hey, just a hair over 400!)

KINDA WANNA SEE

The spring is an odd time for movies. Most people are too busy to get out to the theaters, myself included, and we save up for the summer anyhow. However, there are a smattering of movies coming out very soon that I will probably wait until video for, but still have a mild interest in scrounging up the 10+ dollars to see. So here, in quick bullet list, are some of those movies:

• •Rango: Apparently they filmed this live action first… I don’t think the kids going to see it give half a crap.
• •Sucker Punch: I typically don’t like Zack Snyder, mostly because he only knows two directing techniques; slow motion and fast motion. But this looks bananas. I need to know what it is before I say it sucked. Know thy enemy, quoth Sun Tzu.
• •Scream 4 (or SCRE4M) : COULD doesn’t mean SHOULD, Hollywood. Let’s see how Wes handles this. Apparently it attacks the current trends in horror.
• •Red Riding Hood: A big part of me wants to get toasted and go to this. It has NOTHING but Gary Oldman going for it (side note: Can you imagine if it was Gary Busey instead?! Proceed.) and it’s supposed to be a “hip new take on a classic” from the “visionary” director of the first Twilight movie, but hey, I still watch videos of car accidents and skateboarding stunts despite knowing the outcome.

WOULDN’T SEE IF YOU PAID ME

Next year’s Oscars.

This year’s was so abysmal, I can’t write jokes about it… but I’m going to try.

I have nothing against Anne Hathaway and James Franco, who looked embarrassed to be there from the get go. At least they grit their teeth and got through the night, despite poorly written banter and an apathetic crowd. Franco at least made me laugh with his series of tweets and picture updates. It was like having one of my students in charge.

The show’s pacing was clunky at best. Even the segues had segues. By the time we got to Best Picture, I was pretty sure AVATAR 2 would be nominated.

My god, even the “In Memoriam” was weak! (Look, I’m just saying what we’re all thinking). Speaking of dead, Kirk Douglas was vying for the big retrospective in next year’s “In Memoriam.” He was off the chain! And probably the best part of the show. Certainly the most entertaining. If not him, let’s get Bob Hope, because (apparently) that’s kosher now, courtesy of Botox, I mean Billy, Crystal. Fuck it, it’s the Oscars. Next year, get Lucas to make us some cool holograms of everybody that dies this year, and they can all host next year. It’ll be great to see Kirk Douglas, Abe Vigoda, and Charlie Sheen share the same stage. No no… I kid, I kid.

Abe Vigoda can’t die.