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Fierce Foodie: Death by Carbicide


a blogumn by Roya Hamadani

Yummy Photo Credit: 3Liz4
Yummy Photo Credit: 3Liz4

The funniest food-related thing I’ve seen all summer is a moment from Bruno when the gay fashion commando, defeated and depressed, decides to end it all by ordering everything off a family restaurant menu that comes with whipped topping.  As he gluts his woes with waffles covered in strawberry goo and ice cream swimming in fudge sauce, he exclaims, covered in chocolate, “I am committing carbicide.”

Who needs a razor blade when there’s black forest cake?  Why would I reach for a beer when there are frosted donuts in this world?  To me this stuff is like heroin, a cheap, legal and readily available form of heroin that is constantly advertised everywhere to young and old alike.

A friend of mine, an avowed carb addict, once ate over a pound of salted caramels in less than 5 minutes.  Then one day, seven and a half months ago, she decided to end the madness and gave up all foods made primarily of carbohydrate or containing refined sugars.  She cut out bread, rice, pasta, beans, and sweets, and is now fifty-seven pounds lighter.

I am not the sort of person who can live without carbs entirely, but I am starting finally to realize that my mood swings and urges for cupcakes and milkshakes might somehow be related.   But changing the way I enjoy food has not been easy, especially as I grew up in a rice based house with easy access to cereal at all times.   One way I have been able to cope is to move to brown rice, which is heartier and more filling than white rice, and takes much longer to digest.   Try this recipe with your favorite curry or stir fry.

Baked Brown Rice courtesy of Alton Brown


1 1/2 cups brown rice, medium or short grain

2 1/2 cups water

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1 teaspoon kosher salt


Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Place the rice into an 8-inch square glass baking dish.

Bring the water, butter, and salt just to a boil in a kettle or covered saucepan. Once the water boils, pour it over the rice, stir to combine, and cover the dish tightly with heavy-duty aluminum foil. Bake on the middle rack of the oven for 1 hour.

After 1 hour, remove cover and fluff the rice with a fork. Serve immediately.