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Fierce in Seattle: Cosmo in the Morning


A blogumn by Kelli Bielema

While our fearless Fierce and Nerdy leader Ernessa encourages a new daily habit of reading 20 minutes a day. I’m going to assume she’s talking about reading books–those things with pages that have harder pages covering them.  I do admit that I enjoy reading, but a certain kind of book—the instructional kind. This is peculiar considering I don’t like people telling me what to do. I also am, like most thirtysomething girls with a gaggle of gays in her life, a big David Sedaris fan.  And cookbooks–most of which will never see the grease flying towards an open page.  Otherwise, you can catch me reading a magazine.

Oh, how I love my sweet periodicals.  I am not one to turn down a good subscription rate, so I have a stacks of issues of Vogue, Domino, Real Simple, Entertainment Weekly, Food & Wine, Seattle Metropolitan,  and…I am stopping there to protect myself from further embarrassment of the increasingly massive list.  I always take two mags with me every day on my bus trip to work (hey, it’s actually cool to ride the bus in Seattle, so suck it!).  One for the ride to work, the other for the return.

Thrilled to be learning about the powers of seitan as I thumb through my comfort food issue of Vegetarian Times, I suddenly become overwhelmed with shame. Surrounding me are my fellow commuters engulfed in The Fountainhead, Harry Potter or the latest Cormac McCarthy or recent Oprah pick.  Even those who choose to slum with a magazine are poring over The Economist or the Utne Reader.  So, in the most literate city in the country (okay, 2nd since Minneapolis stole the title for 2007, don’t think there won’t be a throw down), does reading equal intellect? And what do the choices of the reader reflect?  I can tell you what I have learned with my monthly page-turners after the jump…

•    How to cook vegan mac & cheese (without expecting it to taste like actual the mac & cheese)
•    101 uses for vodka (not counting the 100 recipes in Modern Drunkard)
•    How to lose a guy in 30 days (or was that was a crappy Kate Hudson movie? Wait…they are all crappy)
•    The Best Places to work in Seattle (I apparently don’t work at one)
•    The best jeans for my ever-evolving shape (and this advice is from Real Simple not an unrealistic Cosmo-style rag)

With this information in my noodle, I might not be able to have a conversation with you on the influence of Hemingway on American literature, but you can bet your sweet bippy I can tell you hundreds of uses for baking soda, where to find the tastiest poutine in the Emerald City, and which products give you the most texture and volume for that carefree hairdo.  (Surf Spray, baby, Surf Spray.)