Fierce in Seattle: What a Drag!

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a blogumn by Kelli Bielema

At one time or another in my life I’ve been referred to as a fag hag. This really isn’t that true considering the earliest definitions of fag hag gives that connotation that the hag in question actually believes that her fag will want to be with her romantically.

I am not such a disillusioned soul, realizing that all the fags in my life like the mens like I do. So, I like to think of myself as more of a fruit fly—fluttering about gay boys who share my common interests and generally adore me. And who doesn’t like to be adored? While I typically do not segregate my friends, there is an aspect to the gay community that I generally share strictly with my gays—drag queens.

I can’t say when I first fell in love with them, but drag queens somehow mystify and enchant me. They are larger than life, over the top, and always armed with quick wit. Here are just a few of my loves….

The drag diva who has recently received my tireless devotion is Dina Martina. Dina is a Seattle legend who can best be described as a rotund, hairy Liza-esqe mess in a dress. She is ridiculous, wrong and sheer genius. Her shows return on a regular basis at Re-bar on Boren Ave and always delight the sell-out crowds.

Next on my list is Jackie Beat, an LA treasure. I once attended an event at FuBar in WeHo that Ms. Beat called “Poo Bar.” She did a cabaret act in which all of the tunes were themed to, you guessed, it, dookie. “Smooth Operator” was not an obvious enough title, so Jackie took it a step further and sang “then he asked, can I poo on ya later?” Nice.

And quite possibly, my favorite tran-tastic performer of all time is Dixie Longate, my Tupperware lady. I hosted a Dixie party a few years back that had my guests in cahoots – and buying more colanders than you can shake a wig at. She’s pure genius. No joke—Dixie even has a tour running right now where her living room Tupperware parties are a stage event. Did I forget to mention that she is a top seller for the plastic company? Check her tour dates for a show you won’t forget –and for storage containers you will own for a lifetime!

Finally, I can’t help but not mention the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Generally speaking, they scare the piss out of me. They are usually 10 feet tall in platforms and have something of a goth appearance that would frighten anyone in a dark alley. The Sisters are essentially a charitable group that help raise funds for many LGBT organizations. Oh, and you see them at every Pride parade in nun’s habits, so you know who I am talking about. They get my mad props for simply showing up in monster heels. While I do enjoy getting gussied up on occasion, drag queens make the rest of us look like amateurs.