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Fierce Mommy: The Birds and the B-Listers
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A blogumn by Stephanie Myers
Before you have kids, you often have a general idea of what you want your parenting philosophy to be. After lots of careful thought, most of which is not based on any actual kid experience, you have definite ideas of how you want to raise your kids regarding everything from nutrition to television. Having “The Talk” about the birds and the bees with my kids was something that I figured I wouldn’t have to think about doing for a few years yet, being that Jillian is 6 and Aidan is 3. Now I’m not so sure.
Jillian, like most little girls, loves all things Disney and, as a result, I became familiar with High School Musical, Hannah Montana, and the Cheetah Girls. I’m fluent in Disney in a way you can only really understand if you have a little girl. Perhaps that’s why I’m a little tweaked about the latest Disney scandal involving Cheetah Girls Adrienne Bailon and bottomless pictures meant for her fiancee which were stolen from her laptop last week. If you don’t have kids, or if you are blissfully unaware of celebrity ‘news’, you might not know that this is far from the first time Disney has found its squeaky-clean stars in the middle of a scandal.
Jillian was only 2 when the Vanessa Hudgens scandal blew up and the nude/semi-nude pictures of a very underage High School Musical star hit the fan. The pics were apparently taken as a gift for her boyfriend Zac Efron. Obviously, in light of the $80 million dollar haul HSM3 saw opening weekend, the scandal hasn’t had a lasting tarnish on the franchise or Hudgens. I personally am glad that Jillian isn’t into HSM (its got too many ‘kissy’ scenes) right now and that she’s too young to be able to Google her Disney Idols like I can.
Then Miley Cyrus (daughter to Billy Ray “Achy-Breaky Heart” Cyrus and my daughter’s absolute idol) revealed her “friendship” with the Daddy-approved 20-year old Justin Gaston. I don’t know about you, but personally the idea of my 15-year old daughter getting cozy with a twenty-year old is something that freaks me out. I don’t care how Christian the guy may be or what her crazy daddy thinks – it’s still a felony.
Now Adrienne Bailon, known for her role in the Disney fabricated faux-girl group The Cheetah Girls, has found herself in a similar mess to the one Hudgens was in. Apparently while at JFK last week, someone stole Bailon’s laptop and then ransomed it back for $1000…only to return it without the pictures.
As a parent, the fact that these starlets are appearing in the news for something other than the their wholesome talents bothers me and makes me wonder what, exactly, is going on over there at Disney?
Granted, the scandals themselves aren’t shocking: Bailon is 25 and the pictures were supposedly intended for her fiancee; Hudgens, though underage when she took her nude pics, intended them for her teenage boyfriend. Yet for a girl who is a bit older, one who has grown up with a Disney vision of the world, it could be a bit of a revelation and make for some confused tweens.
Its a revelation that, since Jillian is still so young, she is thankfully not exposed to. If she were older we might be talking about these starlets in a different light. Jezebel touched on how a parent might approach older kids questions about these scandals and suggested that parents try to see it as a learning experience, asking kids to think about their own opinion without offering your own first and pointed out this might not be the scariest thing parents could face:
“for older kids, surely there are worse things than explaining that an actress is older than who she plays; that Hollywood is a rough place; and that, in any case, these were intended to be kept between grown-ups “who love each other.” Really, when you think about it, it’s a pretty PG way to introduce a child to the sordid.”
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[Source: Jezebel]
I think for me, another component of this involves how much supervision there is in the kids life. When you let your kids browse the web without knowing where they’re going or where they’ve been, they might stumble on something you don’t want them to see. My kids will probably not have a computer in their rooms because I want their computer access, like their access to television in the home to happen in very public family spaces.
At least that’s the plan.
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I love the delicious sense of irony in that Disney – paragon of virtue & family values – is peddling these "Teen Beat" bad boys & girls to the general public, thereby indirectly validating to impressionable youngsters & tweens the very behavior they find objectionable. As a result, you have sexually precocious kindergartners & knocked up teens, like the young Ms. Palin, behaving in ways that are shocking, outrageous and immoral, but which are mere reflections of their teen idols.
I also wish younger people would get it through their heads that their online presences are (and will continue to be) scrupulously examined by anyone & everyone. The NYT reported that colleges & universities are now examining applicants' Facebook & MySpace pages in order to ascertain if the potential admittants are desirable candidates or not. Imagine getting a 1580 on your SAT's, being President of your senior class, as well as valedictorian, and being rejected from Harvard or MIT for posting smutty pictures or writing wraunchy messages on your Friendster or LinkedIn profile.
I love the delicious sense of irony in that Disney – paragon of virtue & family values – is peddling these "Teen Beat" bad boys & girls to the general public, thereby indirectly validating to impressionable youngsters & tweens the very behavior they find objectionable. As a result, you have sexually precocious kindergartners & knocked up teens, like the young Ms. Palin, behaving in ways that are shocking, outrageous and immoral, but which are mere reflections of their teen idols.
I also wish younger people would get it through their heads that their online presences are (and will continue to be) scrupulously examined by anyone & everyone. The NYT reported that colleges & universities are now examining applicants' Facebook & MySpace pages in order to ascertain if the potential admittants are desirable candidates or not. Imagine getting a 1580 on your SAT's, being President of your senior class, as well as valedictorian, and being rejected from Harvard or MIT for posting smutty pictures or writing wraunchy messages on your Friendster or LinkedIn profile.
I love the delicious sense of irony in that Disney – paragon of virtue & family values – is peddling these "Teen Beat" bad boys & girls to the general public, thereby indirectly validating to impressionable youngsters & tweens the very behavior they find objectionable. As a result, you have sexually precocious kindergartners & knocked up teens, like the young Ms. Palin, behaving in ways that are shocking, outrageous and immoral, but which are mere reflections of their teen idols.
I also wish younger people would get it through their heads that their online presences are (and will continue to be) scrupulously examined by anyone & everyone. The NYT reported that colleges & universities are now examining applicants' Facebook & MySpace pages in order to ascertain if the potential admittants are desirable candidates or not. Imagine getting a 1580 on your SAT's, being President of your senior class, as well as valedictorian, and being rejected from Harvard or MIT for posting smutty pictures or writing wraunchy messages on your Friendster or LinkedIn profile.
I don't know if I want me kids watching these Disney channel shows
I don't know if I want me kids watching these Disney channel shows
Chuck, I hate that Big Brother shit. I think it's so risk-averse and reinforces the Disney stereotypes — like you have to be a "known character" in order to get what you want. If you can't be stupid when you're a teenager, when are you supposed to be stupid? I was so boring, that I doubt that I would have been disqualified for my FB page when I was a teenager. But I know at least one person who would have been. And she is now one of the most interesting and best people I know.
Also, what qualifies as "undesirable?" If you're publically promiscuous does that mean that you don't deserve a place in our best schools? I don't know about your college, but that would have disqualified a few chycks I knew. Such a thin line, and I think admission boards and employers should stay away from it.
Chuck, I hate that Big Brother shit. I think it's so risk-averse and reinforces the Disney stereotypes — like you have to be a "known character" in order to get what you want. If you can't be stupid when you're a teenager, when are you supposed to be stupid? I was so boring, that I doubt that I would have been disqualified for my FB page when I was a teenager. But I know at least one person who would have been. And she is now one of the most interesting and best people I know.
Also, what qualifies as "undesirable?" If you're publically promiscuous does that mean that you don't deserve a place in our best schools? I don't know about your college, but that would have disqualified a few chycks I knew. Such a thin line, and I think admission boards and employers should stay away from it.
Stephanie, I love what you said about having plans for when to have the talk with your kids, but having to possibly change them. I think kids are funny, b/c they kind of need the talk when they need the talk. It's not necessarily something you can decide before hand — though 3 is definitely too young. What a conundrum.
I wouldn't blame Disney Channel. Kids need programming, and most of the Disney kids aren't getting involved in huge scandals. But it might be helpful if they adopted helpful talking points for parents while spinning their scandals. They didn't create this mess, but they do take an awful lot of money from parents, they could at least try to be more helpful to their most powerful customers.
Chuck, I hate that Big Brother shit. I think it's so risk-averse and reinforces the Disney stereotypes — like you have to be a "known character" in order to get what you want. If you can't be stupid when you're a teenager, when are you supposed to be stupid? I was so boring, that I doubt that I would have been disqualified for my FB page when I was a teenager. But I know at least one person who would have been. And she is now one of the most interesting and best people I know.
Also, what qualifies as "undesirable?" If you're publically promiscuous does that mean that you don't deserve a place in our best schools? I don't know about your college, but that would have disqualified a few chycks I knew. Such a thin line, and I think admission boards and employers should stay away from it.
Stephanie, I love what you said about having plans for when to have the talk with your kids, but having to possibly change them. I think kids are funny, b/c they kind of need the talk when they need the talk. It's not necessarily something you can decide before hand — though 3 is definitely too young. What a conundrum.
I wouldn't blame Disney Channel. Kids need programming, and most of the Disney kids aren't getting involved in huge scandals. But it might be helpful if they adopted helpful talking points for parents while spinning their scandals. They didn't create this mess, but they do take an awful lot of money from parents, they could at least try to be more helpful to their most powerful customers.
Wow I had no idea that all of this was going on. I guess I should be happy that my kids have never liked Hanna Montana and HSM.
As far as the computer thing goes. I let my older kids have computers in their rooms for a very short time but it was way too hard to keep track of what they were looking at. Now we all share one computer which causes some fighting but it's easier to know what they are up to.
We also have a no privacy rule at our house. That way they know that I will be looking at their facebook pages and their my space. It is a good deterrent for them to not post anything they don't want me to see. I figure if they would be embarrased for their mom to see it they should not post it for anyone else to see.
Wow I had no idea that all of this was going on. I guess I should be happy that my kids have never liked Hanna Montana and HSM.
As far as the computer thing goes. I let my older kids have computers in their rooms for a very short time but it was way too hard to keep track of what they were looking at. Now we all share one computer which causes some fighting but it's easier to know what they are up to.
We also have a no privacy rule at our house. That way they know that I will be looking at their facebook pages and their my space. It is a good deterrent for them to not post anything they don't want me to see. I figure if they would be embarrased for their mom to see it they should not post it for anyone else to see.
Well from a teens point of view i guess i can see why some people would have problems with the whole teen star scandal, however i think if your kids are going to follow the example set by these stars then it's not the stars fault that kids are following what they are doing because if your kids are bad enough to do what they see on tv then someone is obviously not doing a good enough job as a parent. Also about raising the birds and bee's talk up, your kids are going to find out a lot sooner than you think, no matter how hard you try to filter things, it's inevitable because, while you may be able to influence your children at home, school is a whole different ball field. When one kid finds out all of the kids find out. So honestly its better that they have the talk with you because of some disney channel star than, having your daughter come home pregnent because she thought that you wouldn't get pregnant from doing it in a tree or something stupid like that.
Well from a teens point of view i guess i can see why some people would have problems with the whole teen star scandal, however i think if your kids are going to follow the example set by these stars then it's not the stars fault that kids are following what they are doing because if your kids are bad enough to do what they see on tv then someone is obviously not doing a good enough job as a parent. Also about raising the birds and bee's talk up, your kids are going to find out a lot sooner than you think, no matter how hard you try to filter things, it's inevitable because, while you may be able to influence your children at home, school is a whole different ball field. When one kid finds out all of the kids find out. So honestly its better that they have the talk with you because of some disney channel star than, having your daughter come home pregnent because she thought that you wouldn't get pregnant from doing it in a tree or something stupid like that.
Well from a teens point of view i guess i can see why some people would have problems with the whole teen star scandal, however i think if your kids are going to follow the example set by these stars then it's not the stars fault that kids are following what they are doing because if your kids are bad enough to do what they see on tv then someone is obviously not doing a good enough job as a parent. Also about raising the birds and bee's talk up, your kids are going to find out a lot sooner than you think, no matter how hard you try to filter things, it's inevitable because, while you may be able to influence your children at home, school is a whole different ball field. When one kid finds out all of the kids find out. So honestly its better that they have the talk with you because of some disney channel star than, having your daughter come home pregnent because she thought that you wouldn't get pregnant from doing it in a tree or something stupid like that.
Well from a teens point of view i guess i can see why some people would have problems with the whole teen star scandal, however i think if your kids are going to follow the example set by these stars then it's not the stars fault that kids are following what they are doing because if your kids are bad enough to do what they see on tv then someone is obviously not doing a good enough job as a parent. Also about raising the birds and bee's talk up, your kids are going to find out a lot sooner than you think, no matter how hard you try to filter things, it's inevitable because, while you may be able to influence your children at home, school is a whole different ball field. When one kid finds out all of the kids find out. So honestly its better that they have the talk with you because of some disney channel star than, having your daughter come home pregnent because she thought that you wouldn't get pregnant from doing it in a tree or something stupid like that.
Ernessa, I agree that it may have nothing to do with the person's "desirability" – but for a college administrator who has 15,000 applicants with identical SAT's, extra-curriculurs, etc., they may be looking for ANYTHING to either push a candidate across the finish line (or hold them back from it.)
MY point was that young people need to understand that their actions have repercussions which they might not intend, and that they have to be careful about their choices to publicly expose themselves. And that stuff doesn't go away – once it's out there, it's out there, as it were. Ultimately, don't give them any reason NOT to hire you, as it were.
Is it right or wrong for colleges to consider personal online community webpages as part of a candidate's eligibility – I don't know. But if the student lists it on their application or resume, then it's fair game in my eyes. And it's something which they may need to come to terms with in adulthood – when I joined my present company, they did a background check on me. Not sure how ethical it was, but it certainly was legal as far as I could tell.
Ernessa, I agree that it may have nothing to do with the person's "desirability" – but for a college administrator who has 15,000 applicants with identical SAT's, extra-curriculurs, etc., they may be looking for ANYTHING to either push a candidate across the finish line (or hold them back from it.)
MY point was that young people need to understand that their actions have repercussions which they might not intend, and that they have to be careful about their choices to publicly expose themselves. And that stuff doesn't go away – once it's out there, it's out there, as it were. Ultimately, don't give them any reason NOT to hire you, as it were.
Is it right or wrong for colleges to consider personal online community webpages as part of a candidate's eligibility – I don't know. But if the student lists it on their application or resume, then it's fair game in my eyes. And it's something which they may need to come to terms with in adulthood – when I joined my present company, they did a background check on me. Not sure how ethical it was, but it certainly was legal as far as I could tell.
Ernessa, I agree that it may have nothing to do with the person's "desirability" – but for a college administrator who has 15,000 applicants with identical SAT's, extra-curriculurs, etc., they may be looking for ANYTHING to either push a candidate across the finish line (or hold them back from it.)
MY point was that young people need to understand that their actions have repercussions which they might not intend, and that they have to be careful about their choices to publicly expose themselves. And that stuff doesn't go away – once it's out there, it's out there, as it were. Ultimately, don't give them any reason NOT to hire you, as it were.
Is it right or wrong for colleges to consider personal online community webpages as part of a candidate's eligibility – I don't know. But if the student lists it on their application or resume, then it's fair game in my eyes. And it's something which they may need to come to terms with in adulthood – when I joined my present company, they did a background check on me. Not sure how ethical it was, but it certainly was legal as far as I could tell.
Ernessa, I agree that it may have nothing to do with the person's "desirability" – but for a college administrator who has 15,000 applicants with identical SAT's, extra-curriculurs, etc., they may be looking for ANYTHING to either push a candidate across the finish line (or hold them back from it.)
MY point was that young people need to understand that their actions have repercussions which they might not intend, and that they have to be careful about their choices to publicly expose themselves. And that stuff doesn't go away – once it's out there, it's out there, as it were. Ultimately, don't give them any reason NOT to hire you, as it were.
Is it right or wrong for colleges to consider personal online community webpages as part of a candidate's eligibility – I don't know. But if the student lists it on their application or resume, then it's fair game in my eyes. And it's something which they may need to come to terms with in adulthood – when I joined my present company, they did a background check on me. Not sure how ethical it was, but it certainly was legal as far as I could tell.
I think that's the scary thing – the Disney brand has such a "family friendly" cache, it's ironic that such "naughtiness" occurs and is tolerated. If I were a parent, I'd be monitoring their viewing habits.
Don't know if anyone has seen it, but "The Suite Life of Zach & Cody" is probably the raunchiest pre-teen show I've ever encountered. It's basically one brother trying to meet girls while the other one objectifies them & hits on them – pretty poor lessons being promoted to youngsters.
Granted, we can't lock our youngsters up in towers until they mature, but still – what happened to childhood, innocence and taking your time to discover adulthood? These days first graders want to shop for animal print thongs or go on "the pill"… :(
I think that's the scary thing – the Disney brand has such a "family friendly" cache, it's ironic that such "naughtiness" occurs and is tolerated. If I were a parent, I'd be monitoring their viewing habits.
Don't know if anyone has seen it, but "The Suite Life of Zach & Cody" is probably the raunchiest pre-teen show I've ever encountered. It's basically one brother trying to meet girls while the other one objectifies them & hits on them – pretty poor lessons being promoted to youngsters.
Granted, we can't lock our youngsters up in towers until they mature, but still – what happened to childhood, innocence and taking your time to discover adulthood? These days first graders want to shop for animal print thongs or go on "the pill"… :(
I think that's the scary thing – the Disney brand has such a "family friendly" cache, it's ironic that such "naughtiness" occurs and is tolerated. If I were a parent, I'd be monitoring their viewing habits.
Don't know if anyone has seen it, but "The Suite Life of Zach & Cody" is probably the raunchiest pre-teen show I've ever encountered. It's basically one brother trying to meet girls while the other one objectifies them & hits on them – pretty poor lessons being promoted to youngsters.
Granted, we can't lock our youngsters up in towers until they mature, but still – what happened to childhood, innocence and taking your time to discover adulthood? These days first graders want to shop for animal print thongs or go on "the pill"… :(
I think that's the scary thing – the Disney brand has such a "family friendly" cache, it's ironic that such "naughtiness" occurs and is tolerated. If I were a parent, I'd be monitoring their viewing habits.
Don't know if anyone has seen it, but "The Suite Life of Zach & Cody" is probably the raunchiest pre-teen show I've ever encountered. It's basically one brother trying to meet girls while the other one objectifies them & hits on them – pretty poor lessons being promoted to youngsters.
Granted, we can't lock our youngsters up in towers until they mature, but still – what happened to childhood, innocence and taking your time to discover adulthood? These days first graders want to shop for animal print thongs or go on "the pill"… :(
Precisely for this reason, I don't let my kids watch any Disney (or Nick Jr) shows with people in them. We stick to animation, and even then I pre-screen the shows they are allowed to watch. (Not every episode, but I watch a few to get a sense for the tone of the show.) Their cousins watch Hannah Montana and I was starting to think that'd be cool, but then Cyrus ended up all over the tabloids, and I decided I didn't want to have to explain the actress's behavior to a 5-year old. But, more than that, I think the shows themselves are modeling behavior they don't need to be worrying about right now. My kids are 4 and 6. Their entertainment doesn't need to be about teen angst of any kind (will I make the team, does he dig me, whatever). That's not what they are dealing with. Right now, they are dealing with learning how to treat others kindly all the time, sharing, and doing what your parents tell you because they aren't just voices floating around above your head trying to cramp your style. Frankly, I'm surprised by the amount of young children who watch these teen shows and the parents who let them because it's Disney, so it must be ok.
Precisely for this reason, I don't let my kids watch any Disney (or Nick Jr) shows with people in them. We stick to animation, and even then I pre-screen the shows they are allowed to watch. (Not every episode, but I watch a few to get a sense for the tone of the show.) Their cousins watch Hannah Montana and I was starting to think that'd be cool, but then Cyrus ended up all over the tabloids, and I decided I didn't want to have to explain the actress's behavior to a 5-year old. But, more than that, I think the shows themselves are modeling behavior they don't need to be worrying about right now. My kids are 4 and 6. Their entertainment doesn't need to be about teen angst of any kind (will I make the team, does he dig me, whatever). That's not what they are dealing with. Right now, they are dealing with learning how to treat others kindly all the time, sharing, and doing what your parents tell you because they aren't just voices floating around above your head trying to cramp your style. Frankly, I'm surprised by the amount of young children who watch these teen shows and the parents who let them because it's Disney, so it must be ok.