Friends With Bummers! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn't Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
I started seeing a guy from work in Friends With Benefits way but we only hook up when he’s REALLY drunk. I was really happy with the situation – no strings attached, etc and thought he was too but then he’s sober he goes on about how “It was such a mistake” and we shouldn’t do that again. AND, when my ex showed up at a bar we were all at together my FWB’s gave us the evil stink eye all. night. long. What gives?
First of all, Work Guy is obviously not happy with your Friends With Benefits situation. He has deeper feelings for you compounded with layers he is not admitting even to himself. If you truly want a FWBs experience, consider someone who can actually use his or her words to articulate what they are thinking and feeling in a manner that will facilitate a fun night and not leave any residual guilt (on his end) or doubts (that I hear from you). I am not coming down on your happiness with your current set-up but, how good could the sex be if he is always “really drunk” by the time you get it on? Having a sloppy night of passion can be great for some people but I imagine being told it was a mistake can dampen the feelings. Still confused by the evil stink eye your FWBs gave you? Understand, Work Guy is not actually a Friend WITH Benefits. He is someone you work with (this in itself is going to go badly and be rather awkward) that has feelings for you, who cannot commit to an actual relationship. I am not making any value judgements in regards to committing or not not, merely, be honest with what you want and weed out those around you who cannot be authentic with their desires.
Lust & Happiness,
featured image credit: DanCentury