Game Over: Texas Jury More Ridiculous Than Any Fake News Headline [Daily News Brief]

San Antonio, TX – Friday
By Joshua Mauldin

In Texas, it’s legal to use lethal force in the pursuit of one’s stolen property. It’s a fairly broad law that lends itself to stories like, Man Acquitted Of Shooting Ex-Girlfriend For “Stealing Heart” or Ronald McDonald Moves To Texas To Legally Gun Down The Hamburglar.

However, nothing in the mind of a satirist can top what a Texas jury actually did yesterday. They acquitted a man who shot a woman in the neck for stealing $150 he thought was going to be used as payment for sexual services rendered.

Let me reiterate that.

This asshole, Ezekiel Gilbert, expected to have sex with an escort. Instead, when she fled with his $150 to give to her driver/pimp, he shot her in the neck.

SHOT HER IN THE NECK. And it took her months to die. In agony. Never mind that he was soliciting prostitution IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!

According to the jury, what she should have done was accept the $150 and then shot him when he took her bra off. “Your honor, he gave me that money but I did not give him permission to steal my brazier!”

Game over, Texas. You win.

Image Credit: Huffington Post