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Gimme Your Lovin’! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

2YenDear Dr. Miro,

I love sex and maybe that’s an issue. I’m 22 and live with my girlfriend who’s 12 years older than me. In the beginning of Us, it was sex all the time and now I’ll be lucky when I can get some. When she says “no” I get mad and sometimes I want to call someone to “hang out” with. I work overnights and when I come home instead of being tired I’m all horny for her and trying to turn her on but she pushes me away! I want to have fun, but she doesn’t understand me. The most frustrating thing is that my love for her is strong and I can’t see myself with someone else. I just want this to work but she acts like there’s something wrong with me. She says this is what happens to lesbians is that true?

Sincerely,
Want it From HER Bad

Dear WIBFH,

There’s nothing wrong with loving sex as long as you are not hurting anyone, including yourself, against his or her volition. It sounds like you are in dangerous territory in that you are beginning to look elsewhere to fulfill your cravings. You cannot force someone to get “in the mood”. In fact, that is really disrespectful. I get how being rejected by your woman can be frustrating, to say the least. You need to have a conversation with your lady, letting her know where you are coming from. Even tell her you are considering “straying” from the relationship and how this constant refusal of your advances is taking its toll on your relationship. You mention not being able to see yourself with anyone else but that you are tempted to “hang out” with others. Figure out what is something you need versus what you are merely tempted by. Welcome to the world of monogamous adult relationships. Perhaps she would be amenable to opening up the dynamics your situation – perhaps not. You need to talk to her.

The idea that this is what happens to lesbians is a bit of a cop out. Sure, people’s sexual desire levels do change throughout their lives and finding someone who ALWAYS has your same libido can be tricky if nearly impossible. It is common in committed partnerships for one person to want sex more than the other. Work together to find out where a happy medium is. Maybe waking her up after your night shift is not the most ideal time to get your sexy on. Find out when she feels like giving you some loving. The most difficult and important part is starting this dialogue and figuring out, together, what is the next move.

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro

featured image credit: sera_leaving

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