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I Want My Sexy Back! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

I just had a baby and do not associate my lady bits with getting sexy anymore. My nipples are now the domain of my little one and I do NOT want them incorporated into Mommy-Daddy Time. Even my vagina seems more like a place for my sweet child to exit rather than a pleasure center. I used to be horny ALL the time and now I avoid my hubby when he starts to get that look. How do I get my sexy back?

Lost My Groove

Dear LMG,

This is a common problem that comes up for many moms. Of course you are going to be focused on how to keep your little bundle of joy alive and the sexy stuff can easily slip to the way side. This is understandable. It is fantastic you acknowledge your need to re-engage in your marriage, and your SELF, sexually. This process of re-eroticizing can be difficult but in the end, rewarding.

Self-pleasure is always the place to begin. Get out that dusty vibrator and remember how much fun you had pre-baby. Take, for want of a better term, baby steps. You know how sometimes you have to fake a smile to pave the way for a more pleasant experience? This can be applied to sexuality, too. If you can kick start your libido with some fun alone time – you and your vibrator, that is, you may find it will ignite a bit of that forgotten Sexy you so desire. To be blatant: get some blood back into your clitoris with what ever means necessary until you bring yourself to orgasm. Only after that will you be able to engage with your baby’s daddy in a relaxed and sexual way.

PLEASE do not feel as if you MUST do anything. That kind of pressure on your self is not going to help. It is not necessary to incorporate your nipples from the get go. Go south to your clit and work your way around and up. Definitely try incorporating some erotic massage into Adult Time. Let your hubby know that you need to go slow and be reminded of all your delicious juicy parts – what they mean to him AND you. Knowing that the end justifies the means will inspire him to really get into that yummy touching and rubbing that is needed for an eventually explosive experience. Use oils, lubes and anything else that you desire to get things pouring and wet right from the start so you do not feel more pressure to lubricate. Read, listen to, and, or watch some erotica. Again, whatever that may mean to you. No judgments as to the sources that get your brain thinking in a lusty fever. This is all about embodying your sexiness. I use ‘embody’ specifically as I wish to stress the crucial aspect of getting back into the sensations of your sexual body.

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro

featured image credit: XI.XXIX