Karl Rove Found Tragically Alive At 62 [Daily News Brief]

Washington, DC – Wednesday
By Joshua Mauldin

Rumors that Fox News contributor, former advisor to President George W. Bush and Satan’s most prized concubine had spontaneously combusted when the frothing fecal matter he’s composed of reached a critical mass, have been silenced by reporters this morning. ABC News correspondents found him alive and well at his Washington, DC office. “He was resting in a leather recliner sipping a glass of vintage, circa 2000 disenfranchised voter’s blood,” said ABC News Bureau Chief Hebron Fells. “At first we thought someone may have jammed eyeglasses on a walrus and propped it against the wall but no, it was him all right.”

Americans are being advised to put away all celebratory items until that engorged excrement pinata finally does explode. “It’ll be any day now,” Fells went on to say. “No container can hold that much rotting refuse for long.”

Image Credit: American Crossroads Watch