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Musings on Amusing: Why I Might Be Wearing A Costume Next Thursday


A blogumn by Jessica Glassberg

Halloween pressure.

Halloween is the time of year when everyone dons his or her scariest, sexiest and funniest.

As a comic, the expectation to bring the funny or pun-y, as is often the case, is pretty high.  I received over half a dozen emails asking what I was going to be… some even saying they were excited to hear because “I’m always so creative…”


Some years have been better than others…

My old corseted princess-style prom dress came in handy a few times…

Wore a comedy/tragedy sign on a crown, smeared my eye make-up and pinned a slew of Broadway Playbill covers to the dress… I was a drama queen.

More Costumes after the jump:

Then, another year, still happy to fit into the aforementioned dress, I wore a ginormous Jewish star crown, pinned pictures of Americana (from apple pie and a baseball to pictures of Springsteen and Pam Anderson & Tommy Lee) and went as a Jewish American Princess.

When my boyfriend Derek and I joined forces for the first time a few years ago… I taped giant foam lawn dominos to my person and he adorned himself with “Hello my name is Derek” stickers (his back was covered) and we were DEREK & THE DOMINOS.  This would have been a more clever choice had it been 1970 when their hit Layla hit the air waves…most people just didn’t get it.

Needing some redemption, we dressed as:  “Jack & Jill…after the fall”… we were a hit, won a costume contest and everything.  We got some thrift store overalls, white t-shirts and rolled them around in the mud and grass.  Put some fake scars, blood and more mud on our bodies…  messed up our hair, Derek wore a broken crown… and of course we had distressed Jack and Jill pails. (made a great purse)…we were comfy (smelled like dirt) and had fun.

This year… we had to attempt to top ourselves…

Our idea?

Sherlock Holmes and Katie Holmes.

Derek would be straight Sherlock with the hat, the pipe and the cape-y-do.  I’d wear a black dress, big sunglasses, pin my hair back, hold a copy of Dianetics and a stuffed alien…my baby Suri.

Who would have thought that the market for Sherlock Holmes apparel would sky rocket this year?  Perhaps it was the announcement of the Guy Ritchie directed Robert Downey Jr. vehicle…. But a Sherlock hat could not be found ‘round the city of angles.

What to do?  What to do?  The pressure was great…  What could we do? Who could we be that wouldn’t require a lot of work…

We searched our closets…

Pull out the prom dress?  I could wear a sash and be Sarah Palin – the beauty pageant years and Derek could sport a goatee, wear a flannel shirt and his Canada hat (but write in “near” Canada) and be Todd?

Could be a good timely idea… alas the prom dress did not zipper… and inappropriately slutty Palin just seemed awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.

Saddened by the additional layers of Jessica that I have acquired through the years, but not giving up…

We investigated the internet…

Rocky…that could be easy – gray sweats and a red sweatband.  Adrian?  Sadly, I don’t have a red beret hanging around nor did I know of a specific location to acquire a cheap one that I would be comfortable to place on my head without the fear of a widespread lice infestation. I’m all about making new friends… but really.

But Derek did have an Indiana Jones-like hat, I had a tie, a pair of khakis and I’d be… Annie Hall of course!

So… we were the namesakes of two back-to-back academy award winning movies of the 70s… totally planned!

Not our highest point…. But at least people knew who we were.

I’ve gotta start mapping out a plan for next year.  Or maybe just make more “dress-up” holidays throughout the year to minimize the pressure… Thanksgiving I think I’d make quite a sexy giant turkey, no?  Or perhaps an oversized gelatinous tube of cranberry goop.  Hmm I might look like “Carrie” after the crazy…  Chanukah – Santa Schwartz… like Santa Claus but more neurotic and self-loathing.   I think I’m onto something.