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Musings on the Amusing: Something Old, Something New… How to Plan A Wedding… I Have No Clue!!!


a blogumn by Jessica Glassberg

Many girls know by the age of nine how they want their dream wedding to look and feel…,

What style dress they will wear, how they want their hair to look, the types of flowers they will hold, and how many bridesmaids will be by their side.


I have been engaged since the end of December, and find myself more and more lost by words like overlay, ceiling drapes, rental delivery fee, and the various definitions of soft bar service… none of which include the addition of cushions, pillows or feathers…. Soft bar… anyone?  Anyone?

And the word fiancé makes me feel more pretentious than a person who complains about planning a wedding.

Oh… and who knew a cake needed a whole table?  And that you may have to pay extra for it!

All I know is… who I’m going to marry and that it will be somewhere in southern California.

Every day I feel less and less effeminate and that at any minute the wedding police are going to come and confiscate my engagement ring, shake their judgmental heads and tell me I’m just not ready.

My family wants to know when I’m registering.  Yes, I think it’s wonderful that they’re so excited to buy me stuff…  “It’ll be so much fun to shoot the registry gun.”  How do I register for things when I don’t know how much room I’ll have for said items?  I’m still accustomed to using red plastic beer-pong cups… now I’m supposed to pick out china?  How can I select a knife set that will last a lifetime when I can’t even decide on a venue for one night?

“HAVE YOU SET A DATE ?!?!?!?!”

Whenever I want to do some research on The Knot, Here Comes the Guide or…  they want to know when I’m getting married… I don’t know!  I don’t want to pick a date until I pick a venue, but I can’t pick a venue until I visually picture what kind of wedding I want… but I can’t picture anything until I figure out my budget… and when I try to crunch the numbers, it seems like no venue will fit into the aforementioned crunched budget…


“You have to find the dress!”   People get violent at the thought that I haven’t tried on dresses yet…


Do you know of any great, reasonably prices venues? 
Great vendors? 
Advice to save money? 
Tips to not pull every last hair out of my head?!?!

I am overwhelmed!  I plan on only doing this once… and I don’t want to royally F it up!  I want it to be fun. I don’t want to feel like I’m throwing a boat load of money away, and I want to know a large majority of the people in attendance.

I am very excited to get married.  And I feel guilty for even feeling stressed… which just stresses me out even more.

I feel so blessed that I have found someone to love and adore and who will do the same back… unconditionally… and that is what I try to focus when I want to run away and elope…  but Grandma would turn the eloping vacation into a full fledged guilt trip.  Each trip comes standard with the mention of not calling or eating enough… overlays, ceiling drapes and rental delivery fees are extra.

. photo credit: eriesargonaut