Nerd in Transition: Life’s a Beach

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Nerd in Transition: Life’s a Beach


a blogumn by Kelly Kaboom

Photo Credit: Subspace

Back in middle school one of the “good” Allison’s used to retort “Life’s a beach and then you fry” whenever I would use the more popular vernacular. Well that little snot is nowhere around right now, leaving me free to state that life’s a bitch. We all know it. Maybe for Oprah and the makers of The Secret, life is a grand romp through fields of sunshine and flowers where birds sing in your ears as butterflies land on your shoulder all while you magically order up new bikes by thinking about them; but for the rest of us life is usually one big karmic balancing act. Shit I’m writing this on a Wednesday night and I’ve already had a whole series of situations thrust on me that have left my emotions whirling. The tilt a whirl may have been fun when I was 9, but I’m 32 now and momma’s stomach just isn’t what it used to be.

Monday morning started off with me waking up in a not-so-strange, but not mine, bed. I was house sitting for my novel writing, happily married, new mom buddy in her beautiful ranch house with it’s big beautiful back yard. I don’t feel terribly jealous of her, but there was a time when she had to crash on my couch and now I am her house sitter; sometimes it rubs the wrong way. Yes I know my time will come, I’m just tired of waiting for it to arrive. With that said I had the exciting task of spending the day shopping for the perfect actor interview outfit because I had some big meetings lined up for the week, the kind of meetings that can change the direction of a person’s life.

After a nice little home gym workout, I headed to my own home for a shower and to put away my freshly laundered clothes. It was raining out creating a bit of a blind spot as I slowly backed out of the driveway. Even though I was going under 5mph, even though I was checking my mirrors, even though I was aware of the cars around me, I still managed to hit some guys car and crack his stupid fiberglass bumper. He was cool about it and didn’t get insurance involved, which is great since I have none, but I will be paying for the repair out of pocket, so it goes.

Determined not to be sucked into an overly dramatic depression over this I went about my day and shopped for the perfect outfit. This took a whole new level of determination. Since my skating retirement I have of course gained weight leaving me to deal with shopping in LA as a bigger girl. I refused to get down about this. I refused to feel bad when things that should have fit didn’t. I stuck to my guns and found not only something classy AND sexy, but something that I felt great in. OK I did pick up a pair of control top pantyhose and some spanks at Target, but I know skinny girls wearing that shit.

Tuesday I left the house to head home at last and pulled out of that driveway so slow I think the tortoise passed me by. I got ready for my first big meeting in my awesome new outfit and hit the road. The meeting was a stunning success, I returned beaming. Even the phone call about what I owed on the car didn’t bring me down. My next step was off to help a friend move. ¬†While loading boxes I got into a conversation with another writer who said things I really needed to hear, stuff like “get the project done because it will save your life; also Natalie is the first person who gave me my big break, when she believes in somebody she see’s it through.” Natalie believes in me. Natalie believes in one of my projects. Getting the project done will save my life, cause right now I’m slowly dying in the purgatory of unemployed Los Angeles.

Charged up and eager to work I returned home and grabbed Derby Dog for her afternoon hike. ¬† Right as we got to the car I saw a dog come trotting up the road toward the two of us. “Oh my God,” was all I said as I reached out to pet the lovable stray. The dog was heavily panting so I headed back up the stairs to my place, she ran ahead knowing the way. This is the fourth time this dog has shown up at my place, only this is the first time she has come alone. Usually there is a female pit that arrives with her, both friendly and eager for water and some couch time.

The only thing is last Monday I dropped them both off at the city shelter. I had to, no other choice, all the rescues are full right now and did I mention being unemployed? So why was she back? And what should I do now? She stayed at my place overnight. The next morning I went back to the shelter to find out what happened. Although an owner had picked up the dogs, it was two seperate owners, which is suspicious. and though the dog was back at my place the owner still has a right to reclaim it again. I spoke to an officer who said that before releasing the dog a second time they will go out and check the premises. It was the best I could do. I turned her back in and this time she didn’t want to go. She whined, licked my face and hands, tugged on the leash as I tried to leave and then just stared in disbelief. I cried my way to a drive-through where I ate my emotions as my mother told me on the phone that I did the right thing.

That afternoon as I left Natalie’s house for the second day I almost started crying about the dog. I stopped by reminding myself that I can’t let these things get me down. The car, my weight, the dog, are all situations that we face everyday. They suck. Sometimes they hurt deeply, but if we keep going and stay positive then more positive will come to us. Beyond these burdens, I have had one hell of a good week. It has just been balanced by that bitch karma. I’ll pay for the car. I’m sexy even with some extra weight. If the dog returns again I will keep it as a sign from God. This positive energy will carry through to my meetings and help important people love me. It will also help me sit at my computer and tap out words that will come to life onstage because somebody already believes in me. Life’s a beach, but I always carry sunblock.