NewlyNested: Baby or Not to Baby?
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a blogumn by Debra Goykhman
How do you know when to have a baby? With my husband turning 30 in just a few days the question has been on my mind. My parents tell me you’re never ready and my in-laws say children are a blessing. I know we are still young (I’m still in my twenties), but both of our families married and had kids young, so when do I follow?
Photo Credit: mubblegum
Normally, I wouldn’t even question having babies. I’ve always known what I wanted. When I was young the idea of actually birthing a child freaked me out (still does), so I was always saying adoption. Then when I met my now-husband the idea of having his babies took over and I started picturing having children with him. He was the opposite at the time, saying, “let’s wait until you’re like 35 and we’ll just have one right after the other!” When he said this I yelled at him about how hard it is on your body, etc.
Now the tables have turned. As soon as we got married I wanted to be selfish. I wanted him to myself and our lives to be uninterrupted by add-ons. He insisted we get two dogs and they were enough for me. Now, my husband isn’t as scared. A part of him wants to wait longer (he has seen how hard child rearing can be), but overall as we have grown as a couple and have settled down he is starting to become ready.
Even with his support my mind wants the rest of my twenties to myself…or do I! It turns out I’m starting to think my subconscious does have a ticking clock. When I see a baby I melt inside and now I am even dreaming about being pregnant several times a week. I’ve started imagining the mundane, like setting up a daily schedule or playtime ideas. Does that mean that it’s really time? How is a girl supposed to know when to say “GO!”?
I have asked people that question so many times. I am pushing 30 myself and I am still questioning when the right time is. I keep wishing for an accident so i don't have to do all the thinking that is involved.. Good luck!
Having read up a lot on the infertility community, I would definitely advise against waiting until you're 35. But by all means, take your twenties off. I hated the delays to getting pregnant, but I loved that I had a little extra time with my husband before getting pregnant at 31.
I have asked people that question so many times. I am pushing 30 myself and I am still questioning when the right time is. I keep wishing for an accident so i don't have to do all the thinking that is involved.. Good luck!
Having read up a lot on the infertility community, I would definitely advise against waiting until you're 35. But by all means, take your twenties off. I hated the delays to getting pregnant, but I loved that I had a little extra time with my husband before getting pregnant at 31.
My husband and I waited 3 years to have a baby and it was really great to have those year for just the two of us. I was 32 when my daughter was born and, for me, that was perfect. I kept waiting for the 'right time', but I don't think that exists. You could spend years waiting to have more money, a better job, the perfect house. I always knew I wanted a child and one day, my husband and I just decided that after my next birthday we would start trying. That gave us several months to cross a couple of things off our 'to do before kids' list (like a long weekend in Napa!) and then we were ready.
If you really want a baby, then start trying. You never know how long it might take. If you're not sure, then take a little more time and enjoy your life as it is. It does change things dramatically, but I feel like my life is so much richer now that it includes a sweet little girl.
everything that debra said — including the trip to Napa! very important to remember the trip to Napa…
My husband and I waited 3 years to have a baby and it was really great to have those year for just the two of us. I was 32 when my daughter was born and, for me, that was perfect. I kept waiting for the 'right time', but I don't think that exists. You could spend years waiting to have more money, a better job, the perfect house. I always knew I wanted a child and one day, my husband and I just decided that after my next birthday we would start trying. That gave us several months to cross a couple of things off our 'to do before kids' list (like a long weekend in Napa!) and then we were ready.
If you really want a baby, then start trying. You never know how long it might take. If you're not sure, then take a little more time and enjoy your life as it is. It does change things dramatically, but I feel like my life is so much richer now that it includes a sweet little girl.
everything that debra said — including the trip to Napa! very important to remember the trip to Napa…