NewlyNested: Now Only Somewhat NewlyNested
a blogumn by Debra Goykhman
Alan and I are getting closer to ending our period of being newlyweds. Come a month and we will have had a year under our belt as a married couple. I hear the first year I am supposed to give the gift of paper, so together we are searching for a deed to a house, which I will discuss next time.
I’ve come to realize over the year that my Newly Nested life is not just mine but also my husband’. Over time we have embarked on new healthy plans both diet and supplement wise. We’ve learned to downsize our consumer habits (one of the hardest things to do when making the transition from being single to married). And we are learning who we are as a couple and surrounding ourselves with people that fit both (not just one) of our personalities in the new area that we live in.
So is the first year of being married really as hard as they say? I remember being obsessed with knowing the answer to that question when my older brother got married. Every time I spoke to him I would ask “how’s married life?” I’m sure he was annoyed by the third time. Married life has been much easier for me than single life. Whenever I doubt myself I have someone to tell me why I’m being silly. When I can’t sleep I always have someone to chat with late at night.
The real hard part about nesting together is the big decisions like where to go for the holidays or how big our next TV should be (he likes big and I like medium). Mostly the biggest adjustment is absorbing each other’s life– family, friends, and culture. The Jewish New Year is approaching on Sunday and now we are figuring out which temple to attend based on length of service rather than which one we like better. These small differences are the hard part.
I am looking forward to being past my first year of Nesting. The new part of the relationship is fun, but finding the rhythm of our life and developing our habits as a family is something that I am looking forward to. However, being newly nested might always be my fate, considering that we have a history of moving around every year.