Objectify THIS! [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class)]
Dear Dr. Miro,
In my fantasies, I objectify women. If I think about them too much as real life people they cease being sexy. I love my wife but as a loving caring brilliantly pure being. It’s only when I see her as a sweet piece of ass am I turned on by her. I understand that there are two different types of energies in a relationship: one for the heart & mind (the relationship), and then that other for the genitals (the sex). Both are important but how can I avoid killing that animalism of sex? I’m talking about that thing that disconnects the mind – the part that loses sight of “relationship stuff” like figuring out what couch to buy.
Obviously, objectification is unhealthy. But isn’t that part of sexual attraction? Maybe it’s just a male thing or at least a masculine trait. Will this haunt me the rest of my life? I feel bad turning my wife into an object.
Mr. Love2Love Her
Dear Mr. L2LH,
The quick answer is yes, there is a major element of objectification in sexual attraction and no, it is not a purely male thing. Read on if you want more details… Objectification is not unhealthy, in and of it’s self. Really, it is how you manage it. You are right in thinking that there are different levels of relating to each other, all very important, depending upon what type of interpersonal connections you desire. Objectifying another being can be extremely liberating if there is some understanding before and after of the person behind the object. This is specifically true for long-term situations. If we were discussing one-night stands or booty calls, this would not surface as an issue, in that all you have is the objectification part!
It is hard to get turned on by someone while discussing couches or paint chips. Thread count cannot be mentioned between my partner and myself because that discussion would really dampen our fire. There are so many appropriate ways to turn your Pure Priestess into a Smoldering Goddess who you simply cannot wait to defile. Is it possible to watch her pleasure herself so you can be reminded of all the pent up sexy she wants to release? How about taking some pictures of her in poses that you normally reserve for professionals in adult sites?
The simple act of temporarily turning another person into a sex object is completely fine. Just make sure everyone (involved) is on board. As a matter of fact, being turned on by someone you do not view as sexy may border on unhealthy. I bet your wife is good with the fact you are turned on by her, regardless of how it happens. What turns us on is different for everybody and that is a beautiful thing. Being able to view your lover as a sexual being through objectification is often an important element to keeping those lusty feelings alive & kicking!
Lust & Happiness,
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featured image credit: puuikibeach