Oh, It’s Tuesday: Ain’t I A Feminist?
Photo Credit: Jay Morrison
Because I like to rep my hood, a lot of you know that I bleed blue and grey — that is I’m a super-proud graduate of Smith College (or Smithie, as we like to call ourselves). I never really intended to go to an all-women’s college, but I was legacy at Mount Holyoke, thanks to an aunt on my father’s side who got in on full scholarship during the 70s, and I had promised that I would at least look at Holyoke on my college tour. MH wouldn’t put me up on a weekend. But a dear teacher who thought that I would like Smith, given my personality and then-just-budding feminist leanings found a sister of one of her SAT prep students, who was willing to host me during Family Weekend (though back then it was called “Parents Weekend”), which happened right around now every year.
It was just one stop on my college tour and not a school I was seriously considering, but I got off the Peter Pan bus the morning after a Halloween party at Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut, where I had been allowed to drink copious amounts of beer for the first time in my life. Duffle bag on shoulder, I walked up the slightly inclined State Street until I came upon Smith College in all of its black-gated, fall-leafed-up glory. And I fell in love. I can still remember thinking that I wanted to go to school on this campus, as I walked until I found and opening in the gate. And everything that happened that weekend seemed to confirm it.
I asked my hostess how she liked going to an all-girls school and she answered that she loved going to an all-women’s college. I had always been used to being the strongest feminist in the room, and I wasn’t even that much of a feminist. This was excellent. It felt like I had finally found my lost tribe.
My hostess had a lot to do that weekend, so I was left in the care of two other Smithie’s in her house, which like most Smith Smith houses was literally a large mansion converted into dorms. Four hours after landing on campus, and two hours after making their acquaintance, I called my teacher long-distance in St. Louis and told her that this was now my #1 pick for college and I just hoped that I could get in. The two Smithies took me all over Northampton, then into Amherst to look at their campus and eat at their town’s admittedly superior pizza shop. And the next day, one of them actually decided to accompany me on my Mount Holyoke tour and trash-talked it the entire time. The guide was furious, and I was impressed, while trying to suppress giggles. I had never met women like this, who had such strong opinions about everything and said what they wanted even if it meant not everyone would like them. I was head over heels for this school.
And even though my mother died while I was there, I still regard my time at Smith with nothing but fondness. I remember the solidarity I felt with other women, walking up to Gloria Steinem and handing her an article which my BFF and I had written and felt should be published in Ms. (she actually passed it on to a Ms. editor!). I remember gaining new respect for Republicans, b/c there were so many smart ones at Smith and I remember feeling like women could do anything and surmount any obstacle, b/c we were just that awesome.
I tell you this long story only to preface how genuinely sad I am when I read articles online and off stating that if feminism isn’t dead, it’s at least “stalled.” Women are still not making equal pay for the same work. We’re still expected to take responsibility for the majority of the housework and the childcare, even when we have a full-time job. And most of all, it seems that fewer women are willing to identify as feminists.
We’ll explore a lot of these issues in the days to come, but for now, I would like to point out that surprisingly the black movement and the women’s movement seem to find itself in the same place.
Growing up in a mostly black environment, I was repeatedly hounded with accusations of “not being black” because of crimes like speaking English as taught, being interested in a variety of things that weren’t necessarily targeted at black people, and being smart. Even my childcare ideals and feminism have gotten me in trouble with the supposed “black police.” Apparently not believing in corporeal punishment and not taking my husband’s last name means that I have rejected my black heritage and that I think I’m a white woman respectively. Ridiculous, right?
However, I have been aghast lately to hear and read of so-called feminists doing the exact same thing. According to them, you can’t be a real feminist if you
1) Stay at home with your children.
2) Voted for Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton in the primaries.
3) Take your husband’s last name or epend on your husband financially..
4) Like make-up and dresses.
5) A man.
However, I and every single feminist I went to school with has violated at least one of those rules. Does that mean we’re not feminist enough?
I think one of the reasons Feminism is stuck in a rut right now is that orgs like NOW are too busy denouncing David Letterman for cheating and not busy enough recruiting the next generation of feminists — that is women and men who still support women, believe in equality, even if they choose to violate one of the unspoken rules of feminism.
So just like the black movement needs to embrace both their Cosbys and their Medeas. Women need to embrace feminists from all walks of life and stop imposing silly requirements on what it takes to be a “real feminist.” Let me tell you, it will take a lot of people to push this car out of the rut we’re in and forward on the road to equality. Do we really want to reject anyone who is willing to push?
I love it, Ernessa! Your experience at Smith differed from mine at Wellesley because there it was not the norm to claim to be a feminist, probably for exactly the reasons you outlined. But we had some spirited debates there, that I remember with more and more fondness. Your idea of feminism is so much more appealing. Every opinionated woman needs to claim her feminism if only to make her opinions heard.
Agreed! I think spirited debates gets to the soul of feminism, and I'm sad that it seems to be missing in today's conversation.
I love it, Ernessa! Your experience at Smith differed from mine at Wellesley because there it was not the norm to claim to be a feminist, probably for exactly the reasons you outlined. But we had some spirited debates there, that I remember with more and more fondness. Your idea of feminism is so much more appealing. Every opinionated woman needs to claim her feminism if only to make her opinions heard.
Agreed! I think spirited debates gets to the soul of feminism, and I'm sad that it seems to be missing in today's conversation.
It seems to me the problems start when we begin defining feminism in terms of how we relate to men. Voted for Barack, taking a husband's name, like men in general- not a feminist? None of these things have to do with the women themselves. Women are amazing human beings who are capable of the greatest feats of endurance, determination and love. That's what feminism means to me. Any individual choices a woman makes in her life are irrelevant to the fundamental belief in the power of womankind.
Well to a certain extent we have to define feminism in terms of how we relate to men. Though I believe that being pro-woman is the #1 requirement, we can't deny that we still have a few miles to go until we're equal with men.
It seems to me the problems start when we begin defining feminism in terms of how we relate to men. Voted for Barack, taking a husband's name, like men in general- not a feminist? None of these things have to do with the women themselves. Women are amazing human beings who are capable of the greatest feats of endurance, determination and love. That's what feminism means to me. Any individual choices a woman makes in her life are irrelevant to the fundamental belief in the power of womankind.
Well to a certain extent we have to define feminism in terms of how we relate to men. Though I believe that being pro-woman is the #1 requirement, we can't deny that we still have a few miles to go until we're equal with men.
I too went to Smith and adore it. And like you I stepped onto campus one fall day and it was pouring raining. But I feel deep in love. And while there, more than 10 years ago now, I would have called myself a feminist. Today however that is not the case. I no longer identify with the feminist movement because I feel like the feminist movement does not identify with me. In my opinion, the feminist movement has evolved into a movement that has little room for women of color or lower income women and that bothers me. This became very clear to me during the primary elections when I was admonished when I was honest about struggling as a black woman when choosing between Obama and Clinton. But when I think back, it was always there even at Smith. The notion that being a feminist means that you are always a woman first and the other thing is somehow less important just does not work for me. I am a black woman and there is no way to separate that and both of them are equally important to who I am. Today, I consider myself a womanist….someone who does not necessarily identify with the "feminist movement," but is extremely pro-woman. And I do not think that will change until the feminist movement evolves into a movement that truly has a place for and values women of color and lower income women.
By the way, I voted for Obama in the primaries, I hyphenated my last name, I do not like makeup and I am a working mom.
Oh M … I'm a little upset that I don't have time to really cover this topic in this week's series, but here goes:
Though I agree with you that the Feminist movement has a lot of problems, I think one can identify as both a womanist and a feminist. Also, much like Goldwater Republicans, I wonder if it's right to let such an important movement like Feminism be defined completely by extremists or even just white women.
It would be a little like me claiming not to be a Christian b/c I so very much despise right wing fundamentalists. I think that the womanist movement is an important offshoot of feminism, but that we all should acknowledge that as women we're all in this together. Also, I worry that being a womanist is perceived as being a black feminist and only serves to be further divide.
Actually, I wonder if we don't need a new word for all-inclusive feminism, as Feminism seems so loaded these days. I also wonder if the womanist movement is doing anything but paying lip service. If we're not going to find an org that weighs in on the national discussion as NOW does, then is being a womanist really valid or just a way to say that we don't agree with everything that's happening in the feminist movement — the religious equivalent to being agnostic … which isn't really organized at all.
I too went to Smith and adore it. And like you I stepped onto campus one fall day and it was pouring raining. But I feel deep in love. And while there, more than 10 years ago now, I would have called myself a feminist. Today however that is not the case. I no longer identify with the feminist movement because I feel like the feminist movement does not identify with me. In my opinion, the feminist movement has evolved into a movement that has little room for women of color or lower income women and that bothers me. This became very clear to me during the primary elections when I was admonished when I was honest about struggling as a black woman when choosing between Obama and Clinton. But when I think back, it was always there even at Smith. The notion that being a feminist means that you are always a woman first and the other thing is somehow less important just does not work for me. I am a black woman and there is no way to separate that and both of them are equally important to who I am. Today, I consider myself a womanist….someone who does not necessarily identify with the "feminist movement," but is extremely pro-woman. And I do not think that will change until the feminist movement evolves into a movement that truly has a place for and values women of color and lower income women.
By the way, I voted for Obama in the primaries, I hyphenated my last name, I do not like makeup and I am a working mom.
Oh M … I'm a little upset that I don't have time to really cover this topic in this week's series, but here goes:
Though I agree with you that the Feminist movement has a lot of problems, I think one can identify as both a womanist and a feminist. Also, much like Goldwater Republicans, I wonder if it's right to let such an important movement like Feminism be defined completely by extremists or even just white women.
It would be a little like me claiming not to be a Christian b/c I so very much despise right wing fundamentalists. I think that the womanist movement is an important offshoot of feminism, but that we all should acknowledge that as women we're all in this together. Also, I worry that being a womanist is perceived as being a black feminist and only serves to be further divide.
Actually, I wonder if we don't need a new word for all-inclusive feminism, as Feminism seems so loaded these days. I also wonder if the womanist movement is doing anything but paying lip service. If we're not going to find an org that weighs in on the national discussion as NOW does, then is being a womanist really valid or just a way to say that we don't agree with everything that's happening in the feminist movement — the religious equivalent to being agnostic … which isn't really organized at all.
Though I understand your point, I do not think the Goldwater Republican or the Christian examples are fair comparisons. And I do not believe that the womanist movement fails to acknowledge that we are all in this together. And I am not saying that womanism and feminism are mutually exclusive. However, for me womanism allows me to be pro-woman while also acknowledging the shortcomings of the feminist movement.
Though I understand your point, I do not think the Goldwater Republican or the Christian examples are fair comparisons. And I do not believe that the womanist movement fails to acknowledge that we are all in this together. And I am not saying that womanism and feminism are mutually exclusive. However, for me womanism allows me to be pro-woman while also acknowledging the shortcomings of the feminist movement.
I don't care what you call it, I take it as a given that women are equal. In fact, the whole idea that anyone would question this fundamental truth of humanity seems utterly absurd on it's face to me.
I started out on this issue as a "women's libber." I remember having debates with little girls in elementary school over the Equal Rights Amendment–I was for it, they were against it. Brainwashed into thinking it would mean co-ed bathrooms. Which somehow was supposed to automatically stand in for the end of civilization as we knew it.
I love the idea of you in elementary trying to teach the little girls. Your mom must have been so proud.
Mom and dad. To some extent my dad modeled that behavior for me. He would take on all comers at parties weighing in in favor of the ERA. They both schooled me well.
Yes, I think the fact that CH is an awesome feminist will definitely help in the raising of Betty. It helps if both parties are in agreement. It was a little confusing growing up having a father that wasn't a feminist and a mother who was.
I don't care what you call it, I take it as a given that women are equal. In fact, the whole idea that anyone would question this fundamental truth of humanity seems utterly absurd on it's face to me.
I started out on this issue as a "women's libber." I remember having debates with little girls in elementary school over the Equal Rights Amendment–I was for it, they were against it. Brainwashed into thinking it would mean co-ed bathrooms. Which somehow was supposed to automatically stand in for the end of civilization as we knew it.
I love the idea of you in elementary trying to teach the little girls. Your mom must have been so proud.
Mom and dad. To some extent my dad modeled that behavior for me. He would take on all comers at parties weighing in in favor of the ERA. They both schooled me well.
Yes, I think the fact that CH is an awesome feminist will definitely help in the raising of Betty. It helps if both parties are in agreement. It was a little confusing growing up having a father that wasn't a feminist and a mother who was.
….continued from the previous comment:
I mostly consider myself an anti-ism-ist, but now feminism is one of the few isms I'll lay claim to. After having gone through a period where I felt, as a man, that the bar for me to be a feminist was set higher than for a woman. Interesting that so many women feel there are litmus tests set out for them as feminists that they've failed.
I no longer care about someone else's definition of what it means to be a feminist. To me it's easy, and it comes back to my first paragraph. Any notion that women are somehow lesser, inferior to men, is inherently ludicrous. It just makes no sense. It's one of those abstract human concepts applied to the observable world that have no real place in it–though unfortunately those stupid abstract ideas can end up taking on serious life in the world and causing massive suffering over many generations, as patriarchy has. As racism has. Etc.
Agreed. I think that if you consider yourself a feminist, then you are one. Period. No one else can take that away from you.
….continued from the previous comment:
I mostly consider myself an anti-ism-ist, but now feminism is one of the few isms I'll lay claim to. After having gone through a period where I felt, as a man, that the bar for me to be a feminist was set higher than for a woman. Interesting that so many women feel there are litmus tests set out for them as feminists that they've failed.
I no longer care about someone else's definition of what it means to be a feminist. To me it's easy, and it comes back to my first paragraph. Any notion that women are somehow lesser, inferior to men, is inherently ludicrous. It just makes no sense. It's one of those abstract human concepts applied to the observable world that have no real place in it–though unfortunately those stupid abstract ideas can end up taking on serious life in the world and causing massive suffering over many generations, as patriarchy has. As racism has. Etc.
Agreed. I think that if you consider yourself a feminist, then you are one. Period. No one else can take that away from you.
Oh, so much to say on this subject. Thanks Ernessa for writing about it. I don't even think I new what feminism was when I ended up at Smith, but was certainly one even though I didn't know it. And I think my time at Smith only strengthened that and gave me a name for my politics.
I agree with you that the feminist movement needs to be more inclusive with regards to race, class, gender, and sexual orientation. The feminist movement faces the same problems every other movement faces: the black power movement was criticized (rightly so) for its perspective on women; the gay rights movement is often criticized (rightly so) for its inclusion of trans people, people of color, and lower-income and poor people. It is not impossible, but it is hard to sustain a political movement that is inclusive without causing some divisions.
I can appreciate MMV's identification with the term womanist–I think it has an important history and provides space for people who don't feel comfortable with the term feminist for reasons already discussed. To some degree, I think it is necessary to have subsections under larger labels where people can build community. But if we are to work towards change, at some point we have to all come back together to do the work.
I've been teaching about this very subject for over four years and every year the debate/discussion is always heated and always different depending on who is in the room. I think that is one way to push the car out of the rut–keep having discussions like this one.
p.s. I can not tell you how many discussions I had about the Clinton/Obama stuff during the election! It made me so angry. I was especially disappointed in how Steinem (a fellow Smithie) handled it. She later changed her tune, but her original post in the NY Times was offensive and way-off base, in my opinion.
Thanks for your wonderful comment. Yes, one of the things that concerns me is that there doesn't seem to be enough discussion outside of college campuses. I can't remember the last time I had a discussion about feminism with anyone but MMKV. It's like we're scared to approach the topic in general conversation. I also wonder if many women haven't quietly just stopped identifying as feminist, which is why I think we need to focus more on discussion and less on what extremists on both sides of the matter are saying.
Oh, so much to say on this subject. Thanks Ernessa for writing about it. I don't even think I new what feminism was when I ended up at Smith, but was certainly one even though I didn't know it. And I think my time at Smith only strengthened that and gave me a name for my politics.
I agree with you that the feminist movement needs to be more inclusive with regards to race, class, gender, and sexual orientation. The feminist movement faces the same problems every other movement faces: the black power movement was criticized (rightly so) for its perspective on women; the gay rights movement is often criticized (rightly so) for its inclusion of trans people, people of color, and lower-income and poor people. It is not impossible, but it is hard to sustain a political movement that is inclusive without causing some divisions.
I can appreciate MMV's identification with the term womanist–I think it has an important history and provides space for people who don't feel comfortable with the term feminist for reasons already discussed. To some degree, I think it is necessary to have subsections under larger labels where people can build community. But if we are to work towards change, at some point we have to all come back together to do the work.
I've been teaching about this very subject for over four years and every year the debate/discussion is always heated and always different depending on who is in the room. I think that is one way to push the car out of the rut–keep having discussions like this one.
p.s. I can not tell you how many discussions I had about the Clinton/Obama stuff during the election! It made me so angry. I was especially disappointed in how Steinem (a fellow Smithie) handled it. She later changed her tune, but her original post in the NY Times was offensive and way-off base, in my opinion.
Thanks for your wonderful comment. Yes, one of the things that concerns me is that there doesn't seem to be enough discussion outside of college campuses. I can't remember the last time I had a discussion about feminism with anyone but MMKV. It's like we're scared to approach the topic in general conversation. I also wonder if many women haven't quietly just stopped identifying as feminist, which is why I think we need to focus more on discussion and less on what extremists on both sides of the matter are saying.
As MMKV points out, all liberation movements have problems within them, often having to do with not being inclusive enough, having factions, etc. It will always be thus, because the one problem with any movement founded and run by human beings is that it's founded and run by human beings, thus heir to all the pettiness, jealousies, insecurities, egos and territorial impulses that we human beings seem to be stuck with.
As MMKV points out, all liberation movements have problems within them, often having to do with not being inclusive enough, having factions, etc. It will always be thus, because the one problem with any movement founded and run by human beings is that it's founded and run by human beings, thus heir to all the pettiness, jealousies, insecurities, egos and territorial impulses that we human beings seem to be stuck with.