Oh, It’s Tuesday: Pregnant Women Are Smug…
Being on the scared-not-smug side of pregnant women, I find this song fascinating for the same reason that I used to find bridezillas fascinating as an (I hope) pretty low-key bride. Oh, and funnily enough, I’ve met the woman on the left through Chi Chi’s Word Parlor on two occasions — but before I got knocked up, so that’s a relief.
I’ll also say this:
1) I, too, find it annoying when pregnant women decide that the gender and name of their baby-to-be is “secret.” I just don’t understand why you would tell people that you know, but don’t want to tell them. It seems rude.
2) Non-pregnant people, you know you can talk to us pregnant people about something other than being pregnant, right? Most of us work and have lives outside of being pregnant. I’m a little weirded out by how many of my friends start convos off with “So how are you feeling?” these days. Or the ones who just ask me questions about my pregnancy. a) I don’t want to bore you by actually answering these questions truthfully, and b) I still go to movies, listen to NPR, write and read — general conversation is fine. In fact, I would be impressed with the friend or stranger who came up to me at a party and started talking to me about something other than my pregnancy. I think most pregnant women would.
- Photo by Jurgen Fauth
3) I find it annoying when people who aren’t pregnant generalize all pregnant women as boring and/or smug. I’m sorry that we’re not as interesting as we used to be. We’re kind of dealing with a huge life change, and many of us don’t have time to prepare for a baby, work and live up to your expectations of what an interesting person should be like.
Also, you know who else can be boring and smug: War Vets, and we just celebrated Memorial Day while there’s absolutely no commemoration for all of the women who have died in childbirth. Some people might not consider that a comparison, but women volunteer to risk their lives all over the world every day in order to replenish the population (and even you doomsayers have to admit that this is necessary. We’d go to hell in a handbasket if women suddenly just upped and stopped volunteering to have and raise babies). In fact, someone probably volunteered to bring you into the world. And the death rates for this volunteer force are pretty high compared to the death rates of U.S. soldiers. So cut pregnant women a little slack.
4) That all grumbled, I want to thank the general population for being so very nice to pregnant women. I don’t think this is acknowledged enough. Being pregnant has really made me love the human population as a whole much, much more. And I’ve often commented to my friends that if everyone treated each other the way most people treat pregnant women then we’d live in a such a lovely world. I think that pregnancy has made me a much better and kinder person. So thanks, People I’ve Encountered, for providing such a great example of how people should treat one another.
5) Though I don’t agree with the generalizations put forth in this song, there’s no denying that it is hilarious. Enjoy!
[Source: My You Really Have Put on Weight]
My friend was fine about talking about other subjects when she was pregnant, but sheesh, once the kid was here, it was the only topic she knew. After about a year, I finally told her that I missed her pre-baby chatter. That although I love the lil tike, as a person without children, I felt like I had nothing to contribute to conversations because it's all she could talk about and all I could do was listen and nod and go "uh-huh," "that's interesting," "wow." So, keep that in mind. (He's 4 now, and still, he's all she talks about. Sigh…)
Yeah, I think every woman has lost a friend to motherhood, marriage or even a new boyfriend. I think it's short-sightedness. The kid will be off to college at 18, the marriage could dissolve, and most boyfriends just won't work out. I wish more experts advised women to go out of their way to keep their friends. Women need sisterhood and sadly many of us don't realize that until it's too late.
My friend was fine about talking about other subjects when she was pregnant, but sheesh, once the kid was here, it was the only topic she knew. After about a year, I finally told her that I missed her pre-baby chatter. That although I love the lil tike, as a person without children, I felt like I had nothing to contribute to conversations because it's all she could talk about and all I could do was listen and nod and go "uh-huh," "that's interesting," "wow." So, keep that in mind. (He's 4 now, and still, he's all she talks about. Sigh…)
Yeah, I think every woman has lost a friend to motherhood, marriage or even a new boyfriend. I think it's short-sightedness. The kid will be off to college at 18, the marriage could dissolve, and most boyfriends just won't work out. I wish more experts advised women to go out of their way to keep their friends. Women need sisterhood and sadly many of us don't realize that until it's too late.
this is an extremely interesting subject on which i'm way too tired to give my full opinion, but i totally agree with you, ETC. i think the song is more dangerous than those two women realize. they are clearly witty and talented, but have not thought through the sociological statement they are making.
on another note, i worked across from that statue (the one you've included as a photo) while i was in new york. it is enormous and enormously terrifying, in a brutal and breathtaking way.
this is an extremely interesting subject on which i'm way too tired to give my full opinion, but i totally agree with you, ETC. i think the song is more dangerous than those two women realize. they are clearly witty and talented, but have not thought through the sociological statement they are making.
on another note, i worked across from that statue (the one you've included as a photo) while i was in new york. it is enormous and enormously terrifying, in a brutal and breathtaking way.
I wouldn't keep the babies' sexes secret if I know them (which I will in a few weeks), but I will absolutely keep the names secret. First of all, in traditional Judaism the (male) baby doesn't receive a name until the bris at 8 days old. We will probably tell the name after birth but before the bris (if either or both baby is a boy), but maybe not. If it's a boy and a girl, we'll be consistent between the two, rather than telling the girl's name but holding the boy's name, as I've seen done with boy-girl twins of observant Jews.
Second of all, I know several people who told their baby's name beforehand and got so much crap from people that they ended up changing it. Once the baby is born people are much less likely to speak up, but beforehand people seem to think their opinion is welcome. We have too many opinionated and tactless family members. For me, this is the biggest factor.
Third, sometimes people change the name once they see the baby. Better not to get too attached if that's a possibility.
Finally, you know I don't believe in jinxes, but for me there is an element of not wanting to use the name before the baby is really there. Esp. given that mine is high-risk pregnancy. If, heaven forbid, a baby did not make it, I probably wouldn't keep the same name for the deceased baby as I'd planned to use for a live baby.
I wouldn't keep the babies' sexes secret if I know them (which I will in a few weeks), but I will absolutely keep the names secret. First of all, in traditional Judaism the (male) baby doesn't receive a name until the bris at 8 days old. We will probably tell the name after birth but before the bris (if either or both baby is a boy), but maybe not. If it's a boy and a girl, we'll be consistent between the two, rather than telling the girl's name but holding the boy's name, as I've seen done with boy-girl twins of observant Jews.
Second of all, I know several people who told their baby's name beforehand and got so much crap from people that they ended up changing it. Once the baby is born people are much less likely to speak up, but beforehand people seem to think their opinion is welcome. We have too many opinionated and tactless family members. For me, this is the biggest factor.
Third, sometimes people change the name once they see the baby. Better not to get too attached if that's a possibility.
Finally, you know I don't believe in jinxes, but for me there is an element of not wanting to use the name before the baby is really there. Esp. given that mine is high-risk pregnancy. If, heaven forbid, a baby did not make it, I probably wouldn't keep the same name for the deceased baby as I'd planned to use for a live baby.
Ugh, not a fan of that song. It does reinforce some kind of Stepford mom stereotype. I don't think I'm smug at all. Tired and cranky and often times looking for a fight, but not smug.
So many of my friends are pregnant right now, which is a real blessing, but we do tend to talk baby a lot when we are together. I try to steer the topic to other things, but it always comes back. That doesn't bother me too much. With other friends and co-workers, I politely answer their questions, but spare them the gory details. My husband and I don't spend tons of time oohing and aahing about our impending child. Frankly, if it wasn't for the kid at the end of this journey, I would bail out now. Being pregnant sucks for me, I've been sick for 4 months — not really something to be smug about.
I do agree with etc, that people have been really great. We went to a street fair this weekend and had to take a shuttle from our car to the actual fair and a guy actually gave up his seat on the bus for me. I was very impressed and touched.
Ugh, not a fan of that song. It does reinforce some kind of Stepford mom stereotype. I don't think I'm smug at all. Tired and cranky and often times looking for a fight, but not smug.
So many of my friends are pregnant right now, which is a real blessing, but we do tend to talk baby a lot when we are together. I try to steer the topic to other things, but it always comes back. That doesn't bother me too much. With other friends and co-workers, I politely answer their questions, but spare them the gory details. My husband and I don't spend tons of time oohing and aahing about our impending child. Frankly, if it wasn't for the kid at the end of this journey, I would bail out now. Being pregnant sucks for me, I've been sick for 4 months — not really something to be smug about.
I do agree with etc, that people have been really great. We went to a street fair this weekend and had to take a shuttle from our car to the actual fair and a guy actually gave up his seat on the bus for me. I was very impressed and touched.
My husband and I had such issues agreeing on baby names that when we finally did they became like gospel…one girls name and one boys name (not sure if we end up having a second child who is male where we go from there buy hey). All of my friends know the name and it was no secret way my son's name would be. However, after having both my mother in law and my grandmother in law talk about how Sekou's name would be a problem because people would call him "Cuckoo" and me being incredibly upset by it, I almost wish I had kept the name a secret.
My husband and I had such issues agreeing on baby names that when we finally did they became like gospel…one girls name and one boys name (not sure if we end up having a second child who is male where we go from there buy hey). All of my friends know the name and it was no secret way my son's name would be. However, after having both my mother in law and my grandmother in law talk about how Sekou's name would be a problem because people would call him "Cuckoo" and me being incredibly upset by it, I almost wish I had kept the name a secret.
All I have to say about that video is – HATERS!!
All I have to say about that video is – HATERS!!
Good points. I agree and i think most intelligent people will.
Good points. I agree and i think most intelligent people will.
I think this video is very funny and true. But, I think it's true for women who had no life before they got pregnant/married,, no friends and/or low self-esteem. So, when they finally get something that attracts attention and something that not everyone has they feel "special". Personally, I haven't been pregnant yet, but listening to my friends who were and how nauseated they were, and how they had to cope with hemorroids and then during childbirth their ass was ripped (I wonder if they will ever be able to shit normally ever again), I'm not so excited about the whole pregnant experience. In fact, it would be ideal to me, if one of those smug pregnant bitches was carying my child for me in her womb since they like it so much, while I enjoy myself on a vacation in Italy.
I think this video is very funny and true. But, I think it's true for women who had no life before they got pregnant/married,, no friends and/or low self-esteem. So, when they finally get something that attracts attention and something that not everyone has they feel "special". Personally, I haven't been pregnant yet, but listening to my friends who were and how nauseated they were, and how they had to cope with hemorroids and then during childbirth their ass was ripped (I wonder if they will ever be able to shit normally ever again), I'm not so excited about the whole pregnant experience. In fact, it would be ideal to me, if one of those smug pregnant bitches was carying my child for me in her womb since they like it so much, while I enjoy myself on a vacation in Italy.