Oh, It’s Tuesday: The Three-Letter F Word
So while I’m pretty much a goddess of perfection at this point, I always appreciate when an article comes along that gives me a rare opportunity for self-improvement.
All kidding aside, this Jezebel piece on a Salon essay by Kate Harding, a woman who is trying to get us to rethink the way we think of the word “fat” is such a piece. Her basic argument is that she hates when she refers to herself as fat and her friends reply with “you’re not fat!” She says that my every scientific measure of the word, she is fat, and that the reason her friends reply in such a manner is b/c “fat” has become a dirty word, a substitute for lazy, dirty, uneducated, slovenly, undisciplined, and perhaps most egregiously, unattractive. She feels that “fat” should be a value-neutral descriptor like “tall” or “blond.”
And Jezebel goes one step further with this issue by saying that we should all stop using “fat” as a negative term to describe ourselves. Basically, saying to friends or a partner, “I feel so fat,” or “I look so fat” when in actuality you’re only feeling unattractive and/or you’re having a low self-esteem moment or you’re angry at yourself for skipping the gym for two weeks straight — not cool.
I’ve actually done this quite a bit, since moving to California, but this article really opened my eyes — especially since I don’t consider any of the fat people I know to be any of the negative terms that have come to associated with the word “fat.”
So if you’re like me, start thinking about how you use the word “fat” and the next time your friend or significant other tries to weasel reassurance out of you by saying she looks fat, don’t tell her that she “doesn’t look fat” — just tell her she looks great. Read the Jezebel piece here and the Salon essay here.
I've been feeling exactly the same way these days… when I say I'm fat, I mean that I am actually medically overweight. I have really low cholesterol, low blood pressure and I'm certainly not repulsive, but I have excess fat on my body. I'm not whining or begging someone to disagree with me, I'm just saying that I need to lose 40 lbs to be at my goal weight. And, well, that's technically being FAT.
I've been feeling exactly the same way these days… when I say I'm fat, I mean that I am actually medically overweight. I have really low cholesterol, low blood pressure and I'm certainly not repulsive, but I have excess fat on my body. I'm not whining or begging someone to disagree with me, I'm just saying that I need to lose 40 lbs to be at my goal weight. And, well, that's technically being FAT.
When I can't get my pants buttoned and I say I'm fat, I mean it quite literally. And when my husband disagrees, it drives me crazy. When I'm just feeling ugly or bloated or greasy, I say that. But fat is fat.
Exactly!
When I can't get my pants buttoned and I say I'm fat, I mean it quite literally. And when my husband disagrees, it drives me crazy. When I'm just feeling ugly or bloated or greasy, I say that. But fat is fat.
Exactly!
I don't even know where to begin with this one…but I think you are right. Telling your friend she looks great versus the "no you don't look fat" is a great way to positively spin those moments.
I don't even know where to begin with this one…but I think you are right. Telling your friend she looks great versus the "no you don't look fat" is a great way to positively spin those moments.
You're blogging about Jezebel which blogged about an article in Salon. If I blogged about this, I think the universe might implode. So instead I will just comment.
"Tall" is not actually a value-neutral descriptor, but generally positive (though people have occasionally told my husband his is "too tall"). Blonde is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Short is usually negative. Young, old (or "mature"), dark-skinned, light-skinned; most words are sometimes good and sometimes bad, depending on the context. "Fat" is usually a bad word, yes, but if there were a term for not-emaciated (as in, I liked Rose Byrne better in the first season of Damages when she was not-emaciated) that word would be good.
I don't disagree with you or Jezebel or Kate Harding, but I don't think that "fat" is so unique in being a loaded term.
I think "fat" is rather unique, just because save for "old," most of those terms can be safely used to describe people when pointing them out. which one is your friend, sallie? "oh, she's the tall one" which one is your friend Monique, "oh, she's the dark-skinned woman with the dreads."
I have actually witnessed people go out of their way to describe a person they were trying to point out as anything but "fat." I think this is what Kate and Jezebel meant about trying to make this term as "value-neutral" as "tall" and "light-skinned" — though of course those words aren't always "value-neutral" themselves.
Wouldn't "the dark-skinned woman" be pejorative in some circles?
I once had a party where people subsequently referred to the "older" woman (age 50 instead of 30 like the rest) or the "really big" or "heavy" guy (350 lb.) when clarifying who was who. Not to their faces, of course. As the person who knew them better, those words weren't my go-to description. It actually went something like, "She was the incredibly graceful, poised woman." Who?"The older lady." and "The loud redheaded guy." Who? "The really big guy."
People generally point me out by describing my hair, which is indeed distinctive, but they could just as accurately say, "the woman with the huge breasts." But no one ever does that (at least I haven't heard them), even though it's supposedly a good thing to most people.
You're blogging about Jezebel which blogged about an article in Salon. If I blogged about this, I think the universe might implode. So instead I will just comment.
"Tall" is not actually a value-neutral descriptor, but generally positive (though people have occasionally told my husband his is "too tall"). Blonde is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Short is usually negative. Young, old (or "mature"), dark-skinned, light-skinned; most words are sometimes good and sometimes bad, depending on the context. "Fat" is usually a bad word, yes, but if there were a term for not-emaciated (as in, I liked Rose Byrne better in the first season of Damages when she was not-emaciated) that word would be good.
I don't disagree with you or Jezebel or Kate Harding, but I don't think that "fat" is so unique in being a loaded term.
I think "fat" is rather unique, just because save for "old," most of those terms can be safely used to describe people when pointing them out. which one is your friend, sallie? "oh, she's the tall one" which one is your friend Monique, "oh, she's the dark-skinned woman with the dreads."
I have actually witnessed people go out of their way to describe a person they were trying to point out as anything but "fat." I think this is what Kate and Jezebel meant about trying to make this term as "value-neutral" as "tall" and "light-skinned" — though of course those words aren't always "value-neutral" themselves.
Wouldn't "the dark-skinned woman" be pejorative in some circles?
I once had a party where people subsequently referred to the "older" woman (age 50 instead of 30 like the rest) or the "really big" or "heavy" guy (350 lb.) when clarifying who was who. Not to their faces, of course. As the person who knew them better, those words weren't my go-to description. It actually went something like, "She was the incredibly graceful, poised woman." Who?"The older lady." and "The loud redheaded guy." Who? "The really big guy."
People generally point me out by describing my hair, which is indeed distinctive, but they could just as accurately say, "the woman with the huge breasts." But no one ever does that (at least I haven't heard them), even though it's supposedly a good thing to most people.
Wouldn't "the dark-skinned woman" be pejorative in some circles?
I once had a party where people subsequently referred to the "older" woman (age 50 instead of 30 like the rest) or the "really big" or "heavy" guy (350 lb.) when clarifying who was who. Not to their faces, of course. As the person who knew them better, those words weren't my go-to description. It actually went something like, "She was the incredibly graceful, poised woman." Who?"The older lady." and "The loud redheaded guy." Who? "The really big guy."
People generally point me out by describing my hair, which is indeed distinctive, but they could just as accurately say, "the woman with the huge breasts." But no one ever does that (at least I haven't heard them), even though it's supposedly a good thing to most people.
Wouldn't "the dark-skinned woman" be pejorative in some circles?
I once had a party where people subsequently referred to the "older" woman (age 50 instead of 30 like the rest) or the "really big" or "heavy" guy (350 lb.) when clarifying who was who. Not to their faces, of course. As the person who knew them better, those words weren't my go-to description. It actually went something like, "She was the incredibly graceful, poised woman." Who?"The older lady." and "The loud redheaded guy." Who? "The really big guy."
People generally point me out by describing my hair, which is indeed distinctive, but they could just as accurately say, "the woman with the huge breasts." But no one ever does that (at least I haven't heard them), even though it's supposedly a good thing to most people.