Online Dating – A Window into The Stupids [Frankie Says...]
Would You Date ME If I Wrote That??
In my quest for the perfect man (or just any man that will stick around really – yea, I’m that desperate), I’ve been online dating for about a year now.
We’ve all heard the horror stories – the ‘date that looks nothing like their picture’ story, the ‘creepy date who confesses their love on first date’ story, the silent date, the date that won’t shut up, the no show. Yes, I’d say (from no actual statistical knowledge whatsoever) that about 75 percent of 21-35 year olds have told the above stories to their eager and smug attached friends a few times at least.
I have. But I’m going to give you a little window into the the pre-dating online dating situation: the Internet pick-up line. It’s wondrous simplicity and cave man-like attributes; it’s undeniable hilarity and bottom of the food chain attractiveness.
Below are some stunning examples of messages I’ve received off of plentyoffish.com. Now maybe it’s my fault for using a free site, or maybe, just maybe, the dating pool is about 95 percent full of imbeciles.
(All grammatical errors have been kept for posterity)
“You are the gilfriend I always want it. I would like to date you. Lets go out on a date.”
Tempting, because I know that he knows I’m exactly what he was looking for – based on my six profile pictures and 200-word essay about what I want in a guy.
“lol your mom is pretty stylish”
One of my pictures has my mother in it. Astute dude for picking up on that, but I’m pretty sure he got his dating skills from his incestuous step father. Sad story…
“how r u? i’m 26 army guy , i like ur pics..”
Again, tempting, because we all know how much I like a man in uniform. Unfortunately they let him in the Army because McDonalds wouldn’t take him.
“you let me take on a date”
Hm, could be interesting to date Yoda…
“;) I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”
“A” for effort. “F” for originality.
“May there be comfort in knowing that someone so special will never be forgotten”
This guy actually may be valuable to date. He is obviously a clairvoyant, and that could come in handy with my attempts to win the MegaMillions.
“hi how are you doing sweetie”
If I say that I am a writer in my profile, do you think it would behoove the person attempting to date me to use correct punctuation? Perhaps, perhaps…
“I noticed that you’re a film writer. What’s the most rewarding aspect of your career?”
I never said I was a film writer, but when I want to be interviewed for Filmmaker Magazine, I’ll contact this guy – good interview skills… plus, he used the correct spelling of ‘you’re!’
“I don’t want a normal relationship. I want something wreckless and passionate that completely destroys us both. I want us to be the only people that are able to handle each other. I want to feel out of control, and yet safe in my insanity……….”
I leave you alone with your thoughts on this one. However, if you know any one who dates online, please, please, for all our sakes, forward them this blog. Let’s all do our part to keep the stupid people safely locked away.
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featured image credit: Cali4beach