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Overweight Man Forgets To Post Daily Gym Picture On Facebook; Friends Worried

Portland, OR – Tuesday

A 268-pound Portland resident prompted concern from his peers after neglecting to post a gym picture to Facebook last night. For the past six weeks, Bertrand Kelm has provided photographic evidence of himself on either a treadmill or an elliptical machine every day, but last evening friends were disturbed to discover no such picture.

“I’m speechless,” said Aimee Harvin, coworker and object of Kelm’s unrequited affection. “There’s so much wrong with the world, Bert’s daily exercise updates give me hope that things can get better.”

Hayden Smythe, someone Bert met at a birthday party two years ago, agrees. “That a single man in his late 20′s with relatively few obligations can find the strength to take better care of himself inspires all of us. I hope he hasn’t given up.” While wiping a tear from his eye, Smythe paused for reflection. “Bert, if you’re reading this, please don’t stop, humanity needs you.”

UPDATE: Fierce and Nerdy has discovered that Mr. Kelm’s phone battery died at the end of his last workout. He has since allayed his friends’ fears with an uplifting status update complete with pictures of a chicken salad and a scale displaying half-a-pound weight loss.

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