Philosophical Monday: How to Nicely Not Volunteer
I don't want to call Betty dramatic. But this is what she's started doing when she wakes up and wants us to come get her.
So one the of things that attracted us to our church as a then-childless couple was the promise of a nursery during service. However, this was before we found out that the one thing Betty would not “grow out of” was her aversion to being handled by strangers. She likes to look at new people, but she’s never been good with baby sitters, and as I’ve explained it to my friends when she burst out crying at their touch, it’s not you, it really is her.
The first attempt to leave her in the church daycare was a bit of a disaster. I signed her in, got my beeper and rushed out of there, before she could get upset as many books and websites have advised. By the time the offering plate was passed, my beeper was going off with the message, “PLEASE COME.”
I rushed there to find Betty hysterical, but she calmed down as soon as I took her into my loving arms … and deposited her on the floor to play with toys by herself. Yes, as long as I was there watching, Betty was perfectly fine playing quietly by herself and she even smiled a few times at the nursery workers that she had seemingly despised just a few minutes ago.
This past Sunday, I tried a different tactic (also culled from the internets). I started out playing on the carpet with Betty for a few minutes. Then I sat in a rocking chair about five feet away for a few minutes. Then after Betty was happily playing with the other babys and a few toddlers on the toy rug, I went to make a bottle near the door. After the bottle was made, I advised the nursery worker to m/b give Betty a Baby Mum-Mum cracker as opposed to picking her up if she starts crying. This was an untested theory, but these gluten, sugar and preservative-free rice rusk crackers have been our official go-to for getting through restaurant and at-home meals. Why not use it to get Betty through the rest of the service?
Betty barely noticed when I slipped out and I felt both relieved and a little unneeded when the beeper didn’t go off throughout the service. However, now another problem has arisen. The woman in charge of the day care and Sunday School has sent around several notes asking us parents to please volunteer in the nursery.
I was all set to sign up yesterday, but while attending to Betty in the nursery, I remembered something anew. Babies and children (other than mine) make me nervous. I never know what they want if they’re in their pre-talking year and I always feel awkward around them. The roadblock to becoming a nursery volunteer seemed to get even higher, when another baby in the saucer next to my chair started fussing, I attempted to pick her up as I had seen the other two women in the nursery do to great success with her.
She didn’t go ape, but she definitely wasn’t happy about getting picked up by me and soon one of the nursery workers had to come over and save her. So now I’m not sure what to do. On one hand I want to do my part to help out with the nursery. On the other, I ‘ve never been very maternal. For example, I’ve never been asked to babysit — I mean ever. And it’s my husband whose always praised for being good with children — not me.
Maybe I could volunteer to pass the offering plate instead…
maybe the little ones are picking up on your nervous energy. sounds like betty has you all figured out. she needs time away from you in short periods a few days a week. (if you don't do this already.) maybe you could volunteer at the church to help older children. maybe sunday school would be a better fit.
Oh, she has tons of time away from me. Hours in fact. The problem is that it's always with her MIL or my husband, so she's become very used to never having a babysitter. It's a very weird problem, b/c like no other baby in LA seems to have it. And it seems silly to pay a babysitter, just to get her over this issue.
Sunday School is a great idea, and I'd actually like to do that when Betty is older, but I don't feel safe volunteering at this point for fear that the beeper will go off about Betty…
maybe the little ones are picking up on your nervous energy. sounds like betty has you all figured out. she needs time away from you in short periods a few days a week. (if you don't do this already.) maybe you could volunteer at the church to help older children. maybe sunday school would be a better fit.
Oh, she has tons of time away from me. Hours in fact. The problem is that it's always with her MIL or my husband, so she's become very used to never having a babysitter. It's a very weird problem, b/c like no other baby in LA seems to have it. And it seems silly to pay a babysitter, just to get her over this issue.
Sunday School is a great idea, and I'd actually like to do that when Betty is older, but I don't feel safe volunteering at this point for fear that the beeper will go off about Betty…
As a longtime volunteer and volunteer coordinator I think you should just be honest and let them know that you are not comfortable volunteering in the nursery. You have many talents and I am sure they could use you in a way that will better benefit them and you. Maybe they have a church newsletter that you can do a weekly article for. I find it is best to find peoples talents and put them to use in a way that works for everyone.
I think you're right. That's exactly how I'll handle it. Thanks for the advice!
As a longtime volunteer and volunteer coordinator I think you should just be honest and let them know that you are not comfortable volunteering in the nursery. You have many talents and I am sure they could use you in a way that will better benefit them and you. Maybe they have a church newsletter that you can do a weekly article for. I find it is best to find peoples talents and put them to use in a way that works for everyone.
I think you're right. That's exactly how I'll handle it. Thanks for the advice!
You aren't alone, Ernessa. It's sort of understood at our church that if you have children of a certain age, you will do a stint in the children's program. (We call it Primary.) I spent a full 3 years struggling to make it work, but I wasn't happy, I'd come to dread Sundays, and I know the kids were picking up on it and being short changed to boot. After an especially trying Sunday, I came home one day and just bawled. I just really, really, really don't like being in charge of other people's children. I barely understand my own and I'm with them all. the. time. I talked to the powers that be after that and got out of Primary and have be happily serving in other areas since. Don't feel bad about saying no. It'll be better for all involved. I wish I'd spoken up sooner. We all have our gifts, and just 'cause we have lady parts doesn't mean our gift is caring for other's children.
You aren't alone, Ernessa. It's sort of understood at our church that if you have children of a certain age, you will do a stint in the children's program. (We call it Primary.) I spent a full 3 years struggling to make it work, but I wasn't happy, I'd come to dread Sundays, and I know the kids were picking up on it and being short changed to boot. After an especially trying Sunday, I came home one day and just bawled. I just really, really, really don't like being in charge of other people's children. I barely understand my own and I'm with them all. the. time. I talked to the powers that be after that and got out of Primary and have be happily serving in other areas since. Don't feel bad about saying no. It'll be better for all involved. I wish I'd spoken up sooner. We all have our gifts, and just 'cause we have lady parts doesn't mean our gift is caring for other's children.