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Philosophical Monday: The Good Voices in Your Head
It’s interesting how you’ll read something randomly, and you have no idea how much it will come to mean later on in your life. Back in 2004 or 2005 — I can’t remember which — I read a wonderful Mother’s Day article about a woman who found herself hearing the echo of her dead mother’s voice, dispensing practical advice like, “Eat a little something before you leave the house to run errands” and so on.
At the time, I loved the article, simply because someone with a dead mother was actually speaking up on Mother’s Day. Having a dead mother on Mother’s Day is a little bit like being single on Valentine’s Day — but 100 times worse, b/c there’s always a chance that you won’t be single on an upcoming Valentine’s Day, but your mother is never coming back, which means Mother’s Day will always feel a little awful and weird.
However, lately that article has meant more to me, b/c I now totally get it. The other day, I was driving above the speed limit on the wet freeway and I heard my mother say I should slow down, because I’m a mom now and I want to get home to my daughter. So I slowed down. She’s also been encouraging me to hold on to banisters when I walk down stairs, read to Betty more, and schedule an eye appointment to get that red-flag, glaucoma-like cup behind my right eye investigated. “And while you’re at it,” she says, “You might as well schedule your next physical.”
And it makes me realize that Betty might not seem to be listening to me as she grows up, but she’ll definitely hear my voice later on in life. It also made me wonder if you other moms have been hearing your own mothers’ voices in your heads as you go about your days. And if so, what is she saying to you? Let me know in the comments…
I love this post. I was a wild child and took a lot of risks with myself through my teens and twenties. Usually though, I knew where to draw that line, and it was all due to my mother's voice. Now that I work with kids of all ages, I see the foundations or good decision-making being laid (or not) and to the parents who are staring down the barrel of their child's adolescence, I can only say "The decisions are going to be theirs now, more and more. You have to trust that you've given them the ability to make them well."
BTW, Betty is "gorgeous* in that photo! Babies are always sort of cute but blob-like for a while, but now that she's growing into toddlerhood it's clear she's going to be a heartbreaker!
I haven't come up with a firm way to make sure that she makes good decisions yet. My mom spoke to us like little adults, and I think that was a good policy, but I also want to teach Betty follow-through, so I might end up holding her hand a little more until it's time to let it go.
Looking around at my friends who have taken care of themselves and my friends who haven't, I think trust is a major factor. Those of us that did ok tended to have parents who trusted us to make the right decisions for ourselves, with greater freedom as we got older. By high school I certainly wasn't free to do whatever I wanted, but I was given a lot of rope. I could have done a lot worse. The expectation, without it having to be explicitly stated, was that I would do the important stuff right. In my experience with children and families, kids will meet expectations, whatever those happen to be. If a parent expects their child to not know the right thing to do, they probably won't, and vice versa. Every child is such a wonderful complicated experiment in human behavior! :)
I love this post. I was a wild child and took a lot of risks with myself through my teens and twenties. Usually though, I knew where to draw that line, and it was all due to my mother's voice. Now that I work with kids of all ages, I see the foundations or good decision-making being laid (or not) and to the parents who are staring down the barrel of their child's adolescence, I can only say "The decisions are going to be theirs now, more and more. You have to trust that you've given them the ability to make them well."
BTW, Betty is "gorgeous* in that photo! Babies are always sort of cute but blob-like for a while, but now that she's growing into toddlerhood it's clear she's going to be a heartbreaker!
I haven't come up with a firm way to make sure that she makes good decisions yet. My mom spoke to us like little adults, and I think that was a good policy, but I also want to teach Betty follow-through, so I might end up holding her hand a little more until it's time to let it go.
Looking around at my friends who have taken care of themselves and my friends who haven't, I think trust is a major factor. Those of us that did ok tended to have parents who trusted us to make the right decisions for ourselves, with greater freedom as we got older. By high school I certainly wasn't free to do whatever I wanted, but I was given a lot of rope. I could have done a lot worse. The expectation, without it having to be explicitly stated, was that I would do the important stuff right. In my experience with children and families, kids will meet expectations, whatever those happen to be. If a parent expects their child to not know the right thing to do, they probably won't, and vice versa. Every child is such a wonderful complicated experiment in human behavior! :)
I also loved this post, because even when you get a little older (like me) and your mom is gone (like my mom) I still feel her loving presence and hear her voice .
Thanks! And it's true that my mom's voice only rings louder as I get older. I imagine I'll be carrying her throughout my day in a few more decades!
I also loved this post, because even when you get a little older (like me) and your mom is gone (like my mom) I still feel her loving presence and hear her voice .
Thanks! And it's true that my mom's voice only rings louder as I get older. I imagine I'll be carrying her throughout my day in a few more decades!
Don't have kids yet but my mom swore that "these very same words I am saying to you will be coming out of your mouth one day."
Betty is looking like such a little baby doll! So sweet.
You know, my mother never told me that. And therefore it was a complete surprise when it came true BEFORE I had kids!
Don't have kids yet but my mom swore that "these very same words I am saying to you will be coming out of your mouth one day."
Betty is looking like such a little baby doll! So sweet.
You know, my mother never told me that. And therefore it was a complete surprise when it came true BEFORE I had kids!
I definitely hear my mother's voice in my head (mostly because she calls me everyday). But what really resonated with me was the realization that I also hear my Nana Mary's voice, who passed away more than seven years ago, in my head as well.
I definitely hear my mother's voice in my head (mostly because she calls me everyday). But what really resonated with me was the realization that I also hear my Nana Mary's voice, who passed away more than seven years ago, in my head as well.