Player Gets Played! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
I’m way open to all my sexual partners about not wanting to be monogamous and wanting to have fun. Be a Player.
This should set the place up for honesty, right? But, just the other day I find out that one of my Girls has been seeing this dude & not telling me. I asked her about it & she shut me down saying, “We are not having this conversation!”
What? What happened to communication? This guy’s a friend and now things are not cool.
It feels terrible to get shut down and experience betrayal on any level. That you are honest and open to your sexual partners about “Being a Player” is somewhat fantastic.
Do you tell all of your sexual partners exactly who you are seeing and when? I am unsure as to how deep you actually go with this particular Girl. Had you, in fact, set the stage for open dialogue or did you simply mumble something about not wanting to be monogamous so you would not “get in trouble” when news of your dalliances spread?
Just because you tell someone you are not dedicating all of your time to him or her in the sexual arena does not mean they will simply wait for your return or be happy about it. Were there clear parameters? For example: no sleeping with mutual friends could top the list.
Consider this a learning experience in which you begin to more clearly define what you want to get and give in the context of a relationship.
Also, have a conversation with your friend, the guy, so you can clear the air. Since you had no desire to maintain a monogamous partnership, examine why “things are not cool.”
Maybe you are not as free spirited as you believe.
Lust & Happiness,
Image Credit: La Patisserie