Project Runway: Episode 3 Fugly on stilts! [Runway Rundown]

This week the designers were asked to “Think Big” by a stilt walking Heidi Klum. Away we went into the world of the circus, as the designers fought the urge to make an ugly clown costume all while throwing around the word couture where it does NOT belong. Heidi had with her one more surprise beyond her long legs, they would be working in teams of two. Finally, the contestants have to attempt a collaboration! These episodes are like pulling off a hang nail, as a designer you want to tread carefully, gently, and most of all slowly. No rash decisions or both contestants will end up with one bloody mess, which of course is what happened all over the runway.

Spoiler Alert! If you have yet to see this episode turn right around and recap with last week’s review here and come back when you have watched the show!

The designers had five hundred dollars and one day to throw together an outfit for a stilt walker model. Five hundred bucks is just enough money to be dangerous with taste level and one day is barely enough time to make leg warmers for these tall bitches! As a Project Runway first, the runway show took place outdoors in front of the press and the public, so if your garment ended up fugly it was on stilts for everyone to see. (Even the girls in the nosebleed section got a good gander at some of these messes.) The guest judge was also brilliantly cast this week if only for the fact that when I think of street walkers, I mean stilt walkers, I think of Kim Kardashian. *rimshot

Let’s talk about the looks we loved this week! First up I’d like to give a huge thumbs up to Olivier (Who I was not the biggest fan of last week) and his parter in crime Anya. I really enjoyed the color combo, the binding body aspect, and even the styling. I must say at the mid-point in the episode the thing looked like their model had been attacked by wolves, but in the end, the piece moved beautifully and they were lucky to have a model who actually knew how to strut walk in those damn stilts! They were not the winners this week, but at least were safe from the get go.

Next up? Kimberly and Becky made a nice pair of pants, and I’m glad they strayed away from Kimberly’s instinct to add any gold lame… the damn thing could have ended up hideous. All I could really say about their look in the end was that at least they had a dramatic point of view, but what was with their model’s arm movements? She looked a little zombie-ish…

Danielle and Cecilia’s Sister Wife on stilts somehow ended up in the top 3 which made me kind of gag. I will admit the top piece was a beautiful color and had an interesting cut, but the hair and those baby turd brown pants just made my stomach churn. I felt like I was watching a stilted dream ballet based on the trial of Warren Jeffs. Not my favorite girls, I know you both have more talent and taste than this… Side-note to Danielle: Don’t be afraid to show a little skin, even an arm for god’s sake.

Our winners this week were Laura and Anthony, which was a surprisingly good collaborative combo. (Anthony gave the win to Laura during judging who will have immunity next week.) I loved their gorgeous red ensemble, and even though I have an aversion to anything “shoulder pad” related, I adored these red sparks of texture they came up with. The fabric moved wonderfully and truly was the highlight of the runway. When it turned the corner I knew they had won.

“Now let’s talk about our least favorite designers” as Heidi would say…

The most glaring mess to me on the runway and in the workroom was the anti-collaboration that went on between Viktor and Bert. I will admit that Viktor had a few missteps when discussing period at the beginning with Bert, but immediately Bert jumped in to correct him rather than clarify and the battle lines were drawn in the sand. Bert showed us more of his stubbornness and Viktor showed us how he can throw his hands up and play victim, but in the end I must say I felt bad for Viktor. Bert, you may have convinced the judges this time that you didn’t have a hand in that mess, but at some point soon somebody may throw you under that bus and you won’t be coming back. What happened to the nice old guy who worked for Halston and seemed to have so much promise in this competition? Can you bring him back?! God knows I don’t need to worry about you being a father figure to any of these kids, seems like you are doing just fine turning yourself into their enemy. Be careful there… As for the ugly drapes you both made, I wish the chick was carrying a candle so at least she could have lit herself on fire and done my eyes a favor.

Joshua and Julie made what they thought was a matador inspired outfit, to me she looked like a plus sized model at the carnival on stilts. The pants and shiny red top looked like something Lana in Three’s Company wore. I can see her now sauntering in with her boobs hanging out of that red cape-let, sucking on a mint julep and hitting on Jack. Again you avoid the axe Julie, you lucky girl! Where is that design sensibility you had in your first audition girl? I’m beginning to think somebody else made those looks you brought in. As for you Joshua, I’m sure you’ll be auf’d soon enough for some overly bedazzled, unicorn inspired garment made of rainbows… double rainbows.

And finally Bryce and Fallene… the bottom dwellers. Fallene was right when she said she had a black cloud over her while standing under their boring black tutu, she didn’t know she would be heading home that night. Sadly, I liked the headpiece she created at the last minute, but she stupidly said she should go home. I admit, she needs more training, and doesn’t seem to want to be here, but I liked her quirky sensibility. I wish Bryce would have listened to her when she brought up that turquoise fabric! That could have saved them if they applied it correctly. I got very sick of hearing Bryce gripe about how Fallene didn’t know how to cut fabric on grain, he should have been sewing the damn top instead of walking around and bitching. If all he could muster was a sash and a tutu when the shizz hit the fan, he should have gone home. For once I agreed with Kim Kardashian on something (kill me now…) this garment looked like they put in “no effort.” Remember, boring on the runway almost always spells a ticket home.

Next week: The designers must create a garment with Nina Garcia as both judge and client. This should be interesting, and intimidating! If she was staring me down while I showed her my concept I’d probably wet myself! Maybe I’ll be easy on everybody next week taking this into consideration… (Nah!)

In other news: Get ready Project Runway fans for Project Runway All Stars! Lifetime announced this past week that they will air a 12 episode stint later this year starring some all time favorites of the runway. The contestants will be: Austin Scarlett, Kara Janx, Elisa Jimenez, Rami Kashou, Sweet P, Jerell Scott, Kenley Collins (ugh), Gordana Gehlhausen, Anthony Williams, Mila Hermanovski, April Johnston, Michael Costello and Mondo Guerra. For this version of the show, the host will be supermodel Angela Lindvall (God, I hope she has personality) and on the judging panel we will have designers Georgina Chapman (hmm) and Isaac Mizrahi (double ugh). I’m cautiously excited about this as some of my favorite designers will be back and in the mix with a few I detest, oh the fun! Sadly no Tim Gunn, but I’ll watch it.

Here we go again kids!