Project Runway Season 10: Episode 10 …And Turn, And Kick, And Barf! [Runway Rundown]
Where oh where do I even begin with this week’s glitz, glamour, and seriously hideous garments? There were things that went down the runway that even I, in my worst booze soaked Halloween shopping trip, wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole in somebody else’s hands. When we get to the more costumey of the challenges, we always see who takes the bait and who doesn’t even bother to design.
As always, below there are spoilers kids, so back up to that TV and finish watching before you read ahead or I’ll end up ruining it all for you. Besides, we all know Elena is probably gonna say something bitchy and somebody is most likely gonna cry right? Did you know she would do both? Oops, I’ve said too much, read ahead if you’ve seen the episode!
This week’s challenge was for the iconic New York City Rockettes. Cue the dancing girls with tight bun heads, cue the soft focus and sparkling high kicks, and cue Christopher losing his shit in the front row waving his gay card proudly. You could tell he wanted not only to be up there with them, he was about to Showgirls one of them down the stairs just so he could get the chance to wear something that sparkly. After his boyfriend Gremlin was auf’d last week, I think he felt he had to gay it up a little bit for the people in the cheap seats. It worked, Christopher, I think your gay card grew two times bigger this day.
The challenge at hand for our designers was to make an outfit for the Rockettes that is versatile enough to wear year round on tour, and shows a modern aesthetic. The winning look will be worn in a future show by all the members of the Rockettes. While this may seem like a throw away to some of our more snobby designers, this is actually a pretty big deal. To have your design worn by one of the most iconic groups in Manhattan and seen all over the country is potentially far more exposure than just a small winning look featured in some window. It is also not a shabby thing to add to your design resume. The trap of these more costumey challenges is what divides the contestants, people over design, or they trust the gimmicky fabric to do all the work for them. Let’s see who fell where shall we?
Dmitry told us about his history as a ballroom dancer and he designed something on paper that would either be sharp and modern or just an ugly one shouldered high school drill team outfit. Melissa was inspired by the music hall itself and decided to emulate the lines of Art Deco, which while interesting on paper, could have translation issues on a real form. Fabio wanted some see-through areas, whatever that meant. Christopher, well he kinda went for the obvious… he put the damn skyline of New York across their chests. The chance you take with something so obvious and bold is it has to look impeccable to be taken seriously or you end up with something that a grandma throws on at parties while everyone cringes. “See Harry? It has the skyline of New York in sequins! I feel so posh! Pour me some more of that pink wine from the box. Happy New Years, everybody!” “Grandma, we’re over here. You’re talking to the plant again.”
As Tim comes in to assess the looks he seems very worried. Aside from his amazing quote: “Bitch, slap that bitch!” (which he tells Fabio to do), he can see some of these designers are in serious trouble. All around the room you see half finished ice skating outfits from hell, and I’m sure the producers stepped in and tried to find any way to salvage this challenge for not only the show, but the Rockettes who have to wear the damn winning look. Tim comes back and explains that this is a Project Runway first… The contestants can go back to MOOD Fabrics and spend one hundred more dollars but they will only have fifteen minutes to shop. Ven, Fabio and Dmitry stay at the workroom as they feel they are doing just fine. (Stubborn boys, they offer you a chance and you should take it! Especially you, Ven.)
At MOOD Melissa seems to be stuck as she tries to find any black sequined material in her price range. I’ll hand it to Christopher, he has a big ol’ heart as he gives fifty of his bucks to Melissa so she can finish her outfit as planned. I make fun of him, but he does have his good moments. Unfortunately one of my personal favorites, Sonjia, is spinning her wheels this week and the ugly purple feathered mess she is making just seems to be the end for her if she can’t at least make it look palatable for the judges. These two very talented women always seem to be in sync when it comes to breakdowns and creative blockages. Shake it off girls you aren’t the ones I want to see leave! Sonjia, get a different fabric for god’s sake and ditch the feathered skorts!
I haven’t really talked much about our guest judges in the past few weeks and that is because they are frankly underwhelming. This week’s guest judge was Debra Messing. Yup the only one oohing and ahhhing over that was Christopher. You can stop telling her how much you love her, Christopher, you know it’s Nina’s ass you should really be kissing right? This year they haven’t upped the ante when it came to celebrity guest judges… I won’t even waste my breath complaining, I’ll just do a slow golf clap. “Yay *clap….. Debra Messing…………… *clap…” I guess Debra does know a thing or two about the Rockettes, what with that boney chest of hers and her penchant for hamming it up.
Now let’s just skip to the judging this week, shall we? Our top three wasn’t as easily chosen from the field of shiny crap, but on top this week we had Dmitry, Christopher, and Ven. Oh, I’m Kidding, Ven was in the bottom Three, but I was just checking to see if you were paying attention… more on that in a second.
Rounding out the top three was Melissa with a cute pink and black sequined two piece outfit with a big hideous number one on the front and a cute pill box hat. It was at least colorful and more interesting than some of the others and had it been done in any other colors, she probably would have ended up in the bottom three. She just narrowly made the top field this week, even though Fabio’s silver armor type outfit was far more fascinating and should have edged hers out for one of the top spots. Nonetheless they are both safe this week.
Next time, Melissa, stand back and really take a look at what you are making. You don’t need 18 pattern pieces to make it special, just get to the heart of the design and don’t forget to stand back and take it in every once in a while. On the runway isn’t where you should have realized you had color blocked a huge number one on the front by chance.
Dmitry managed to make his navy and black sequined, beaded fringe, off the shoulder ensemble far more modern than I thought it would look. If I stare at it too long, I start to hate it more and more and can only see it as one of the ugly outfits the girls wore on our High School Drill Team. At a quick glance I think it is pretty and fun, so I will give him and the judges the benefit of the doubt. He came in second. (I still think Fabio was robbed.)
Christopher is our winner this week with his NYC skyline outfit. While I think he pulled it off really well, I do wish the skirt had a little more drama than just being a flat and lackluster slitted silver drape. I am am amazed he could pull off such a trite idea. Like I said, if you make it impeccably, it just might soar and this one ended up looking pretty darn good. Had he gotten too gimmicky and tried to do the night sky across the chest instead of the nude fabric with rhinestone stars it would have pushed it into gimicky-land. He walked a tight line and succeeded, I have to hand it to him this week.
Our bottom three was pretty obvious from the get go this week: Ven, Elena and Sonjia. Sonjia narrowly escaped the Auf with her purple disco bird outfit.
Elena was second in line this week with a hideous blue ensemble she seemed almost giddy to show them then terrified once she realized she had only made an ugly circus costume.
It is with great pleasure I tell you that it is Ven going home tonight for his boring, lack of design, joyless, slate colored sparkle flop. Could you hear my shouts of glee across Southern California when the bottom two were Elena and Ven? The minute I heard Heidi say “Boring” I knew he was gone. You know the rules Ven, Boring = Auf’d. The best comment ever about Ven goes to Michael Kors for saying “Origami Rose?! That should be his new drag name!”
This week we salute you Origami Rose. I can’t wait to see you headlining gay bingo next week in one of your boring flower chested monstrosities. Make sure to oil all your machinery, Origami Rose, nobody likes a squeaky drag queen.
I also would like to salute Elena’s ridiculous fake crying performance when she was declared safe. You do know you actually have to have water come out of your eyes to convince us you are crying, right, Elena? That kind of performance might get you a Golden Globe, also known as America’s Paperweight, but if you want at least an Emmy we are gonna have to see some saline action… (How the hell is she still leading as Fan Favorite?!)
Next week, the designers get to do what they always have dreamed of in their career: Design for babies. Oy vey, I’m bringing earplugs. Maybe these babies can show Elena what real tears look like. Until next week everyone!
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