Project Runway Season 10: Episode 9 Make Your Own Damn Fabric! [Runway Rundown]

Alright bitches, we are down to the final 8! It only took half a season but finally we got rid of enough dead weight to proclaim some sort of hollow victory… Regardless kids, we are halfway home, so stop asking if we are there yet and let’s dish about the fabulous and the fugly we saw pony walk down the runway this week.

As always, watch the damn show before reading the following as I am about to spoil your shit. Ok, down to business…

I have always loved the Textile Challenge, and what I love more is that I know with such a blank canvas and only an hour to create something I would fail bigger than any contestant ever in the history of the show. This year the designers were asked to design a fabric based on their “heritage” and that seems to be a pretty loose term.

The rules are always simple with the textile challenge when it comes to how to win. We learn more every season we see them do this challenge. For the record: Don’t be too kitschy, don’t draw anything obvious that looks like a child did it, subtle is for wusses and ends up looking like coffee stains, keep your use of color limited to 4 colors MAX, and above all don’t make your drawing too small or it won’t read enough or will end up being a big busy mess. Got it? Now draw a winning pattern in an hour! Yeah I didn’t think you could… some contestants this year, though, were down right impressive!

Our designers faired pretty well (except for the hideous scrub uniform fabric Elena designed,) mind you they had the assistance and encouragement of family and loved ones who paid them a surprise visit.

Most years we see the designers struggle across the board with their designed fabric, and then cry trying to figure out how to make a garment from their messy creations, but from what I saw this week they had done their homework. Most of the designers had a plan from the get go, but the biggest choke right off the bat was Christopher. He seemed to neither want his mother there, nor the ugly “Ladybug” fabric he designed. His solution? Let’s mute that fugly shit with some black sheer fabric… Oh girl, embrace it, cause they are gonna see right through that crap. If I were him I would have tried to incorporate the fabric just enough to skirt by and call it a wash. Be safe but not boring and end up in the middle would have been his safest bet.

Sidebar: Ven cried when he saw his sister… or was that just oil dripping from his machinery? He does remind me of a character from the animatronic Disney show “The Country Bear Jamboree!” Hmmm, food for thought.

Elena enlightened us to the fact that her mother “brought the happiness back, I’m not a bitch usually.” Mhmmm riiiiiiiight. I believe that almost as much as I believe that the fan favorite contest isn’t rigged this year. Everyone just loves Elena, right? *crickets… Yes Elena’s mom, I agree with you on one account, she IS a strong crazy Ukrainian woman! (One that needs to go soon before I lose my patience.)

In other news, it was nice to see Christopher and Gremlin making nice as they bat their eyelashes all the way to the altar. “It’s nice to see the wall is coming down between me and Gunnar,” Gremlin’s boyfriend said. I think instead of making fabric patterns they perhaps were thinking about their china pattern?

Then Tim arrived on the scene to give them an honest critique. Whatever Tim said about Sonjia’s print I kind of blocked out because I loved it. She could make a muumuu out of it for all I care, it was smart, simple and stylish. Tim thought Ven’s fabric was an homage to a menstrual cycle, which was fairly appropriate considering everything he does looks like a fabric celebration of the work of Georgia O’Keeffe. Melissa’s print was my other favorite and Tim seems to like it as well. Overall the duds were Elena’s ugly green and blue “scrubs” fabric, Ven’s sanitary napkins, and Christopher’s hideous lady bug blots.

Our guest judges this week were Mondo and Anya, two people who know a good fabric pattern regardless of your opinion of their work. Taking the top three slots on the runway were Sonjia, Melissa and Dmitry. Sonjia was robbed of the crown sadly with a cute, accessible, and well crafted black top and pant combo. As I said before her fabric was perfectly designed, but the garments were top notch as well. I think this could easily be the best pair of pants we have seen go down that runway in years.

Also somewhat robbed this week was Melissa with her crimson and white patterned dress. It was cute, stylish and I could see any number of women I know clamoring for this modern look. She did very well in a challenge I didn’t imagine her excelling in whatsoever. What I think sold the look the best was her incredible attention to detail in matching that pattern up, it looked perfect.

Our winner this week is obviously Dmitry with his red and white print top and black slitted jacket/top with Black pants. I liked his look a lot, but truthfully for a challenge based on creating a patterned textile, he didn’t really focus on the textile he created whatsoever. I also loved how he slammed Christopher for covering up his fabric with a sheer overlay when what he himself was creating was doing the same basic thing.

Our bottom three was a refreshing shift, seeing contestants Christopher, his boyfriend Gremlin and Ven as our losers this week. Truthfully this should have been a send them all home week, but alas that only happens in my dreams. Christopher was the lucky dog this week skirting by with his hideous strapless prom dress, while Ven got the other safe spot after showing the judges another fricking flower pleat dress. It was nice to see the judges take it seriously by pulling in Tim Gunn to ask about what he had been saying to Ven regarding his constant use of the same design motif. In the end he got a slap on the wrist and they told him to stop doing the same thing. Will they really send him home if he makes another goddamned pleat dress? That remains to be seen.

Going home this week? Gremlin… Poor Gremlin. I actually kinda felt for the guy this week. His outfit was okay, but the fabric he designed did just look like something from the Joann’s fabric reject bin. His inspiration came from bullying in his past but honey… I got bullied hard in my day and it was never THAT ugly. He just made something the judges loathe: Boring. Anya nailed it with her assessment and I can’t ay it any better, it was “TJ Maxx Non-Fashion.”

Next week tune in to see them design for the Rockettes? And if that isn’t enough of an enticement, I will be watching just to hear Tim say “Bitch, slap that bitch!”