Project Runway Season 11: Episode 2 – BALLS To The Wall! [Runway Rundown]

Since the designers phoned it in for the most part on this episode of Project Runway, I was halfway tempted to just recap my favorite episode of 227 from 1986, but I’ll be nice and stick to my weekly bitchfest as planned and save my “Maaaaaaaaary…” musings for another article. Last week’s episode was fairly predictable with the unsurprising Auf’ing of dear little waif Emily. Everyone with a head could see her unfinished blob of fugly was going to send her home, the only thing that might have saved her was if mommy figure Cindy slapped a broach on her hideous gagfest of a long cheetah print dress. Anyhow, she is gone and one less waste of space is in the workroom to play designer.

As always, the following has spoilers so if you have yet to see the episode, come back after watching it at or your almost full DVR!

This week, Team Crappin’ It Real and Team Dream On were thrown a curve ball… or should I say balls? The Balls jokes and references were flying in this week’s challenge and as many times as you can imagine the word balls being said in one program, add ten more and that was what it was like. “BALLS… BALLS… BALLS!” When given the hint from Heidi that “Its gonna be a ball” Amanda surmised that they could be asked to make a ball gown or something to do with sports and either way “that’s gonna be horrible.” I guess Amanda doesn’t like balls…

The designers were brought to SPiN NYC, Susan Sarandon’s hip new concept Ping Pong Social Club. Imagine a bunch of nightclubbin’ hoochies and guys with spray on tans playing ping pong, getting drunk, eating and wasting easily $500 to do so. Their slogan: Balls are our business! Yup, Susan Sarandon went there. This all sounds like some sort of joke business created for an episode of 30 Rock, where Tracy Jordan takes everyone out for a night on the town and they end up at an Ice Curling Speakeasy. This place sounds like hell to me, but the task at hand for the designers this week is to redesign and re-conceptualize the uniforms for their servers and “Ball Boys.” Yeah Amanda, you were right, this is gonna be horrible. The winning teams creations will be manufactured and used across the US at all SPiN locations. (Are there other locations? I’m too lazy to care or Google it…)

Each team was given 500 dollars to make 5 total outfits for 3 female and 2 male models. One must reflect a look for the “Ball Boy.” Over on Team Dream On we learn that the Albino Bellhop has worked at a high end restaurant before and got to redesign their uniforms, don’t worry guys he’s got this one. Anytime someone thinks they have it in the bag on this show you can just hear the disaster sound effect underscore the moment… “DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!” As Albino took over the team mommy figure Cindy pushed back feeling too micromanaged by him and undermined by the group as a whole. During their critique with Tim he mentioned that they were “in trouble.” He said that the jacket that Cindy had made didn’t go with the tank top that Albino Bellhop had created. All the pieces didn’t seem to be gelling together and an executive decision was made to scrap the Jeans that Gay Matthew was going to make, and push forward instead with a denim kilt! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE kilts and own a few Utilikilts myself, but all “freeballing” jokes aside I really didn’t think this is the best idea for a team teetering on the brink of disaster.

I have waited for several seasons to see if the modern urban kilt movement would end up somehow on the show. Unfortunately with the time constraints what they are, and how complex some of those garments can become, what we essentially saw created amounted to little more than a watered down male skirt. While I liked seeing Team Dream On gel together a bit and alter their garments to help one another find a cohesive vision, I still have NO IDEA why they all seemed to adapt their designs to match that fugly jacket of Cindy’s! James wandered off to make a shlumpy blue shirt that everyone hated, so after everyone scrapped it he ended up saying “Ok, I’ll focus on these hideous shorts for today and make another shlumpy tank top tomorrow at the last minute…” Or at least that’s what I heard him say. Perhaps that was just how I imagined his inner monologue going in his head? Either way, his stuff was turning into a mess.

For this week’s Runway, we had special guest judge Susan Sarandon’s Boobs… oh, and Susan Sarandon. Here’s a math equation for you: If the camera adds 10 pounds, how many cameras were on her boobs? Up first let’s talk about Team Dream On! Over-all they certainly looked more cohesive than the day before when Tim got to see them, but their stuff still looked like a disjointed mess. Team Crappin’ It Real was on a roll with much stronger designs that looked young, hip and modern but well suited to a sporty upscale establishment. I think we all know which team won at this point.

Team Crappin’ It Real took the crown this week, but let’s first discuss the worst of the best. Kate and Patricia had the ugliest look of the team this week with their almost yoga inspired mess of black, grey and pink leggings, skirt and tank blouse. They are lucky this team won or they would have been on the chopping block without a doubt. Amanda’s little black dress was cute and flirty on one hand, but the length and simplicity most likely would have been an issue with Ms. Nina. Amanda, I do commend you on your use of fabric in this one. The springy nature of that fabric is tough to work with but was the perfect choice for this garment as you wanted to see it move. She looked young and flirty, but with enough of a bounce her flirty could have been sexual harassment in the work place.

Our top three collaborating groups this week: Layana and Daniel, Stanley, as well as Joseph and Richard. Stanley pushed himself to make a passable but not very flattering pair of drop crotch black pants and short sleeve black raglan sweatshirt combo. His model looked young, if not a little messy. Good job, but I didn’t love it. Joseph and Richard definitely worked well together to make a sexy (extremely well fit) black and white color blocked sport T-shirt with logos, and a pair of cool black pants with silkscreened prints on the front pockets. They also went above and beyond to make a creative ball catcher’s tool holster for the back of the guy, with not quite as strong results. Over-all their model looked sporty, modern, and the outfit actually looked expensive for being such a simple sportswear ensemble.

Finally, Layana and Daniel created a white long sleeve t-shirt under a black vest top with a collar inspired by bouncing balls. The bottom half of their model?… a skort. Or is it shorts with an apron? A Shapron? Anyhow, the bottom was terrible-ish and the top as well, but somehow they ended up in the top. Can we take a second to discuss the fact that Susan Sarandon had never heard of a Skort before? Anyhow, through some act of God they were chosen as the winning combo with Layana taking the prize as Daniel so graciously handed it over to her when asked who should be the winner. (You could almost see the mistake registering in his eyes when she actually won!) I liked their look and thought it was cute, sexy and yet still professional, but the collar needed some more work in resolving itself and the skirt apron short thing needed a clearer direction in my opinion. It didn’t look all that ground breaking, but it worked for being in the top three for their team. I still think Joseph and Richard deserved it for their sexy and inventive take on sportswear, but nobody asked me did they?

With Team Dream On being our losers this week, I am afraid this group may never gel together to create a cohesive collection. If the teams as they are stick with this format they could just keep getting picked off one at a time unless they learn to work together. For the best of the worst this week we have Michelle’s adorable and surprisingly flattering brown/olive jumper dress. I like how Michelle is able to keep a look like this sporty, without going too junior or too dumpy with it. I actually liked Matthew’s kilt as well, but I agree that it was not really in the interests of this client or this challenge sadly.

In the bottom this week we have Matthew and Benjamin, James, and Benjamin and Cindy. Matthew and Benjamin made a messy Denim Kilt and over-meshed grey and black graphic tank top. The tank would have been fun had it not been so damn busy, and the kilt would have been more passable for this challenge without the “Balls are our business” slogan silk screened on the crotch. Benjamin created another hideous piece for the group by making an unflattering pair of shorts to go with Cindy awful Jacket that was described by Heidi as a “suburban receptionist.” I really wish Michael Kors was still here to rip this ugly jacket apart with his sharp tongue in place of a seam ripper. He would probably say something along the lines of: “Oh God it’s like she is going to her aunt’s funeral wearing her mother’s hand me downs, and the whole thing is taking place at a Burlington Coat Factory in Schenectady, NY!”

Going home this week is our dear sh*t talking loner friend James. His first mistake was over-estimating his abilities. His second was using his abilities. Oh James, no modern young straight man wants to walk around slinging drinks and food while wearing those ill fitting capri pants you just put him in. If you are designing for a burn out surfer dude over the age of forty, that is trying to reclaim his youth, then maybe I see where you are going with this. The oddly shaped white and grey color blocked tank top doesn’t help much either as I, like Heidi, don’t really want any armpit hair in my food if he is going to be serving me. Auf to you honey and don’t let the door of Parsons hit you in the ass on your way back to Dallas. Oh, and James… can you take Cindy and Albino Bellhop (who made not only one, but two outfits look ugly this week) with you on your way out? Thanks! God those two need to be gone like yesterday!

Next week, let’s see how the teams react to having Heidi for a client. Good luck kids, my guess it it will end in tears! Chime in below as the comments section for this dear column has been pretty quiet so far. I know you bitches have opinions out there and some of this stuff is just BEGGING for you to tear it to shreds. Let’s chat about it below… See you next week!

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