Project Runway Season 11: Episode 6 – This Episode Sponsored By AARP! [Runway Rundown]

Last week on The Facts Of Life, we left Jo struggling to put a zipper into her chiffon strapless dress as Tootie laughed in the corner having finished her garment — she was just waiting for her model to return from the L’Oreal Paris makeup room. Mrs. Garrett was rounding up the girls to head down to the runway when tragedy struck Natalie as her model spilled coffee on her shapeless sack of a dress. Don’t worry Natalie, it looks better that way… At least I think that’s how last week’s episode went. I also seem to remember a fuzzy memory of a gay monkey crying and going home.

As for this week, before reading any further here is your usual warning that I’m about to spoil some shit so you better go watch the thing first before delving any deeper into my catty review of the shenanigans on the runway.
Get out your granny panties kids and bedazzle up your colostomy bag, because this week on the runway the designers were creating looks for some fabulous old grandmas. The designers made their way to a dance class full of old people where Tim dropped the bomb that they would each be creating a look for these old women. The ladies had been randomly assigned to each group and the designers got to choose amongst themselves which woman their teams would like to work with. The looks didn’t have to be cohesive, but they had to reflect both the client’s needs and the designers’ personal aesthetics. As Michelle proved to be the kiss of death once again last week, she needed a partner and was assigned via the boring button bag to team Patricia/ Layana.
The small talk amongst these women and their designers was somewhat priceless. I loved the advice Kate’s client gave her, “Be a slut! Do whatever you want, life is short!” Overall, it appeared the designers chose fairly well, because they all seemed to pair up with the woman whose wants meshed best with their personal design sensibilities. The real gamble was seeing if any of these designers knew how to tailor a garment for someone who is not a 6 or a 0. (Fat, old, or male always are the weaknesses of designers on this show.)
In the middle of the episode things got really boring so here I bring you a poem I found that best reflects my feelings about this part:
I was so bored
Looked at television
These words came to mind
Drivel slobber froth
Foam sick spittle saliva
I turned it off.
After some boring work in the workroom with designers quietly fretting about their fabric choices and then lashing out at other’s design choices during their private interviews, Tim came to check in on their progress.
Patricia seemed to be making an ugly blue poncho, and Amanda was toiling away at an ugly Hypercolor housecoat. Layana set her guns on Kate in the backstage interview saying roughly, “she makes ugly old stuff… this challenge is perfect for her!”
Albino Bellhop was worried about Amanda, Amanda was worried about Albino Bellhop, Michelle was worried about Patricia, Kate was worried about Tu, and nobody was worried about Tim’s eyes except for me because those poor pupils had to endure the ugly sea of black and turquoise these designers cooked up this week.
Our guest judges this week were Rachel Roy standing in for Zac Posen (He must be on a very important fashion mission somewhere, I’m guessing at the Vatican) and everyone’s favorite crypt keepers: Joan and Melissa Rivers. For once they assigned guest judges that made sense and that had every right to comment on the fashions shown. These two bitches might even steal them after the show while the old ladies aren’t looking… never trust a Rivers, why do you think she wears something different every day?
First to be safe this week on the runway was dear team threesome with Layana, Michelle and Patricia. Patricia is lucky that Michelle’s reign of terror is over because she should have been going home with that ugly blue fat lady armor piece she made. Somehow Heidi said that she marked Layana and Michelle’s as the highest scores this week and Patricia’s the worst so it all cancelled out to be safe. Sorry Heidi but the Xmas doily that Michelle served up and the frumpy ruched mess that Layana made were not on the top… *gag
Samantha and Daniel were also safe, coming in a strong second with Samantha’s yellow, black and leopard ensemble and Daniel’s somewhat boring black suit with vibrant blue top.
Our winning team this week was once again Stanley and Richard. Richard made what was essentially a teal sheet dress with a black back that resembled something a trendy weight loss spa would hand out in place of a robe. If it were smaller it could double as an ugly Grecian dress from Forever 21–in other words Stanley was our winner this week!
Stanley really brought it this week, crafting a gorgeous steel blue pant suit. The pants were fitted beautifully, with a matching tank blouse and bolero jacket with upturned rounded collar. Great job Stanley, you seemed to be the only person up there this week that made something age appropriate, not frumpy, and certainly sexy enough to make your client feel like a million bucks. (It didn’t hurt however that your client also had the most “model-like” proportions.)
On the low end of the spectrum this week, awful but safe was the team of Kate and Tu. Kate made a black long sleeve top for her client as well as an abstracted butterfly print short skirt that made it look like her client was a mental patient walking the grounds thinking she was 6 years old. The judges thought her work this week was just fine, but I guess when there were so many distractingly ugly things up there it was hard to focus.
Our losing team this week was Amanda and Albino Bellhop, oh how the mighty of last week have fallen!
Amanda started out with an interesting idea for her client who is a painter. She wanted to put her in a very bright red and blue abstract print that reflected her love of color and brush strokes. She then set out to make a structured dress out of a soft fabric–bad idea–and then proceeded to change her mind eighteen times. In the end her client walked the runway with a muddled somewhat vintage house dress with an awkward collar. Amanda, I am really digging you on the show this season and you have surprised me more every week, but I think you know that this dress made your client look like a hipster was trying to dress “Kathy Geiss” on 30 Rock. Honestly, when in doubt you thought a shoulder ruffle would help??? Oh girl, you know you were bad this week, so go to your corner and think about what you did.
Luckily, we will see you next week, but that spells disaster for poor little Albino Bellhop.
Benjamin got the Auf this week but rightfully so. If Patricia wasn’t sent home, this was my second choice for unforgivable mess on the runway. He made a too tight and terribly sewn turquoise dress for his client, that had an underskirt of tulle. She ended up resembling a big blue bell. How could you be so cruel to this poor lady? You took a sweet frail woman and made her look like a plumped up Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka. I’ll leave it at that, Albino Bellhop. Can you grab my bags and take them to my car? And while you are grabbing those, you may want to get yours as well, cause you are going home, lady!
Next week: Ducks, and teens, and duct tape! The designers will be making prom dresses from duct tape, this is gonna get ugly. You know I’ll be watching, as my favorite challenges are always the unconventional materials ones! Stay tuned!